Chapter 8 – Oliver #2
A part of her had to know I was her son because she brought Asmodeus there.
I wanted to believe he’d known who I was the moment he saw me.
I looked like the archdemon when I was the beast. My grandfather made me sleep as my mother cried, then they took me from Babylon back to where I was born, back to Hell.
No one knew the children of a Lilu and vampire would have a second form because Lilu and vampires had never bred with one another. I was a unique specimen to say the least. Asmodeus was fascinated by how different I was to all the other supernatural beings.
He helped my mind heal. They didn’t leave my side as I learned to speak again, to change back into my human form.
They healed me in a way, but I was forever changed by that abuse, forever stuck with a monster inside me.
Unlike my siblings who could control it, I couldn’t.
It had a mind of its own while their other forms were only extensions of themselves.
It turned out my beast was triggered by blood feedings.
I struggled to hold my human form while feeding until we found out I could also feed like a Lilu.
I’d never fed like that before, so Asmodeus taught me how.
When I could control my hunger again, they brought me back into the human world. I was finally able to leave Hell.
Mother and I traveled around the Mediterranean at first, then into Egypt, staying on the borders of Asher’s realm, hoping he’d never come after us.
After seeing the new temple in Jerusalem, I realized how much the world had changed while I was in that dungeon, while I was in Hell. Nothing seemed the same.
We fought constantly during our travels.
At some point she thought we should go back to Babylon, to face Asher together, but I couldn’t.
I’d promised his death if I were to ever see him again, and I knew she loved him.
So I told her if she wanted her mate to live, Asher and I would need to keep as far away from each other as possible.
I didn’t feel the need to confront his abuse or start a war when I had no way to fight him. I just never wanted to see him again.
Because I couldn’t face Asher and a part of her always longed to be near him, we had to separate.
Out of love and respect for her, I had to let her go.
If I could help it, I wouldn’t be the reason for her broken soul.
I wandered some more, always alone, until my travels brought me back to Greece.
I went back to where my life had once been happy.
Back to Corinth and the temple of Aphrodite.
I’d been gone so long all the women who’d loved me, who I’d called family as a child, were gone, long dead.
It may have been the first time I truly understood what it meant to be an immortal.
Things can never be the same because the world changes even though immortals do not.
I’d come full circle, realizing how painful it was to care about others.
Corinth was buzzing with talk of rebellion and, as always, war.
Why did men constantly wage war? I was tired of it.
I wished to escape the never-ending fight around me, so I kept to myself near the temple.
I stalked the night, selling myself and giving half of my earnings to the goddess, like my mother had when I was a child.
I tried to find some peace in the only place I’d ever felt it.
I hid well amongst the humans, most of the time, but the beast was ever present, trying to consume me.
I’d barely learned how to keep him under my skin, and it took very little provocation to bring him forth to destroy any perceived enemy.
It took years to learn all the big and little things that triggered him.
It was during this time that I met another Lilu, another traveler visiting the temple. She thought I was only a Lilu and bade me to join her. I was lonely, so I did. Junia brought me inside the temple and fed on me.
Lost in lust, we fed on each other over several days and nights.
I earned part of my soul back with her. I felt renewed, in control for the first time in my life.
But it came at a steep cost. I watched her wither like a faded bloom.
Junia became addicted. Minutes after our coupling, she’d beg for more and, by the end of the week, she’d gone from a beautiful youth to a wrinkled husk.
Junia, though immortal, wasn’t immune to my deadly ardor.
She died in my arms. I took her life away.
I took everything. And the beast took me again.
No longer able to control the beast, I ran from Corinth.
Every place I went there was war and destruction, and sometimes I was the cause.
It took a while to understand what was happening.
I’m different from other immortals. There’s not another being like me in this world.
Other Lilu have mortal companions for years, my siblings do.
They can control it, but I can’t. It’s why I can’t bed someone more than once.
It’s my number one rule. It’s why I can’t love anyone.
It’s why I want to protect Vale so much.
I could kill her. I could turn her into a thing that craves only me, unable to care about her own needs—one who wouldn’t eat or sleep, and one who could only be eased by death.
“Don’t think about it, son,” Mother says, drawing me out of my memories. Thank goodness. It isn’t safe for anyone nearby when I get stuck in the past.
“It’s hard not to,” I reply. “I can never be with her because she’s not safe. Even if we were both immortal and mates, I’d kill her eventually. I’m a monster.”
“No, you wouldn’t. You’d rather die than see the light snuffed out in your other half. You wouldn’t hurt her, you couldn’t.”
“Just like Father doesn’t hurt you,” I say, trying to breathe through the pain in my chest. She stays on the line even with my anger.
“Why am I like this? Why is this thing inside me? I don’t understand.
It didn’t happen to my siblings. Why did it happen to me?
” I feel helpless, like a lost child all over again.
“I don’t know. I wish I knew what to do. It’s all I want, to see you happily mated to someone you love. I didn’t know you’d be so frightened by it. I thought it would heal you.” I know she’s crying, hurting for my sake. She still cares, although I would deny it.
I wish she didn’t care. I don’t want to care about her feelings. I want to stay apathetic or angry. Anger is always so easy. Love is the hardest thing to comprehend. It hurts more than any other emotion. Love is disappointment. It’s pain and it’s suffering. Monsters aren’t scary, love is.