Chapter 12 – Vale
IT’S OKAY TO BE ANGRY
VALE
I’m so mad at Oliver right now. I wanted to drive. I wanted a little bit of freedom. It feels like he stole that from me. I climb into his jet-black Jeep and buckle up. I cross my arms in annoyance and refuse to look at him when he gets into the car.
“Where to?” he asks as he puts the car in gear and we roll forward.
“The bluffs.”
The Jeep smells like him. That amber and spice scent that seems to permeate the air around him. My sheets smelled like him this morning. Will they still smell like him when I go to sleep tonight? I hope so.
“Is that the old quarry?”
I nod, unhappy with this whole situation. “Yeah, up the hill, last turn to the left.”
I watch out the window, heaving out a sigh as the moss-covered beech trees disappear and pine trees pop up on both sides of Hudson Street.
The road gets lonelier the farther we get from Silver Springs proper.
There’s very few streetlights out here and the farther we get away, the more complete the darkness is around us.
“Talk to me, Vale. Tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”
“It’s nothing,” I say without looking at him. I don’t want to talk to him right now.
Oliver starts laughing. I turn to glare at him. The touch screen and the cluster are the only sources of light in the car and they illuminate his face. It casts shadows on his high cheekbones and that kissable dimple that only appears when he’s amused.
“Nothing, huh?” He laughs. “You could’ve fooled me.”
His words are condescending, and it pisses me off even more. I frown at him as I tighten my arms over my chest. “What about me amuses you so? Is that why you butted into my big night out?”
If he looks at me right now, he’ll know how angry I am.
He sees everything. I don’t like it. I feel like I can’t hide and hiding is all I’ve ever known.
I hide aspects of my life from Gramps, even from Kat.
No one knows what my life is like, not really.
I don’t want them to. That’s the only way I can cope.
I’d gone along with this whole scenario with Gramps because I knew there was no reason to argue.
I knew when it was a lost cause. I’m young and Gramps wants to protect me.
Oliver offering me a ride solved all his problems: me driving without a license, me being alone out in the middle of nowhere.
But I was eighteen. I didn’t need a keeper.
Oliver turns his head for a moment. That carefree smile he usually has is gone. He watches me for a second before turning back to the road.
“Yeah, Vale, you do amuse me. You hide what you want instead of telling me or your grandfather the truth. You need to speak up. Stop acting like a child,” he says, and I swear my blood pressure must rise twenty points.
I turn to face the old road in front of us.
“You didn’t think I was a child last night,” I say.
I know the moment the words leave my mouth that I’m going to piss him off.
One part of me regrets it immediately, but there’s another part of me, the hidden, raging female flame that smiles brightly at the thought of starting trouble.
That part is unafraid, unapologetic and enjoys pissing him off right back.
I watch his jaw clench in my peripheral. I wish I had a convincing sinister smile and the confidence to use it. Instead, my lips twitch in a poorly hidden smile. Checkmate asshole!
I’m surprised when he pulls off onto the side of the road and slams on the brakes. I reach out to grab the oh shit bar as we come to a quick stop, dust flying in the headlights.
“What the fuck is wrong with you tonight?” I yell as I turn to fully face him.
He’s facing me and the blue light coming from the touch screen makes his chiseled jaw look menacing. His eyes shine with anger too. I want to roll around in his fire. I want those flames licking at my skin. Why his anger turns me on, I’ll never know.
“What the fuck’s wrong with you, Vale? If you didn’t want me to go, you should have told me. If you wanted to be alone, I wouldn’t have blown off Shae. Tell me what it is you want instead of hiding. I don’t like these childish games. Tell me what you want.”
I take my seat belt off and lean closer, looking into his eyes.
He looks down at my chest for a moment, and I almost get flustered.
I should have worn a bra, but I didn’t think I’d be anywhere near him.
I shake my head as I glare at him. I take a deep breath, trying to release my anger, to calm my heart.
“Don’t do that,” he growls. “Don’t calm yourself down.
Don’t breathe through it. You don’t have to hide what you want.
Rage at me! Tell me why you’re so pissed off.
Yell at me, fight me. Just let it out. Don’t hide it.
I can handle you,” he says, leaning in, his lips close enough to kiss me if he wanted to.
