Chapter Fifty-Three
Jay
Iwake to the sound of something scratching my window.
What the hell is that?
I jump at the sight, squinting to make sure my eyes don’t deceive me. “Caleb?” I throw the covers over me and scurry to the window and open it. “What’re you doing here?”
He pushes by me and climbs in.
“What do you want?”
“To see if you’re okay.”
“You want to know if I’m okay? Caleb”—I scoff in disbelief, shaking my head—“you just announced to the entire pack that Medein is your luna-to-be. No, I’m not okay. But I will be.”
“I didn’t do it to hurt you. You have to know that.”
“Sometimes it’s not the intention, but the impact that matters. It all hurts.”
I might be a masochist, but this isn’t a pain I want to endure any longer. There’s only one way to end my suffering.
“I can’t do this. I can’t watch you be with her. It’s too hard.” Taking a deep breath, I gather all the courage I have before it’s gone. “I need you to reject me.”
My voice breaks. My eyes and heart burn and bleed at the same time. I swallow the lump in my throat.
“What?” He swallows, searching my burning eyes. His brows furrow. “You don’t mean that.”
I nod slowly. “Yeah, I do. I need you to reject me.”
He goes to open his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “If you’re going to choose someone else, then you need to end it with me. Right here, right now. You need to reject me.” I hold on to the bravery that seems to have come out of nowhere and hold on to it as tight as I can.
Stay with me, please.
My wolf doesn’t like what I’m doing, but she’s there for me anyway, lending me strength. I stand a little taller, and the lump in my throat doesn’t seem as large as it once was.
I silently thank her for choosing us over him at this moment. We’ve put him first enough as it is. It’s time we prioritized ourselves.
He shakes his head and crosses his arms across his chest. “No. I won’t do it.”
I’ve been in enough battles with wolves to know there’s a subtle suggestion there that he doesn’t think I will. But he’s broken the wrong heart. When I’m done, I’m really done. I’m a masochist.
But I decide my threshold. And I no longer choose this for myself. It’s too great.
“Then I will.”
He uncrosses his arms. His breathing picks up, and he almost looks .
. . hurt. Hurt that I’d even consider rejecting him.
More than anything, he never anticipated me being the one to do it.
Honestly, I’m just as surprised as him. It’s not what I want, but what I want and what is best are not always the same thing.
I need to do this for myself. I can’t let him destroy me.
“Jay . . . please. Don’t do this.”
And I notice he doesn’t say “to us.” It’s unfortunate that he turned out to be exactly who he showed me he is from day one: Selfish.
A laugh of disbelief escapes me. Goddess, I can’t believe I didn’t see it—how blind I was this whole time.
Why do I put more effort into seeing the good in others than I do protecting myself from harm?
Fortunately for me, I’ve already killed the only soul I have.
Because I know I will never be able to give another person the same benefit of the doubt.
That version of me is dead. Now, it’s I who will never forgive Caleb.
He’s ruined me for anyone else.
To reject a mate is rare. It is not taught. It is instinctual as much as it is spiritual.
“I, Jay, reject you, Caleb Waller, as my Goddess-given mate.”
At my declaration, sharp chest pains hit my chest. And I know this force is spiritual—courtesy of the Moon Goddess herself. She’s real and as flawed as we are. And it’s she who put me in this situation and still punishes me as if I’m the villain for choosing myself. Just like everyone does.
Caleb’s mouth parts and face contorts as if I’ve gutted him. But this cutting was one of mercy. Our love was already dying. I only put it out of its misery. And I won’t regret it.
***
Today was the king’s last day of training with Bloodhound.
The Hunt was quickly approaching, and he needed to be at Crescent to host the festivities.
I told him I’d like to enlist his ranks to help train his warriors.
King Dax was happy to have me, even said he’d set me up with somewhere to stay.
I thanked him for his generosity. He also said the offer still stands if I want to join the Hunt.
Now I’m slinging the sack of toiletries Jemma packed me over my shoulder and preparing to leave Bloodhound behind and start a new life. Before I can make my break for it, the one voice that makes my knees weak stops me.
“Where are you going?”
I stand a little taller. “I’m taking King Dax up on his invitation to participate in the Hunt,” I say confidently.
Although, my insides are faltering.
“You what?”
His eyes bore into mine. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought I’d broken his heart. But all I’ve done is what we both know was a long time coming.
Somehow, I still can’t believe it’s over. But then again, we never really started.
“You’re participating in the Hunt?”
His voice is soft. It’s like he’s scared that if he said it any louder, it would be that much more real.
My eyes water. “I can’t keep doing this, Caleb. I can’t stay here. It’s too hard,” I say, holding back the tears. “I can’t be nothing to you when I could leave and finally be someone to myself. I have a real chance at happiness. I could have a pack, a family, a—”
Caleb steps closer to me. “Don’t say it.” His voice exerts his dominance, but I can read his fear.
I know this will hurt him, but it needs to be said. Because not saying it is what’s got us in this mess.
“Mate.”
“Don’t do this,” he says.
“Then give me a reason to stay.”
“I can’t,” he breathes.
Silence passes. The air thickens. Giving him a soft smile, I place a hand on his cheek and kiss the other. “Goodbye, Caleb.”
I walk toward King Dax and refuse to look back.