Chapter 17
seventeen
. . .
Eden
We watch two of my favorite Christmas movies, and I laugh and cry through them both. I curl up next to Felix with a blanket over our legs, and his fingers softly running over the back of my neck. It’s such an innocent touch, and yet it is dangerously erotic.
“Felix, will you tell me about your family,” I ask as the credits roll up the screen.
I can’t get what Kris said out of my head, despite feeling it is ridiculous to presume the worst of someone just because of what their parent has done. I now have this urge to know what happened.
“What do you want to know?”
“You said you didn’t have a good home life. What do you mean?”
Felix turns away and sits up. He looks like he’s ready to run away from the emotional conversation. This time I’m the one cupping his cheeks and forcing him to face me. My side aches, but I ignore it and focus on the dejected look in his eyes.
“You said you need me, so let me in. Let me be here for you.”
He sighs.
“I’m scared to tell you,” Felix admits.
“Why?”
“What if you want nothing to do with me? What if I lose you?”
The agony in his question tugs at my heart.
“You won’t,” I say with conviction, realizing I mean it.
No matter how terrible his father was or is, it’s not right to paint Felix with the same brush.
He stares at me for a long time, trying to decide if he can trust me. Finally, he nods. I sit up and wince the tiniest amount, but Felix is already up and grabbing the footstool.
“You need to keep it elevated,” he says, lifting my ankle and placing it gently down.
Then he begins to pace. Arms crossed over his body, and head down. My neck is getting a kink from watching him. Felix runs a hand down his face as he stops in the middle of the room and hits me with a look that I cannot decipher.
“My father was very abusive. Mentally and physically. There were no limits to his cruelty. He was an electrician with his own company and made a lot of money, but he spent it all at the bar, gambling and I’m sure other women. Yet…he always acted like we were ruining his life.”
Felix rolls out his shoulders, obviously uncomfortable with the topic, but he doesn’t stop.
“He beat my mother on the regular, and when she found out she was pregnant again…I can remember her crying in the bathroom. So, right or wrong, she started seeing someone else and planned to leave my father. I was nine at the time. One morning after my father left for work, Mum packed up my things, and we ran. Her voice was shaking, and her hands were trembling. She was so scared. But we got away. George was a decent guy, and for a couple months my life was normal or at least more normal than what I’d always known. ”
Felix pauses and takes a shuddering breath.
“What we didn’t know, or at least I didn’t, was that my father freaked out when he came home to an empty house.
He had been looking for us non-stop. When he finally found us, he went crazy.
He burst into George’s house with a gun.
I tried to stop him from hurting anyone.
I knew he was going to kill Mum and George.
He had this look in his eyes, like the devil had taken over his body.
He pistol-whipped me, which caused this scar. ”
I cover my mouth as he points to a scar running vertical through his eyebrow. It looks so innocent, like it could’ve been from any childhood accident. But no, he was hit in the head with a gun by his father. I can’t even imagine my father yelling, let alone doing something like that.
“I fell and hit my head on the coffee table.” Felix turns his head to the side and spreads his hair enough that I can see a faint line.
“Apparently, I’m lucky to be alive. I don’t remember much after that.
What I do know is that George tried to protect my mother while she called the police.
My mother grabbed me, pulled me out of the house, and got me into the car.
George wasn’t so lucky. My father shot him six times and then came after us.
Mum was taking me to the hospital, and I was still very dazed, but vaguely remember lying in the backseat while she was on the phone. ”
Felix stops and takes a deep breath.
“He’s going to kill us. I don’t know if my son is breathing. Please help us. She begged, and then I was out again. In a rage, my father followed us to the hospital. It ended in a showdown with the police. They shot him in the leg, and now he is in prison for life.”
“Felix, oh my god. I’m so sorry.”
He raises his hand to stop me from jumping up.
“Let me get this out,” he says, tongue running over his lip piercing.
“My brother was born five months later. My mother legally owned the company, so when my father went to prison, she sold it and paid off our house. When she passed away, the house was mine. I sold it and used the money from the estate as a down payment to purchase the building I live in. I opened my tattoo shop on the first floor. That is when I became the sole caregiver for my brother, and now, he’s gone too. ”
He puts his hands on his hips.
“As you can see, I don’t exactly come from the best situation, and most people who hear about my father run in the other direction as fast as they can. The story was all over the news for months.”
I would’ve only been six at the time, so I don’t remember this at all, but my heart breaks for him.
Felix starts pacing again, and I want to reach out. I want to say something, but it’s best if I just let him talk.
“As for me, I got into a lot of fights at school. People thought they could bully me and say shit about my family. I managed to graduate, and earned money working at a tattoo shop. The guy said I had real talent and helped me develop my skills by day. By night, I left my mark on walls and bridges.”
He smirks but doesn’t slow.
“It’s taken a lot of work to get where I am now, and I try not to talk about that time in my life.”
Felix walks over and slowly drops to his knees in front of me, taking my hands into his.
“Please don’t think less of me.”
“How could I? What you’ve been through, what you’ve survived, is terrible. I’m so sorry.”
He lays his head on my lap with tears in his eyes.
An overwhelming desire to protect him floods my system.
I can’t imagine going through what he has and always being judged for things he has no control over.
It must be so lonely and hard to trust people.
Something solidifies in my chest with the knowledge that Felix trusts me with this information.
This is a part of him that he’s scared to show others.
I run my hand through his hair.
“It’ll be okay,” I say, and my heart flutters when he turns his head and kisses my bare leg.
His lips are soft as he moves up my body, leaving searing heat where his mouth lingers. My heart pounds out of control with each touch, until his hands grip the couch on either side of my head and his lips hover just over mine. All I can hear is the steady thump of my heart.
