Chapter 24 Zoe
ZOE
I crouched next to Landon and leaned toward him. I couldn’t see his face—it was buried in his hands—but I rubbed the back of his neck, trying to offer support.
This wasn’t my forte. I excelled in problem-solving and ideas, improving a business’s bottom line. This was more about support and friendship—things I’d never had much time for, any more than I had dating. But I felt so bad for Landon. I couldn’t stand to see him like this.
He sat there in silence for a long time. Minutes stretched out, marked only by the crackling of the fire. And then finally, he sat up straighter and looked at me like he was surprised I was there, even though I’d been beside him for at least fifteen minutes.
I didn’t know what he was going to say. But he finally glanced over at me and asked, “Are you cold?”
That wasn’t what I’d been expecting. He shouldn’t be worried about me, but he grabbed a blanket and put it around my shoulders, just like he’d always been getting me blankets, making sure I was warm.
I tugged on his hand, and we went to sit together on the sofa. I spread the blanket over both of us, our bodies close together in the dim firelight.
I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to tell him I thought he was a hero—because he’d gone out there and found them and saved them. That was his job, to save people, but it was still incredible. But I didn’t know if he wanted to talk about that. And I was sure he didn’t need me to be a fangirl.
So instead, I said softly, “Will you tell me about him? John?”
He shook his head. But then he pulled me against his chest, holding me as I leaned back against him. He was clutching me like a lifeline.
After a while, he dipped his head, his nose in my hair, just resting his head on mine. And finally, after at least ten minutes, he started to talk.
He told how he’d met John the during patrol training. How John had this terrible sense of direction off the mountain but could navigate a blizzard better than anyone Landon had ever seen. How they’d worked together for three years, rescuing people, saving lives.
“We got everyone,” Landon said quietly. “Every single person we went out for, we brought back safe.” His voice caught, and I squeezed his hand.
Then he gave a half-laugh—bitter and sad. “John used to say that if we ever got lost on the mountain, I should just follow the smell of his terrible coffee. He’d brew it in this beat-up thermos every morning. It was like drinking motor oil, but he swore by it.”
I smiled against his chest, even though my throat felt tight.
“I miss him,” Landon whispered. “Every day.”
I listened. I didn’t try to fix it or make it better. I just held him and let him talk when he wanted to and offered silent support when he didn’t.
Eventually, he said, “Thank you for being here. But I’m okay. I’m going to go to sleep.”
“Will you be able to sleep?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” The quiet, honest admission seemed to slip out of him.
I stood up with him. “Can I walk you to your door?”
He nodded, and we walked down the hallway together. When he reached his room, he opened the door and stood there, one hand on the frame.
“Let me stay,” I said. “Let me sleep here, just to be here if you need somebody.”
I thought he was going to say no, like he had for all our lessons. But after staring at me for nearly a minute, he held the door wider to let me in.
We lay on the bed in the darkness. Landon was wearing pants but was bare-chested.
I’d kicked off my heels and borrowed a bulky, cable-knit sweater from him.
It was huge on me, coming almost to my knees, but I left my skirt on, even though it was a bit too tight to be comfortable.
My hair was down, as per the guys’ orders.
I rested my head on his chest, my arm around his waist. My knee was bent, draped slightly over his leg. I was clinging to him, as if afraid that if I let go, he’d go back out there. And maybe not come back, like John.
He had his arm around me, softly stroking my hair. It was hypnotic, and I closed my eyes, listening to his steady breathing.
We fell asleep that way.
And we woke up that way.
When I opened my eyes, it was to find his blue eyes already open and watching me.
Before I could gather my thoughts, my attention was caught by the piercing on his nipple. I touched it gently with the tip of my index finger, not really playing with it, but exploring it.
“Morning,” I said, stroking the little metal bar. “Why do you have this?” I asked.
He misunderstood. “Kai and I were young. We dared each other. It hurt like hell.”
“No,” I said softly. “I mean, why do you still wear this? You could have taken it out and let the piercing close up.”
He was quiet for a moment. “Yeah. I thought about it. But it’s a connection to my brother. We used to be so close, that we didn’t even have to talk. We just knew what each other was thinking. Back then, I didn’t need a symbol to prove we were close. But things are different now.”
He paused, his fingers still gliding through my hair. “Every time I walk out of the shower, I look at that nipple piercing and wonder why a guy like me has it. But then I think of Kai. And I can’t bring myself to let the hole close up.”
Silence settled between us again. I waited, just letting him be.
Finally, Landon said, “Kai really came through last night. I thought I’d be all alone out there. That I’d have to do it all on my own. And then he showed up.”
His voice was thick with emotion. “I’ll always be grateful for that.”
“The family should be grateful for you,” I said. “You’re a hero.” But he didn’t seem to want to hear that, so I didn’t push it.
My hand was resting on his stomach. It was an intimate moment, full of comfortable silences. Then I finally said, “We were supposed to have a lesson last night.”
He was slow to respond to that. “Sorry I got in the way of your education.”
“I think I learned more about you and Asher and Kai last night than I have the entire time I’ve been here.”
“Good things?” he asked.
“Yes. About all three of you.” I propped myself up slightly to look at him.
“And… I’ve done things with them. Intimate things during lessons.
But I’ve never slept next to them, or any man.
I’ve never done that with anyone but you.
” I tried to stop there, but the next words just slipped out.
“I’m glad you were my first—the first man I slept next to. ”
“I’m glad too,” he said quietly.
