Chapter 20 A Fountain of Tears #2
“It’s what they believe in. A code they’ve lived by, passed down from generation to generation.
Much like your father still believes in arranged marriages.
” He adjusts the throw pillow so it sits outside the blanket.
“What it really comes down to is old grudges and greed. Mostly greed. Duhnill Estate is both impressive and profitable.”
“Have they ever tried to kill you?” I ask in a small voice.
“They’ve wanted me dead for a while, but I’m a lot harder to kill.
I made sure of it after Ewan died. I turned to underground fighting.
By the time I was eighteen, they had tried to kidnap me twice but stopped after I killed one of my cousins.
” He doesn’t lose himself in the memory.
Instead, he watches me calmly, studying me for my reaction.
“I’d kill again to protect you. To protect everyone here from suffering because of an old blood feud. ”
Good god. My dad has no idea who Lachlan truly is. I focus on my breathing, aware it’s ragged. I’m sure the horror I feel is written on my face. “These are the stories you were referring to in the pool house at my parent’s estate—the secrets you warned me about learning.”
How naive I’d been to think it was about him being gay.
He turns to face me directly. “Do you understand now why I won’t let you leave this castle and why I won’t send you home? No one can protect you like I can. I won’t risk losing someone else important to me.”
Important. Not someone else he loves. That was the arrangement.
Marriage on paper. Pretending it’s real in public.
But the sex…? Nothing stated that he’d desire me with such passion or that he’d pleasure me like he does.
I couldn’t have known I’d crave his touch or come to understand his reasonings, which only confuses the situation more.
Physically, he’s a romance hero brought to life.
He’s also a sexy villain, a tormentor, and a protector.
He’s complicated, seductive without even trying.
Standoffish but also caring, and now I know the reasons why. I know the loss and hurt he’s suffered.
I owe him the same respect, especially after the horrific ways so many of his family members were removed from his life.
“Thank you for sharing all that with me.” I trace my fingers across a collection of books that look historical, my focus on them rather than him to make this easier.
“I understand you better—your motives anyway. And I want you to know, I would never try to end my life. I was sad yesterday. Extremely hurt. It was shocking learning I have a different mother and that she died giving birth to me. I don’t even know what she looked like.
Do I look like her? Did my twin brother? Were we three matching caramel chews?”
“Caramel what?” The word actually sounds pretty in his English accent.
“Chews,” I answer. “It’s a candy I loved as a child. Who am I kidding? I still love it. It also describes me.” I face him and hold out strands of my hair. “I’m one color. Caramel from head to toe.”
“Hmm.” He digests my words before speaking. The corner of his mouth lifts with a tiny grin. “I think of you as golden. A golden princess. My golden princess.”
All the breath leaves my lungs. How I didn’t faint from that is beyond me. I felt it in every cell of my body. And now I’m in trouble. Big trouble. Huge.
I could see myself falling for him. Easily. One time in bed with Lachlan where I give myself to him completely, and I’ll be a goner. Over the cliff, floating in the clouds, dreaming of a love I can never have with him. And that won’t do.
“Are you all right?” He steps to me and brushes his fingers down my cheek.
I resist leaning my head into his touch. Tears sting my eyes, but none fall.
“Yeah,” I whisper and turn away, perusing the bookcases again but not really seeing them.
“This is the most I’ve ever shared with anyone.
Even my best friend only gets glimpses that I allow.
I never cry in front of her. I rarely cry, but here I’m a fountain of tears.
I think we should stop seeing each other.
” I exhale a slow breath, working to maintain my composure.
“That’s not how this works, Emery. We’re married. For better or for worse.”
“Well, this feels like for worse.” I sniffle and turn, following the curve of the bookcases in the opposite direction.
“Talk to me, Emery.” Lachlan moves behind me and touches my shoulders, stopping me.
“Is it your birth mum? Whatever information you want or need, I’ll get it for you.
If it’s an escape you want, I’ll take you across the castle grounds.
I’ll show you the gardens when the weather is better.
I’ll take you down to the coast if you want. ”
Tears break free, and my head falls forward. “You’re the problem now. Don’t you get it?” I whirl to face him, my cheeks wet. “I need a break from you, or I’ll end up doing something I swore I wouldn’t do. Something you would not like. Something that could destroy this truce between us.”
His brows draw together as he absorbs all I said. He blinks a few times. “I understand.”
“Do you?” I snap through my hitching breath and tears.
“You want to do all these wonderful things to my body. Give me all these amazing firsts. You showed me this room, opened up to me in a way I never… never would have expected from you. You care for me in a way my own family never has. It’s messing with my head and making me believe you care more than you do.
I know your limits, Lachlan, especially now.
