30. Opening Pandora’s Box Was Not My Finest Idea
When I woke the next morning to sunlight streaming into my room, it was with a clear head and a renewed sense of purpose. For the first time since I’d gone into that God-forsaken Fairy Glen, I was doing something that I had decided to do, for reasons that belonged only to me.
I would stay.
Not forever, but at least until King Maelgwyn was defeated. And while I certainly applauded Anwir for his determination to right his kingdom, it wasn’t the only factor for me.
Idris was.
I couldn’t leave him.
Whatever haunted him, I would be there for him while he worked through it, whether he wanted me or not. At least for a little while. His early anger toward me was nothing more than him lashing out in pain at the worthiest target. I had woken him. I had brought his senses back. While I didn’t regret it, while I knew it was right, it was also my undeniable responsibility to support him, even if all I could do was hold his hand while he found someone better qualified to help. Before I could do that, I needed answers to my questions, and I doubted I was going to like them.
I dressed in a hurry, throwing on my trusty shorts and t-shirt and dragging a brush through my hair. I’d had the good sense to remove all the pins last night, even though my hands had been clumsy and shaking as I played over the evening’s unexpected turn in my mind. I’d barely noticed what I was doing, so it came as something of a surprise when I saw the beautiful, tousled head of curls I’d been left with this morning. I combed my fingers through the thick waves, smoothing the strands with a drop of oil, and left my hair loose.
Presentable, I dashed from my rooms in search of Anwir.
I didn’t need to look far.
The prince’s room was located in the same wing as Idris’, a short walk from my own. Nervous anticipation fluttered in my belly at the sight of his door. As Anwir wanted me to fool the world, he would have to agree to my requests. And answer my questions, however prying.
I knocked once, letting myself in.
Anwir was standing at his window, staring out at whatever his view might be. I’d never been in his room before, but a quick peek showed it to be almost identical to mine, even down to the closed door leading to what I presumed to be a bathroom. Was his bath made of rose quartz too, or did princes get something a little less pink?
The door closed behind me, and I turned my attention back to Anwir. He was still staring out of the window. Had he even noticed my arrival?
“Hello? Anwir?” I took a few steps closer.
At the sound of my voice, he turned, grim-faced. He held something glittering in his hands. I looked closer.
My tiara.
My mouth fell open, and I touched a hand to the top of my head. How hadn’t I noticed it was missing?
“Oh my God, where did you find that?”
“Perhaps you should tell me.”
His tone was cold. I frowned in confusion. “Anwir, wha—”
“Imagine my shame when the servants delivered this to my room this morning” — his voice rose steadily with every word, until he was shouting — “and told me that my queen’s tiara was found in my brother’s bed!”
He hurled the tiara. It hurtled past my head before I had time to do more than blink, close enough to ruffle my hair, and crashed against the wall behind me. Though my muscles tensed, I didn’t turn to look, but judging by the clatter and tinkling, some stones had fallen loose and scattered over the tiles.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing!” I screeched, my hands balling into fists. “That nearly hit me!”
“What was your jewellery doing in Idris’ bed?” he countered, his face alive with fury. “If your jewellery was there, then you were too!”
“Yeah, I was, and what? That’s actually why I came to see you, but if you’re going to be such a dick, then you can go fuck yourself.” I made to turn away.
“Because my brother is fucking you, is that it?”
“How dare you?” I rounded on him. I didn’t care that he towered over me. I’d never let any man scare me, and I wasn’t about to start now. “Not that I have to explain anything to you, but I’m pretty sure your precious brother was trying to kill himself last night. I stopped him, and I put him to bed. I guess my tiara got knocked off while I was struggling with an unconscious male twice my size. I was coming here to see if you knew anything about it, but if this is how you think you can speak to me, then as I said, go fuck yourself.”
I snarled the last words, before spinning away with every intention of leaving, but Anwir snatched my wrist.
“Aliza, wait. What did you say?”
The touch of his hand had my skin crawling. “Get off me.”
He didn’t. “What did Idris do?”
“Ask him yourself,” I said in a slow, simmering voice. “And get your fucking hands off me.”
He dropped my wrist. All traces of anger had gone from his face. “I’m so sorry, Aliza, I thought—”
“You jumped to conclusions.” To be fair, I probably would have jumped to the same one, in his position, but that didn’t lessen my outrage. “And you threw a fucking crown at me!”
