Chapter 13
I run. And run. And run.
I don’t know how far. I don’t remember the twists and turns.
The tunnels stretch endlessly before me, black as plain ink, as though I’ve finally been consumed by the endless void that I’ve always felt one wrong step from falling into.
My fingers drag over the stone, guiding me by touch alone.
My lungs burn from every heaving breath that tears up my throat.
She’s gone.
The thought nearly cleaves me in two. Her voice still rings in my ears—Go, Clara! So I do. Her inhuman screams chase me.
I trip over a jut of stone, hitting the ground hard.
My knees slam down and split, palms scraping.
The pain is immediate and sharp, but it is nothing compared to the agony already burning through me—the pain she felt.
Jura. I try to get up, but I can’t. I’m stuck in place.
Pinned by the sobs that I can no longer fight.
Raw grief bursts from me. My shoulders shake and ribs ache from the howling. I press a hand to my mouth, and the metallic taste of blood blooms across my tongue. The sound of my crying is going to draw them to me, if any somehow managed to survive, and I am in no position to fight.
I fold in on myself, clutching my stomach, still holding my face, my fingers like a cage for my sobs.
The cold stone seeps through my clothes.
The stillness is unbearable in the wake of Jura shattering like glass under the pressure of power she wasn’t made for.
I don’t even know if Gregor made it out alive and I cry even harder.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We’d done so many jobs. Made it out of so many tough spots with our skins intact. Jura was strong and capable, and I swore that I’d keep her safe—that I’d keep them all safe.
The one time it truly mattered, I failed them. I abandoned her and Gregor. I sob harder, pressing my forehead into the stone beneath me.
Go, Clara!
Even as guilt crushes me, I find the will to stand. Even as my mind replays her screams, her skin beginning to vein and fracture with untamed power, I start to move. I drag my feet as fast as I can, beginning my search for Gregor.
Then I’m grabbed.
I scream and twist and thrash, my body reacting on instinct. Panic has a card rising from my deck as my elbow slams into a gut. The man lets out a wheeze, but his arms only wrap tighter around me.
“Clara!” Kaelis’s voice cuts through my hysterics. It pulls me back from the edge of madness.
My body goes slack as I turn to face him. A small lantern casts his face in golden light. It lends him a surprisingly gentle visage. He’s the last person I expected to see, yet somehow exactly who I needed most.
“How are you here?” My voice is raw from crying.
“You needed me,” he says, as though that alone is explanation enough. As if it makes any kind of sense.
But he’s right. I did. So I don’t ask questions when the answers don’t matter.
I collapse into him. There was a time when I would never have let Kaelis see even a shred of weakness on me. Now he’s the only reason I’m still on my feet at all. Now I let myself completely and utterly break, trusting his arms to catch me.
And they do. Without hesitation. He crushes me against his chest as if he knows that any slack in his embrace would result in me shattering beyond repair. His arms form a shelter—a fortress against the world that tries relentlessly to break me.
His steady heartbeat is the only thing that feels real. One hand cradles the back of my head, fingers threading through my matted hair with a gentleness that streaks guilt through me. Why should I be comforted when Jura suffered so horribly? When Gregor could be dead, too?
I fist the fabric of his coat and clutch him. The scent of him fills my senses. The scent of his room, that familiar place with that fluffy little cat and the settee I could spend hours on. Somewhere everything seemed…all right. And somewhere far, far away from the broken world I now stand in.
“Jura…Jura’s dead,” I finally manage, the words muffled against his chest.
“I know. I was close enough to hear her screams.” He holds the back of my head as delicately as he forms his words. His lips press into my forehead near my temple, lingering. “I’m sorry, Clara. I truly am.”
I hardly recognize the man. There’s none of his usual arrogance. None of his sharp-edged wit or biting remarks. He has lowered his guard for me alone.
I’m not sure how much time passes. Minutes. Hours. Time itself is suspended in this pocket of safety he’s created for me. I trust him to watch my back as I let down my guard and mourn.
Eventually, the tears stop falling and my breaths stop heaving. As I straighten away from him, every muscle in my body throbs with exhaustion. I’ve been hollowed out from the inside. I’ve not wept like that since I thought Arina was dead.
Kaelis keeps his hands on me, steadying. His grip loosens, but they hover by my arms, ready to catch me at any second should I collapse again.
“It’s my fault.” My voice quivers, barely above a whisper.
His hands slide up to cup my face, forcing me to meet his gaze as he brushes the remnants of tears from my cheeks. “You know it’s not.”
All I offer in reply is a shrug and the ghost of a bitter smile.
I was the one who told them to come with me, I think but don’t say.
“What if…what if I can’t protect them, Kaelis?
The rest of them. Arina…My sister needs me to be strong, and I…
” The words are lost. I squeeze my eyes shut and step back, shaking my head, turning away as though I could turn from what feels like weakness.
