Adore You
Delores
I’m still rolling out my ankles in the corner of the lobby when Fitz appears, fully horizontal to the ground as he slides the last ten feet on the freshly mopped tile. His balance is so good he doesn’t even spill the coffee cups he’s wielding.
He plants the coffee on the radiator and plops down cross-legged in front of me.
His entire vibe is chaos: his tee says ‘Tacos Not Terfs’ with a big taco on it, his shorts below barely qualify as clothing, and his hair is in a configuration I think violates the laws of physics.
Neon rainbow socks are pulled over his calves, bunched like accordions above spotless but perfectly matched sneakers.
Even with the plastic cups in his hand, he’s vibrating at a frequency that could power small appliances.
I cannot express how much I love that he’s let loose his personality so intensely this year without a hint of concern about what anyone says; it’s fucking beautiful.
“Good morning to you, too, Fitzy.” I hook the strap of my bag with my foot and start re-rolling my right leg warmer up so I can stand. “Should I be concerned that you’re this awake before nine after being out so late?”
He slurps the coffee, his eyes wide and shining.
“Oh, you should be more than concerned, Baby Girl. You should be thrilled, because last night’s op went off like a fucking symphony and I’ve been dying to tell someone who’d appreciate the artistry.
” He leans closer, a brief glint of mischief breaking through the caffeine high.
“Do you want the full play-by-play or just the highlights?”
“I want the footnotes and the director’s commentary,” I say as he hops to his feet and holds out a hand to me. “Give it to me, baby.”
Fitz waggles his eyebrows as I stand and then launches into his story with glee.
“Okay, so first off, I started by marinating myself in the Captain’s patented prey funk—herbaceous my ass, it’s more like a chemical weapon with notes of field mouse and old sneakers—so even if someone did a surprise sniff-check, they’d chase their tails before they ever got remotely close.
Side note, the patchouli after-burn is so intense I still haven’t gotten it out of my nasal cavity yet, even with this damn coffee Chessie let me make with Red Pred instead of water. ”
Holy fuck, that is going to wire him for days…What was Chess thinking?!
I suppress a giggle, already imagining the aftermath of his funk and the subsequent caffeine hijinks. “Did you actually spray that shit on you? Really? ‘Cause you don’t smell now.”
“Woman, I huffed my clothes in the privacy of my room afterward and blacked out for twelve seconds. But luckily, the ladies in the infirmary also sent some scent-eraser shit, too, so you’re right, I’m delish today.
” He stretches, twisting so his back cracks, then continues as we walk.
“Anyway, cuz’s place? Absolute joke. You could break the deadbolt by sneezing at it.
I literally unscrewed it with a plastic wedge.
You’d think my kin would know better, but apparently my cousin’s too busy manscaping to care about home defense. ”
“Wait, is he really that vain?” I ask, though I’m only half-joking. I assume Fitz is exaggerating because I know how conscious my guys are and they aren’t trying to take over the world.
Fitz’s eyes sparkle. “You have no idea. The first thing inside was a wall of gym gear. I counted three pairs of lifting shoes and a full rack of protein powders. Also, there’s a bottle of ‘beard oil’ in his bathroom but the man is basically hairless. It’s pure performance art.”
I lean forward, elbows to knees. “Tell me what you did besides laugh at him.”
“Oh, I thought you’d never ask,” he says, practically preening.
“So, right by the door, is the same Erikson SmartHome hub as Rockland’s and just as old.
I jacked in, and boom, the auto-populate showed every connected thing—TV, laptop, mood lights, heated floors, even the master bath bidet.
It was the best thirty seconds of my week.
I almost blew my load with excitement, but for you, I held it together. ”
“Your restraint is noted and appreciated,” I cackle. “How many cameras did you hide? I assume at least seven.”
He closes his eyes in rapture. “Two in the kitchen—one in the stove vent angled for full island coverage and one behind the espresso machine because it might be where he talks on the phone. In the bathroom, a micro-cam above the doorframe, catching the full mirror plus the sink. The shower I resisted because even I have boundaries. I set the bidet to ‘hydraulic justice’ and randomized five-second power blasts every day at a non-predictable interval, though.”
That’s when I lose it. My hand comes up over my mouth and I have to choke down the laugh or risk drawing the attention of the preds in the Shird lobby. “You didn’t.”