“Not at you.” He dragged a hand over his face. Shadows hung under his eyes. I’d left the party early, but it was clear he hadn’t. Had he spent all night dancing with any woman who’d have him? Had he brought his favourite back to this very room, and then had the audacity to challenge me? “I didn’t mean… I was angry and humiliated. I thought…”
“I know what you thought.” And it didn’t justify assault.
“It’s just that… It”s vital that people believe our relationship is real. What if the witches talk? I can’t—I can’t have people thinking you’re dallying with Idris.”
“Maybe it’d be better if you take me home, like you promised,” I suggested coldly, knowing full well how vital I was to his plan.
“No, please. Aliza, I’m sorry.” He reached for my hands, but I shifted away. “Please forgive me.”
“No,” I said flatly. “I won’t.” I dodged him, walking further into his room, and halted before the window, turning to face him as he’d done to me. “If this is going to work, we need to lay some ground rules. First and foremost, I do not, in any way, shape or form, belong to you. You don’t get to police me. If I want to fuck your brother, or anyone else for that matter, I will, and there’s nothing you can say or do to stop me.”
The colour drained from his face.
“This is a ruse,” I went on, relentless. “I’m not yours. I never will be. I have no intention of marrying you. You already know that, so please understand, you can leave your possessive bullshit at the door where I’m concerned.”
“Aliza—”
“Secondly,” I raised my voice. “Tell you minions to stop calling me ‘the Human Queen’. I’ll be known as the queen, or I’ll go home. Do you understand?”
“Aliza, please.”
“I said, do you understand?”
“What if I want you to belong to me?”
For half a second, I faltered at his words. Did he actually want me? Had the discovery of my tiara riddled him with jealousy? Him, a prince, pining over me?
“Then you’re about to get a crash course in disappointment.” As though I would ever want to be with anyone who could blow up like that. Maybe his abusive tactics had worked on other females, but not me. It didn’t matter how beautiful he was, I knew my worth. “This is the last time I’ll ask you, Anwir. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” he relented, his tone desperate. “I do, but… do you-do you want to… My brother—”
For some reason, my ears began to warm. “Not that it’s any of your business, but no.”
He deflated, relief washing over his face. God, he was pathetic. How hadn’t I noticed it before? Was I really so easily blinded by a pretty face?
“Speaking of your brother.” I folded my arms, leaning against the windowsill as I glowered at Anwir. “What happened to him? Why does he want to die? Do you know?”
“Yes.” My stomach flipped as Anwir heaved a sigh. I’d half expected him to deny all knowledge, to insist I was mistaken, but he crossed to the bed and sank down on the edge of the mattress, burying his face in his hands. “I do know. I should have… I’ve been so preoccupied with my kingdom, I never thought—”
“What happened?” I didn’t care about what Anwir thought. I cared about what had happened to Idris. I cared about answers.
Anwir looked up at me, his green eyes full of grief. He looked so much like his brother that it was like a slap to the face. They were identical, but I was beginning to tell them apart. Not just by their hair or attitude, but in little ways, ways I couldn’t quite place. I couldn’t explain it, but I could see the difference, most of the time. But when he looked at me like that, Anwir may as well have been Idris staring up at me. Apart from the smile. It was the slightest of differences, but Anwir’s was cover model symmetrical, while Idris’ was endearingly lopsided. Not that anyone was smiling now.
“He had a child,” the prince said, his voice soft and tinged with regret. Ice cascaded over my skin. Had. “A boy. My uncle, he… In the last days before the curse, he’d taken us prisoner. He had the boy killed. Idris was forced to watch.”
“Oh my God.” I pressed a hand to my chest, where last night I’d been hit by a stream of agony. It hurt again now, a pulsing pain that robbed me of my breath. “Oh God, that’s terrible.”
No wonder. It was no wonder poor Idris had tried to fly. Tears blurred my vision, but I fought them back. I couldn’t let Anwir sense weakness. He’d use it against me somehow. I wasn’t sure how, but I didn’t trust him, not after last night and this morning. Fae were clever. Manipulative. Tricksters. I would keep him at arm’s length, even now, when the world was crumbling beneath my feet.
“Indeed. He was barely two years old.”
