Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Natasha
The feel of Maksim’s lips on my own is a powerful thing. Tingly and electrifying. It feels like I’m waking up for the first time.
Maksim goes still for a moment before he grabs the back of my head and deepens the kiss. I don’t even realize what I’m doing or feeling. All I know is that I let out a soft moan. It’s just what feels right.
I want Maksim to take my pain away. Take my fear away. I just want to be happy.
But then I remember the dead body in the room with us. The one I made happen. Alexandra.
I pull away from Maksim. He’s breathing heavy and looking at me with dark eyes that make me shiver. It’s like he wants to eat me alive.
“Alexandra,” I whisper, nodding at her body.
Clarity enters his eyes. “Right. I’ll handle it. Why don’t you go into our bedroom? You don’t need to see this.”
“What are you going to do? I don’t want to be kept in the dark. My father kept me in the dark.”
“I’m going to call one of my guys who’s good at… taking care of problems like this. He’ll come over and get rid of…”
“Her body?”
He sighs. “Yes.”
“Do you think I’m evil because I killed her?”
“You said it was an accident.”
“It was. I just… I just can’t help but feel guilty over it.”
The smile he gives me settles into my stomach like a warm hug. “That’s because you’re a good person. Alexandra would cause problems for me in the past. I know she came over here with bad intentions. She didn’t deserve to die but I know you didn’t purposefully mean to kill her.”
“How can you take my word for it? You barely know me.”
“I know. But I can see it in your eyes. You’re telling the truth. I’ve been around a lot of people who have lied to me. Backstabbed me. I can tell the truth from the lies. Now, go into the bedroom. I’ve got this. Let me show you that you can trust me.”
Slowly, I nod and force my body to get up. For once, I don’t feel so alone. Maksim is going to take care of this. I don’t have to fear him.
I wait in the bedroom while Alexandra is taken care of. It’s a wild thing to even think about. Someone ‘being taken care of.’ It doesn’t feel real.
I hear the sounds of another person enter the apartment and Maksim talking to them in a low voice. I don’t move a muscle.
Eventually, everything goes quiet and Maksim returns to our bedroom. “She’s gone.”
“What’s going to happen to her?”
“My guy, Josh, is going to make it look like an accident so no one finds it suspicious that she’s dead. You won’t be caught. I promise.”
“You’ve done this before, haven’t you?”
He looks me right in the eye as he answers. “Yes.”
“Does it ever get easier?”
“Yes,” he admits, sitting down beside me. “I remember the first dead body I saw. I was fourteen at the time. My dad had me sit with him as we watched a man get tortured.”
I gasp. “That’s horrible.”
“It’s the Bratva way. The man had stolen from my dad and he needed to see the man pay.
My father and his friends tortured that man until he died.
I was so scared. But my father made it very clear I was going to become a Bratva man like him.
That I had no choice. So I did as he said.
And in time… it got easier. The deaths. How to handle a dead body.
Now it’s nothing to me anymore. Even the sight of my ex-girlfriend dead doesn’t upset me like it should.
” He furrows his brow and shakes his head. “I’m the fucked up one for that.”
“Would you be upset if I were the one who was dead before you?”
“I’m not sure. But… I know that when I saw you were in danger from those men in Greece, I had to act. I had to protect you. I had never felt that before. So… yes. I think I would be very upset if you were dead before me. It’s a new feeling.”
A warmth spreads through me. Comforting. “I’m not sure if I would be upset if you were to die. But I do know that if you were to die, I’d be sent back to my dad and I don’t want that. I want to be my own woman.”
“You said your dad killed your mom.”
My eyes flick to his and away again. There’s only openness in his gaze. “I’m not one hundred percent sure but I’ve always felt it in my gut. You can’t mention this to anybody though. I don’t want my dad finding out.”
“I know how to keep a secret. I know what it’s like to have a domineering dad. This will just stay between you and me.”
“Thank you.”
There’s a beat between us while we look at each other. The death of Alexandra has ironically brought us closer. It’s broken down our walls and now there’s no going back.
“Why did you kiss me?” he asks in a soft tone that makes me feel warm.
“I don’t know. It just felt… right. Was that ok?”
“It was more than ok.” His voice is gruff. It’s like nothing I’ve ever heard before. It makes a tingle move throughout my body.
And before I know it, Maksim is cupping the back of my head and bringing our lips back together. I don’t pull away this time. The kiss feels too good to want to stop it.
