Chapter Thirty-Seven
Jay
Taya peeks her head into my hospital room. “Hey, you’re awake. How’re you feeling?” She pulls up a chair next to me, scooting it closer.
“Good, all things considered.”
Taya hands me folded clothes. “Here. Caleb said you might need some clothes.”
She’s practically letting me borrow her entire closet. “Oh, Taya, you didn’t have to. I feel bad for wearing all of your things.”
She waves a playful dismissal. “Pfft. You’re doing me a favor at this point. I’ve been meaning to go through all of my old clothes. Besides, now I can go shopping.” She shimmies in delight.
“Thank you. It’s very kind of you.” I place them on the table next to me.
Taya’s eyes bounce around the room uncomfortably like there’s something she wants to say but is afraid to.
“What?” I ask.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“You don’t have to answer. It’s really none of my business, anyway.”
She is so kind, I can’t help but giggle. “You’re fine. Just ask me.”
She exhales a huff of courage. “Okay. Here goes.”
I sit up straighter to prepare myself for whatever is so hard for her to ask.
“What’s going on with you guys?”
“With who?”
“You and Caleb. Like, are you guys friends, enemies, casual or is there something more?”
I blink as the question takes me back. In truth, I was wondering the same thing. But that was more of a question of my own sanity. Surely on his end he couldn’t see me as more than an obligation. An itch to scratch when there’s no one else.
“What would make you think there’s something going on between us?”
“Well, for starters, he’s . . . different these days.
I’ve known him forever, and Caleb isn’t the type to lose his cool.
Even when he would be well within his right to.
Usually he’s the preppy sweetheart, full of confidence with nothing to lose, but lately, he’s been tense and unsure of himself, more calculated and thoughtful in his decisions. ”
“It could just be the grief.”
Taya fidgets with her hands in her lap, and her new manicure.
“I thought that, too, at first. But.” She stares off into the distance like she’s recalling a memory.
“I don’t know. It feels like more somehow.
Almost like he has something to lose . .
.” Then she shakes whatever thought and continues her previous.
“Anyway, the other reason I ask is because he’s currently holding a public execution defending your honor. ”
Taya says it so casually, but I react accordingly.
“What?” I exclaim. My sudden movement causes a slight pinch in my neck. I ease back onto the pillow and breathe through the pain, which subsides quickly. “What’re you talking about?”
“The people who did this to you.” Taya gestures at my body. “He had them drawn out to the quarters and executed them just a few minutes ago.”
Why would he do that? I ask myself.
Taya leans in. “Are you sure there’s nothing going on between you two?”
“What?” I shake my head vigorously. “No. Are you kidding? Caleb and I? Pfft. No.” I was answering her, but really, Taya was bearing witness to me processing the possibility.
Unconvinced, Taya tilts her head to the side, and her eyebrows furrow. “Jay. Come on now.”
“I assure you Caleb is not into me. I’m nobody.” I look at her again, trying to gauge her reaction and seeking reassurance.
Taya gives up, shrugging. “Okay.” She smooths her sundress over her thighs and sits on her hands before batting her eyes and hitting me with a hard question. “Are you interested in him?”
“I . . . N-No.”
She raises an eyebrow, once again, not buying what I have to say.
I speak with more confidence. “No. I’m not interested in him. I mean . . . Why would you even ask that? Did he say something?”
Taya clicks and sucks in through her teeth. “It sure sounds like there’s some interest there.”
“I’m not interested. I’m . . . curious.”
Taya playfully rolls her eyes.
“I’m serious. Look, who wouldn’t want to have someone like him into them? It’s nice to be wanted. But interest does not mean I’m invested.”
She puts her hands up in surrender. “Oh-kay . . . I’m just saying I don’t know anyone who would kill multiple of his own for someone who meant nothing to them.”
It’d be naive of me to think that, in any scenario, the captor would fall for his captive.
Especially a rogue like me, who has done the unimaginable.
He would be so much better off with someone like Medein.
Not that I don’t think I have nothing to offer.
It’s just that one of the things I have to offer is a constant reminder of hey, remember that time I killed your father? ’
Yet Taya makes a sound argument. Why would he bother to avenge me if he didn’t care? My stomach flutters at the thought. I quickly shy away from the feeling. I don’t want to get my hopes up.
“He’s probably just angry that he didn’t think of it first. He’d love the chance to execute me himself.” I joke.
