Chapter 66
I leave the academy the next afternoon, following All Coins Day.
The whole affair—the stalls, presentation of skills, coin ceremony, Marking, the works—is so frustratingly normal that it’s a relief to leave and be alone with my thoughts.
Despite feeling like emotional mincemeat, I still managed to remember to fake a cough so no one would be suspicious of my leaving.
On the way out of the city, I deliver the news of Gregor’s death to Twino and Ren.
Their lack of surprise adds the weight of new guilt to my shoulders that I carry for the rest of my journey.
At least this little trip gives me some time to be alone with my thoughts and my mourning.
It takes nearly two days for me to get to the remnants of Clan Hermit’s manor.
I travel light and stick to pathways as instructed to me by Vaduin.
There are a few checkpoints looking for the infamous Clara Graysword, but I don’t worry about them in the slightest given my current face.
The entire time, I imagine what I might find of Clan Hermit, but nothing could prepare me for the first time I lay eyes on the crater.
Where a great manor and surrounding town once stood is now a gaping hole in the earth, and I stand upon its edge. An ominous crack draws my eyes to my boots. Beneath my feet is a faded mosaic of a lantern held by a hand. I scramble back as the mosaic fractures, the stone giving way.
The mosaic is akin to a tombstone—a reminder of the people whose lives were cut short. Taking a slow breath, I move around the upper portion of the crater, looking for a sturdier foothold. I then creep back toward the edge and try to peer down into the hollow void of singed and scarred rock.
Twisted metal punctures rubble. Passageways once concealed underneath the grand manor of Clan Hermit are now exposed to the elements.
This vast manor once held the greatest library in all of Oricalis. In just one night, it was all reduced to nothing more than rubble and dust. I take a breath and scan the crater’s edge. If anyone is patrolling, they’d be up here. I doubt they’d keep any active searches below.
Seeing no one, I begin to find my way down.
There are staircases that lead to nowhere.
Archways that no longer support roofs, their marble carvings worn away by rain and time.
I duck into one of the tunnels at the first possible opportunity, where empty shelves and rotted books flank me on either side.
But I’m forced to reemerge into the main portion of the crater after the tunnel leads to nothing more than a dead end.
The scale of the destruction is breathtaking: The stories failed to do it justice.
I find no skeletons—perhaps someone came through and gathered them all out of respect for the dead.
I have a rogue thought that Kaelis collected them just like he did all the remains from the rooms leading to the workshop of the Fool.
But given how much he hated this place…I highly doubt it.
Deeper, the passageways are more untouched. Magic still hangs in the air, setting my nerves ablaze. There is something unnatural and horrible about this place. I pause a moment, trying to catch my breath, resting my right hand on the stone next to me; it nearly crumbles under my grasp.
A jolt strikes me like a lightning bolt. I pull my hand away and find tiny iridescent shards of what looks like glass imprinted into my skin. The remnants of reversed cards.
Taking a jar I brought with me, I dutifully collect every glittering speck I can find. There’s some dust and dirt swept in as well. But I can sort through that later. It will be far easier than what I did with the powders from the workshop of the Fool.
I’m almost at the heart of what still remains.
This far down, the passageways are more intact as they weave into the bedrock, away from the epicenter of whatever magic Kaelis wrought.
It feels as if these bookshelves haven’t seen light in years before my small candle.
The air is heavy with the scent of slowly rotting parchment.
My fingers trail over the damp leather spines that cling to the remnants of pages.
Somehow, deep, deep within this place, there are some books still holding together.
The knowledge that Clan Hermit buried in the depths of this library yet persists.
Though most are utterly illegible from years of neglect.
And it’s here, among shelves and ruined books, that I find the fragment of a card.
It’s little more than a corner of a card, but I recognize it instantly. With trembling fingers, I inspect it, already knowing it is nearly identical to the one Gregor brought me. In fact…My eyes widen—it might just be a piece of the same card.
I spin in place, scanning the now seemingly too large passageways.