He lowers me onto the bed and keeps his body weight off me as he continues to deepen the kiss.
For the first time since we’ve met, I feel a spark in my body.
Arousal. It’s a feeling I only ever felt whenever I read romance novels.
But to feel it with a real person is on a whole other level.
It’s electric and exciting and also terrifying.
Maksim’s hand finds my waist and gives it a squeeze. I can’t stop the soft moan from escaping my lips. He lets out a low sound that makes the tingle inside of me grow.
I gasp when his hand moves higher and cups my breast. I’m not sure if I’m ready for any of this and yet… I don’t stop it. Maksim is making all of this feel too good.
He grabs the strap of my dress and pulls it down, exposing my bare breast. I’ve always been smaller chested so I never needed to wear bras and this dress came with extra padding. But now, I wish I had a bra on to protect me from Maksim’s hand. It would provide me with some sense of security.
His hand cups my breast and his thumb swipes across my nipple. My body arches into his on instinct. I let out a whimper.
“It’s ok, baby,” he murmurs against my lips. “I’ve got you. You don’t have to be afraid.” He makes it sound so easy.
“This is all so overwhelming,” I whisper.
“Let me make you feel good. Fuck. I need this. We both need this.”
“Make me feel good… how?”
“Like this.” He rolls my nipple around and all I feel is a surge of pleasure through my body. It’s so intense, it makes me press my legs together. Maksim gives me a knowing look before he draws his hand from my breast and down my body.
I don’t stop him as he slips his hand underneath my dress and touches the edge of my panties.
Our eyes meet. A shared breath.
And then he gently parts my legs and presses his hand right to my most intimate area. My hips buck into his hand on instinct. It all feels too good, like it’s not even real.
Maksim smirks slightly as he presses his palm harder against me. The firmness against my nub sends a hot flare of arousal through me. It makes me want more.
I was scared to marry Maksim at first, even though a part of me wanted him to choose me. None of it made sense.
It still doesn’t make sense. All I know right now is that I feel like I’m floating on a cloud and I never want to come down.
He grabs the waistband of my panties and pushes them down, making me gasp. His bare hand cups me right between my legs. Another gush of arousal hits me. I can’t stop myself from blushing.
“You don’t have to look embarrassed,” he says, rubbing my bud with his fingers. My hips roll up and down. “Just feel this, Nat. Just feel it.” Nat. It’s the first time anyone has ever given me a nickname. Never have I felt this close to someone since my mom left and never returned.
I clutch his arm to steady myself. “I’m scared.”
“You don’t have to be. You don’t have to fear me. I told you that. Just give in to this. It will all be better if you do. Come for me, Nat.”
His words sound reassuring and I want to believe in them. I want to believe in them more than anything.
I look into Maksim’s handsome face and feel his hand between my legs and I know this is the feeling I want. One of safety. One of security. One where I don’t have to live in fear every day.
So when his finger presses right down onto my nub, I can’t stop myself. My release hits me like lightening. I’ve never felt his before. All the times I tried to touch myself growing up never amounted to anything. It just never did anything for me.
But Maksim’s touch is perfect. And the second my release is done, I know I want to feel it again.
He pulls his hand away and fixes my underwear and dress for me until I’m fully covered once more.
“Why did you do that?” I ask.
“I figured you wouldn’t want to take things further. I know this is all new for you. I’ve never been with a virgin before,” he admits. “I’m trying to be mindful. I know our marriage is important. I don’t want to fuck it up by pushing you too fast.”
“Thank you,” I say right before tears hit my eyes. Between what I did to Alexandra and what Maksim just did to me, I’m a mess of emotions.
Maksim doesn’t say a word as he pulls me into his arms and holds me while we lay on the bed.
After a long while, my tears subside and sleep overtakes me.
When I wake up hours later, Maksim is still holding me.
I look into his sleeping face. Never has he looked less scary. In fact, he looks… human. Normal. Incredibly handsome, yes, but just normal. I don’t have to fear him. I can try to make our marriage work.
I judged Maksim for killing that man but he was just saving my life. I see that now. I killed Alexandra and there’s no going back from that. My life will never be the same again and if it weren’t for Maksim, I wouldn’t have known what to do about Alexandra. I wouldn’t have felt safe.
Yet, he made me feel safe.
He’s not my dad, I realize. My father who was always cold and stern. Maksim has a warmth to him. A kindness to him. Even if he is entrenched in the darkness like all Bratva men are.
For the first time since we met, I feel hopeful for the future.