She clicks her teeth and stands. “I don’t know . . . I think if he wanted to kill you, he would’ve done it by now. Besides, with the king’s orders, he can’t. Anyway, I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Oh, before I forget.” She walks out and quickly returns with a book. But not just any book. My book. My spicy book to be exact. I’d been looking for it. “Tell Caleb I can’t hold on to this for him any longer. Sam’s starting to get ideas, and I’m running out of ways to tell him I have a headache.”
Fiddling with the book, I find something that wasn’t there before . . . Colorful sticky tabs.
I rush to open it, and I’m speechless at what I scan on the pages. Sticky notes, underlining, highlights and writing covers every spicy chapter.
He annotated my book . . . I peek again, and I’m even more surprised. And he wrote follow-up questions? To what? Ask me?
At my favorite spicy scene, the one where he uses temperature play with hot wax, he underlined it with stars and bright yellow highlighter. Next to it, he wrote, research later.
Holy shit. I shut the book. To have someone drip hot wax on my body while I’m spread out beneath them has been one of my biggest fantasies . . . and he wants to research it? Why?
My mind races at what this could mean. Is this his way of wanting to try new kinky things with me as a friend with benefits? Or could it be more intimate than that, and he wants to know what I like because . . .
Does he have feelings for me? The possibility hits me like a two by four.
Before I can ask why she has this—or worse, why he does—she peeks into the hallway, then looks back at me with a smirk. “Speaking of the devil . . .”
Caleb appears. “Thanks, Taya, I’ve got it from here.”
From behind his back, she wiggles her eyebrows and mutters, “I bet you do.” Then she winks at me and leaves.
Once she’s gone, Caleb approaches. If you’d asked me to bet, I’d have guessed he’d choose the far side of the room to be in the same room with me. But when he approaches, he bypasses Taya’s chair and sits right on the bed with me.
See? He wants to be close to us, my wolf says.
I ignore her. But I don’t have a logical rebuttal.
He sighs. The silence between us is heavy. Add in the tension, and it’s unbearable. Why is he here?
Caleb must feel it, too because he jokes, “If you wanted to skip a day of training, there are other ways to go about it.”
I laugh.
“There’s that smile. How’re you feeling?” He tucks a hair behind my ear, and I still from his touch.
The butterflies in my stomach return.
Be cool, Jay. Be cool.
“I’m food.” My cheeks redden at my jumbled words.
Caleb tilts his head to the side and chuckles. “Did you just say that you’re food?”
I hide my face in my hands, groaning in embarrassment. Caleb continues to pick on me, sending me into a full-blown giggle fit.
“What kind of food? Are you uh . . . Fruit, veggie . . .”
I can’t speak. I’m laughing too hard.
“Maybe I should call the doctor? Make sure they check you for a concussion. Or brain damage. Or a brain, for that matter.”
“Hey!” I push him gently and playfully.
The laughter dies, and he messes with the hospital bracelet on my wrist. “But seriously. Are you doing okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. The doctors were surprised at how fast I recovered. They said they haven’t seen recovery like this in a lone wolf before so . . .” I shrug. “I guess I’m lucky.”
At my statement, the lighthearted and playful Caleb disappears, and the serious version of him returns. He angles his body toward the door, posting his arms on either side of him, slouching. He’s so tense his knuckles are white from fisting the edge of bed.
Seeing that he’s uncomfortable, I change the subject. “Taya said you killed them. The ones who did this to me . . . Why?”
“Why did I kill people who went against my orders?” he asks like it was a stupid question.
But I’m not buying that the obvious is his only reason. It can’t be a coincidence that my wolf, Taya and a random nurse both came to the same conclusion.
“No. Why did you care to kill your own people for what they did to me?”
“I’ll answer your question . . . If you tell me why you helped my mom.”
He’s got you there, my wolf says.
Crap. My eyes drop to my lap to focus on my fidgeting hands.
I know why. I like him. For a while, I just didn’t always know.
Or . . . maybe some part of me did. My wolf sure did.
In no scenario did I ever think he might feel the same way.
I realize I’ve been convincing myself I don’t feel for him, likely just to avoid getting hurt.
Because in what world would he ever feel the same way for someone like me?
But . . . maybe?
I shake the thought away. No. I can’t tell him. I’ll never recover if he doesn’t feel the same way.
I lift my gaze back to him, meeting his eyes, reserving the right to remain silent.
Caleb receives my unspoken decision and gives a knowing smile. “I guess we’re both keeping secrets, then.”