Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
Evie
My mind was split in fifty different directions as I got out of the car. Austin stood up, and my chest physically ached at the way his expression twisted with worry when he spotted Nick and Matthew.
“I’ll talk with him,” Nick said behind me.
“Let’s just all go in,” Matthew said. “Nick needs to be sitting, and it seems like the four of us all need to have a conversation.”
I nodded, scrambling for the right words as I walked up to my door. Austin opened his mouth, but nothing came out.
“Will you come inside?” I asked him.
Austin’s eyes darted to Matthew and Nick, but they both nodded.
“Just come in, Whynot,” Nick said. “We’re adults.”
“Okay,” Austin exhaled. “Sorry, I should have texted, but I’ve been losing my mind just a little bit. I think Mateo was ready to sedate me.”
I chuckled nervously and unlocked my door, flipping on the lights as the four of us piled in.
My heart pounded in my chest and I desperately wanted to text Avery and June to ask for a rescue.
They’d show up on my doorstep in a blink, too.
But, on the other hand, Nick was right. We were adults. We could have hard conversations.
I didn’t even know where to start.
Just this morning, I told Austin I only wanted to be friends. It’d been such a lie. Such a complete lie. I didn’t want to be just friends with him, but I also didn’t want to risk the relationship I was starting with Matthew and Nick.
My mind was spiraling a little. I needed a glass of wine or an edible or a damn tranquilizer before I had a heart attack.
“Evie.” Matthew’s palm slid over my shoulder, and he gave me a comforting squeeze. “Take a deep breath. We’re all friends here.”
Austin’s brows pulled together. “I can come back. I don’t want to cause any more problems—”
“No,” Nick said firmly. “It’s not a problem that you’re here.”
“Well, it sort of is,” Matthew said. “But no. Let’s go sit in the living room or kitchen. Evie?”
“Living room,” I squeaked. “I need water. Does anyone want water?”
Matthew’s hand slid down to my back. “I’ll get water with you. Nick and Austin will survive in the room with each other for a few minutes, right?”
I looked at the two of them, and they both nodded silently.
Matthew pointed at Nick. “Go sit.”
“All right, fine,” he mumbled.
He gave Austin a pointed look, and he huffed, but followed Nick too. Then he looked down at me and tipped my chin up. “What’s wrong?” He whispered. “This is Austin. You’ve known him forever.”
“I was mean to him,” I said. “And I just . . . I don’t know what to think right now.”
“Do you know what you want?”
I hesitated for a moment, but then slowly nodded. I did know what I wanted. It felt impossible, but maybe it actually wasn’t.
“Then ask for it. You’re not gonna scare us away.
” His thumb smoothed up the curve of my cheek as I closed my eyes.
“Evie, you’ve already expressed what you want to Nick and I.
And you know what? It’s something I want too.
I really like Nick. I need to spend more time with him, getting to know him, but when the three of us are together—everything feels right.
This week has been so easy, even with everything bad that’s happened. Now, breathe with me.”
He pulled me into his arms. I pressed my head against his chest, listening to his breaths. Every muscle in my body relaxed and that tight grip of anxiety slowly loosened. I could think a little clearer now.
Matthew was right. I knew Austin.
“Okay,” I murmured. “Thank you.”
He kissed my forehead. “Do you know how excited I am that you want to drink water right now?”
A laugh jolted me. “Okay, well, just know it’s not the norm.”
Matthew smiled and led me to the kitchen. We poured four glasses, each carrying two to the living room.
Austin and Nick were seated as far apart from each other on my couch as possible. It was almost comical. Matthew put the glasses on the coffee table and plopped down in the middle.
And now the three of them were looking at me.
I felt like I was on a stage. My hands were clammy. My neck had a twinge from sleeping weirdly in the chair at the ER. It’d been a long day. It didn’t help that the three of them were so handsome, and each in completely different ways.
Austin had a beard coming in that was short and looked really damn good.
His brown eyes were full of worry, his cheeks flushed red.
He was either sunburned or he was blushing from head to toe, his skin was warm and pink.
He was in a T-shirt that hugged every muscle and dark-wash jeans that hung at his waist when he was standing.
Then there was Matthew. Even after a long shift at the hospital, he was sexy and smiling at me.
Behind his glasses, his gaze warmed me, kind and patient.
