Chapter 64 Theron
THERON
I don’t sleep—not even close.
I lie there in the narrow bed with Elowen tucked against me, my arm wrapped around her like I can keep her with me if I just hold on tight enough.
But she’s already slipping away—I can feel it.
Not physically, of course—she’s right here, warm and soft and heartbreakingly real in my arms—but something inside her is pulling away…curling inward…closing off.
And I know exactly why—it’s because of me. Because of what I said. And most of all, because of what I didn’t say.
Her breathing isn’t steady—it’s not the slow, even rhythm of sleep. It catches now and then, hitching faintly, like she’s trying to keep quiet…trying not to wake me and let me know she’s crying.
My chest tightens until it almost hurts to breathe.
Fuck. How could I fuck up our last night together so badly?
I had thought, when I rented the room, that we might be together one more time.
I wanted to feel her under me—wanted to look into her eyes while I filled her.
I one last perfect memory with her before she does that fucking spell and I lose everything I know about her forever.
But when we got up here, I just couldn’t do it. All I wanted was to hold her—all I could think about was that I’m about to lose her forever.
I close my eyes, but it doesn’t help. It only makes everything sharper—the feel of her…the scent of her…the quiet, broken sounds she makes when she thinks I won’t hear.
I hear it anyway—of course I do. And thanks to the partial Bond we formed at the demon’s mansion, I can feel her now, too.
Not just her body, but her emotions. The bond between us—thin and incomplete as it is—lets it all bleed through.
Her pain wraps around me, sharp and aching, laced with something worse—rejection.
She thinks I rejected her, and she doesn’t know why.
“Gods…” I whisper under my breath, the word barely more than a breath against her hair.
My Drake stirs immediately.
“She hurts,” he rumbles mournfully. “Our woman is hurting.”
I know, I send back silently. I can feel it.
“Fix it,” he insists. “Take her. Bond her. Make her ours.”
My jaw tightens.
You don’t understand—I can’t do that. We can’t do that.
“I understand perfectly,” he snaps back. “She is ours. She needs us. You feel it. I feel it.”
I do—that’s the problem. Her need is still there, low and constant, simmering beneath the hurt. It twists through me, pulling at my control, whispering all the things I want—everything I shouldn’t take.
I want to roll her onto her back and press her into the mattress and kiss her until she forgets everything else.
I want to sink into her again—to feel that heat and tightness and sweetness that nearly drove me out of my mind before.
I want to hear her say my name like she did earlier, soft and breathless and trusting.
I want so much that I can’t have. Because I know she couldn’t take my Drake—she’d be horrified at the thought of him mounting her…breeding her. She was reluctant to even rub against him—there’s no way she could get through a full Bonding with both of us.
Besides, she’s leaving.
Tomorrow, she’ll go to the King’s Court, work the Time Weaving spell and go back to a time before I ever knew her…before I ever touched her.
Before I ever loved her.
The word lands in my mind like a dropped blade, freezing me in place. For a long moment, I just lie there, staring into the darkness.
Love—do I love her. No, I can’t—surely not. We haven’t really known each other that long. True, we’ve been through a lot together but…
“Yes, you love her—WE love her,” my Drake speaks up. “I don’t understand why you’re letting her go.”
I want to tell him that he’s the reason—but I don’t have the heart. All I can think about is how I’m losing the woman I love. Because I do love her—I love everything about her.
I love her laugh, soft and surprised when something delights her. I love the way she tries to be brave even when she’s terrified. I love the way she looks at the world like it might still hold something good, even after everything she’s been through.
I love too much to subject her to the fear and horror of a full bonding with me and my Drake.
I love her enough to let her go…even if it destroys me.