Chapter 74
I wake up in his arms. The morning is slow. Cold. Golden sunlight streams through the cracks in the curtains. We went to bed without saying a word to anyone else, too encased within our own bubble.
It’s strange to wake up with Kaelis in a room so plain. As though we’re a normal couple. A smile cracks my lips. Nothing about Kaelis and me could ever be “normal.”
As I shift, Kaelis tightens his arm around me, keeping my back pressed against his chest. His breath is slow and warm against the nape of my neck.
“Good morning, darling.” His voice is thick with sleep, and the added depth stirs something within me. I shift, fighting arousal. It’s far too early for that, especially after the hours we spent muffling our moans to little more than heavy breathing last night.
Instead, I focus on “Darling?”
“Dearest, then?”
“Dearest?” I twist to face him.
Kaelis barely cracks open an eye. “I’ll try on every term of endearment until I find one that fits. Or perhaps I’ll just rotate to whatever suits me, or you, in the moment.”
“And what suits me best in this moment?”
A lazy smile widens across his cheeks. “Kitten.”
I choke on a laugh. “You’re joking.”
“Absolutely not.”
I cannot believe he says it with a straight face. I fight laughter and fail, and he quickly spirals as well. We both curl in on each other, laughing until our ribs hurt.
Finally, I compose myself to let out a breath and shake my head. “I’m going to find breakfast. I think I smell bread.”
“Bread is winning out over lying naked in bed with me?”
“Bread wins out over most things.” I sit. “Besides, I am starving from the exertion of last night.”
“I can satiate you.” He takes my hand with a grin.
“While you are immensely satisfying, you cannot help me in this way.”
Kaelis falls back dramatically and brings his forearm to his forehead, as though fainting. The covers barely offer modesty, and his naked form looks like some kind of artist’s study in figure. “You wound me, kitten.”
“Don’t push your luck with the nicknames.” I pull away from the warmth of the bed, feeling his eyes follow me as I wrap a simple dress around myself and layer a heavy coat on top of it.
“Luck is on your side, after all.” With a yawn, he rolls over, settling to doze once more.
Still smiling, I slide on my slippers and make my way downstairs, expecting to find Ren at the stove.
But I’m surprised that it’s Arina working two eggs in a skillet, with two thick cuts of bread toasting nearby.
She hums to herself, unaware of my approach.
Scars still line her forearms and neck, as they always will.
But they don’t seem to carry the same weight they once did.
“Fresh eggs? What a luxury,” I say, coming up to the counter.
She startles but then greets me with a smile and a thoughtful hum. “And the bread didn’t even require picking off moldy bits.”
“Look how far we’ve come.” I sink my chin into my palm.
“Look how far indeed.” A moment of silence as she flips the eggs. My sister always liked the yolks harder than I do. Then she says, a little too casual, “Didn’t catch you going to bed.”
“Tucked in early.”
“So did I.” She sweeps a strand of hair behind her ear, fighting a blush.
“Oh?” I do not miss the implication, and given that she went out of her way to bring it up, I can only assume that she wants me to ask.
“Nothing—It wasn’t—We didn’t—” She’s so flustered I can’t help but laugh.
“You’re a grown woman,” I remind both myself and her, even as my protective instincts flicker to life. “You’re allowed to spend the night with anyone you choose.” I pause, voice dropping. “Thal was polite, I trust?”
She nods, intensely focused on the skillet.
“They…they have complicated feelings about their body, too. In very different ways than me, for very different reasons. But it’s fine.
I’m not ready for anything more hands-on than simply finding some comfort in an embrace from time to time.
And neither are they. For now we’re both appreciating the companionship and are taking everything else in its own time. It’s nice to not be alone.”
I drop my hand, clasping it with my other, and my gaze drifts out to the now-empty balcony. Riverboats that Jura once worked on drift upriver and toward the inner sea, carrying goods from across the world.
“It is nice to not be alone,” I muse softly.
A sharp gasp and the clatter of the pan dropping hard back onto the stove have me nearly out of my skin. I’m sure she’s woken up half the house. But Arina doesn’t care. She grabs my left hand and stares at the ring adorning it.
“Clara? Clara!”
“Keep your voice down.” Even as I’m shushing her, I can’t fight a laugh.
“I knew it,” she says triumphantly. “I knew you would get married in secret.”
