Chapter 24
twenty-four
. . .
Eden
Felix grabs a sketch pad and pencil, then takes my hand.
“I’m going to show Eden the loft,” he says.
Matt smirks when he nods, which makes the nervous butterflies in my stomach go wild.
The back hall is horror movie scary. It’s dimly lit, and the old steps are worn from time and use. Felix holds my hand, and halfway up I have to stop.
“I’ll carry you,” he offers.
I shake my head.
“No, this…is…good for me,” I say through clenched teeth.
He looks like he wants to argue, so I start climbing once more, ignoring the ache in my ankle and the burning in my lungs. By the time we reach the fourth floor, I’m sweating, my ankle is throbbing, and I’m seriously reconsidering my life choices when it comes to being stubborn.
“That was too much, wasn’t it?”
I nod, leaning against the wall to catch my breath.
“Maybe.”
“Next time, I’ll just carry you and you can be mad at me.”
I chuckle. “Deal.”
Felix unlocks his door and holds out his hand. I take it and step inside his loft. It looks more like an artist’s studio. I’m not sure what I’ve been expecting, but this is not it.
Dark floors that look to be made from reclaimed wood.
A leather couch and large television. A modern kitchen all in the same dark wood, but with a butcher block top.
The walls are white brick with large, framed pieces that, based on the one closest to me, are Felix’s work.
Then there are odd splashes of dark red, including the blackout drapes currently pulled back, offering a spectacular view of downtown.
I turn and look up at Felix. He seems almost worried, as if I wouldn’t like it or something.
“This is stunning,” I say, and his face lights up. I love seeing this look in his eyes and he amazes me a little more everyday. For terrible abuse to losing so much and yet look at how he’s kept himself together and made something special for himself.
“Here, let me give you the tour.”
Setting the sketch pad down, he leads me through his home.
“Did you do all of this? Like the design and everything?”
“Most of it. I enjoy watching those decorating and renovating shows.”
We walk up two steps and head down a hallway.
“This is the main bathroom.”
Felix flicks on the light, revealing an equally modern space before we continue.
“This is my spare room,” he says, pointing into a room decorated in grey and white.
Then he opens a door that leads into the main bedroom. It is spacious, with a wall of windows and a king-sized bed. Everything is done in black and grey with accents of turquoise and yellow.
I couldn’t have designed a nicer space. It’s a masculine version of what I have at home. Right down to the style of lamps. I love it.
“So…what do you think? Can you picture yourself here?”
I turn around and look at him. Is he serious?
“I think it’s amazing.”
Felix walks toward me and gently tucks a wild piece of hair behind my ear.
“Thanks, I love it too. But it gets lonely. Just having you here makes it feel like a proper home. You know what I mean?” His eyes search mine. “Can you picture it?”
My heart speeds up.
“A home, like living here? Live with you?”
The corner of his mouth twitches.
“You want to live here? Yes, of course you can.”
“Oh, no…I…that’s not what I meant,” I stammer, all flustered.
Felix takes my hand and walks us over to the bed. We sit, and I force myself not to fidget like crazy under his stare.
“It’s not a bad idea. Think about it…why wait? Some people won’t understand, but we do. Life is too short, and I know what I want. Don’t you?”
I chew my lip, my mind racing.
This all seems to be moving far too fast. And leaving my home…I know that was the plan for university, but this is different. That was when my parents were still living there, and the prospect of coming home meant visiting my family.
“Living here with me will make it easier to get to your appointments, and we’d get to spend more time together.
” Felix takes my hands into his. “I know you want to get a job while you think about what’s next, and I need someone to handle answering phones, checking clients in, and managing my website,” Felix explains, and it sound reasonable.
But…we haven’t known one another very long and leaving the house so soon seems wrong and…there is a dozen reasons why this is not the right time.
“Felix this is really fast…I don’t know…”
“Eden, when you’re out of the house, you’re so much brighter. I’m genuinely worried that the ghosts are pulling you backward. Even though the familiarity is comforting, it’s stalling your healing. All I want is to keep you safe and make you happy.”
I feel like I’m on an out-of-control ride.
Felix is exciting and so wonderful, but I know my mother would say it’s way too fast. What’s the rush? Slow down. I try to look away, but he moves, so I’m forced to meet his eyes.
“You believe me, right?”
“I do believe you, Felix. But…I’ve never even dated anyone before as embarrassing as that is, let alone date seriously and you want me to move in? I’m not sure I’m ready to leave the only home I’ve ever known. It’s where all my memories are.”
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Then trust me when I tell you that you’re calmer when you’re away from the house. You don’t look like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. At least here, you can start fresh.”
“And what would I do with the house?”
“We can get a storage unit and put everything in it. That way you don’t have to throw anything out until you’re ready. You can rent the house or sell it. The point is that it’s your choice and you won’t have to drown with the memories all around you.”
I look down at our joined hands, then push myself up to my feet and walk over to the window.
Felix is suddenly behind me, and I startle when he places his hands on my hips.
“How many times this week have you randomly started to cry just from looking into a room and remembering something about your parents? I went through the same thing after my mum died. This place really saved me from getting lost in those memories. Let it help you too.”
Taking a deep breath, I slowly turn around to face Felix. But before I can get a word out, he kisses me.
Our lips mold together, and I suck in a shuddering breath. The way he touches me is all-consuming. I feel myself being pulled down into a pool of desire as he presses my back up against the wall.
When he pulls away, my breathing is ragged. A moan escapes my lips while he kisses along my jaw down to my neck, where my pulse flutters under my skin.
“Say yes. Say you want to move in here with me,” he whispers in my ear, making me shiver.
I lick my lips, trying to put a solid thought together.
“I…I genuinely like the idea but, I need to think about it.”
Felix looks me in the eyes, and guilt twists like a knife as his face falls.
“Oh…sure.” He steps back and puts his hands in his pockets. “Take all the time you need.”
“Felix…”
“No, don’t, I get it. You’re right, this is a big decision and you should take time to think.”
He points with his thumb over his shoulder.
“We better get started on the sketch. I’ll make dinner before I take you home. You good with turkey burgers?”
“Yeah, I love them. We seem to have the same taste in…” I glance around the room that feels oddly like home. “Everything.” Felix’s lip twitches up ever so slightly.
“Come on.” He holds out his hand.
Even though he hasn’t said anything of the sort, it’s as if a wall has been erected between us. Panic begins to tap dance inside of me. Logically, I know I’m doing the right thing, but emotionally…I’m not so sure.