He looks almost wounded. “Of course I did. I labeled it in the system as ‘routine maintenance’ so he’ll be too embarrassed to complain. Anyone who’s in that area this week will hear the screams, but be too afraid to ask about them. It’s fucking gorgeous, Baby Girl.”
“Oh my goddess, that’s amazing.” I can’t help it—I laugh for real now, loudly enough that a small sophomore glances at us as we leave but wisely looks away.
Fitz basks in the moment, his hands folded primly in his lap. “I’m not even to the best part. The toothbrush dock? I gave it a firmware poke so the next time he tries to charge his brush, he’ll get a tiny, safe zap to the finger. Not enough to hurt, just enough to make him think he’s haunted.”
I’m wheezing at this point and my sides are cramping. “Did you test that one on yourself, too?”
“Obviously. I did two rounds. It’s not as bad as a hot wire shock, but it will absolutely make him distrust the entire bathroom from now on. I logged it as ‘Dental Defense—ACTIVE’ in my notes, so you know I’m committed.”
“Is there video I’ll be able to see someday?” I ask, immediately regretting the hopefulness in my voice.
He winks. “Live and on-demand, babe. If he ever tries to brush his teeth while monologuing, we’ll have a front-row seat.”
I punch his shoulder, because it’s the only response left. “You’re a menace, Fitzgerald Ulysses Castor Khan.”
“Thank you,” he says, bowing his head with mock humility.
“The rest was just routine. The bedroom has three cams—one behind the curtain rod, one in the smoke detector, and one under the desk facing the laptop. I dropped a daemon on the laptop that will chill for forty-eight hours and then start randomly scrambling his desktop icons every reboot. Every browser session opens to a new prey-rights advocacy site. Keystrokes get logged straight to my secure cloud. And, once a week, he gets a pop-up that asks ‘Did you really mean to search for that?’”
My face is starting to hurt from smiling so hard. “What if he traces it?”
“He can’t. I set the logging to run on a one-hour cloud delay, so even if he wipes the device, it’s already baked in.
The IP logs to an old Apex node we didn’t shut down, not us.
” Fitz grins, basking in the glow of his flawless op.
“I did a final tour, snapped low-light stills to prove my work, and then relocked everything. I even realigned the sad little deadbolt. It was a masterpiece, honestly.”
I put my face in my hands and try to compose myself, but all I can see is Asani in a towel, getting rocketed off the bidet by a randomized water cannon. “You are going to make me spend my Rockland session snickering because I’ll be picturing this the whole time.”
He leans back, looking satisfied. “My work here is done, then. Oh! Chessie says we’re having hibachi tonight, so you’ll be super excited when you finish classes.”
I take another thirty seconds to stop laughing, and I see Fitz is pleased as punch with himself. It doesn’t last, though, because as we head towards the Dupree, he wrinkles his nose as if he’s going to give me bad news.
“You’ll want to check your own email, by the way. There’s already an Asani class update. He’s being an uber-dick about the project grading rubric, so tomorrow might be miserable. Maybe we can get Rennie to make a cake with Chess? That might help.”
The thought of the tiger professor mashing his keyboard in a rage because his device is haunted while he’s sending stupid emails almost redeems that revelation. “It’s gonna suck, yeah. I don’t think they’ll show tonight.”
Fitz walks with me quietly for a moment, his stride longer and a little bit bouncier than usual.
“If you want me to run interference, I can fake a medical emergency two minutes into your appointment. I’ll even throw in actual tears and roll on the floor for maximum effect.
Then maybe you can have an hour to work on the now solo thing for the class tomorrow. ”
“Tempting, but no. If I don’t go in there every time, she wins. I want her to see me upright and unbreakable every damn day until it annoys her so much that she cancels.” I try not to sound too serious, but it’s important to me for Rockland to know she can’t break me.
“You are that,” he says. “Even if you don’t feel it some days.”
I bump him with my elbow. “I’m only upright because you guys have my back. If I had to do this alone, I’d have gone feral by now.”
He smiles. “We’ll let you have all the glory, but if you need backup, text me and I’ll show up in nothing but tiger teeth and claws, Baby Girl.”
“That is a very pleasing mental image. I will absolutely use it as a threat,” I say as we hit the steps outside Dupree. He opens the door for me and I walk inside, looking around carefully.