Every breath was like fire in my constricted throat. I had to get a grip of myself. “I thought-I thought fae couldn’t harm blood relatives?”
“Not all fae, just my bloodline, and unfortunately, the protection doesn’t extend to half-fae. Idris’ wife was a human, like you. Queen Claudia was not specific enough in her wording, and her protection did not extend to the child.”
Fae and their stupid bloody word games.
“I didn’t know he was married,” I said, trying to steer the conversation into slightly less turbulent waters.
Anwir gave me a sad smile. “Idris has always been a law unto himself. Don’t misunderstand me, he took his duties seriously, but in his downtime… he was untameable. Nobody could tell him what to do. He spent half his life out in the wilds with our border patrols. He learnt how to track and hunt. He loved to fly. He joined the aerial cavalry the very day he was old enough.” Anwir shrugged. “I never liked flying much, but from the moment he was assigned to a drift, his feet barely touched the ground. Anyway, I suppose he met a common girl, and not even a year later, a half-fae baby was bawling in the cradle. He married her, this woman, against everyone’s will. He was young and reckless, determined he knew best. My father was furious for the longest time, but he came around. Idris had his son at court more often than not, which is how my uncle came to know of Taryn’s existence. And now he’s dead.”
“What about his wife?”
Another shrug. “Who knows? We were put to sleep not long after the murder. Whatever happened, she’s long dead too.”
I’d never wanted children. I’d seen first-hand how my parents had given everything in their quest for a family, how they had put their lives on hold, emptied their savings account, how they had struggled ever since. I didn’t want that for myself, but I also knew how much Mum and Dad loved me. How much Idris had loved his little boy. My heart bled for him.
I dashed a tear from my lash line, sniffing.
“That’s why he hates you, I think,” Anwir went on. “He blames you for bringing us back. And you’re human, like her, but you’re alive and she’s not.”
“He doesn’t hate me,” I said without thinking. He’d told me as much himself. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. God, if I was in his shoes, I’d want to hate me too. “Why didn’t she become immortal when they married?”
The question of immortality hadn’t been far from my mind since I’d woken the princes, but somehow, I’d never put much thought into how it would happen. There’d always been something more pressing to stew over. If I had to guess, I’d have said it was part of the wedding ceremony, that when I, theoretically, married Anwir, I’d become like him. After all, the promised reward for breaking the curse was immortality and a royal husband.
Anwir frowned up at me from his bed. Maybe I’d guessed wrong.
“Nobody told you how this works?”
“Not that part, no,” I admitted grudgingly. There was nothing worse than ignorance. I should have asked more questions instead of being blinded by my desire to get home.
“If only it were that simple. Immortality is not something to be doled out like grain to the poor. It is a rare gift, and those in possession of it guard it fiercely. Idris is one of those few, but he didn’t use it on his wife. Rhodd Anfarwol we call it. The everlasting gift. It can only be given once. Idris and his wife agreed to wait. Their son was half-fae. Some take after their immortal parent, others… do not. Idris and Jane were waiting to see if their son was immortal. Most children begin to show magical tendencies in the toddler years. If Taryn did not, they planned for my brother to use Rhodd Anfarwol on the boy.”
“And did he?” I asked, barely daring to breathe.
Anwir shook his head. “Taryn was killed and Idris imprisoned before he had a chance to use it one way or another. Jane is dead, and we’ll never know if Taryn would have needed it at all. For all we know, he was immortal, and Idris missed his chance to save his wife. He will not use his power on you, Aliza. I’m sorry.”
He would not… what? I scrunched up my brow. “Me? What do you mean?”
“I don’t have it,” There was remorse in his eyes. Was it real? “I can’t make you immortal, even if you did choose to stay. To be mine.”
That wouldn’t happen, even if he could bribe me with eternal life. Despite that, disappointment settled over me like a cloud of fog. I’d always known my idle dreams of living forever had been just that… dreams, but the certainty that they were out of reach, an impossibility, hammered home just how much foolish, irrational hope I’d pinned on them.
“Idris could,” Anwir went on, “but he won’t. Not after he failed Taryn and Jane.”
It didn’t matter. I didn’t want it. If I said it enough, I might even start believing it.
“How do you know you don’t have the power?” I mused.
Anwir stared at me like I’d sprouted another head for long enough that I began to give up hope of an answer.