“I’m not married. He proposed.” I twist the ring around my finger, trying to hide the sapphire. Of course Kaelis’s flair for the dramatic has made it almost impossible to be discreet with this piece of art cast in platinum.
“And you said yes. In secret.”
“That’s different from a marriage.”
“It’s close enough,” she insists and returns to the pan, scooping out the eggs and laying them on top of the toasted bread. We share a plate, just like we always did. “I wouldn’t tell the rest of them, though.”
“I know.” I hesitate: yet more secrets I’m keeping from the people I care about most. But it’s only temporary. “I don’t think he has any expectations of me doing so right away anyway. I’ll let them know once they warm up to him a bit more. I’ll tell them after—”
My words and thoughts stop short. Mouth hanging open.
I’ll tell them after I cast the World.
They wouldn’t remember even if I told them. Would a part of them know inherently like Kaelis knew of his mother? Could I ask the World to ensure that they would?
The questions spiral, none with good answers.
“After…?” Arina probes.
“Arina, would you consider joining the Worldkeepers?” I ask.
She blinks, not following how I got here. After a large bite of toast, she shrugs and says, “Yeah, sure.”
“You’re agreeing that easily?”
“Mom led them, right?” she asks. I nod. “And they’ve always worked against that fuck-wad Naethor, right?” I nod again. “Okay, that’s good enough for me.”
I can’t stop a smile, or a laugh, or a slight, incredulous shake of my head. I spent months debating. She joins like I’m asking her to lunch. It looks like not even Ravin’s abuse could extinguish her spark.
“Why’d you bring it up, though?” she says around another large bite.
“After the wish is made, everyone but the wisher and the Worldkeepers forgets this world. I’m still unsure of exactly what details get remembered. Obviously people still know their names, or their family, I think. But depending on what the World changes, memories are altered.”
She pauses mid-bite, nearly dropping her toast. “Oh, oh, no. Thal’s joining, then, too.”
“There usually has to be an induction trial. I’m not sure if I could get you and Thal a pass from—”
“I survived Ravin and came back from the edge of insanity; I think that counts as my ‘trial.’ ” She licks her fingers in a very matter-of-fact way. “As for Thal, they helped pull me back. If they haven’t proved themselves, then I have no faith in the Worldkeepers’ ability to recognize talent.”
“You…have a point.”
“Of course I do.” Arina rolls her eyes as if it should be obvious.
She takes the last two bites of my toast without asking, no doubt assuming I was finished.
I was not, in fact, finished. But I don’t object.
There is a fee to having a good sister, and that is never getting the last bite of your meal.
“As for this.” I return my attention to the ring, turning it around. No more secrets; time is too precious for it. “I’ll tell everyone this morning—if they ask, that is.”
Surprisingly, none of them do. I know they notice the ring, just as they notice how much more open Kaelis is being with putting his hand on my hip, or the small of my back. But no one asks or says anything about it. Perhaps because it’s what they already expected.
I don’t bring it up, content to leave it be. And because my mind is somewhere else entirely.
After Arina, Sorza, and Thal are inducted, I must put the finishing touches on my wish.
The academy feels different after break.
But I eventually settle on the fact that it’s me who’s different.
The world moves on around me—students meander to breakfast, rush to classes as the bells ring, gossip in the halls about what happened over break, and anxiously await what’s to come with the trials.
Life continues…and yet I feel like an outsider to it. Everything has a distant, hazy quality. Like it’s a dream that I know isn’t real, but a part of me can’t help but indulge. It comes from knowing that all of this is temporary; soon it’ll all be gone.
Refining my wish is heavy on me as I prepare students for their Three of Swords Trials. It weighs as I go to Kaelis simply for the excuse of his company and to admire how good my ring looks in the firelight as I scratch Priss between the ears.
The exact wording I’ll use and intention I’ll picture when I cast the World lingers in the back of my mind as I work with the Worldkeepers—organizing, preparing, and attempting to sort out a way to induct them.
Eventually, it’s agreed to treat the font of the World like the altar of the vessel and see if it works.
Vaduin makes the induction cards and repeats the process of taking Sorza, Thal, and Arina there during the apex of the Season of Swords.