His shirt was unbuttoned at the top, revealing a few dark curls of chest hair against his dark brown skin.
His shoulders were a little broader than Austin’s, and his slacks hugged his thighs in a way that made my thoughts go haywire.
And last, but certainly not least, was Nick.
Despite being in the hospital, he was devastatingly handsome.
He wore a turquoise T-shirt and jeans. All his tattoos were bright along his tan arms, and I was slowly memorizing every single one of them.
Piercings gleamed along his ear, his gaze pinned on me.
Three devastatingly hot men who wanted me.
All waiting for me to say something.
Austin started to get up but Matthew grabbed his arm and pulled him back down. “Nope. Not running away.”
His knee bounced up and down nervously.
I knotted my hands together. “Okay, I’ll start.
Austin—I’m so sorry. Earlier when I saw Nick on the ground, I overheard that man talking, and I jumped to the worst conclusion.
I know you’d never harm someone on purpose, and it wasn’t fair of me to think that about you, even if I knew it wasn’t true.
And I shouldn’t have said what I did to you. ”
“It’s okay, Evie. I’m sorry too,” he said immediately.
“To you and to Nick. I kind of bombarded you this morning at the bakery, and I wasn’t in the right headspace to be up on a roof after.
Especially one that wasn’t safe to be on.
Nick, I’m sorry you fell. I should have told you why I didn’t want you to come up to help instead of just yelling. ”
“It’s okay. I egged you on.” Nick leaned forward so he could look at Austin. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you earlier and that I was rude. But . . . why the fuck was everything so loose? You could have fallen too. I’m shocked you didn’t.”
“I fucked up,” he said softly. “I didn’t nail them in the way I should have. Mateo said something to me about it last week and I never fixed it.”
An awkward silence settled over the room, and all my anxiety melted into concern. “But why wouldn’t you be worried about yourself?”
He wouldn’t meet my gaze.
“Austin,” I pleaded.
“I’ve been too busy. I tend to overlook stuff when it just involves me.”
Nick made a sound in his throat, his expression hardening. “I can’t argue with you if you’re in a full-body cast, you know. Or worse, dead. Graves aren’t exactly the best to argue with.”
“Don’t I know it,” Austin mumbled. “Fuck off, Nick.”
His words didn’t hold any heat and it only made Nick smirk. Austin shot him a dirty look. He still didn’t like Nick, but . . . as long as they could tolerate being in the same room together, maybe it didn’t matter.
“Balance restored,” Nick said, satisfied as he leaned back into the couch. “Now that we’ve apologized to each other, what else, Evie? I know there’s more.”
He waggled his brows at me. If he weren’t already concussed, I’d be tempted to whack him in the head.
The pressure was back on. I put my hands behind my back, wondering if I was actually going to go through this.
“I need to talk to Austin,” I blurted out. “Alone. If that’s okay.”
“It is,” Matthew said. “I’ll go tuck Nick in your bed.”
“I need to shower before I get in bed.”
My head was spinning with the thought of them naked in my shower together. “Um. There are fresh towels in the cabinet in the bathroom. There’s also two shower bonnets in there if either of you want one. Have at it, but do not use my expensive soaps. Use the regular body wash.”
“Yes, ma’am. Doctor, I’m afraid I’ll fall without your guidance.”
Matthew shook his head with a snort as he stood up, taking Nick with him. I pressed my lips together as they disappeared down the hall out of sight, but I heard Nick’s laugh and Matthew’s slightly annoyed but slightly aroused tone.
Austin’s cheeks reddened. He looked so lost.
“Okay,” I sighed. “Here we go.”
I sat down next to him on the couch and turned to face him. With a deep breath, I rolled my shoulders back and looked him in the eyes.
“I’ve liked you for a really, really long time,” I confessed.
“For years. I think since high school, maybe even since junior high. You’ve always been my best friend’s hot older brother who never looked at me twice.
And I don’t know why, but I never grew out of it.
I’ve flirted with you so many times. I’ve done everything I could to get your attention.
And up until quite recently, I never really wanted someone else as much as I’ve wanted you.
I started going on dates thinking I’d stop wanting you if I found the right person .
. . and they were all terrible. Then I met Nick and .
. . things did change. But instead of having one person to want, I had two.
Then Matthew asked me out, and I realized I now have three equally wonderful people that I want.
