Chapter 42 Mehar
MEHAR
The pregnancy test sat on the bathroom counter like a grenade with the pin pulled.
I’d bought it on the way home from Thad’s place, stopping at a CVS three neighborhoods over so nobody would recognize me.
Shoved it in my purse like contraband. Carried it around all night while I cried about Zainab and threw up twice and let Thad rub my back and tell me everything would be okay.
I was going to take it with him. That was the plan. We’d find out together, and if it was positive, we’d figure out what to do. Together. Like a real couple.
But then Justice called with some emergency, and Thad was out the door before I could even tell him what I’d been carrying in my purse all night.
So now it was just me. Alone in the bathroom. Staring at a box that was about to change my life one way or another.
My stomach lurched again—that same nausea that had been haunting me for days—and I grabbed the edge of the sink until it passed.
“Just do it,” I whispered to my reflection. “Just take the damn test.”
The front door opened.
“Mehar? You here?”
Serenity. I’d forgotten she was stopping by to grab more clothes. She’d been staying at Mega’s place most nights lately, only coming back to our apartment when she needed a fresh outfit or a break from whatever chaos was happening over there.
“Bathroom,” I called out, my voice shakier than I wanted it to be.
Her footsteps approached. A knock on the door. “You okay in there? You sound weird.”
I looked at the test. Looked at the door. Made a decision.
“Come in.”
She pushed the door open and immediately clocked the box on the counter. Her eyes went wide.
“Oh shit. Is that what I think it is?”
“Yeah.”
“And you haven’t taken it yet?”
“I was waiting for Thad. But he left.” I picked up the box, turning it over in my hands. “I can’t wait anymore. I need to know.”
Serenity leaned against the doorframe, her expression softening. “You want me to stay? Or give you privacy?”
“Just give me a sec. I’ll call you back in a few,” I said as she turned and walked away.
Three minutes.
That’s how long the box said to wait. Three minutes that felt like three hours while Serenity scrolled through her phone and I paced the tiny bathroom like a caged animal.
“Stop moving, you’re making me dizzy,” Serenity said without looking up.
“I can’t help it.”
“Yes you can. Sit down. Breathe.”
I didn’t sit. But I did stop pacing. Planted myself in front of the sink and stared at the little white stick lying face-down on the counter.
“What do you want it to say?” Serenity asked quietly.
“I don’t know.”
“Yes you do. Deep down, you know.”
I thought about it. Really thought about it. A baby. Thad’s baby. A tiny human growing inside me, connecting me to this man I’d been with for a few months.
A man I barely knew.
The timer on my phone went off.
I didn’t move.
“You want me to look?” Serenity offered.
“No. I got it.”
I reached for the test with trembling fingers. Flipped it over.
Two pink lines.
Positive.
The bathroom tilted. I grabbed the counter to steady myself, my breath coming in short, shallow gasps.
“Well?” Serenity was on her feet now, trying to see over my shoulder. “What’s it say?”
I couldn’t speak. Just held up the test so she could see.
“Oh my God.” Her hand flew to her mouth. “Mehar. You’re pregnant.”
Pregnant.
I was pregnant.
With Thad’s baby.
The emotions hit me all at once—a tidal wave I couldn’t sort through. There was joy in there somewhere, buried deep. The idea of being a mother. Of creating life. Of having someone who was mine, truly mine, in a way nothing else had ever been.
But on top of that joy was fear. Thick, suffocating fear.
Because I barely knew this man.
We’d been together for what —a couple of months? I knew he was Prime’s cousin. I knew he worked at some club. I knew he was charming and attentive and said all the right things.
But did I really KNOW him?
Did I know what he was like when things got hard? Did I know his demons, his secrets, the parts of himself he kept hidden? Did I know if he even wanted kids? We’d never talked about it. Never talked about anything real, now that I thought about it.
I’d let myself fall for the fantasy. The attentive boyfriend. The safe harbor after the storm of Ahmad. I’d been so desperate to feel loved that I’d ignored all the questions I should’ve been asking.
And now I was pregnant.
“Hey.” Serenity’s hand was on my shoulder, gentle but firm. “Talk to me. What are you thinking?”
“I don’t know if I can do this.”
The words came out before I could stop them. Before I could filter them into something more acceptable.
Serenity didn’t flinch. “Okay. That’s valid.”
“I barely know him, Serenity. What am I doing?”
“You’re figuring it out.” She pulled me into a hug, and I let myself collapse against her. “That’s all any of us are doing. Figuring it out as we go.”
“I can’t have a baby with a stranger.”
“Then don’t.”
I pulled back, looking at her. “What?”
“I said, then don’t.” Her eyes were steady. No judgment. No agenda. “You have options, Mehar. This isn’t the 1950s. If you’re not ready—if this isn’t right—you don’t have to go through with it.”
The words hung in the air between us.
I looked down at the test still clutched in my hand. Those two pink lines staring back at me like an accusation. Or a question.
“I don’t know what I want,” I admitted.
“That’s okay too.” Serenity squeezed my shoulders. “You don’t have to decide tonight. You don’t have to decide this week. Just… breathe. Process. And when you’re ready, you’ll know.”
I nodded, even though I wasn’t sure I believed her.
All I knew was that twenty minutes ago, my biggest problem was my sister being in jail.
Now I was pregnant by a man I wasn’t sure I loved.
And I had no idea what I was going to do about it.