Anything could lurk within them, and my candlelight is nearly swallowed by the oppressive darkness.
But it is enough light, just barely, to see places where the dust has been disturbed.
Where footprints mar the otherwise untouched floor.
Gregor said he got the card from one of Ravin’s workshops. Did Ravin come here? Or…was it Vaduin? Vaduin knew of this place and clearly has a deep-rooted vendetta against Kaelis. Did he come all the way here to try to turn Gregor on me because of Kaelis? Is that why he pushed to come this time?
Leave, or follow? I stare at the footprints and make my choice to descend farther, matching their gait to leave only one track.
They end at a shelf that much more closely resembles one of the upper levels—it’s in utter disarray. But this isn’t from violent, explosive magic the likes of which the world has never seen before. This is purposeful. It looks as if someone has been rummaging through it.
My brow furrows as I pick up one of the pages that must’ve fallen from the binding and been discarded across the floor.
Minor Arcana theory. Nothing unique. Nothing special. I look in either direction. Everything else is undisturbed. This person came here for this and nothing else. Moreover, it was knowledge so precious that Clan Hermit archived it deep enough that it could survive a catastrophe.
Could it be the book Ravin was looking for?
Cornerstones of the Minor Arcana…This seems like a place it might have been.
Why would Ravin go to such lengths for a rudimentary text?
The earlier question returns, seen with new light now, knowing his truth.
Perhaps it’s something he thinks could help him?
“I don’t have time for this,” I whisper, as if speaking too loudly could alert someone to my presence. Yet, I don’t move. I keep searching and scanning the various texts. But there’s no sign of the book.
I exhale sharply, forcing myself to refocus as I make my way back up. Whoever it was who was here will remain a mystery, for now.
Adjusting the strap of my bag, I continue to gather remnants of the reversed cards as I ascend.
Emerging from the passageway and stepping into the main portion of the crater fills me with a deeper, more immediate sense of unease.
Here I thought seeing the sky again would relax the knot that’s wound between my shoulder blades. But in fact, it’s the opposite.
When I move out from under an overhang, my eyes are instantly drawn to movement. The figure is perfectly still, but the wind sweeps their cloak around their calves. Their hood shades their face.
They’re nothing more than a vague silhouette on a gray sky, but somehow, somehow, I know who it is. I know it in my bones.
Kaelis is waiting.
“Took you long enough.” Kaelis’s voice slices through the air, striking me between the ribs.
“What—How are you here?” Somehow I manage to keep my voice steady even though it feels as if every vein and muscle of my body is trying to rattle out from under my skin.
“I, unlike you, am permitted to be here.” He watches me as I continue to ascend. I’m nearly at the top of the crater—the uppermost rung before the ground.
There’s something about him in this moment that reminds me of a highly trained beast. No matter how well practiced it is, no matter how firm a hand its master has on it, it’s still wild.
There’s still something vicious within him that threatens to get out.
An unseen, unknown force that wedges itself constantly between us and grates against my better senses.
“Did you think I wouldn’t notice you were gone? That I wouldn’t be able to feel it the moment you left?” he asks as I near. His shadowed eyes are ablaze. Hurt roughens the edges of his voice. “That it wouldn’t matter that you came here?”
“It was for the vessel,” I say calmly.
He scoffs. “And to satiate your unyielding suspicion surrounding me! No matter what I say, what I do, you still doubt!”
“How could I not when you keep lying to me?” I say, seething. It’s like an inflamed wound rupturing, ugly and weeping. Something I’ve tried to hide or ignore but no longer can.
“I lied to you? Then what of this?” He pulls the Death card, my forgery, from his pocket.
“Did you think I wouldn’t notice your mark?
I gave you months to confess to me, I probed in case you somehow forgot, and you did not come clean!
” He rips it in half, sending the two pieces scattering on the breeze.
“Then we are both keeping the truth from each other!” I shoot back.
“I’ve never lied to you.”
