Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
Austin
Maybe I’d imagined what Evie said to me.
That’s what I’d almost convinced myself of during my drive over to Dallas’s auto shop. I’d asked him if he was available for a chat three days ago but he’d been so busy with June and Madi, he hadn’t been able to meet until now.
Even Mateo and Levi had been wrapped up with my sister. Everyone was always so busy nowadays.
I was happy for them, of course. A small part of me missed how things used to be, but I’d watched love heal some of the broken parts in Dallas and Avery.
I slowed as I turned onto a road at the edge of town, my heart thumping in my chest. I shouldn’t have driven this way. I could already feel sweat breaking out along my spine.
The cemetery was just a block over. Over the last few years, a family ritual had formed around his birthday where we’d grab a pack of beer, sit around his grave and drink them, and talk about our memories of our dad. The rest of the year, I always avoided driving down this damn road.
So why today?
Maybe because my life felt like it was falling apart.
Maybe because I had so much on my plate and I wasn’t sure how I was going to accomplish it all.
I knew that I was overworked. I felt it in my bones.
I knew I needed to rest, but how? How was I supposed to rest when I was still fixing all of the small broken things Dad left behind?
Credit cards that were maxed out. Loans none of us ever knew about.
I’d shielded Avery and Dallas from the brunt of it, but goddamn it, our dad had really left a fucking mess.
And I missed him. Every day, I missed him.
I just wished I could miss him without worrying about the future. I had countless missed calls from Phil, the sleazy debt collector. He’d even started sending me threatening letters too. It was all a mess.
The fucked up thing about it all was that I never wanted to stay in Whynot.
Nick was a reminder of that. I was jealous he’d gotten out and been able to see the world.
I may have fallen down an internet rabbit hole looking into his work history and tracing all his steps.
He’s done so much over the years. Built himself up.
Just looking at his LinkedIn profile made me jealous.
I thought that would be me. Instead, I was stuck here. I loved Whynot, of course. It was home. I couldn’t imagine a world where I didn’t wake up to a dusty desert sun or a summer without the dry heat or a life without all of the nosy old people that liked to harass me.
I didn’t think I’d stay though. Right before Dad’s heart attack, I’d started looking at a grad program up in Minnesota.
With Levi off and living his life as a professional hockey player, part of me hoped to join him.
If only to experience a place I’d never been to before.
I’d even submitted an application for an apartment without telling anyone.
But then he died. And I found out Avery was in trouble. And suddenly I was Dad. I had the answers. I was the pillar. Everything fell on my shoulders, and there was no way I could have left after that.
But now, almost five years of my life had flown by. Five fucking years of missing the man who made all of our lives better while he was alive.
My throat tightened as I parked along the street and looked out across the cemetery.
I could see his headstone. Mom used to keep up with the flowers there, but that’d started dwindling about nine months ago.
Maybe it was a good thing, like she was finally moving on.
It didn’t stop the tear in my chest though.
“Fuck,” I muttered. I craned my head to look in the backseat, rummaging around until I found a ball cap tucked under one of the seats. I shook it out and realized it was an old favorite of mine. It’d probably been missing for about three years.
Perfect.
I hopped out of the truck and pushed open the iron gate, winding up the path until I came to his grave. I knelt and put the ball cap in front of it.
“I miss you,” I whispered.
My vision blurred and I felt the weight of exhaustion in my bones. It wasn’t that I wanted to stop living, I just wanted to stop living like this. But I didn’t know how to ask for help. I didn’t know how to let go.
“I wish you would have given me a heads up,” I whispered. “It would have made this a lot fucking easier. Not that you could have known when you were gonna have a heart attack, but hiding the issues you’d been having from us would have lessened the fucking shock some.”
The words kept pouring out and I wiped my cheeks.
“I want to fall in love. I want to have a family. But how in the hell am I supposed to be there for someone else when I’m still picking up the pieces you left behind, Dad?
You would have loved seeing Avery and Dallas each fall for two someones.
Probably would have been confused as hell about the polyamory thing the first time around with Avery, but you loved Levi and Mateo.