“Power must be balanced,” he said at last. “You’ve heard too many stories of my uncle, I think. He is unnatural. The rest of us are never as overpowered. I have my lightning. I suppose nature spent all of my power on that, leaving no room for Rhodd Anfarwol.”
It was just as well that I was going home, eventually. I wouldn’t have accepted immortality, especially not from Anwir, not when I had my normal, human life waiting for me. First, however, I had matters to take care of.
I rubbed my temple, massaging away the ache that had taken root. “Right, okay. Listen, I think I’ve decided to stay for a while. Do not think it has anything to do with you. But I’ll help you if I can, while I’m here.”
“You’ll stay?”
“For now. But… Anwir?” I hated asking him for anything, after what he’d done. “I want you to take me home, just for a visit. It’s just that, I’ve been gone so long already, and my parents don’t know what’s happened to me. If I could go back, just for a night, I could—”
“I can’t, Aliza.” Anwir stood, inching closer. “I wish it were different, truly, but fae have never been able to cross. I couldn’t take you. I couldn’t ensure your safety, or that you’d find your way safely back to Neath. The rifts are treacherous. It’s a miracle you made it here at all. I cannot risk you not coming back. I’m sorry.”
My stomach plummeted. He’d promised he would escort me home after the ball. What had changed? “A witch then, if you can’t go. I’m sure if you asked, one of them could–”
“Witches aren’t powerful enough to protect you.”
“They were powerful enough to keep me alive long enough to find you.” With every passing minute, my regret that my kiss had woken both princes grew.
Anwir gave his head a regretful shake. “Not in the human world. Magic is weaker there. I’m sorry, Aliza, but until my uncle is defeated, I can’t allow you to take unnecessary risks.”
No doubt he classed drinking wine as an unnecessary risk too. It was only a matter of time before he suggested that my shorts didn’t offer enough protection for my legs and decreed that I wear sensible trousers or a dowdy skirt.
“You will go home soon, I swear,” he pressed, his voice imploring.
Had he forgotten that I was the one who’d decided to stay? I could have gone home a week ago if I’d pushed for it. I could go home now. I would, if it hadn’t been for last night. I couldn’t fix Idris’ trauma or grief, it wasn’t in my professional repertoire, but the fact was, he needed someone to be with him while he navigated his grief. Though he”d tried valiantly to push everyone away, this wasn’t something he should face alone. The thoughts he’d had last night were normal for someone in his position. He just needed time, and a friend. As far as I could see, he didn’t have one here, but maybe he knew some of the fae in Tir o Gaeaf. Maybe he just needed time to reconnect with his support network.
I wouldn’t be here forever.
“I’m offering to help you, Anwir. You need me, apparently. If crossing the rifts is too dangerous for me, the least you can do is send a witch to pass on a message,” I insisted. He would agree, or I would leave under my own steam. I couldn’t stay if it meant abandoning my parents. I’d only send them spiralling into the same depression I wanted to guide Idris through, if they weren’t already in it. What if they had the same thoughts as Idris? My innards turned to ice. No, they wouldn’t go down that road, not while my body was still unaccounted for. They wouldn’t give in, not while there was still the slightest ray of hope. “I could tell the witch where to find them. I could send something of mine, and a letter, to let them know I’m okay.”
Anwir eyed me doubtfully, but I could almost see the cogs in his mind turning. I’d have liked to picture them straining to turn, lodged with rust from lack of use, but in reality, his mind was a well-oiled machine. He was scheming and manipulative. His doubtful expression was probably fake, part of his deception. I waited with bated breath.
“Very well,” he conceded. “I can agree to that.”
My strangled sound that burst from my throat was half laugh, half sob. With a violent wobble of relief, my knees threatened to buckle, and I slumped against the windowsill. They’d know I was alive, that I was coming home. A tear plunged down my cheek. I dashed it away before Anwir could see.
“Okay,” I breathed, barely able to get the word out. “Good. Find a witch, and I’ll bring a letter to your room this afternoon.”
With news of my continued existence, my parents could wait a little while longer to see me in the flesh. They’d understand, when I got back and explained everything. They’d probably have me committed, but they’d understand. I straightened, sliding past Anwir.
“In the meantime, make a start on overthrowing your uncle.”
“Wait,” he called. “Where are you going?”
I didn’t bother to look back as I marched across the room.
I had another prince to find.