We’ll Deal With You Later
We’ll Deal With You Later
Delores
No one speaks, but I get up, walking over to Felix to lean down and put my hands on his face as I say, “You can’t control what others do or say, no matter how much you’d like to.
The only people who will get the karma they deserve are the ones who did the evil deeds, and those who followed along blindly, Felix Khan.
Blaming yourself for not being able to stop adults who know better is insane, and you’re lucky you didn’t drink yourself into a damn grave.
How would that have punished them? Not a bit—in fact, they would have claimed another victim. ”
Chessie coughs, murmuring, “We tried to tell him that for years.”
I turn to look at my gentle, damaged cheetah with a soft smile.
“I’m sure you and Fitz did, baby. You’re good brothers to him, and you love him as much as you love each other.
But even with support, trauma as you three went through is not solved by absolution from others.
It needs to be forgiven first by Felix; he has to admit to himself that he couldn’t have done anything to stop them nor would he have survived trying.
That would have put you, Fitz, Nonna, and fuck knows who else in danger, you know? ”
“That’s true!” Fitz says as his eyes widen, and he wags a finger at his twin.
“Our dickhead dad would have cut a swath of terror across the entire island to get vengeance if his golden heir stood up to him. Look what he did when you refused to follow a dumb marriage pact, Felix. Overreaction to the millionth degree and now everyone on Bloodstone is so fucked.”
My Crazypants gets it—if only he can get his brother to say it out loud.
“Raj, our lunchable is correct in her assumptions. I, too, left under the shroud of a scandal that should not have been punishable by the exile they gave me. It was entirely unwarranted, and that fact has chafed from the moment I took flight. I’ve never been able to forgive my clash for their very un-dragon-like behavior in voting for my parents to send me away.
But that is my choice, and I’m aware that it is probably the wrong one.
You are determined to have everyone else believe your delusion and shame you for it. ”
Renard sits up, leaning his elbows on his knees.
“I agree with Flames and ma petite. Hell, even Fitz is making sense, mon ami. You need to let go of the guilt of your inner child, especially if Chester has expressed his disagreement with your version of the story. It was his tragedy, and he does not hold you accountable for the actions of your abusive family. Continuing to do this to yourself might be considered selfish.”
The elder tiger’s eyes meet mine, and I see the question in them.
“Yes, he’s right. Self-reflection is good, and unfortunately, rare, but self-flagellation is not.
Beating yourself to death inside for decades about situations you had zero control over is selfish, Felix.
You made the best choices you could, and Chessie is alive and well because of it. Isn’t that good enough?”
I know he’s struggling by the way his face is moving from expression to expression, but I’m not letting him get out of this.
“I…” He sighs and looks down, avoiding my gaze, so I let go of his face to drop into his lap instead. “It’s a burden I’ve carried for a long time. I can’t just… put it down, you know?”
Fitz snorts, waving his hand dismissively.
“Of fucking course you can, bro. That’s the magic of free will.
When our girl returned my affections without judging me, I dropped all my damn baggage and ran like hell.
That’s why I stopped catting around and getting high all the time, you dumbass.
I knew she was important, and I refused to let our shitty childhood fuck it up. ”
Blinking, I tilt my head at him. “Really? I didn’t know that.”
The younger tiger beams smugly as he crosses his arms over his chest. “Indeed, I did, Baby Girl. I might have stalked you all summer, and left body parts, and did lots of crazy shit… but I knew I had to get my damn head right to really pursue you. You’d had too many awful, fucked-up shitbirds manipulating you in the past, and I didn’t want to be one of them—purposefully or accidentally. ”
“He’s telling the truth,” Chess says with flushed cheeks.
“We did a lot of sexy things to burn off his energy, but he also found other ways to get his fury about his dad, Felix’s exile, and everything else out of his system so he could be less insane.
Obviously, he’s still Fitz, but he really did his best to unfuck his brain when he was courting you. ”
Holy Athena’s ass-stick… I didn’t think Fitz could shock me anymore, but here we are.
Felix frowns, his arms going around me as he asks his brother, “Why didn’t you say anything? I would have tried to help.”
“That’s the point, bro! You couldn’t help because you were not ready to let go of your pain.
I knew you were still nursing it, and when our girl agreed to date us all, then Z said we were mates?
Man, that was so much for you to accept, and the hits have just kept on coming since, dude.
I couldn’t tell you to get over yourself, when people were trying to kill or kidnap us. ”
Aubrey laughs, shaking his head. “I fear you’d be waiting until eternity if that was your scale, Fitzgerald.”
“No shit,” I mutter, and they all look at me.
I shrug, sighing heavily before I add, “Guys, we have so many enemies that we can’t even focus on them all.
We have to triage the people we deal with and the ones we endure.
Fitz could kill off assholes from now until the next decade and he wouldn’t get them all, probably.
It’s a never-ending river of bullshit we’re trying not to drown in. ”
Maybe not the most eloquent description, but they definitely get my point.
