Chapter 17 Zoe
ZOE
The silence was beyond deafening. Shock seemed to radiate to every part of the room, and my face burned. I wondered exactly how big the can of worms I had just opened was.
I could still take it back and tell them I was joking.
But I didn’t.
The twins had both tensed at my side. I felt them shift, scooting just slightly away so they could turn and look at me. The warmth of their bodies that had been pressed against mine moments ago felt suddenly distant. Asher’s mouth had dropped open, but he was the one who found his voice first.
“I’m going to need you to say that again,” he said slowly.
“And put it in writing and sign it,” Kai added.
Landon didn’t say anything. I was too nervous to look over at him, to gauge his reaction. My hands were clenched in my lap, nails digging into my palms.
Asher cleared his throat. “Three things. First off, what the fuck? Secondly, which one of us are you asking? And thirdly, what the fuck?” There was more emphasis on the last word this time.
Short of getting up and throwing myself into the fire, the only way to get through my extreme embarrassment was to pretend it didn’t exist. In other words, to bluff.
“What’s the big deal?” I forced myself to meet Asher’s eyes, then turned to Kai. “It’s something you know how to do and I don’t. So teach me.” Kai’s blue eyes were wide. “It’s no different from you teaching me how to ski,” I told him.
“It’s completely different from teaching you how to ski,” he said immediately.
“Why?”
That seemed to stump him for a few seconds. “Well, for one thing, the dress code is very different.”
I felt Landon shift beside me and wondered if he’d finally found his voice. And if the first thing he was going to ask me was if I was insane.
But that wasn’t the approach he took. “Think about what you’re asking, Zoe,” he began gently. “It’s not like a subject you learn in school. There are feelings involved.”
“Why?” I looked at him now, projecting confidence into my voice. “There weren’t with skiing. Except for frustration that it was so damn hard.”
Kai, for once, mimicked his brother’s calm and thoughtful tone. “I really don’t think you’re getting how different they are.”
Asher leaned forward in his chair. “If you really think they’re the same, then go roll around naked in the snow. Then do it in a bed and compare.”
My cheeks heated further, but I pushed on. “I’ve been learning what I need to know to run a luxury hotel for four years. I’ve done that to prepare for my future. Well, this is also something I need to know for my future.”
Landon gave my hand a light squeeze. “Does this mean you’re a virgin?” he asked softly.
I nodded because I didn’t want to admit it out loud. My throat felt tight.
“How is that possible?” Kai asked.
“Well, I was born that way.”
Asher gave a short laugh, and I tried again. I really had sprung this on them out of nowhere, but the feeling had been building inside me for days. “We’re here, spending our evenings together. Having fun around the fire. Why not make it more fun?”
“So it doesn’t matter who we are,” Asher said flatly.
“What?”
“It doesn’t matter who you’re with, as long as they have a cock.”
“That’s not what she meant,” Landon said.
I thought about it. What did I mean? I took a deep breath, my chest rising and falling. “I just mean, why does it have to involve feelings? I want to learn. I’d like you to teach me. Men can screw without feeling emotional about it, right?”
“Screw,” Asher repeated, scoffing. “You’re not ready for sex if you can’t even say the word fuck.”
“Oh, I can say it. Here, I’ll demonstrate.” I looked him directly in the eye. “Fuck you.”
He had the nerve to laugh.
“So let me get this straight.” I sat up straighter, trying to inject a sense of order into this bizarre situation.
“Your objections are that my delicate feminine feelings might get hurt? Can’t women just like to fuck?
” Now that I’d said it once, it was easier to say it again. I kind of liked it, actually.
“They can,” Kai said. “Especially when they’re with me.”
“Zoe, this is your first time.” Landon’s voice was serious. “That’s not something you... That’s not something to be casual about.”
“Oh yeah, according to books and movies, the first time is always magical, right? How was your first time?” I turned to Kai.
“Best nineteen seconds of my life,” he said, and I gave a small laugh.
“And you?” I looked at Asher.
“It was in her parents’ hatchback. We parked behind the shopping mall. She stroked me twice, and I came all over the steering wheel.”
Kai laughed. Then we all looked at Landon, and for a moment, I thought he wasn’t going to answer. His jaw worked like he was fighting with himself.
Then he sighed. “Well, it was better than their first times.”
“Because you were two years older than I was,” Kai pointed out.
“Because it was with someone I cared about,” he said quietly.
For a moment, I was jealous of that girl, whoever she was. I leaned forward, reaching for the bottle of champagne on the coffee table.
But Landon lifted his foot and pushed the bottle away from my grasp with his toes. “If you want us to take you seriously, stop drinking.”
That pissed me off. “You’re one to talk.”
“I’m not drunk,” he said.
“No, but you and your brother invented a drinking game for us the other night.”
Landon held his hands up in defense. “True, but this is a big decision, and consent needs to be given freely when you’re sober.”
“An important point,” I said. “Except for one thing. I’m the one who asked for this, so that means I’m seeking your consent.”
“All of us?” Asher asked.
“Well, yeah. I mean, I like all of you.” I paused. “Ish,” I added, looking directly at Asher.
“Trust me, that feeling is mutual.”
The small moment of levity helped. I took another breath. “I just—I’d like to learn, and I’d like you to teach me. And if it’s with one of you, I know my first time will be a hell of a lot better than yours were.”
“She’s got a point there,” Asher said.
“And no steering wheel to clean up,” I added, and he laughed.
Landon tried again. “This is a big decision.”
“And she’s a big girl,” Kai said. “If she wants to stop studying and finally start living, that’s up to her.”
