Chapter 38
“You’re going to have to give me some clue here,” I say to Alara. “It’s one thing to quell my lust for a wolf’s blood. It’s another thing altogether to become Yoda and move things with my mind.”
She wrinkles her brow. “Yoda?”
I shake my head. If she doesn’t know about Star Trek, she probably doesn’t know about Yoda either. “Never mind.”
“Your mind is very powerful,” she says. “The same focus you use to control your blood lust can be used for so many other wonderful things.”
I hold back a scoff. She clearly believes every word she says.
And sure, I can control my blood lust—especially now that I know my baby doesn’t require his father’s blood.
Every vampire can control the blood lust. It’s something we have to learn to survive.
Otherwise we’d be feeding off unsuspecting people every day.
“Exactly how?” I demand, moving toward her.
“I never asked for any of this. I was happy in my ignorance, thinking I was solely human. Thinking my father was just some guy who tried to deny his homosexuality by marrying my mother. Never knowing why I preferred night to day, why my skin burned instead of tanned. Why—”
“You say that now,” Alara interrupts me. “But no one is happy in ignorance.”
I inhale deeply. “I got red-pilled big time.”
“Red-pilled?”
I shake my head, and I can’t help a chuckle. “Never mind.” Has this woman never seen a movie? “Fine. Show me how to move a rock. But I don’t see how that’s going to change the world.”
“Hannah, before you do anything more, I need you to open your mind.”
“To what, exactly?”
“To all you can be. To your dual nature.”
“I embraced my dual nature long ago. It’s not like I had a choice. It was forced on me when the blood lust hit.” I sigh. “Why couldn’t I be like my sister? She doesn’t carry the blood gene. She’ll never become enslaved the way I am.”
“Is it enslavement?” Alara asks. “Or is it a gift?”
“A gift to need blood to survive?” This time I don’t hold back my scoff. “It’s a curse.”
She steps toward me, her hands held out, and she smiles. Even in her advanced age, she exudes ethereal beauty. I can’t help but be mesmerized by her.
But I shake my head to clear it. “You’ll never convince me that the need for blood is a gift.”
“The blood gene gives you more than just the necessity for blood to survive. Has your father never explained this to you?”
I draw in a breath. “I try not to speak to my father if I don’t have to. He wastes no time in calling me to his bidding, and I’m—” I stop abruptly.
“And you’re what?” Alara asks.
“My blood tie to him always made me go to him when he needed me for something, but ever since Rogan…”
“You were able to resist,” she says.
I nod. “Yes. I mean, I still felt the pull, but I could challenge it in a way I couldn’t before.
” I tilt my head. “Why is that?” Before she can respond, I continue, “I thought it was because we were fated to be together, but that can’t be it because my father manipulated the whole thing.
We’re not fated.” My heart drops. “He’s mated to someone else now. ”
An image erupts in my mind. Rogan and his wolf mate, in wolf form, frolicking through the green meadow in the ether where he and I made love so many times…
“Fight that,” Alara says.
I clear my throat, erasing the thought. “Fight what?”
“Those thoughts, Hannah. Rogan is following his own path now, and it has diverged from yours. But you still carry his child. Your paths will cross again.”
“Not the way I want them to,” I say softly.
“Perhaps not,” she says. “But perhaps they will. Nothing is set in stone.”
“But they’re fated mates.” I shuffle my feet on the dirt floor. “She’s the one the universe chose for him.”
She steps toward me, her eyes narrowed. “Hannah, I understand your pain. But you must cast it aside for now. For you, and for the son you carry. He needs your strength. And your people need your strength. You must let Rogan go.”
She’s right, of course. Pining for a wolf who was never mine isn’t productive.
I meet her gaze. “Tell me what to do.”