“I’m going to kiss you,” he whispers, and goosebumps race over my skin, making me gasp.
I say nothing. There is not one functioning brain cell left when he is this close and staring at me like this.
And then…he kisses me. It’s as if my body explodes and implodes at the same time.
I want to melt on the spot and also get up and run.
I want to push him away and grip him tighter. How is this chaos I’m feeling possible?
His tongue teases mine as he deepens the kiss. It could be two seconds or two years before he pulls back. My lips are swollen and feel used in the best way.
Felix’s eyes darken, making my body tense and tremble. My skin is hot to the touch like I’m burning from the inside out.
“Lie down,” he orders, before helping me get my legs out straight on the couch.
Is this too fast?
Probably.
Do I care?
No.
“Shift over,” he says, and I move as far as I can into the back of the couch and as he lies down on his side beside me.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
My heart is out of control. Felix’s face is so close to mine that his warm breath fans my cheek. I take the chance and turn my head to look at him. He captures my soul with just a glance. I’m free-falling, held together by his touch.
The need is real. The craving is real.
Felix’s hand is warm as it slips under my top. His fingers are featherlight as they glide up my skin.
“Has anyone ever done this,” he asks as he teases my nipple.
I gasp as the shock and pleasure shoot through me.
“N…no,” I whisper and then moan when he rolls it between his fingers.
Felix nips at my lower lip as he switches from one breast to the other and back again. I wiggle on the couch, wanting more.
“I want to make you feel good,” Felix says, then kisses a line to my ear. “Do you want that? Do you want me to make you feel good? I can wipe away the pain for a little while,” he says, voice rough and low, sending another shiver racing down my spine.
“Yes,” I say, not sure what I’m agreeing to, and I don’t care.
I’ll do anything to keep this sensation and erase the agony.
I suck in a deep breath and turn into a statue as his hand travels the other way, slipping under the elastic of my sleep shorts.
“Relax.”
That’s not possible. My body is on fire and lit up brighter than all the Christmas decorations in the neighborhood combined.
“Breathe,” Felix orders as his finger presses against my clit, but I stop breathing altogether.
“Has anyone ever touched you like this?”
He nips at my earlobe. Words are impossible to form at the moment, so I shake my head.
“No one has ever fucked you with their fingers and made you come?”
I’m panting, desperate to strip off all my clothes and maybe my skin too. I’m so hot.
I shake my head again.
“I’m the first to touch your sweet pussy?”
Mortification has me looking away.
“Don’t be embarrassed. I’m honored to be your first. Just relax, Pretty Thing, and let me take care of you.” His lips press right over my pulse, and I twist my head to give him better access. “Yes…that’s it. Close your eyes.”
He pulls my uninjured leg over his, spreading my thighs. I follow his command and try not to overthink.
“Oh,” I cry as his fingers graze my clit.
“Does that feel good?”
I nod.
“Use your words. Tell me if it feels good. Tell me if you want more?”
“Yes,” I say, and it comes out as a squeak.
No one but me has touched my clit, until now. His fingers tease my pussy, and suddenly I find my hips moving with him, seeking more. The slight ache in my side only seems to add to my pleasure.
“You’re so wet.”
Another blast of heat and humiliation races through me. My cheeks and ears burn with it. I don’t know what to say.
“You’re blushing,” he says, and I blow out a steady breath. “Are you embarrassed that you’re wet?”
I can’t look at him, but I do nod.
Felix groans in my ear, and my heart sputters to a stop.
“Don’t be. It just means you’re turned on. It means you want me. Your body is begging me to do this.”
He slowly slips a finger into my pussy, and the world stops spinning. It feels incredible. He works his hand in and out, pushing deeper then withdrawing. I shudder, and my hips relax.
“Yes, that’s it. Oh, fuck you’re so tight. You feel so good gripping me.” He moves it faster, and I feel lightheaded. “You want more?”
“Yes.”
I shudder when he stretches me open, adding a second finger.
“Oh god,” I moan.
He moves them in and out slowly until my body adjusts, then he picks up the pace.
“Nobody else gets this part of you. Understand?” Felix growls against my neck. “Say yes.”
“Yes,” I blurt out.
I will say anything he wants me to as long as he continues.
My hips bounce faster as the orgasm builds.
“Yes, that’s a good girl, fuck my fingers. I want you to come. I want you to feel good.”
“Felix…”
“Yes…do it. Let go. Come for me. Claim me,” he orders, his voice rough and demanding.
My body quakes, and I arch slightly, freezing as the climax steals my senses.
“Yes, Pretty Thing, come on my fingers.” He pumps in and out, and I scream his name as I’m consumed by desire.
When I finally fall still, Felix pulls his hand out from my shorts. I watch in a mix of captivation and horror as he sucks the fingers into his mouth.
“Mmm.” He smirks. “Ever tasted yourself?”
I shake my head as he brings them to my lips. I open my mouth, and he presses his fingers to my tongue. Felix groans and rubs against me. Any calm I’ve just gained goes out the window when I feel his hard dick digging into my hip.
All I can do is stare when he takes his fingers back and licks them clean.
“So fucking good. How do you feel?”
“Light.”
“Perfect. Are you comfortable like this?”
“Yeah, nothing hurts.”
“Then close your eyes and get some sleep. I’ll stay right here.”
I smile, thinking of him beside me like this all night. Felix leans in and nips my earlobe.
“And if you’re a really good girl, I’ll do that again. Would you like that?”
“Yes.”
“You’re perfect, Pretty Thing.”