But everything is so new with them and I didn’t want you to feel obligated to want me now that you know the truth.
So that’s why I said we should be just friends this morning, even though it was a lie.
I don’t want to just be your friend, Austin. ”
“I don’t want to just be your friend,” he whispered.
He inched closer, his gaze softening, his walls coming down.
Sometimes this man was so hard to read, but right now, I could see everything.
The vulnerability, the need, the sadness.
If I could find a Band-Aid to put over all the little cuts on his heart from the last few years, I would.
“I want you, Evie. It’s not an obligation.
You’re one of the best people I’ve had the privilege of knowing, and I love everything about you.
But . . . I’m broken. I’m so broken right now, I barely recognize myself at times.
I’m scared of letting you in because why would you want me?
Why would anyone want me like this? I don’t even want myself. ”
Tears turned his eyes glassy, and he closed them, looking away. I gently reached up, sliding my fingers through his beard, cupping his jaw. I slid my hand to the back of his neck, my breath hitching.
“I love Dallas and Avery,” I said. “I know you do too. June, Madi, Mateo, and Levi are our family, right?”
He nodded, his eyes still shut.
“All of us love you. But outside of whatever romance we might take a chance on—first, you are my friend. I’ve watched you constantly self-destruct and shove other people away. Everyone wants to help you, but you won’t let us. You have to start letting us. Let me in, Austin.”
His throat worked as he swallowed hard. “It’s hard to. I’m not perfect.”
“I know that,” I snorted. “Clearly. But neither am I.”
His eyes finally opened. I could see every shade of brown there, his long lashes dark and wet from tears. “I haven’t dated anyone in years. I . . . I haven’t ever dated more than one person. I’ve had a crush on Matthew for a while and no fucking idea what to do about it.”
“And Nick?” I asked.
He groaned, but it gave me a glimmer of hope. “I can beat him up for you?”
I laughed and shook my head at his offer. “He literally fell off a roof, I don’t think he’s gonna be very threatening for a bit.”
Austin winced. “I feel awful.”
“I do too,” I said. “But mostly just about the way I treated you.”
“It’s okay,” he said softly. “I mean, Mateo may disagree. I think he was ready to tie me down to my bed and leave me.”
“He’s a good friend,” I said.
“He is. I don’t know what I would do without him or Levi.” His shoulders finally relaxed, and his gaze dropped to my lips.
Was he going to kiss me? God, I wanted him too. I’d wondered what it would be like for years.
“Will you go out with me?” he whispered.
“Yes, Austin, I’ll go out with you.” I smiled at his innocent request, because there was certainly nothing that innocent between us. I wanted him to rip my clothes off. “Will you please finally kiss me?”
The corner of his mouth tugged. “Yes.”
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and cradled my face in his palm. I had a split second to think this is really happening, then he leaned in. Austin’s lips brushed mine gently once, and it was soft. Easy. Almost like kissing a friend.
But it was the spark we needed to start the fire.
“Fuck,” he breathed out.
His fingers curled into my hair and he tugged my mouth back against his. I wound my arms around his neck with a groan, our tongues winding together. Heat rippled through me and I gasped between kisses, my world spinning.
Austin’s hands went to my hips and he lifted me into his lap. My knees slid to either side of his thighs as he kissed down my neck, holding me tight to him.
Fuck. How in the hell was I supposed to survive being kissed this way by three sexy men?
Austin tugged my lower lip between his teeth with a groan. I could feel hardness against my core, and that only turned me on more.
“I should go before I do something ridiculous,” he murmured.
“Like what?”
“Like take off all our clothes and eat you out on this couch while your boyfriends kiss in the shower.”
I tugged his hair, enjoying the way his gaze lit with surprise. “I don’t know,” I whispered. “I like being ridiculous sometimes.”
“Yeah?” He gave me a smile, and it was bright enough that it chased away all the dark clouds clinging to him. “I have to be able to beat Nick at something.”
“Oh god. Eating me out is not a competition.”
“But it could be.”
I squealed as he picked me up, pushing me back onto the sofa. His hips wedged my thighs apart, his touch turning gentle as he kissed me again.
“Are you sure?” he asked. “We don’t need to rush into anything. We can take things slow.”
I shook my head. “I’m done waiting. Why not go fast? Why not dive in? Why not take a chance on three gorgeous men?”
He held my gaze and smiled. “Why not?”