“Then what is this?” I do what I couldn’t do months ago and pull out the fragment of the reversed card.
His eyes widen farther, and whatever angry words he was readying are lost. He stares as I draw closer. Eyes glued to the scrap of paper turned into something more than the sum of its parts by wild, raging magic.
“It is your inking, is it not?” I demand. When he doesn’t respond, I snap, “Say it!”
“It is.” A dangerous stillness has overtaken him.
“And this card reversed, didn’t it?” I can almost see him trying to figure out how to avoid telling me that it did. Yet, there is nothing but the sound of wind sweeping across the remnants of utter destruction.
“I’ll give you one last chance to tell me the truth, Kaelis. Have you ever had a card reverse?”
More silent, swift calculations happen behind those eyes. The fact that he’d even think about lying to me again is nearly enough to make me scream. As he makes his judgments, his face becomes as hard and cold as the stone of the crater.
“I have.”
“Fucking finally.” I shove the card scrap into my pocket and take another step closer, encroaching on his personal space. “And did it reverse on accident…or did you cast the card reversed?”
His lips purse slightly, and I can’t tell if he’s trying to hold back another lie or if it’s an omission.
“Tell me, Kaelis. You’re ready to remake the whole world just to be with me. So tell me.”
“Don’t make me your enemy,” he finally breathes, eyes filling with pain.
“Enemy? Your enemy?” I grab his cloak and ball the fabric in my fists, yanking him toward me.
Our noses nearly touch. I can’t decide if I want to kiss him or smack him.
“My whole life I’ve seen you as my enemy.
My whole life I wanted nothing more than to destroy you.
To find any possible way to rip your very existence to shreds—to see that everything you loved was turned to ash and dust.
“You made it so I could be your enemy. You cast away our future. If you wanted me to stay your enemy, all you had to do was nothing.
“You were the one to fight fate. You were the one to find me. To hunt me down in this world where I’m not even supposed to fucking know you and to drag me into this plot of yours. You were the one who was kind and gentle to me first—who protected me.
“I was ready to be your enemy. You were the one who demanded to be my lover. And here we are, Kaelis. Here we are. The world is within our reach. You have me; I gave you my trust. I stopped questioning even when so many things added up in strange ways. So, here and now, all I’m asking for is the truth.
And after everything, you’re going to pull away now because you’re scared?
” My voice thins with disgust and rage. But the anger is not directed solely at him.
“Well, guess what? I’m fucking terrified, too.
I’m terrified every time I tell you something and I hear the ghost of my mother warning me not to.
Terrified that you’re not the man I think you are.
I’ve been terrified for months that I’m going to lose you like I’ve lost everyone else I dared to love. ”
My throat is raw, tears that I refuse to let fall sting my eyes, and I continue. Not because I want to, but because I have to. Because if I don’t say this now, I never will, and there can never be a future for us. At least not one I want.
“You’re one of the last constants I have.
One of the last people at my side. The last place that feels like home.
But every time I think I have a home, it’s ripped from me.
Are you going to be ripped from me, Kaelis?
Am I going to lose you, too? And will it be to all our secrets, or to the truth?
Because I don’t know which is worse at this point. ”
Resistance is still occupying the voids of his eyes. But now it’s tinged with sorrow. He sees right into me. His brows tip up in the middle, as though he’s in pain. “Clara—”
“If you love me, then tell me,” I blurt.
The moment the words—and all their implications—hit us both, we still.
We take a collective inhale. “If you love me, Kaelis, then tell me,” I repeat softer, gentler.
“If you believe that I can love you in this world and every world, no matter what, no matter what horrors each of us commits…then tell me everything, and I will do the same for you. Let’s finally do this right, without fear, without judgment, without secrets.
If we’re going to love, let us love radically and completely and without all doubt. ”
Right as he opens his mouth, right as I know he’s about to acquiesce, a voice breaks the moment in two.
“Did you really think you could evade me forever,” Emilia says triumphantly from where she’s perched just above us, “Clara Daygar?”