“Can I kiss you?” I clamped my mouth shut after that, afraid of what else might come out. Then I held my breath as I waited.
He was silent for a moment. Then he shook his head. “It’s not a good idea.”
“Not even if it’s just about friendship and support?”
His jaw tightened. “I want you, Zoe. You have to know that. But it’s not a game to me, and it shouldn’t be to you.
I’m not judging. You, Ash, and Kai are allowed to have fun, and you should be able to learn whatever you want to learn.
But… I wish it were more special for you.
I wish that you would allow yourself more than just a few steamy nights. ”
“I just…” I didn’t even know how to explain it to him. And I wasn’t even sure I disagreed with anything he’d said.
“I can’t be like they are with you.” He raked his hand through his hair, clearly upset. “It’s so hard, seeing you with them, so close by, and to know that I can’t just reach out and touch you.”
“But you can,” I said.
“No, I can’t. That’s not who I am.” His voice was rough. “Sometimes I wish I was more like Kai. Maybe a bit like Ash, too. But I’m not. I’m me. And I can’t be part of what you three are doing.”
“I understand,” I said softly. “I apologize for upsetting you.”
I got up and paced the room restlessly. I was here to support Landon, not badger him, but I just couldn’t let it go. He’d admitted that he did want me in that way, and that he was just holding himself back. That fact changed everything.
And then I thought of Mia and Diego. How they’d engaged in some role-play at the coffee shop. How Mia had been having fun pretending Diego was a stranger, flirting with him like they’d just met.
“What about role-play?” I asked suddenly.
He looked confused. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you said you can’t be with me. But what if someone else could?”
“Ash and Kai aren’t enough for you?”
I was getting frustrated. This was important. “They are, but I want you. I have from the start. So… maybe you could pretend to be someone else, just for a little while. Someone who’d allow himself to be with me.”
He was distracted now. “Role-play? What do you mean? Like a naughty nurse and a patient? Or should I pretend I’m a sparkly vampire and you’re my human victim?”
I shook my head. “Be Kai.”
He was really taken aback. “What do you mean?”
“Pretend you’re him. You look like him. Just let yourself go. Let yourself be free and easy like him… I mean, if you want to be.”
He was astounded. Finally, he said, “Sometimes we used to switch places. Like when one of us had an appointment or meeting we didn’t want to go to, we’d do rock, paper, scissors to see who would actually go. But we haven’t done it in years.”
“Kai could touch me,” I said. “Kai could be with me. I wish things were like that with you. But if I can only have you while you’re pretending, then that’s what I want.”
For a long moment, he just stared at me. I would’ve bet a million dollars he was going to reject my idea.
Then he grabbed me and pulled me to him. He sat on the edge of the bed and then I was in his lap, my arms wrapped around him.
And he kissed me. Hard. As if he’d been waiting to do that for years, not weeks.
This was what I’d wanted for so long. But it wasn’t slow and gentle like I’d thought it would be. And then I realized—he was being Kai, like I’d just told him to.
After an interval of kissing that left me breathless, he growled in my ear, “What was the next lesson?”
“I think... fingers,” I managed, blushing.
“That’s too tame. I want to taste you.”
I’d never had that done. Panic flared in my chest. Would he be okay with the way I looked down there? The way I smelled?
But then his voice softened, reverting to his gentler side. “You were there for me last night. Let me make you feel good today.” After a long moment, I nodded.
He laid me back on the bed, my legs hanging off the edge. He knelt between them, and his hands slid up under my skirt raising it and exposing me. Except with him, I never felt exposed. I always felt safe.
Then his mouth was on me.
I gasped at the first warm breath that touched my heated skin.
At the stubble along his jaw tickling me.
And then the touch of his tongue. It was warm and soft and so incredibly intimate.
He moved slowly, deliberately, like he had all the time in the world.
Like making me feel good was the only thing that mattered.
He licked and sucked and explored, learning what made me gasp, what made my hips roll. The pleasure built gradually, naturally, like a tide coming in. Not frantic or rushed, but unstoppable. And I didn’t want it to stop.
His hands were on my thighs, holding me steady as I started to tremble. And when I came, it was with a cry that seemed to come from somewhere deep inside me. Wave after wave of pleasure rolled through me, and he stayed with me through all of it, gentling his touch as I came down.
Afterwards, I was dazed and happy, my body still humming with aftershocks. I looked over and saw that he was hard, the bulge in his pants unmistakable.
“Let me taste you now,” I said.
“No. That’s a different lesson.”
I sat up, reaching for him. “Landon—”
“I’m okay,” he said, pulling me into his arms. “This was for you.” He hesitated. “Because you were there for me. And because I wanted to.”
I rested my head on his shoulder, my heart so full it almost hurt. I’d been wanting this—wanting him—from the start. Even when I’d told the guys that I didn’t want feelings to get involved, I’d known it might not be possible with Landon. I’d already been starting to have feelings for him.
But then he’d said he wasn’t going to participate in the lessons, and I’d thought that was that.
And now I’d finally been with him. Finally felt his hands on me, his mouth on me.
But even as I held him, I thought about Asher teaching Emma to make eggs. About Kai showing up to help his brother. About the way they’d both touched me, made me feel things I’d never felt before.
Was I starting to develop feelings for them too?
I pushed the thought away. You couldn’t have feelings for more than one man. That wasn’t how it worked.
“Thank you for sharing that with me,” I whispered against Landon’s shoulder.
He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Thank you for being here. For not giving up on me.”
And in that moment, wrapped in his arms, I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.