Chapter 9 #2
My turquoise bra turns see-through, and I cross my arms. I’ve never been insecure, but I have never felt so exposed and so alone in a way that leaves me more stripped than clothes can cover.
“Is that warm enough?” Felix whispers right beside my ear. I jerk and almost leap off the stool. His hands touch my shoulders, keeping me in place.
“Yup. Fine. Perfect. Great.”
I want to smack my forehead.
Felix chuckles softly.
“Good. Tip your head back and get your hair wet.”
I don’t argue and do as he says. I’m so focused on every little sound he makes that I barely notice any pain. The scent of my bubble gum shampoo fills the air a moment before Felix begins massaging it into my hair. His fingers are firm as they move in little circles, lulling me into relaxation.
“You tell me if anything hurts.”
I nod silently.
“Lean back again.”
He rinses my hair and then adds the conditioner. By the time he finishes, I’m half asleep, but my eyes snap open as my bra comes undone, and I cross my arms over my chest.
I gasp and sit up straighter. Instead of Felix commenting, he picks up the washcloth, squirts body soap onto it, and starts the soothing circles again.
This time rubbing all over my body. I’m once more torn between multiple emotions.
My breathing turns quick as the cloth roams over my shoulder and down between my breasts.
He doesn’t push for more, but my heart gallops and the touch feels intimate.
There is no stopping my nipples from hardening or goosebumps from rising and chasing his hand as it moves until the entire top half of my body is lathered in soap.
“Do you have any idea how pretty you are,” Felix asks, his voice as smooth as butter if it was laced with gravel. My thighs clench, and I bite my lip, trying hard not to show the effect he has on my body. “Do you?”
I give a non-committal shrug.
Felix steps out and around in front of me, and I cross my arms over my chest as he squats down, his hands on my knees.
“Say, I believe you, Felix,” he whispers.
I press my lips together and turn away from his penetrating stare.
“Don’t be embarrassed.”
“Easy for you to say. Have you looked in a mirror?”
The corner of Felix’s mouth turns up as he touches my chin and forces me to look at him.
“You’re so pretty. Not the kind of pretty built on fake standards of beauty. The kind of pretty that makes others wish they had it naturally. Don’t ever hide who you are from me.”
He smiles, and my stomach flips. My heart rate triples as I fidget on the little plastic stool.
“I’m going to take your underwear off now.”
“Oh…you don’t—”
Felix touches my lips with his finger.
“I’ll be gentle and here.” He places the washcloth over my lap. “To cover yourself.”
Say no. Order him out of the bathroom.
Those are the thoughts running through my head. I should be terrified that I’ve let him get this far, but I’m not. Instead…I nod once.
His movements are almost clinical, except that nothing about this feels that way.
Not with him kneeling between my legs in soaked jeans. Not with water dripping from his hair down his cheek, neck, and chest. Not as his hands move over my skin like I’m important. The way he’s touching me feels like a claiming.
My breathing turns uneven. Humiliation and something hotter twist together so tightly I can’t separate them anymore. His gaze doesn’t linger when he finally grips the sides of my panties. I don’t think I can physically burn up underwater, but my body sure feels like combustion is a possibility.
I wiggle my ass from side to side as he slides the material down my legs, off one ankle, and then the other. I’m now fully naked except for my bra and a tiny square of a washcloth. Felix is the first guy to see me naked, and it’s because he’s having to bathe me.
His eyes trace my body before locking on mine. He squirts soap into his hands, lathers them up, and cleans me. From my sore ankle all the way up to my hips. Felix is quiet and terrifyingly patient.
With a gentle push to the inside of my thighs, he forces them open further, and my heart stops altogether.
“Relax,” he says with that husky voice.
Sure, like that will happen. All I notice is the heat of his hands and the water beading and running down his chest. I definitely shouldn’t feel my pulse speeding up when his fingers slide up the inside of my legs or how my muscles quiver under his touch.
“Hey there. You still okay?”
I blink.
Felix watches me carefully. I nod.
“You zoned out for a second.”
“I’m…I…I’m more tired than I thought.” Partially true, but mostly a lie.
“Are you uncomfortable with me touching you?”
That is a tricky question.
“I can finish.”
I need a hole to go curl up and hide inside.
“Maybe I’m a little um…uneasy.”
“Okay.” He hands me the bottle of soap, then turns around.
I am messed in the head. Now all I can think about is what it may be like for him to touch me there. Shaking my head of those thoughts, I quickly finish up and then cover myself again.
“I’m done.”
Wordlessly, he turns the taps and grabs me a couple of towels. It’s not what he does, but how proficient he is that has me staring. He doesn’t miss a thing, doesn’t skip a step, and seems to know me and what I need before I do. It’s not only confusing. It’s…a little intimidating.
“You don’t have to hold yourself together every second around me,” Felix says, getting me to tip my head forward as he twists it up like a pro before wrapping a large towel around my shoulders.
“I’m so tired of falling apart. It feels easier to fake being okay than deal with the pain,” I admit.
He dries my legs, squeezes out a bunch of water from his jeans, and then picks me up and lifts me out of the tub.
“Doesn’t your foot hurt?”
He shakes his head.
“It hurts more to see you in pain.”
A ghost of a smile graces his lips.
I keep waiting for the moment when his presence in my house feels wrong. Wondering when this will all be too much, and I panic and run. Instead, I feel…safe, and maybe that’s worse.
By the time he finally helps me back into fresh sleep clothes, my limbs feel heavy and loose from exhaustion.
“Do you need clothes? I don’t know what I have that will fit?”
He shakes his head and grabs a backpack from the hall.
I didn’t even notice he had it with him.
Unzipping it, he pulls out a pair of sweatpants.
Felix keeps his back to me as he peels off his jeans, and I’m once more captivated.
He is not one of those large, husky, muscular guys, but fit in the way that I love.
My jaw hits the floor when he whips off his boxers, and I’m left staring at his bare ass. He towels himself off and then pulls on the sweats and a t-shirt before turning around, which almost seems unfair considering.
He bends over to put on his air cast and runs a hand through his hair. God, he’s sexy when he does that.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
His hands still.
“For what?”
“For needing so much help.”
Felix crouches in front of me, his expression almost fierce.
“Eden.” His hand slides beneath my chin gently until I look at him. “I’m asking you one last time to please stop apologizing to me. If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be. Understand?”
My throat tightens painfully.
When he brushes my damp hair back, something dark crosses Felix’s face, but it doesn’t scare me. In fact, it settles the quaking and ache beneath my ribs.
Not waiting for me to respond, he scoops me up and carries me out of the bathroom and down the hall to my bedroom.
“Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
As he lays me down, I grab his hand.
“Felix…will you sit with me until I fall asleep?”
“Of course, I’m happy to.”
He lets me get comfortable and then sits on top of the blankets. Before I fall asleep, I grab his hand. It’s the only thing that feels grounding anymore.
A tiny flag waves in the back of my mind that I’m too attached to someone I barely know, but right now…I really don’t care.