Chapter Fifty-Six
Caleb
May, the day before the Hunt
Circular tables dressed in white tablecloths are scattered across cobblestone. Champagne flutes and gilded cutlery surround floral centerpieces from my father’s garden. Brunch the day before the Hunt is an old tradition predating my father’s reign.
Every year, it’s held in the Hunter’s Quarters.
This feast is the last time the entire pack will be together before the eligible bachelors and bachelorettes potentially mate with other packs’ wolves.
The meal is typically extravagant in both menu and decor.
This year’s event might not have the same luxury as years prior, but no one is complaining.
Typically, we would have two feasts but, one before the Hunt is all we have enough for, given the restoration this pack needs. Truthfully, I think it’s better this way. One was a privilege and luxury in itself. Two is overkill.
My pack was less disappointed than I expected about breaking tradition. They, too, see how unnecessary it is. This will likely be the first change I make as alpha.
I know one person who would approve.
Seated at a table with my beta, everyone from Bloodhound dines and laughs—everyone except me. I force a smile but can’t shake the loneliness with the whole pack celebrating. This is the first feast without my father and blaming grief would be a lie.
I miss her.
I’m reminded of Jay when I’m handed a plate with a juicy steak. We have very different perspectives, but I cherish who she is because they make her her.
I love her. I’m in love with her.
I push my plate aside, rubbing my hands along my face.
“Are you going to eat that?”
It takes me a second to process that Tyler is talking to me. “Huh? Oh, no. Here.” I extend the plate to Tyler across the table and without hesitation, he takes it.
“Sweet,” he says. His cutlery clinks at the stabbing of his fork and takes a bite. Chewing, he asks, “You good, man?”
“Yeah, I’m good,” I lie.
Tyler swallows his food and then waves his fork around, trying to recall her name. “Does it have to do with Jay?”
I twirl my napkin in my hand, folding and twisting it. I sigh. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m thinking about Jay.”
He nods, confirming his suspicion. “If the witches hadn’t said you needed to be with Medein, would you have marked Jay?”
“Without hesitation.”
“But she left. I . . . I blew it with her.”
“So?” He shrugs, chewing. He swallows hard and stabs his plate again. “I say fuck the witches. Go get her back and fix things.” He shoves another bite into his mouth.
“She’s better off with someone else. The pack already doesn’t love having her around. What do you think they’re going to do when they find out what she did?”
His forearms rest on either side of his plate as he chews. Tyler gestures with his fork as he speaks. “Who says they need to love her? Leaders who were feared are, historically-speaking, more successful. Besides, who’s going to challenge her? You? Hell, us?”
“Us?”
“Yeah, us,” he says like it should be common knowledge. “A challenge to either one of you is a fight for all three of us.”
After helping me execute the pack members who hurt Jay, he proved he’d remain loyal as my beta—but I didn’t think he accepted her.
“Even so, she shouldn’t have to spend her life in fear.”
“I think with you is probably the safest she’s ever felt.”
Shit. Since when did Tyler become insightful?
“I also think anyone who can kick my ass like that is someone I don’t want to get on the bad side of.” He looks around, checking to make sure no one’s listening, he lowers his voice. “Why don’t you two just sneak away and mark each other?”
There’s the old Tyler I know. Asking for forgiveness instead of permission.
I chuckle. Sarcastically I say, “Yeah and put the entire realm at risk of a war. I’ll get right on that.”
“You know”—my mother sits beside me—“the Queen’s mother was a rogue. Your father took her in, gave her a chance to join us.”
“Sure, but she didn’t kill the alpha.”
She hums. “That’s true, but . . . I think your father would’ve liked Jay.”
My jaw practically drops to the floor. I whip my head toward her, searching her face for any sign of sarcasm, but I find none.
“He always liked a strong woman who could put him in his place.” My mom nudges my shoulder with hers. “She’s kindhearted, a survivor who doesn’t gloat but can and will handle herself if she needs to.”
She can’t be serious.
“You went off on me when I wanted to be with her. What changed?”
“I thought it over more, and what I’ve come to realize is I will never like it.
But the Moon Goddess made her choice, and I have to trust in her plan.
Your fated mate is who I’d been praying for and is what your father and I wanted for you as Bloodhound’s Alpha.
That, and I’ve never seen you as miserable as the moment she left.
” My mother waits for me to meet her gaze. “Do you want to be with her?”
I hang my head and nod. “Yes. Are you disappointed?”
She contemplates. “The situation isn’t ideal. But someone who is able to take out an alpha, well”—shakes her head and exhales—“who is better than her?”
“Are you saying you’re impressed that she killed father?”
“No,” she responds instantly. “I’m saying that I respect that she was capable of it. And I would rather you be on the good side of a demon than the bad.”
I growl at the word demon. She squeezes my hand apologetically. “I’ll never like it. Having her around is going to take some getting used to, but I’ll get there.”
I nod. She’ll get there. She just needs time.
“You’re saying she can protect me.”
Slowly and seriously, she says, “You will protect each other, but in different ways.” She sighs.
“You always take care of everyone else but never yourself. She may match—or even outmatch—you in combat, but the Moon Goddess has given you the most crucial job of them all: to protect the fragile heart of the strongest she-wolf there is. It’s a grave responsibility.
One that takes a man of strength, patience and care—all qualities of a good leader and alpha. ”
For the first time, my purpose makes sense.
“I’ve tried to be every kind of leader. I tried Dad’s way, the king’s way . . . and none of it felt right.” It’s then I face the truth. “The kind of man I want to be is the one I am when I’m with her.”