I am excluded since they believed my lie that I was successful the first time. Luckily, they all take my word for it and no one demands proof. In the eyes of the Worldkeepers, I’m one of them—that’s all that matters for now. I’ll do it in the new world, I tell myself.
Arina’s shoulders tremble slightly as I pull her in for a tight hug on the threshold of the apartments the Worldkeepers turned into their secret base.
“You don’t have to do this,” I whisper in her ear. My instinct to always shelter my sister from hardship worms its way out of me even when we both know this has been decided.
“We both know I do,” she replies, and I can hear the slight smile in her voice. “Because it’s the right thing to do. And because fuck Oricalis—except Kaelis, I guess.” The last two words are said with mock annoyance.
When I pull away, I see that what I imagined to be a little smile is a full-blown grin, and I can’t help but smile as well. She goes first and returns triumphant. Then Thal, who is of much the same mind about all this as Arina. Sorza practically vibrates with excitement.
We all toast with cider in the apartments deep in the academy celebrating their success.
The days slip by like snow clouds over the mountaintops, and finally Luren finds me after class, apologizing for not coming sooner.
She locks the door of the classroom behind her and approaches the front of my desk. My heart is pounding; thanks to our scheming, she went to Clan Star over the break. Without fanfare, she pulls out a small bundle of letters that are worn and creased. Letters I know all too well.
“It was easier than expected. Sending Liam letters gave me the opportunity to see how things were processed and I found half—ones from him to you—in a locked drawer in the mail-processing room dated and labeled by their particularly fastidious steward. Another half in his desk. I recognized your handwriting on the outside of the envelopes,” she says, affirming Liam’s and my unspoken suspicion that someone was conspiring to keep his letters from me. “But I didn’t read any of them.”
I take them from her and unfold one of Liam’s. With one glance I see my real name at the top and a wave of relief instantly crashes over me to the point that I nearly collapse onto my desk just to breathe. Luren continues to hover on the other side of my desk.
“I did something for you…Now I’d like something in return.”
I pause. This isn’t like her. Especially since part of what she was getting was a clan interested in her. “Go on,” I say cautiously.
She shifts, and the hesitation instantly brings back the woman I remember. “I…I think Dristin might have feelings for me.”
“He absolutely does.” I nod, not playing any sort of coy game. I’m pretending less these days, ignoring less.
Blushing, she tucks her hair behind her ears. “He got so strange before I left…and he said something that made it obvious. I don’t want to lose him, Clara. And I think I might because of helping you. He seems to think I don’t want to be a part of Clan Chariot anymore.”
I reach out with my other hand, grabbing hers. She takes note of my ring, as many have, but doesn’t ask. “I’ll absolutely help.”
“Thank you.” She nods and turns for the door.
As soon as she’s gone, I begin preparing, and I implement my plan the next day when I announce a final class project to help prepare them for service to a clan.
It is a paired assignment, designed to focus on collaboration, strategy, and problem-solving, where they take on requests from other pairs and score one another.
Important skills for Arcanists who must work together in the clans.
Naturally, I pair Luren and Dristin together.
Naturally, their project mysteriously runs into issues that force them to stay late and work longer together.
At first, they’re so stiff. But as the day drags on, their conversation becomes easier. More normal. I sit, pretending to go over some plans while I eavesdrop.
Then something catches my ear.
“Ravin?” Luren repeats, surprised.
Dristin hums in affirmation, shuffling through papers. “He came to Clan Moon while I was there visiting relatives for the Swords celebrations. I overheard him saying something about a relic.”
A relic? I keep my eyes on my papers, hand tightening slightly around my pen.
Luren sounds thoughtful. “Now that you mention it…I wonder if he was making rounds to the clans, because he came to Clan Star, too.” A pause, and I see her eyes dart to me in my periphery.
“In fact, I just received a letter from Liam that he was personally invited to a celebration here at Ravin’s manor soon. ”
My eyes stay on my papers as Dristin scoffs and lowers his voice to be barely audible. “That Liam man is a weird one…better you don’t associate with him…”
Ravin is inviting Liam. Personally. Maybe it’s because of what happened with Emilia. Maybe it’s because he thinks he has the vessel and I can finally be tied up as a loose end. Regardless of the reason, I know in my marrow he’s finally investigating Liam’s attachment to me.
I might have the letters now, but Liam still knows my name. He’s still a risk. And I will not let him be my undoing.