6. Noa
Noa
“So, he’s the dad?” Kylie asks from the backseat after I’ve explained who Carmine is and why we’re going to his home for dinner. Joey has been silent, and Emma doesn’t understand; she’s just excited to be going somewhere different.
“He is,” I reply, her silence afterwards worrying me.
“Will he want to be our dad too?” Shocked, my heart skips a few beats. “Ours isn’t very nice.” She whispers the last part, and my heart breaks this time. It kills me that they’re missing out on things other kids have. Of course, they’re not the only children in the world with bad family dynamics.
“No, Kylie. Nobody wants a bunch of orphans,” Joey snarks, crossing his arms and glaring out the window behind me.
“That’s not true,” I say, hoping he realizes how much I want them.
“Yeah! Noa wants us!” Kylie’s lip trembles, and her eyes fill with tears as we pull into Carmine’s opulent driveway with the fountain as the centerpiece, double front doors, and a triple-or-more-car garage.
“Only cause she’s our sister, stupid.” The emotion in Joey’s tone worries me.
“No name-calling, please.” It’s not often they have emotional outbursts like this, so I don’t scold him too harshly, but he needs to remember that being rude is not okay.
“Sorry,” he grumbles as he unbuckles his seat belt and exits the car, running to the fountain and sitting on the edge while looking into the water.
Puffing out a breath, I haul my exhausted body from the seat, giving Joey a warning to be careful, while helping his sisters get unbuckled. Thankfully, that other child at Emma’s daycare is no longer there, so she was able to nap this afternoon and is wide awake.
Hearing the front door open, I know Carmine is there, watching us, as I hold Emma in one arm while helping Kylie out with the other. “Joey!” I call. His head turns, the glare still in place, refusing to budge.
“He’s huge!” Kylie’s gaze is glued to the man I can’t look at yet, not while Joey refuses to move. “And scawy.” Kylie’s speech deteriorates when she’s scared or overly worried, and unfortunately, today has been stressful all around.
“Don’t worry, Kylie, he’s very nice.” Of that I have no doubt. Carmine is fierce and often feral, but he’s one of the most loyal men I’ve ever met in my life. She nods but remains close to me as we walk towards Joey. “Stay away from the water, Ky.”
Emma wants down, so I sit with her in the grass, quickly wondering how I’ll get up, thanks to my ever-growing belly, making maneuvering difficult.
Kylie runs around the fountain, skipping and singing, pretending she’s the Little Mermaid.
Joey won’t look at me, and I know it’s because he’s having big feelings about what was discussed in the car.
Guilt eats at me because I never gave a thought to what would happen if Carmine wanted to be part of the baby’s life.
“You know how much I love you, don’t you?” I’ll crumble if he doesn’t.
“Yeah,” he murmurs, sliding down to the grass in front of me. Only acknowledging Emma as she crawls into his lap.
“Good. Because I want you to understand, whether Carmine is part of the baby’s life or not, I will always be there for you, too.” I hesitate to reach out to him, hating how much he hurts.
“Why did he have to hate me?” The quiet question springs tears to the surface as I scoot closer. “You knew him when he was nice. Why couldn’t he be nice to us, too?”
Lord, the can of worms I’ve managed to open. “I wish I had the answers you deserve, Jo, I really do. And I hate that he’s not kind to all three of you because, boy, is he missing out on knowing some seriously fantastic kids.” Joey shrugs, then tenses at the sound of Carmine coming closer.
“Everything okay over here, Noa?” He crouches next to me, keeping himself out of the children’s space and trying to appear non-threatening.
“Carmine, this is Joey, Emma, and hiding over there is Kylie.”
“Pleasure to meet you all.” He extends a hand to Joey, who looks to me first before shaking it quickly, then pulling back.
Emma seems not to have any qualms about greeting Carmine as she pops up from Joey’s lap and bursts out a loud hi, offering a hand as well.
Carmine flashes a charming smile as he takes her hand gently.
“Well, aren’t you quite the little princess, and I bet you like coloring.
” Emma steps closer, while nodding enthusiastically, and Kylie even moves nearby, showing interest. “I have some crafts and coloring books set up inside if you’d like to come see?
” Both girls hesitate before looking at me.
I give them an encouraging smile, and they each take one of Carmine’s hands, following along with him.
“Noa, wait there for me, and I’ll be right back.” I roll my eyes at his instructions; it’s not like I can get up without embarrassing myself anyway.
“He seems nice,” Joey comments, watching them enter the house.
“He’s gruff at times, but he’s a good man.”
“Do you think he’ll be your husband?”
It’s hard to hold back my feelings on that, but I manage, just barely.
Giving my answer some thought, I finally say, “Carmine had one great love in his life, and it’s not me, so no, I don’t think so.”
“But you want it to.”
God, I must not be so good at hiding my feelings if he can read me so easily.
Carmine returns quickly, offering me his assistance. “Becky is with the girls, coloring unicorns and sea creatures. Can I give you a hand, Noa?”
Once I’m on my feet, Joey gets up, too, but doesn’t say anything and remains at my side as we enter the house. Flashbacks of the last time I was here bombard my mind, and my body reacts. Luckily, I’m called over by Emma, so Carmine doesn’t get a chance to notice.
“Oh, Noa, it’s so nice to see you again,” Becky greets with a quick hug. “It’s been way too long and too many grumpy days with this guy to be bearable.”
We share a laugh while Carmine scowls, looking slightly unsure of himself standing next to Joey.
“Well, he’s just like that, I suppose.” Peeking a look at the girls coloring, I offer the oohing and aahing where necessary.
“Joey, do you want to color?” His nose scrunches up when my eyes land on him.