He doesn’t move. He gives me space. Though I can feel his desire to pull me back to him, even if he doesn’t act on it.
“Every time I fight, I lose someone I love. Every time I try to bring down the crown, I’m crushed under its heel. What’s the point of fighting if you lose everything you’re fighting for?” My voice cracks at the end.
Silence is my answer.
I sigh heavily, wrapping my arms around myself, seeking comfort. My own embrace pales in comparison to the reassurance of his.
“There is still a way.” Kaelis continues to hover behind me, close enough that I can feel his warmth. “As long as you draw breath, there’s a chance for us to remake this world. There is still hope, Clara.”
I don’t turn. I can’t face him. I can’t believe he’d even think of this right now and all that it implies. Yet…part of me still clings to his words and the glimmer of hope they offer. The final option.
“Jura died so you could fight. So fight—rebuild this world.” His voice softens, almost pleading. “Make our world.”
I finally shift to look at him. The prince barely has a hair out of place.
His clothing is soiled only from where he clutched me to it.
The contrast between us couldn’t be starker.
Even down in the underbelly of Eclipse City, he’s composed and elegant.
Whereas I’m about to crumble in a way that can never be put back together.
“Come back with me.” Kaelis extends a hand, palm up, an invitation rather than a demand. “Come back to the academy. Its halls will protect you. I kept you safe before, and I can do it again.”
For a breath, I consider it. The idea is so tempting that I nearly give in. I don’t know how he would, but I want it more than anything.
“I can’t.” My voice is barely audible. Though my body betrays me by swaying toward him.
“Where else could you go? You will be safer with me than anywhere else in the world,” he insists. His voice’s deep resonance sends a shiver down my spine. The voids of his eyes never leave mine.
“My fake identity is gone.”
“I will hide you.”
Fuck, I want to believe him. I want to retreat to the last place I had any sense of security and believe that Kaelis can make all the pain and hardship go away as easily as casting a card.
But my sister isn’t even here. I don’t have even half of the story of what’s happened from my crew.
Gregor is still out there—I hope—as are Twino and Ren. I don’t even know if they’re safe.
A wry and weary smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “You trusted me—you began to trust me once. Trust me again. Put your faith in me fully, now until forever, and I will never let you down.” Kaelis lifts his hand, still holding it out. “Bring your sister and come home with me.”
Bring your sister. The words stick in my brain a bit sharp. In a way I know he didn’t intend. They carve a small wound that makes space for a seed of doubt to worm its way into me.
“Is that all you want? Is that really why you’re here?” The question is fragile.
“Clara—”
“Do you want me, or the power she has?”
“I want you,” he says without hesitation. Without even a heartbeat passing. “But you know as well as I that we need her power. Not just for ourselves, but for her benefit, too.”
A chill sweeps through me. I shake my head and look away. Logically, I know he’s right.
“Didn’t you tell me to take her to where I thought was safe?” I ask.
“That was before my brother mobilized the full force of Eclipse City and Clan Tower to find you,” he says gravely.
There’s a shared breath where we merely stare at each other. All the instincts I’ve ever known war with my better sense. Maybe Arcana Academy is the safest place for us.
“I can’t make this decision right now,” I whisper. Never have I sounded more frail. “Let me see my sister and sleep on it.”
There’s a flash of pain in his eyes. He wants me to say yes. To run to him. I can see it written all over him. But he sighs softly and nods, banishing the notion with a sag of his shoulders.
“Return to me when you are ready.” Kaelis steps backward, holding my gaze, as if tempting me to run back into his arms.
I almost do.
Without another word, he leaves. Disappearing into the darkness of the tunnel, lantern in hand, heading for whatever passage he entered from. I stand, watching the space where he was, wondering if I made the right decision.
Kaelis can wait. For now, I head back toward the epicenter of Jura’s sacrifice. I need to find Gregor. He might not even be alive…But I have to try.
The Queen of Cups mended some of my wounds, but the majority still ache. I’m not well. I’ve lost blood. I’m starving. But I must find my friend. I can’t lose him, too.
In the distance, I think I hear his voice echoing from a different direction.
I begin to race toward it, heart pounding with hope and fear.
Gregor stands with two people I’ve never seen—their faces are covered by a strip of fabric that’s sewn into the lower portion of their hoods, covering their mouth and nose.
Their clothing is mismatched and form-fitting.
They look like the assassins who tried to kill the king on All Coins Day.
He speaks to them with a tired but relaxed expression.
All their eyes turn to me as I emerge from the shadows.
“Clara,” Gregor breathes, relief washing over his grimy, tear-streaked face. “Thank the Twenty.”
One of the masked figures steps forward, hand extended. It’s a mirror of what Kaelis just offered me. Except I know nothing about this stranger. My wariness is only made worse when she says, “Come with us, Clara Chevalyer. We will take you to your sister.”