“I don’t like being called a child. I’m eighteen.
I can do whatever the fuck I want. I don’t like not having a choice in things.
I don’t like being looked down on because of my age.
I may not have as much life experience as you, but that doesn’t make me stupid,” I yell at him, releasing some of that rage and building up more in the process.
“First of all, I didn’t ask you to come because I didn’t need you to drive me. I can drive myself. I like driving. I’m fine on my own. You swoop in to control things, and I don’t need it. I’m not an idiot! Don’t act like my parents.”
The anger in Oliver’s eyes fades a bit as he backs away.
The anger is still there, but he isn’t as fired up.
“I don’t think you’re an idiot. I think you’re too scared to tell me what you want.
Your fear annoys me.” Those words make my heart prick with pain, and it’s enough to make my anger fly again as I hide the truth, the hurt.
“I annoy you? You could’ve fooled me,” I growl at him, my eyes narrowing on his face. He knows exactly what I’m talking about.
“I’m already regretting this.” He slaps his palm against the steering wheel. It hurts, knowing he regrets being with me.
“Then take me home. Better yet—” My eyes go wide as I grab the door handle. “I’ll walk.”
I jump out of the car before he can stop me, then slam the door. I leave my telescope in his car. I can get Gramps to get it back from him tomorrow.
“Wait, Vale!” Oliver calls, but I keep walking. “Just wait!” he calls again, and I hear the door slam.
Oliver is too fast on his feet and his long legs catch up with me.
He turns me around in the red glow of his taillights.
He looks so pissed off and on edge. Welcome to the club, buddy.
I’m mad too. I’m hurt that he’s suddenly treating me like a kid.
I’m hurt that he’s annoyed with me. Why does he drive me so crazy?
He grabs me by the shoulders and holds me out in front of him.
His touch isn’t angry, and it doesn’t hurt, but it’s clear he’s not letting me go either.
The Jeep idles about ten feet away. I can smell the fumes from the exhaust mixed with the smell of pine trees and old, musty, rotting things in the woods.
“Tell me what you want.”
There’s a moment when all I want to do is yell out, You! I want to call him an idiot and say, All I want is you. Instead of having the courage to say that though, I dump it all on him. I want him to regret ever telling me he can handle me and my anger.
“I want to be able to get my license without my parents losing their minds. I want to be able to go out in the middle of the night and drive, alone, if I want to. I want to look up at the stars and dance under the moon like no one’s watching.
I want people to stop treating me like a child.
I want people to stop protecting me. I won’t break. I want to be free.”
I hold my hands out, pushing him away. Oliver steps back, removing his hands from my skin.
“I don’t want you to treat me like I don’t know what I’m doing.
You of all people shouldn’t treat me like a kid, Oliver.
You didn’t last night and now you’re acting just like your friend.
You act like I’m a little girl with no mind of my own.
Just because I don’t speak up doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want. I know when to fight and when not to.”
Oliver’s eyes soften. “Then talk to me. I can’t read your mind, but I know when you’re not telling me something. I don’t like it. Last night you told me your secrets. Now I don’t want any between us,” he explains and I appreciate the sentiment. I do, but it’s not the truth.
He acts like he cares, but I know he doesn’t.
He has an entire life and I’m just some sideshow attraction.
The innocent girl next door with the infamous cult leader father.
Nicholas Dalton’s granddaughter. I’m the girl that’ll be gone in a few weeks and he knows it.
I’m no better than the men and women he brings to his house to fuck.
I’m temporary. If I don’t share my secrets with Gramps and Kat, why do I feel this urge to spew it all out for Oliver?
Breath rushes out of me. I shouldn’t be so hard on him.
We barely know each other. Gramps may have told him a bit about my situation with my parents, but he can’t know the whole truth.
No one does. No one knows what they’ve done because I don’t think I can bear the look of pity.
I’m not a victim. I just need to get through this until I’m free.
“Listen, it’s not that I don’t want to tell you what I want.
It’s just that no one cares what I want.
Expressing my needs doesn’t get me anywhere usually.
It’s what I’ve been taught my whole life, that what I want doesn’t matter.
It’s why being here is so special. Gramps lets me do whatever I want most of the time, but I don’t ask for too much, I don’t overreach.
I don’t want to disappoint him or put him out.