“Or not. Maybe you want to play a game on my phone?” It’s not often I allow them to, but once in a while is okay.
“Not really.” He shrugs and sits next to Emma on the carpet in the den that we’ve managed to take over already.
Releasing a breath, I feel a cramp hit my side from stress and too much activity today. Carmine immediately notices, and he’s beside me, one hand on my waist, observing me. His not asking if I’m okay is telling; he’d rather assess for himself.
“I’m fine, just a minor cramp. It happens, and it’s normal.”
He doesn’t appear to believe it but doesn’t comment further. Instead, he grips my elbow and gently pulls me towards the kitchen. We can still see the kids as they color, so I don’t put up a fight.
“Sit.” He points to a stool at the island counter.
The gold swirls in the marble mesmerize me into forgetting my tension until he comes up behind me and places a bottle of sparkling juice before me.
But he doesn’t stop there. His front presses into my back, one hand drops to my hip while the other pushes my hair away from my neck.
He leans down and inhales deeply before placing a featherlight kiss on my rapidly beating pulse.
Inhaling sharply, I moan out his name, “Carmine.” God, I remember the way his lips felt on my body. The way I’ve craved them ever since.
“I don’t want you to leave tonight,” he confesses. “But I realize you didn’t plan on a sleepover with the kids.” My heart stutters, loving that he thinks of them. “So you can all spend the weekend with me.”
“I don’t know.” I need to build up some kind of resistance. Carmine is the only man who can break down my walls so easily.
“You do.” His lips travel along my throat until I feel his hot breath in my ear. “I know you thought having kids would scare me off. It doesn’t. I love children, and I think yours have already wiggled their way into my heart.”
Tears prick at the corner of my eyes. He’s saying all the right things, but I’m still unable to let go of the words from the past. “You’re only saying all this because of the baby.”
“You’re right.” He doesn’t pull away, instead wrapping both arms around my middle.
“But it doesn’t make them any less true.
” Fighting back the insecurity I drown in incessantly, he continues, “I’ve spent every day since our night together regretting how adamant I was that we couldn’t be together, mama.
” Sucking on the tendon in my neck, he groans.
“Give me time to prove I mean what I say.”
Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I struggle with what I want and what’s best for the kids until Emma comes running in with her picture. “Car, wook, wook!” Carmine drops to his knees. “For you,” she grins, excited for him to see it.
“This is beautiful, little one.” He points out all the things he loves, and she excitedly squeals and chatters on, most of it unintelligible.
“Widge!” She points to the unadorned fridge, wanting him to put it on there.
“You bet!” Picking her up, he hands her the picture and rifles through a drawer to find a magnet. “Where do you want it?”
She hems and haws until she plasters it high up in the middle of one of the doors, where he then affixes it.
“Wove it!” Emma claps and then throws her arms around his neck for a hug, and I find it even harder to resist the man.
It doesn’t even phase him as he carries her around the room, grabbing her a juice box and a bag of Goldfish crackers from the pantry.
“Tank you, Car.”
He sits her on the counter in front of where he stands next to me and opens the bag of Goldfish before handing it back to her. Emma munches quietly in between sips of her juice, happy as a clam in the ocean.
“Two of her favorite things,” I tell him, and the triumphant look in his gaze makes me laugh. The man could charm the venom out of a snake if he wanted.
The hushed tones of Kylie and Joey talking from the other room, while Becky enters the kitchen, are so homey and make me wish I could give this to them. The full family effect. Something they’ve never truly had.
“What are you thinking?” Carmine startles me from my thoughts. “Whatever it is, I can see it’s upsetting you.”
Huffing, I debate what to tell him. “It’s hard sometimes, being the one to do everything, be everything for them.”
“I remember.” The solemn tone softens me. I nearly forgot his girls were young when their mom died as well. “Where is their father?” he asks.
This is the time to explain our dynamics, but I’m not ready, not yet, but I still give him the truth. “In jail, I hope.” That’s how it’s supposed to be.
“Jail.” Carmine says the word slowly, like he’s processing the meaning. “What did he do?”
“That’s not a discussion for now.” Too many hours are needed to explain everything for him to understand my choices and my reasons for becoming a parent to three small children at such a young age.
“Fair enough. But soon, mama.” He brushes a hand along my hair. It should feel belittling, petting me like a dog, but he’s so soft and sweet about it that it’s comforting instead.
My lips twitch, and I don’t commit to a response because I can’t say for sure that I’ll ever be able to talk about everything I went through to protect my family.
“Dinner is ready!” Becky chimes in with a big smile as she dishes out a plate for herself and heads down the hall to another room.
Picking up Emma, Carmine brings her over to the serving counter, where the food is set out with plates and silverware on the side. “How about we get Mama food first?” he asks.
“Yeah!” She starts pointing to every dish, so I get a little of everything.
Handing me the plate that’s piled way too high for me to finish, he then takes Emma back so she can choose what she’d like, and as suspected, she chooses a bowl of fruit and another juice box.
Carmine says, “Going to grab the other two, then we’ll be back.” He drops a kiss on my cheek, then on the top of Emma’s head when he sits her down, making her giggle as she pops a blueberry into her mouth.
Watching him walk away, it doesn’t take long for Kylie to enter the kitchen, grab a plate, and then wait for help. Carmine and Joey take a little longer, but eventually, they enter and meet Ky at the food.
Once everyone is served, we all sit at the island, with Carmine standing across from us, when Kylie asks, “Are you going to marry our mom?”
I nearly choke on the rice I just swallowed, and Carmine pauses, his fork on the way to his mouth. My eyes glance at each of the kids to find them all watching Carmine’s reaction.