12. Noa
Noa
It’s been nearly two weeks since we moved into Carmine’s home. Everything has been perfect. Blissful, even. The kids are thriving, I’m sleeping better—when Carmine lets us sleep. The man is insatiable, always lavishing me with more pleasure than my body can handle.
Spring break is just around the corner, and Carmine has mentioned taking the kids to the Hamptons.
Close enough to drive, since the doctor recommends I don’t fly right now.
It’s not worth the risk. He already spent a fortune on us last weekend with a visit to the Jersey Shore, so the kids’ rooms could be painted without us breathing in the fumes.
Carmine is so caring. Incredibly attentive.
The kids love him fiercely and have even started calling his friend Uncle Jer.
I can tell Emma and Kylie want to call him Dad, but I believe they’re waiting on that cue from Joey and me.
My brother hasn’t given him a hundred percent of his trust yet, but they’re getting there.
“Mommy.” Emma comes running into the room and hops on the bed; her sleepy voice never fails to make me smile.
She’s the sweetest little thing and greets everyone like they’re her best friend.
“Rara, come today.” She can’t quite say Aura’s name, but the young woman doesn’t seem to mind.
Their bond has truly blossomed now that Aura has been visiting more.
“Aura is coming over. Are you having a tea party or doing your nails?” They manage to do all the girly things, lightening the load on my shoulders because that’s something I would normally do with the girls.
Kneeling on the bed, she grabs her hair and lifts it.
“Hair!” Spotting Carmine sneaking up behind her, I try to hide my amusement when he tickles her sides.
“Daddy, noooo!” she cries out, giggling.
His eyes shoot to mine in surprise but fill with pleasure, silently asking for permission for her to call him that.
It’s challenging to hide my tears as they play on the bed without jostling me too much.
“Shall we make Mommy breakfast?” he finally asks her, and she nods before dashing out and calling for her siblings. “You okay with that?” He plops down next to me, brushing a lock of hair away from my face.
“I think the better question is, are you?” We haven’t spoken much about future commitments, so I’m not sure how to work with this.
“Yeah, I am. I know they’re not mine, but damn would I like them to be.” Dropping a kiss on my forehead, he leaves without another word.
Left to contemplate how our lives are changing, I’m slow to get out of bed.
Despite the comfortable mattress, my back has been spasming for a few days, and my energy is quickly depleting again.
I have to remember to make another doctor’s appointment because there’s a scream in my head that something is wrong.
The baby still moves plenty, so I don’t think it’s him or her. I think it’s me.
On the walk towards the attached bathroom, I take my time because I’m a bit dizzy. Probably just need to eat. Holding onto furniture as I go, I slide onto the vanity chair and lean over the counter to help.
“Mom?” Joey’s voice startles me as I see him across the room. Obviously, he came in and noticed my unsteadiness. “Are you okay?” Slowly, he draws closer. Almost like he’s afraid that if he moves any faster, something will happen.
“Yeah, I think I need to eat.” He doesn’t believe me. It’s written all over his face.
“I can get Carmine…”
Shaking my head makes me feel like I’m spinning. I lunge for the toilet, barely reaching it before I throw up and hear Joey’s terrified scream for help. That is not a sound I’ll forget anytime soon.
Slumping against the cool tile wall, my eyes drift shut, and my words slur as I try to comfort Joey.
His hands are on my shoulders…fighting to keep me upright?
I’m not sure. My head whirls, my stomach is in knots.
My ears ring, and I’m sluggish. Lifting a hand, it barely moves. That’s when fear kicks in.
I knew things were too good to be true. Life was too kind to us, and now I’m paying the price. My baby is paying the price.
“Nooo, no, no, please.” Hot tears track down my cheeks when Carmine’s strong arms pick me up and hold me tight to his chest. He’s talking, the kids are crying, my eyes refuse to open, and all I can think is that I should have kept pushing him away.
“Who’s going to take care of them now?” I don’t realize I’ve said it out loud.
“Come on, mama, open your eyes. Look at me.” He lays me down on something firmer than our bed.
A sofa? “Noa, you need to open your eyes.” His stern tone is one I’m only used to in the bedroom, but it works.
“There she is.” His eyes are etched with fear, a stark terror you only feel when you’ve already lost your partner.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, glancing around, still feeling like I’ve been on a bender with more drugs than sense.
“An ambulance is on the way.” His voice is cold, and he pulls away when I reach for him, sitting on the coffee table, creating distance between us.
Joey gives him a funny look but kneels on the floor in front of me. The expression on his face tells me he’s thinking the same as I am. Carmine is building up his walls again, and we’ll be the casualties.
I should have ignored my heart to begin with. It’s never steered me in the right direction.
* * *
Groggy and sore, I blink a few times before recognizing where I am. The hospital. I must have blacked out because I don’t even remember the paramedics showing up, let alone arriving here.
“Mom?” Joey’s tearful voice comes from the side.
Turning my head, I groan, the movement nauseating me again.
“Come here.” My throat is dry, so my voice cracks, but Joey quickly climbs into bed with me. The sound of a heartbeat registers, and I glance down at the monitors on my belly. “Are you okay?” I ask, brushing the dark hair off his forehead.
“I was scared.”
“Me too.” Dropping a kiss on the top of his head, we lay silently for a bit before I ask, “Where are your sisters?”