“And to you all,” I said hastily. “I’m grateful for Kai’s support, but I’m not telling you what to do. I’m asking. You’re free to say no.”
Then Ash said something that shocked the hell out of me. “What’s in it for us?”
I blinked. “What do you mean?”
“I meant exactly what I said.”
“Well… sex,” I ventured.
“Sex with a beautiful woman,” Kai clarified, and he gave me a look that sent shivers down my spine.
But Asher was still being prickly. “None of us have trouble finding partners for sex.”
“Even here?” I asked. The average age of the guests had to be in the sixties.
“She’s got a point,” Kai said. “Not really into GILFs.”
I frowned. “That blonde lady in the lobby today wasn’t a GILF.”
Kai shrugged. “She’s married.”
“She looked like she wanted to jump you right then and there.”
“She’s suggested that several times,” he said, unbothered. “And I turned her down each time.”
I was surprised by that. “Are you going to turn me down?” I held his gaze.
Asher stopped him from answering. “This time, after hours, is our free time. Why should we waste it playing tutor? I spend half my day in the kitchen teaching beginners who can’t tell a sous chef from a soufflé.”
That stung. I wasn’t completely clueless, just inexperienced. And frustrated that Asher couldn’t even stop being an asshole even when I offered myself up to him on a platter.
“It’s a good thing we said feelings won’t be involved, otherwise I might be getting pretty pissed off with you right now.”
“With good reason,” Landon said.
Ash seemed unperturbed. “I’m just saying, what’s in it for us besides sex? We get paid for giving lessons, you know.”
“You want me to pay you?” I asked in disbelief.
“Of course not,” he said calmly. “But if you want a top-notch teacher, you need to offer something in return.”
“No, she doesn’t,” Kai said. “At least not with me. Sex is enough for me.” He grinned. “And you already know I’m a good teacher.”
I gave him the side-eye.
“Okay, you already know I can kiss.”
“That’s true,” I murmured.
“It is?” Asher asked.
I turned to Landon. “What about you? What do you want?”
“Nothing. Because I’m not going to do this.”
“You’re not? Why?” That hurt more than I expected.
“This isn’t right, Zoe. I’ll teach you to ski, how to wrap a sprained ankle in the middle of a blizzard. Hell, I’ll teach you chess, but not sex.”
“I already know how to play chess,” I said a little stiffly.
“Not like I do.”
Neither of the other two refuted that or made fun of it, so he must be really good. But it still hurt.
“Why?” I asked.
“This is a bad way to be introduced to sex.”
“Then show me a better one.”
He shook his head and looked away, his jaw tight.
With a sigh, I turned back to Asher. “Two instructors are better than one. So what do you want?”
“A favor,” he said simply.
“What favor?”
“Not now. A favor in the future.”
“But you can’t tell me what it is?”
He shook his head.
“Then I can’t agree to that. It could be anything. You could tell me to—” I paused.
“Tell you to fuck me?” he asked. “Isn’t that the point?”
This was getting confusing, but I nodded. “All right, a future favor, within reason.”
“Done,” he said, as emotionless as I was supposed to be. He turned to Landon. “Are you going to make a problem for us about this? Turn us into management?”
“Of course not,” Landon said. But he didn’t look happy.
Wow. My brain was having a hard time catching up with the events of the last few minutes.
I was shocked that I’d gotten up the courage to ask in the first place, and more shocked that they’d said yes—or at least two of the three of them had.
Relief, nerves, and a few doubts about my own sanity swirled around inside my head.
“When does the first lesson start?” I asked.
“No time like the present,” Kai said.
My jaw dropped. “Really?”
“Don’t get shy now, babe. You were doing so well.”
“She was?” Ash asked, and I glared at him.
“Yes, she was,” Landon confirmed. “She was brave as fuck and didn’t back down when we looked at her like she was crazy.”
Wait, he was defending me? “Does that mean you’re in after all?” I asked.
“No,” he said gently. “So I’ll say goodnight.” And he got up.
Suddenly I was scared. For the first time since I’d proposed these lessons, I let my vulnerability show. “Don’t go.”
He sighed, turning toward me but not looking me in the eye. “Zoe, this isn’t usually a spectator sport.”
“Please?”
He studied me, then looked at the other two. The firelight cast shadows across his face.
Kai shrugged. “Whatever she wants.”
Landon took another moment. Then he gave a stern look to his brother and Asher. “I’ll stay if you give her a safe word.”
I may have been a blushing virgin, but I knew what a safe word was. And why Asher was insulted.
“What, you think we’re not going to stop if she tells us to?” he said.
“Give her a safe word. Now.”
My pulse sped up at the authority, the power in Landon’s voice, though he hadn’t even raised it. I didn’t know he could speak like that.
“Bouillabaisse,” Asher said.
Kai and I gaped at him. “I can’t pronounce that,” I protested.
His eyes fell on the bottle on the coffee table. “Champagne?”
“That’s better.”
This time Landon did look at me. “You can use that any time. Or anything else. You can say no, stop, or don’t you dare get that in my hair. You say anything like that, and these two will stop instantly. Got it?”
That last part wasn’t directed at me. Kai and Asher both nodded.
I was still rather astounded to hear Landon speak so firmly. But I was relieved when he sat down, though he faced the fire instead of me.
“Thank you,” I said softly.
Then I turned to Kai, trying to reclaim some of my earlier bravado. “I’m ready for my first lesson.”
“You sure?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said as firmly as I could.
He smiled, and there was heat in his eyes—and something else. Authority, with a gleam of excitement.
“Then class is in session.”