I guard myself too. It’s easier that way—safer—but you…
I can’t give you my heart. I just can’t.
It would be a waste.” I wipe my nose and walk away, leaving the room in search of tissues and privacy.
Lachlan
Fuck. I stand there floored by what Emery confessed.
It hit me like a kick to my ribs and cracked something loose.
When I chose her over her sister there was one thing I thought they had in common.
The inability to care beyond themselves.
Although resilient, I thought Emery would be as shallow as her mother and sister appeared to be.
Not capable of deep emotion and certainly not capable of hitting me where it counts.
She’s much more vulnerable than I expected her to be.
I detest weakness, but on Emery, it makes me want to protect her more.
Worse, it makes me crave her more, not just physically but emotionally.
If I allowed it, we could be more. It would be easy for me to make love to her, to be gentle in a way I never bothered to be before.
Like fighting, sex was another act of aggression.
I’ve pushed Emery to lose control when it comes to me.
I’ve abused my power over her, luring her in and then shoving her away, only to rush forward and consume her however I desire.
At every turn, she resists then folds for me.
Last night, she fell apart without a fight and then scared me to fucking death.
I thought I’d lost control and did something that only happened once after Ewan died.
Mum was distraught and scared with her new diagnosis.
I wasn’t getting anywhere with Garyn at obtaining his business.
I punched the shit out of the bag in the cellar.
I even sparred with Wes. It wasn’t enough.
Tessa knew I was suffering and told me to use her however I needed.
I fucked her hard in the ass and then in the pussy.
She loved it and put my hands around her neck, adding pressure, urging me on.
“Harder,” she begged.
Everything about that encounter is blurry, except for when she went limp. I thought I killed her.
I tapped her cheek, trying to coax her back, and was about to call for help when she came to.
“Someone doesn’t know his own strength,” she said, weakly but not upset. Her tone hinted at teasing.
How could she joke about this? “I can’t believe I did that.” And without knowing. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Lachlan. Relax. You’re not the first person to do this to me during sex. It’s a kink.”
We’d only just started fucking back then. I didn’t know how erotic she was. Her brother thinks she’s timid about sex because of how their parents behaved when they were children. For how protective he is over her, he’s clueless about this side of his sister.
“You should see your face,” she teased. “White as a ghost. It can’t be the first time you’ve seen someone pass out. Not with the way you fight.”
She’d forgotten that two days earlier, my mum passed out while climbing the stone staircase to her library. I should have been there to help her. Instead, I was an hour away at an underground fight club, indulging my own needs while she lay at the bottom of the stairs—bruised and broken.
Lorna had been in the kitchen working. Mum knew to get her if she needed help, but she was so damn stubborn. She didn’t want to accept she was weaker now. She’d always prided herself on being strong. The motto on the MacReid family crest, which I had tattooed on my torso, means strong and faithful.
I got my other tattoo of the Dara Celtic Knot after my dad was murdered to show Mum I’d always stand strong and be there. The knot was her favorite symbol, representing nature, inner strength, and endurance. She lost that belief in the end.
Maybe because I failed her—worst of all on the day she jumped. I was even in the castle, but I wasn’t paying attention, too caught up in my own issues. I won’t do that to Emery.
When I chose her to marry, I felt nothing beyond attraction—which I'd felt for plenty of women before. I enjoyed taunting her. Now, I look forward to seeing her. I crave touching that silky skin and watching her come alive when I arouse her. I worry about her. But I worry about everyone. I want to believe it’s nothing.
It has to be. I’m going to ruin her family’s legacy, tarnish her name forever when I take over Spencer Securities and make Angus a partner—per our agreement.
I used to not care. The business won’t go under, it’ll just become dirty.
I’m no saint when it comes to investments and getting my way.
I’m a partner in many firms, but I’ve kept the money clean.
The distillery has always been legitimate—unlike the way Angus and his dad, before he died, run their farm.
It’s late to uphold what I promised Mum, but I’m committed to doing it, only now, hurting Emery in this way isn’t sitting easily with me. Putting distance between us might be a good thing.
I text Lorna.
Lachlan: If Emery eats and takes it easy today, have Rory take her to the stables tomorrow and introduce her to Boyd.
I’ll text him and make sure he gives her a docile horse, just to be safe. If riding is what she needs to distract herself from all the changes, I’ll allow it as long as Rory goes with her as a chaperone.
As much as I’d rather send Wes than my cheeky brother, with how cold Wes has been toward Emery, now that he’s here with her and his sister, who’s clearly upset over this, I don’t want to push him any further.
I also need to see Tessa. The fact that she saw Emery and brought her here has me a bit concerned. She knows I don’t allow anyone in my room. I never even invited her in here. She took Emery here to piss me off, which means she’s not as okay as she’d let on.