You wouldn’t have lost your shit on them dating like I did. ”
I exhaled slowly, my shoulders trembling.
“I don’t get it. I don’t get why you kept so many secrets.
I don’t understand how you got into such a bad financial mess.
The three of us have been lucky to have gotten through most of it.
Avery and Dallas are successful with their businesses, and I’ve had good luck too.
But still. Why’d you ever help people before helping yourself first? ”
My own words hurt my own damn feelings. I was like him, wasn’t I? Fuck. I wiped my eyes and let my head fall back, glaring up at the blue sky. The sun was too bright so I closed them, letting the warmth hold me together for just a couple minutes.
It was such bullshit that he died. He’d been too young to go.
I loved my dad, but I never wanted to be anything like him. So how in the hell had I ended up exactly like him?
I spent a few more minutes pulling myself together before hopping back in the truck and driving over to Dallas’s shop. The garage door was open and fans were running overtime trying to keep him from melting into the concrete.
Dallas was under a truck, his boots sticking out. I opened the mini fridge and grabbed a soda as I waited for him to roll back out. Rock music roared around us and it smelled like grease and sweat.
Finally, he rolled out from under and sat up. His line of sight landed on me and his brows shot up.
“Hey,” I said.
“You look—”
“Don’t even fucking start with me right now,” I growled.
He held up his hands and stood up. I tossed him a water bottle. He cracked it open and drained almost all of it.
“So?” Dallas asked. “You gonna talk or are you gonna stand there?”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. What the hell was I supposed to say?
“Something happened with Evie,” I said.
Dallas’s mouth dropped. “Excuse me, what?”
“Wait, no,” I said. “Not like that. Well, not exactly like that.”
“What the fuck does that even mean?” Dallas exclaimed.
Another gruff voice sounded around the corner and we both looked up as Levi hopped out of his car.
“Oh this is good,” Dallas said. “Levi should be here for whatever fucking shit is about to come out of your mouth.”
“Fuck off,” I snapped.
Levi heard us and approached with a brow raised. “What’s going on here?”
“Austin just told me something happened with Evie,” Dallas said flatly.
Levi’s mouth dropped and he held a hand up. “Wait. Mateo should be here for this.”
“Y’all are dicks,” I muttered as I sipped my drink. But, I didn’t protest as Levi texted Mateo. “It’s the middle of the day. Don’t you have work to do, Mr. Fire Department Hockey Star?”
“Nope, I’m off. Mateo’s shift was rotating off, so he can come by for this first.”
My expression soured.
“We should order pizza,” Dallas said.
“It’s not what you think,” I protested. “We didn’t have sex or anything. You’re making this a big deal.”
“It is a big deal,” Levi said. Then he glanced at my brother. “I’d be down for pizza.”
“Great. I’ll order.”
Thirty minutes later, Mateo had joined us, and the four of us had turned a giant metal tool box into a pizza table we could all stand around. Mateo, Dallas, and Levi all scrutinized me, waiting for me to finally tell them what happened. It was completely fucking ridiculous.
“Okay,” I sighed. “First of all, the three of you have dirty minds. Why would you assume I’d just sleep with Evie?”
Levi and Dallas looked at Mateo. He rolled his eyes. “Fuck. Don’t elect me to be the spokesperson on this.”
“Spokesperson on what?” I growled.
“Well, you know,” Levi prompted.
“I really fucking don’t.”
“For god’s sake,” Dallas muttered. “Evie. You. You and Evie. Evie and you. That gorgeous woman has had a crush on you for years and you definitely look at her.”
“I do not,” I protested. “I mean, I look at her. But not like that.”
“You do. I’ve seen it,” Mateo agreed.
“We all have,” Levi said.
“There’s never been anything there,” I said. “Or I don’t know. Fuck. Let me finish my god damned story.”
I recounted everything to them, although I left out the nine-inch pierced dick comment. That really couldn’t be true about Nick, right? There was no fucking way.
By the time I finished, Levi and Dallas had both stopped chewing, and Mateo had his hand on top of his head, his expression unreadable.