“With Aura. She wanted to distract them, so they went shopping and to get lunch. She said they’ll be here after Em has a nap.” I’m afraid to ask about Carmine; it’s hard to get that haunted expression out of my head.
A nurse joins us a few minutes later, explaining that my blood sugar was low and now that they’ve got it back up, I’ll be fine.
My blood pressure was a little higher than they’d like, but we should both be fine.
I’ll need to rest more and have been advised to keep snacks close by to avoid this in the future.
I’ll be more closely monitored by my doctor as well.
“Carmine was acting weird,” Joey shares. That hurts more than anything. “He left after you were brought in here.” Tears rush to my eyes, and curbing them isn’t so easy when the hurt in my brother’s tone is tangible.
“Probably had work things to do.” How I sound so sure is beyond me.
It’s not long before Joey snores softly on my chest while thoughts circle my mind like a car on a raceway. All I see is Carmine’s face as he sat back. The defeat, the fear, the isolation he put himself through.
I’m selfish, only thinking of myself in that moment because he’s already been through the pain of loss. So have I, but mine is much different than his. The grief is the same, but somehow still unique in its own right.
The mother of his children died, yet here I am, carrying his baby. And while I’m not sure if what I went through was life-threatening, I can certainly see why he might have thought that.
Convincing myself to give him grace while being in emotional agony is not easy.
I want to scream and cry and rage at the man for what he’s done to me.
Instead, I close my eyes, try to relax, to push all the stress and worry to the back of my mind, but it’s so damn difficult when so much is on the line.
“Knock, knock.”
Startled, my eyes pop open as I stare at the well-dressed man entering my room.
“Can I help you?” Initially, I assume he works for Carmine; maybe he’s security or something. Then he speaks.
“Miss Carmichael, forgive the intrusion. My name’s Vincent.” His slick hair and snake-like smile set me on edge.
“I don’t know you,” I respond. His grin widens.
“Of course not, I’m an…acquaintance of Carmine’s. I heard about what happened and wanted to check on you.” He points to my brother, still sleeping. “How adorable. Joey, right?”
My arms wrap protectively around him. “Carmine isn’t here.”
“I see that.” He pushes the door closed behind him and walks to the end of the bed, grasping the rails. “See, Carmine and I have business together.”
“I’m not part of that. I don’t know anything.”
“I gathered as much, but I thought you might have a word with him.” He tsks when I reach for the nurses’ call button.
“Please don’t do that.” Unbuttoning his suit coat, he pushes it back to reveal the butt of a gun in a holster at his side.
I feel sick again as my body shakes in fear.
“I’d simply like you to give Carmine a message for me. Could you do that?”
“You’ll leave if I agree?”
His head cocks to the side, giving me the impression that he’s young. “Sure. I’ll leave.”
“Fine, what is it?”
The man moves impossibly fast, pulling up the sheet to reveal my bare legs, then he grabs a knife from his pocket, carving something into my leg before letting the material drop. There’s no time to scream before he laughs and leaves the room without another word.
Stunned by what’s just transpired, my stomach churns.
I gently slip Joey off me and slide from the bed while removing the monitor on my belly before rushing to the bathroom.
As I reach the toilet, I wretch until I have no breath.
Blood trickles from my leg wound, and hot tears spill down my face while trying to imagine what I ever did to deserve this.
“Mom? Are you okay?” Crap, I hadn’t wanted to wake him up.
“Fine, sweetie, I’ll be out in a minute.” That’s a lie. How do I face the boy I’ve sworn to protect when I can’t even keep myself safe?
I hear him quietly talking to someone but can’t tell who until there’s another knock on the door.
“Noa, I’m coming in.” My nurse. She enters quickly and shuts us in, a horrified expression on her face when she sees my leg.
“What the hell happened?” She opens the corner cupboard and grabs medical supplies, ripping open a pack of gauze to press on the wound and stop the bleeding. That makes me hiss.
“I had a visitor.”
“Hold this,” she directs before opening the door the slightest amount. “Hey, honey, could you grab Mom a cup of water?” He must have been prepared because she quickly returns with it and pushes it into my hands. “Drink, you’ll feel better.” I don’t think either of us believes that.
“When can I go home?” Where that home is, I have no idea, but it’s apparent I’m not safe here.
“Doctor wants you here overnight.” She gives a sympathetic smile. “I think we can get this glued together. I’ll get another nurse to take Joey to the cafeteria while we get you cleaned up.”
She leaves, and I pull back the edge of the gauze. The bleeding hasn’t stopped, but it’s slowed to a trickle, and I can finally see that he hasn’t just cut me but branded me. A large ‘V’ sits in the middle of my shin, about six inches long, and I want to scream.
Sobbing when the nurse is with me again, I tell her, “I want a plastic surgeon. I can’t have that on me for the rest of my life.” Showing her what was left behind, she sucks in a sharp breath and agrees.
“You need to get back in bed. I’ll make some calls, and we’ll get this fixed as good as new. I really need you on the monitors, though.” Helping me to my feet, we shuffle back into the room just as Jermaine enters from the hallway.
His eyes soak in the blood-covered gauze in the nurse’s hand, then my leg in the next second, and starts cursing. “What the hell happened, and is that a V?”
“A gift from Carmine’s friend, Vincent,” I sneer at him, and he steps back. I’ve only ever been nice to him, so I’m sure the venom in my tone is surprising.