Chapter 29 I Wouldn’t Trade Him
I WOULDN’T TRADE HIM
The dream is the kind you don’t want to wake up from. The kind where you’re safe and snuggled in the strong arms of a man who smells like the woods, rain, and a salty breeze mixed into one.
I inhale deeply, trying to make the scent a part of me. The man it belongs to is already a part of me whether I want him to be or not.
But this is a dream. I can indulge in whatever I want and lock it away when I wake up.
Fingers brush across my cheek and warm lips press against mine in a sweet kiss that draws a moan from my throat.
“More.”
A deep chuckle sounds. It’s as soft as the fingers caressing my skin. Dream Lachlan is gentle.
Those lips touch mine again, this time lingering sensually before moving away. “You’re so beautiful in this serene state. So pliant.” His thumb sweeps over my bottom lip. “I should have told you. I should have explained.”
“Explained what?” I murmur and turn my head toward his warm chest, my eyes closed. If I open them, I’ll wake up and this dream will end.
“My plan, and how I altered it for you… because of my feelings.”
“You don’t have feelings. Not for me.”
“I didn’t want to.”
“You used me and planned to give me to that monster so he could…” I couldn’t even repeat the words. They were too horrible. “I heard you talking to Wes.” My lips pull with a deep frown, and I turn my head away. Waking up now would be good.
Dream Lachlan touches my cheek and nudges my face toward his chest again.
“I said that out of anger after you left me at our wedding. I was humiliated and enraged, but I’m selfish.
You belong to me. I never would have given you up.
I couldn’t even walk away from you when I developed strong feelings—feelings I didn’t want because they only lead to pain. ”
Sadness invades me—for him and for myself. “I don’t think we’re meant for love.” This dream isn’t as good as it started out. It hurts and I want to wake up. I force my eyes open.
A dimly lit room greets me. I know it. The basement? Lachlan holds me as he sits on the couch.
“You’re here,” I say, confused. My body feels weak and cold.
“Fuck, Emery.” Anguish contorts his features. He presses his forehead to mine, his hand in my hair holding the back of my head. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.”
“What happened? How are you here? Why are you acting this way?” Like he really cares.
He lifts his head. “I came for you. I’ll always come for you, my golden princess. My love. I vow to protect you, and I will with my dying breath.”
This isn’t right. Am I still dreaming?
I touch Lachlan’s face. Blood stains my fingers. I gasp and pull my hand away. “Who’s hurt?” Me or him? Adrenaline floods my system, giving me energy and making me more alert.
Why are we on the couch? I try to sit up, but Lachlan won’t let me go.
“Stop. I need to see who’s bleeding.”
“It’s me. It’s fine. Just a graze.”
“A graze? From a bullet?” Is he why there was a shootout?
“Let me up!” I insist and fight against him.
He lets me sit up on his lap. I turn as much as I can and inspect him. Blood covers the sleeve of his button-down shirt.
“It’s fine, Emery.” He cups my cheeks, like he can’t stop touching me. “For a moment, I thought you weren’t.”
“You know me,” I tease, even though I’m tense. “Always the fainter.”
He tugs on my blouse, showing me a large patch of blood. “I thought you were hit.”
“Is this yours?” It doesn’t make sense, but how did so much get on me?
“It’s Bran’s. He protected you. For that I’ll forever be in his debt. And I don’t owe debts to anyone.”
I glance around, searching for the kind man. “Where is he?”
“He’s with my doctor on the way to surgery. He’ll be all right.”
“What about you?” I gesture to his arm, afraid to touch him and hurt him worse.
“I’ll see a doctor once we’re home.”
“Then let’s go home.”
“So eager to patch me up? I figured you’d want to leave me for dead.”
“I should. You don’t deserve my compassion after what you planned to let Angus do—fuck me once you got your fill.” I glance away.
“I never would have let him touch you. Never.” He squeezes my thigh. “I told you I said that out of anger, but I never would have acted on it.”
I take in his bloody appearance and acknowledge that I’m here, not somewhere horrible with his vile cousin. “You saved me from him so I guess I owe you for that.”
“You guess?” He grins, but it’s tired like he’s drained.
“I should still hate you. I want to.”
“But you can’t because you love me.”
“Pfft.” I blow off his correct accusation. “In your dreams.”
“You’re always in my dreams.” He cups the back of my head and tries to kiss me.
I resist and plant my hand on his chest.
“All you’re doing is turning me on.”
“You’re shot. You can’t be turned on.”