“So yeah,” I said. “Who the fuck is the third guy?”
Mateo planted his hands on his hips, then turned around, pacing a few steps away. Levi ran his fingers through his hair, clearly stressed. And Dallas stared at me, until finally, I growled.
“What?”
“You’re an idiot,” Levi said. “A fucking idiot.”
“You’re the third guy,” Mateo said.
“No,” I said. “No. I can’t be.”
“Yeah. You are,” Dallas said. “Why do I let you do my taxes exactly? How are you this unobservant?”
“This is like our relationship with Avery all over again,” Levi said. “Where the signs are right there, but you keep fucking missing them.”
“Or he’s not missing them, he’s just an idiot,” Mateo finished. “You’re the third guy. Evie has liked you for a really long time. She constantly flirts with you. And I think all of us have been waiting for you to see it.”
“Why wouldn’t you say anything to me?” I hissed.
The three of them fell silent, but Levi shrugged. “You would have argued.”
“Yeah,” Dallas said. “Something like that.”
Mateo grabbed another slice of pizza and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “So . . . Matthew and Nick.”
“Nick,” I growled. “I hate him. I wish she wasn’t interested in him.”
“He seems cool,” Dallas said. So much for being on my side. My temper shot up and I glowered, but Dallas snorted. “Like he's not the asshole I thought he was when we were kids.”
“I never had a problem with him,” Levi said. Was he fucking joking right now? “That was all on you.”
“He stopped by the fire department the other day and introduced himself, then asked if he could borrow a wrench to fix Evie’s oven. Let us all meet his cat. So . . .” Mateo trailed off. “I like him.”
“He’s the worst person for Evie,” I snarled.
“Well, bud, you don’t really get to make that choice,” Levi said.
“All right, Minnesota, cool it with calling me bud,” I said. I crossed my arms. “Seriously. The resort is going to be a problem.”
“I don’t think it will be,” Levi said. “You’re worried about it competing with Whynot Stay, right?
But he’s already planning to encourage people to check out local businesses too, and some folks will want to come into town and stay somewhere other than there.
I don’t know. He seems to have good intentions, and I agree, the cat is super cute. ”
A fucking mullet. A fucking cute cat. Fucking tattoos. A fucking nine-inch pierced dick.
I hated him.
“He’s an asshole,” I said. “I don’t know why he’s even back in Whynot.”
“Okay so, I have some insight,” Mateo said.
“Oh god. Is it the insight I have?” Dallas asked.
“Possibly. I’ll go first. Avery told us that Evie had a knock-out date like two months ago and now suddenly that date is back in town. That has to be Nick. Which we already knew since Evie said she’d just date Nick and Matthew.”
“Yeah that’s what I had, and are you okay with that?” Dallas asked. “Matthew and Evie? Given your crush on Matthew.”
My cheeks turned red. Maybe I wasn’t as sneaky about my feelings as I thought I was. “I really like him. I . . .”
“Are you jealous?” Levi asked.
“Yeah,” I admitted.
“Are you jealous of Evie or Matthew?” Mateo asked.
My heart thumped in my chest. “Both of them,” I admitted.
“Maybe you’re a little jealous of Nick too,” Dallas prodded.
“No,” I said immediately. “He just shouldn’t even be around her. We used to fight all the time. You remember that, right?”
Dallas shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, but part of that was because you competed for everything. And frankly, Austin, you won most of the time. He didn’t have a stable family like we did, if I remember correctly. I think I would have punched your smug smirk off your face too if I were in his shoes.”
“We’re too old to keep holding grudges like that,” Levi said.
“Whatever,” I sighed. I bit into a piece of pizza crust. “This wasn’t helpful.”
“It was, because now you’ve been enlightened about Evie,” Dallas said. “What are you gonna do now?”
I didn’t have a single idea.
“I think you should ask her out.” Mateo wiggled his brows. “Why not?”
I could think of a thousand reasons why not.
But not a single one of them was strong enough to make me not want to.
Or stop me from wanting her.