Chapter 27 – Oliver
WHAT I AM
OLIVER
Vale is naked beside me, her leg draped across my hips, and her palm over my heart as if she owns it, and maybe she does.
She owns something inside me, that’s for sure.
My beast is in love with her. There’s a cynical part of me that can’t believe in love, not for someone like me.
Lust I can accept, but love has never existed outside of my family.
She doesn’t act like an addict, but I’m still worried. She sees that and thinks she’s done something wrong, but it isn’t her. This beautiful girl before me deserves to know the danger she’s in. She should run from me, even if it's the last thing I want.
“I assure you, you’ve done nothing wrong, sweetheart.
It’s what I am that worries me. It’s what I could do to you.
I’m not exactly a vampire, I’m different.
I’m also part Lilu or, in other words, an Incubus.
My father is a vampire and my mother is a Succubus or a lust demon.
I’m of two species that humans can become addicted to.
It’s rare with vampires, the addiction, but a Lilu rarely, if ever, fucks the same person twice.
I don’t want to take your will and turn you into a puppet who only wants me for my body.
” I lie to her then, because I can’t bear the thought of explaining the real reason I can’t be with her.
My greatest failure, my greatest shame, the monster inside me, created by the abuse which fractured my mind.
“I wanted you for your body the night we met, what’s the difference now?” she asks with a smirk. “We haven’t had sex yet. Oh, my God, you feed through sex!” Vale sits up and looks at me with huge, innocent eyes.
“I can feed during sex yes, but it’s not the sex itself that I feed on.
It’s the life force, essence, spirit, or sexual energy.
It’s pleasure that feeds me, but it’s part of the spirit.
It drains the person I’m feeding from, and it could kill them if I feed too much or too often.
Just like a vampire taking too much blood.
Vale, I feed on mortals. It’s not often that Lilu murder donors, but it’s dangerous. ”
I sit up and face her.
“That’s why you had sex with that woman, wasn’t it? It’s why you didn’t bother learning her name. You’d never see her again.” She puts it all together flawlessly.
“Yes.”
“Did you feed from me?” she whispers, looking at me shyly, cheeks getting red. “When you touched me.”
“Yes, but I never intended to. I swear, Vale, I’ve never tried to take your energy. You fed me yourself, as if you could control your spirit.”
I’ve never explained this to a mortal. It’s taking conscious effort to find the right words.
“Think of it like this, if your essence was a signal, then I would be the receiver, like a satellite dish. Vampires drink blood, and it’s a physical thing, but the essence of your pleasure is spiritual.
I absorb it into myself. I don’t actually have a choice when you do it.
Not that I dislike it. I assure you, I do like it, so much. Did you realize you were doing it?”
She smiles shyly, looking down at her hands.
“I’ve felt it every time it’s happened. I was giving it to you, but it wasn’t like I knew what I was doing.
It was supposed to be there. It felt like the right thing to do.
Is that weird?” She looks at me like she’s in trouble, and I lean in to kiss her lips gently.
What’s Vale’s obsession with being normal?
She’s amazing and I wouldn’t change her.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I’ve never met anyone who could do that. Did you feel drained after?”
A smile grows on her face, lighting her up. “I felt energized. Did I take your essence too?”
I chuckle as I shake my head. She seems so excited, but then her face falls.
“You have sex to feed, don’t you? You’re going to be with someone else, it just won’t be with me.” Her words are sad and for the first time in my life I wish I wasn’t like this. I’ve always enjoyed what I am, at least the Lilu side, but seeing it hurt her upsets me.
I’m about to speak, but Vale surprises me by jumping up onto my lap, straddling me between her thighs. “Don’t feed from another. Take me. I want you. I like it when I share it with you. Taste my blood, my essence. I want to feed you.”
“I don’t need to feed every day. I can feed like a vampire, but it’s not my first choice. While you’re here, that’s what I’ll do.” I shouldn’t promise her anything like that. I can control myself. I have for millennia, but I don’t want to feed like a vampire.
She bends forward and cups my head in her hands while she stares down at me with sad eyes. “I’ll be gone in a few weeks and it’s likely I won’t be back for a while. I wish I could stay. I hate leaving.”
I’m sure she hates leaving Nick, but I hear the words she doesn’t say.
She doesn’t want to leave me. She doesn’t want to lose me.
I worry about losing myself if I can’t have her.
I worry about what I’ll do if someone ever touches her.
Can I wait now that I’ve touched her? Now that I’ve witnessed her glorious abandon as she cries out in what seems like agony but is pure bliss.
How can I let her go when I know deep in my bones that she’s my fate?
She’s my beautiful star in the sky. She’s my future.
I don’t know if I can accept that she isn’t going to be mine right now.