“I suppose that’s true,” Felix rumbles as his arms tighten on my waist. “We’ll eventually even the score on Bloodstone, but it won’t change what happened. Nothing can change the past, especially vengeance fulfilled.”
My lips curve up, and I look down at him.
“Which is about me, you sneaky former king-in-waiting, I know. However, I’m not looking for vengeance to change the past; I want Lucille and the others to pay their karmic debt for how they treated me.
Probably not completely healthy, either, but it means I don’t have to dig two graves, you know? ”
“Japanese proverbs? Very nice, snack size,” the dragon says. I turn to look at him, my smile crooked because he knows I read it in one of the books he gave me while we were researching the pred schools and their formation in the gargoyle library. “You were paying attention, hmm?”
“My angel is always paying attention when you least expect it,” Chess says proudly. “You know that, Aubrey.”
Waving my hand at them, I mumble, “Alright, alright. Enough fluffing my tail, boys. I appreciate the effort, but we’re talking about Felix and Chess right now. I’m not the subject of the family intervention.”
“Good call, Baby Girl. I prefer fluffing your tail when you’re naked anyway,” Fitz interjects.
Felix scowls and Chess leans in to whack him in the back of the head for his twin.
My crazy tiger gapes, shaking his finger at his mate with a look of shock.
“Chessie, you whacked me! And not in a good way! What the hell?”
Felix grins broadly, leaning forward to hold his fist out for Chess, who shyly bumps it. “Damn, little bro. You took my side for once. I’ll be damned.”
“Raj, he takes your side far more often than you know,” Renard says as he smirks. “He just doesn’t do it in front of your twin. It’s much easier to do when the situation does not devolve into a twin fight. Trust me.”
The elder tiger looks at me curiously, and I nod. “He does. But then, all of you behave less goofily when you are in smaller groups where you don’t feel the need to poke one another. It’s a guy thing, I guess, so it doesn’t bother me. In fact, I think it’s pretty adorable.”
They all huff this time, and I watch them fidget as they squirm.
No one wants to correct me, but they also don’t want to be cutesy when this is about being big, bad grown-up men.
I love making their brains misfire like this; I’ll never, ever tire of it.
Once they’ve grunted and muttered a little, I finally break the grumpy noise-fest by saying, “Of course, you’re also very manly, strong, brave, smart, and sexy.
It’s a balance, and I’m definitely impressed by it. ”
Fitz rolls his eyes before he groans. “Fuck, now she’s humoring us, guys. Our sweet, whip-smart predatory bunny is humoring us as if we’re little cubs. I don’t know if I can survive this; never let anyone know, I beg of you.”
“You don’t give a red, raring fuck what people think of you, Fitzgerald. Why would this matter?” Aubrey says, his voice full of amusement. “I believe even you admit that you’re shameless.”
Renard nods, leaning back in his chair again as his tail twitches mischievously. “Flames has you pegged almost as well as our bunny did, mon ami. You are not one to worry about random outsiders and their opinions of you. Why the dramatics?”
“Damn, you assholes are really trying to fuck up my pity play, aren’t you?” Fitz pouts as he yanks Chessie closer and rests his chin on the cheetah’s head. “I was hoping she’d come over to sit on me, dickwhistles. How are you all so dense?”
Holding me tight, my other tiger sighs as he buries his face in my hair. “Princess, stay with me now. He was trying to steal you by acting all hurt. I’m definitely the one who's being made to face bad shit, and he was trying to get you via sympathy.”
Oh, they’re both playing on my emotions now, eh?
Wriggling out of his arms, I rise to my feet and look down at Felix. “You’re both incorrigible. I should let you stew on your own and let Fitz handle his own shit tonight.”
Chess’s eyes widen, and he beams. “You can snuggle with me, Angel. I’m behaving.”
Ren and Aubrey open their mouths to contradict him, but I hold up my hand. “None of you are anything but rascals. I should make you all sleep in the other room in a squished-up pile while I luxuriate in this bed alone. It would serve you right for pitting yourselves against one another.”
It takes a moment, but every one of my older, more experienced mates sits up and stops acting like a bunch of teenagers.
I smile as I notice Fitz is the last to do so; that’s probably because I let him play me like a fiddle more often than anyone else.
It’s not because he’s a favorite, though; it’s because everyone gave him so much shit before I figured out why he was struggling.
That gives him a teeny bit more leeway than the others, but not much.
“Sorry, Princess,” Felix says as he takes my hands and looks up at me seriously. “We didn’t mean to put you in the middle; that wasn’t fair.”
“No, it wasn’t, but I get why it happened.
” My sigh echoes as I continue, “You absolutely need to reflect on the stuff everyone said so you can heal properly, Sir. But also, we need to talk about how the death of Chessie’s parents changed the landscape of the Khan’s power and what that means for the rest of the Society fuckers.
I think that’s more important than silly games, yeah? ”
“It is, Angel, and I think we should do that while we’re all focused, even if it makes the past ache longer.”
If Chess can get through this, we all can eventually—and I’ll add anyone involved to my ‘Not Really A Vengeance List’ for later.