He shifts me on his lap, so I’m straddling him. “When you’re around, I can be many things. I can be whatever you want me to be.”
“What does that mean?”
“What do you want from me? Name it.”
“You’re delirious from blood loss.” I try to shove off him.
He anchors my hips to his lap. “Tell me what you want. Whatever it is, it’s yours.”
Fine. He wants to do this here and now. I raise my chin. “I want a divorce.”
A sly smile tugs up one corner of his mouth. “That’s not what you want.”
I scowl. He can’t possibly know what I want better than I do.
“I want to move back to America and have my own home. I want to open a romance-only bookstore where they serve tea and desserts. I want it to look like a Jane Austen movie. I want a dog.” Maybe.
“A little one that I can take places like my bookstore.” If that doesn’t appall him enough, this certainly will.
“I want a man who loves and adores me. I want to marry him by the ocean with no one around except for us. I want him to be devoted to me and love my bookstore as much as I do.”
He shakes his head. “That’s asking for too much.”
I knew it. I knew he could never give me what I want.
“No man will ever love your bookstore as much as you.”
My gaze tightens with anger.
He glances at my fingers that are digging into his shoulders. “Could you ease up, love?”
I loosen my grip, unaware of what I was doing. “Don’t call me that.”
“Would you prefer I call you, Cat-fiadhaich? My wild cat.”
That’s what the name of the castle’s stray cat means? Hmph. “I’d prefer you call me a ride to the airport.” I shove away from him and stand.
His reflexes are usually faster. Either I caught him off guard or he’s getting too weak to stop me. Dammit, I shouldn’t care.
“What’s wrong with you?” I touch his forehead to see if it’s hot. He’s clammy and warm. But then he’s always warm.
“See. You love me.”
“Stop saying that.” I straighten.
He catches my wrist. “I can give you everything you asked for. It’s yours already.”
“Not your heart.” Why am I entertaining him?
“I might not know how to love you the way you deserve, but I can learn. Give me the chance, Emery. Please.”
Lachlan begging and using the word please…? I melt as if submerged into a warm bath with honey and lavender oil.
Tugging free from his grasp, I cross my arms and try my hardest to shield myself from falling deeper in love with my husband. So badly, I want to believe him.
“And what about my dad’s company? Wes said you’re going to destroy it, and I’m just a sacrificial lamb for a bigger arrangement?” My ears burn at the memory of hearing Wes.
“You have to understand I was desperate when I made that arrangement. Back then, you didn’t mean what you mean to me now. You couldn’t have. I didn’t know you. I didn’t know how we’d be together. You didn’t want to marry me either. We were obligated to do it to get what we wanted.”
“What I wanted never would have affected you negatively or made you a sacrificial lamb.”
“Those were Wes’s words. Never mine.”
“But you planned to destroy my family’s legacy. Did you forget this company is meant for our child—should we have one in the future?”
His features soften with a look of nostalgia.
I shake my head and step back. “You think I want a baby with you now?”
“Spencer Securities would have thrived, regardless of any criminal activity I brought to it, but you have to know I changed that plan for you. I was willing to go back to war, and I told Angus that, which is why he came here. He didn’t want to accept my new terms. Had you confronted me when you overheard me talking to Wes, I would have explained everything. ”
“Are you implying I overreacted?” I don’t give him a chance to answer.
“Because I don’t think I did. Like you said, our marriage is the result of a business merger.
More than once, you told me you don’t believe in love—that it’s the worst thing that can happened to a person.
It made perfect sense for me to believe what I heard was the truth and that you were using me to bring peace to your family and legacy. ”
He leans forward and stares up at me with that intense gaze of his. “You are my family. As for our business, it’s safe.”
“Until Angus tries something new.”
“He can’t. He’s dead. I killed him.” He runs his hand through his hair as if we’re discussing the weather.
“You… what?” My entire body freezes. Hearing him talk about killing in the past and knowing he did it in this very house—is the body upstairs?—makes it real in a way it wasn’t before.
Lachlan stands, his height imposing. “He touched you. He locked you down here. Had he taken you away from here, he would have done much worse. Things you would never get over.”
I shiver at the chill in his voice and know it’s true based on what Angus did in the brief time I was around him.
“He would have killed Bran; an innocent man who’s house he took by force. He never would have given us peace. And yes, Emery, there is an us. If I hadn’t killed him, he would have killed me.” He matches my step when I back up again. “Maybe you would have liked that.”
“I don’t want you dead,” I say in truth. “I want you out of my heart.”
The bastard smiles, one of his gleaming grins that lights up his gorgeous face.