Turning her whole body, Mom faces me. She puts her hands on my shoulders, looking me in the eyes and says, “Then, go get her.”
“It’s more complicated than that.” I tell her about the witches. What I’ve done and how this pack will kill Jay if I don’t go through with the spiritual bond to Medein. “I can’t lose her.”
“You don’t know that you would.”
“Come on, be serious. These are witches. Dark witches. We wouldn’t have a chance.”
My mother smacks the back of my head.
“Ow! What was that for?”
“That is for not telling me about the witches.” She hits me again.
“Ow!” I rub my head. “Hey!”
“And that is, so you don’t make your father’s same mistakes.
He would rather lay down his sword and accept defeat before the battle had even begun to avoid the fight.
It’s what led to the rogue attack in the first place.
He played everything safe to avoid risk, and he paid the price for it in the end.
I refuse to bury my mate and son in the span of a year, and I’ll fight anyone, including you, if it means I get to keep you.
Are you willing to lose Jay simply because you wouldn’t dare fight? ”
“No. I don’t want to risk her life.”
“We all die eventually. Haven’t you ever heard the saying, it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all’? Be happy son. It’s what your father and I have always wanted for you.” My mother lightly hits my arm. “It’s time for us to give a speech. Come on.”
My mother stands and clinks her cutlery against her glass. At the chimes, chatter fades, and everyone turns to face us.
Normally, my father would be the first to speak. This year, my mother will.
“Thank you everyone for being here. It has been . . . quite the year. Full of many triumphs and trials. Together, we tackled them head on.”
There are nods of agreement from the audience as my mother speaks of our togetherness, as well as giving individual recognition and praise.
“Alpha Jack Waller may not be here, but his spirit lives on in all of you. And it is his will that gives us the strength and courage to continue his legacy. But there is another strength that you will soon come to know . . . My son—” My mother motions to me.
“—Is already your Alpha and leader. And they are my strength. I pray that when tomorrow comes, you find your fated mate who gives you yours. As there is nothing that a mated pair, a family, a pack cannot do when they have each other.”
My eyes drift downward.
The reflection of light on the glasses becomes apparent as everyone follows suit.
“To the Hunt.”
“To the Hunt,” they repeat.
How could I have been so stupid? My fear . . . it blinded me.
The fear of losing her. I didn’t have courage. And that’s because I didn’t have her. Jay is my strength. My courage.
My mate.
Without her, I have nothing—I am not this pack’s leader. Between the two of us, it is me who is the weak one because I need her more than she needs me. She left. That’s proof of it.
She doesn’t need anyone and never did. And that’s because she’s never had the luxury of relying on anyone. She may not need me, but there is no Alpha Caleb without Luna Jay.
She is Bloodhound’s leader. She is who we need. And whatever she wants, I will gladly stand behind her and enforce her reign.
My mother clears her throat, indicating it is my time to speak.
I throw out the entire script and speak from the heart. And my heart is Jay.
I stand. “Thank you, Mother.” My eyes meet the crowd, and I clear my throat. “I had a whole speech prepared. I was going to talk about how I would lead you fearlessly with an iron fist, and we would thrive under any weather that comes our way, but I’d be lying.”
Whispers and confused looks are exchanged.
“The truth is, I can’t lead Bloodhound. I am not your leader.”
“Caleb, what’re you doing?” my mother whispers.
“A leader does what is best for their team. And what is best for our pack is to have your alpha mated to their fated. I have led you all to believe I do not have one for fear you all will not receive her well, but that’s a lie.
The fact is, I do have one. And out of protection for her, I have kept my love for her a secret.
I do . . . love her. Your leader is fearless.
Kind. A force to be reckoned with. And quite frankly, she might be the greatest warrior this realm has ever seen. ”
Sporadic cheers from the crowd arise as I list all of the wonderful things about Jay.
“I will be your alpha. But trust that the rogue—Jay—is your Goddess-given leader, your luna and my mate. She is in charge. I am your enforcer. I trust her decisions entirely. Over time, I have full confidence she will show you her loyalty. You will see that she is the one you want on your side.”
I look to my mother, then back to the crowd.
“My father ruled with love, not fear. I will not be ruling with the same notion. You may fear me, and you may love my luna. Matter of fact, I know you will. Because with the love I have for her, no amount of praying will save you from me if anything happens to her.”
To my surprise, my pack erupts with cheers and genuine enthusiasm.
Smiling, my mother stands to hug me. “I’m proud of you,” she whispers in my ear.
Tyler also stands, daps me up, then hugs me, patting me on the back. “What about the witches?”
“If we go to war, we go to war, but I want Jay by my side.”
“What about Medein?”
“I’ll have to tell her I don’t choose her—again.” A light bulb goes off, and I pause. My jaw drops. “Wait a second . . . I didn’t choose her.”
Which means I still have one more card to play.
Holy shit.
My mother takes over, turning to the crowd, wiping a tear from her eye.
“I think this calls for another toast. So, if everyone will please raise your glass . . . I’d like to toast to Bloodhound and the brighter future that lies ahead”—she turns to me, holding her glass in my direction—“with my son and his mate as your leaders.”
I smile and return the gesture.
My mother pivots back to the pack. “To Bloodhound.”
“To Bloodhound,” the pack echoes.
“Let us pray,” my mother says.
We bow our heads as she leads us in hymns.
And I pray Jay will forgive me.