Chapter 27
twenty-seven
CALLUM
For days, all I felt was my mate's pain.
Her need.
Her desperation.
Her agony.
The distance between us wasn't enough to silence her pleas in my mind, as my mate, my perfect fucking mate, begged me to help her. To take her pain away. To cool her heat, to give her what her body needed.
Me.
When I tried to speak to her, console her, tell her to call the other royals to free me, she didn't seem to hear me at all.
But I heard every fucking word.
I knew it wouldn't do anything, but I still attacked the containment cell's door with everything I had. Every ounce of my magic. When I'd exhausted my power, I tried to physically ram the door, pain be damned.
It was useless, but it was better than nothing.
"You're not going to be any good to her after heat if you break your shoulder, moron." Liv's voice came through the intercom we'd set up decades earlier.
The room was made to contain any of us, in case the need ever arose. It hadn't before, but having a backup was always wise. We'd used it to hold a particularly powerful monster at one point. Otherwise, all it had done was give Merrily a place to exert her magic without killing anyone.
"Let me out," I snarled. "I can hear her sobs in my mind. She needs help. She needs me. This is not what this fucking cell is for."
"This is exactly what this cell is for. Kat doesn't want you to change your mind just because she's in pain. If you want to fuck her, you have to decide to take the risk."
"I've decided."
"You both made your choices before the craze set in. This sucks for us too, but you don't get to change your mind now that she's hurting."
"She can't even hear my voice, Liv. She doesn't know I'm here. That I'm listening."
"It wouldn't matter if you were there at all if you weren't willing to fuck her."
"I would fuck her. I'd do anything." My voice grew desperate. "Please."
"Would you have given in if she begged you before she was hurting?" Liv asked.
I didn't respond.
We both knew I wouldn't have.
I shoved a hand through my hair. The movement hurt, but every fucking movement hurt when I wasn't touching her.
"You made your choice. She did too. If you wanted her to make a different decision, you should've given her a reason to."
"Maybe she would've if you hadn't fucking abducted me for her."
"You know I love a good abduction."
"Please."
"I'm sorry. I wish I could. I braided her hair and tried to make her as comfortable as I could before I left her, and we hacked the doors so she can't leave. Don't break your arm."
Liv braided her hair.
Liv tried to make her more comfortable.
I was the reason she was suffering alone.
She'd told me she loved me, before they took me, and I hadn't even fucking said the words back.
I lowered my forehead to rest against the door and tried to breathe through the agony of my mate's pleas. The mark on my arm that represented our bond fucking burned.
I'd always thought my magic's cost was the worst pain I would ever feel.
I was wrong.
My body was covered in a layer of ice when her cries finally started to quiet, but the cold couldn't kill me or take my limbs. My head was in my hands as I sat in the corner of the room, my eyes closed.
The physical pain was tremendous, but the emotions were so fucking much worse.
I didn't know how many hours it had been.
How many days it had been.
I hadn't slept.
Darius had come in with water and refused to leave until I drank it a few times, but I didn't touch the food he brought with him.
I was too sick with guilt. Worry. Regret.
"It's ending," I called out, my voice rough with lack of sleep. "Open the door."
"Kat said she's going to come get you when she's ready," Merrily said quietly, into the speaker.
I rose to my feet slowly, lifting my gaze to the camera.
The ice on my skin cracked with the movement, falling off in thick chunks that shattered as they hit the floor.
"I have spent days feeling her pain while she mentally begs me for help.
Open the fucking door now so I can be there for her while it ends. "
Merrily sighed. "I'll drive you there."
"I'll do it."
The door swung open, and my oldest friend was on the other side in her thick sweater, with her arms around her middle. "You can't drive after multiple days without sleep."
I stepped past her, my movements slow and stiff. "How many days?"
"Almost exactly three." She kept pace with me as we went to the garage. "Is she okay?"
"No."
Neither of us were.
Merrily didn't say another word during the two-mile drive down Fae Row, and I sure as fuck didn't.
"Good luck," she murmured, as I stepped out of the car.
For the first time since I'd met Kat, I was terrified. Not just of losing her, but of what she thought about me.
Of whether this would cost me not just my mate, but her feelings for me.
Her love.
I had never been loved before, and I had already lost that. Somehow, I would win it back. I had to. I couldn't fucking lose her.
I typed the code in, and opened the door. I listened for her while I made my way through the house, moving faster than I ever had while my magic was riding me so hard.
Fuck the magic.
Fuck the pain.
Kat needed me.
I found her in our bed, buried beneath the blankets she had been pulling from other rooms in the house over the last few days. I peeled them away from her one by one, until I found my trembling mate.
She was drenched with sweat, her arms over her head. Her body was bare and shaking uncontrollably. When I put a hand on her back lightly, she whimpered, arching into it a little.
The lump in my throat may as well have been a cube of fucking ice.
I undressed with one hand and climbed into bed with her carefully, pulling her into my arms. Her breath caught when she inhaled against my skin, and another soft whimper escaped her.
I closed my eyes, fighting the emotion that burned there.
Burned everywhere.
I hadn't listened to her.
I should've fucking listened.
I held her as her breathing evened out, her body melting against mine while she slept soundly.
What we had just survived was never going to happen again.
I couldn't make decisions for her anymore. We needed to be a fucking team. I had to let her in. All of this was my fucking fault.
Kat slept for a few hours before her growling stomach had her lifting her face from my chest. Her eyes were glazed, exhaustion written on every line of her face.
I would've ordered food, but I didn't have my phone. Hadn't even thought about it since my family took me from her.
"Hi," she whispered, her gaze unfocused.
I lifted a hand to her face, and she leaned into it, shutting her eyes once again.
"You mad at me?" She stumbled over the words.
Her mouth was dry too.
I should have fucking been there.
"You aren't the person my anger is pointed at."
She let out a soft breath. "I asked them. Don't blame them."
"This situation is no one's fault but mine, Kitten."
"No."
"Yes."
She lowered her face to my chest again. "I'm too tired to argue."
"Good. There's nothing to argue about." I slowly rose to a seated position, adjusting my hold on her as I stood. She lifted her head as I carried her to the kitchen, and lowered it as I opened the fridge without letting her go. "We have cake, croissants, and cinnamon rolls."
All of them were probably a little dried out, but I'd planned to order our meals when she was in heat, so I hadn't stocked the fridge.
The options were better than the random snacks I had gathered, none of which she had been in the position to touch at all.
She needed real food, and water.
Coffee, too. Coffee would help the most. She fucking loved it.
"I can't eat anything."
I grabbed a bottle of water, and held her close until she'd drained it.
She asked for another one, and she drank that too before I struggled through making a shot of espresso for her.
Mine was undoubtedly not going to turn out as well as hers always did.
Her eyes were watering when I handed her the clumsily made cappuccino, and she took a small sip as I sat back down in front of the kitchen table, still holding her securely in my arms.
I found my phone sitting right in front of me, abandoned beside a bowl of pineapple before my family showed up.
Thank fuck.
I texted my assistant to find me soup, steak, and bread for my mate. After he'd confirmed that he was on it, I set my phone back down where it had been and ran my hand slowly over Kat's back.
She made no move to wipe away the tears that slipped down her cheeks.
I wiped them for her, pressing my lips to her forehead.
"Kitten, I need you try to eat some cake."
"I only want the coffee."
"I have food on its way. We can shower if you'd rather wait for that, but you need to eat something before you go back to sleep."
"My body hurts."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"I didn't realize it would be that bad."
My throat tightened. "Neither did I."
She sighed softly. "I guess a bath is fine. I can try to eat after."
"Thank you."
"You're the one taking care of me."
"I'm the reason you need to be taken care of."
She tried to glare at me, but there was no heat to it. She was too exhausted.
Kat dozed in my arms with the help of an enchanted bath bomb, and I cleaned her body slowly. She was beautiful. So fucking beautiful. And hurting, because of me.
She woke up again when I dried her off as well as I could while she leaned heavily against me. After I tied her hair up in a damp bun on top of her head, I eased one of my button-ups over her arms, threw on a pair of sweats, and carried her out to find the food.
Eating took time, but she managed to get a whole serving of soup, half of a steak, and a slice of bread down.
She asked me to turn on her favorite baking show, and by the time we got to the couch, she was already asleep again.
I turned it on anyway, laying on the couch with her facing the TV so she could see it if she woke up. She slowly moved in her sleep, until her face was pressed against my throat again.
I didn't deserve it. Her closeness. Her touch. Her presence. She deserved someone better than me. Kinder. Less... dangerous.
But she was my mate.
There was no other person out there for her anymore, and there had never been anyone else for me.
So I was going to have to figure out a way to be better for her. To apologize to her for this pain I had caused her.
There was no alternative. Not to me.