Chapter 32
THIRTY-TWO
“Tani, we have a problem.” It was the first thing Jessie said to me after I knocked on her door. I visited her minutes after Hayden left me despite how drained I felt.
My stomach roiled uncomfortably. “More problems?” I asked.
She stepped back from her doorway and allowed me entrance into her house. A few steps in, I saw Nico and Robert sitting on the sofa, in almost identical positions, their arms crossed.
I looked between them and Jessie, and frowned.
“What's the problem?” I asked.
“I don't necessarily see it as a problem,” Robert said, eyeing Jessie pointedly. “Although she clearly does.”
Jessie let out an exasperated sigh. “He overheard me speaking with Gerard.” Apparently noting my confused expression, she added, “I asked Gerard to drop me back here because I was feeling sick after... today. And, before he left, he talked to me on the porch. Neither of us realized Robert and Nico were snooping around the corner.”
“We weren’t snooping,” Robert protested. “We were—”
“Wait, hold that thought,” I murmured. I looked around, suddenly remembering that this was a shared house. “Where’s your fam—?” I began to ask. But Jessie was already shaking her head.
“Don't worry, they've gone to visit your aunt and uncle,” she said. “They won't be back here for a little while.”
I sighed, returning my attention to the two headstrong males sitting in front of us. “So… what did you hear?” I asked, also crossing my arms.
Jessie pursed her lips and raised an expectant eyebrow at the men.
Nico cleared his throat. “First, as Robert was saying, we weren’t ‘snooping’.
” He gave Jessie an offended look. “We were letting off some steam outside, after work. Not our fault these box houses are built so close together. Anyway, what we gathered is that you and Jessie have ‘significantly escalated your work opportunities’, to paraphrase something that guy said.”
“Gerard,” Jessie muttered.
“It sounds like a fancy way of saying you and Jessie are making bank now,” Robert said.
“Or are, at least, on your way to it. Sounded like you’ve been recruited to some sort of higher-tier work level, involving some sort of specialized training which provides substantial monetary benefits, and access to greater opportunity of pay? ”
I almost wanted to laugh at the discrepancy between his description and what I was actually going through at this moment. I probably should have laughed, because otherwise I was on the verge of tears.
On paper, how Robert described it was how it had been sold to me, too.
“I'm also aware, from Jessie,” Robert went on, “that you're not allowed to tell us details about it. But it's hard to unhear what we already heard, and we’d like in on this.”
I groaned internally. I didn’t have the energy to deal with this now. Jessie’s expression mirrored my inner state.
“I'm fed up with scraping around those jobs lists, ending up in construction most days, and if I'm lucky bagging a job in the beehives or in a sweltering cavern,” Nico added. Irritation and resentment pulsed in his voice. “I’m sick and tired. I want to speak to your contacts and ask if they’ll let me in.”
I looked at Nico’s face, and my heart cracked a little.
I genuinely believed him. He looked sick and tired—of this life at Fairwell, of all of it.
He wanted something better, just as I had wanted when I first stepped out of line to grab that job in the submarine.
But like me at that time, neither Nico nor Robert had foresight into what they were jumping into.
I took a moment to collect my thoughts and try to steady my voice. It had been an extremely long day, but this was an important conversation. Probably the most important. I had the opportunity to prevent two people I loved from trying to do something epically stupid.
“I know exactly how you're feeling, Nico and Robbie,” I said, taking a deep breath.
I moved forward and placed a hand on each of their shoulders, squeezing gently.
“But you're going to have to trust me when I say you will be thankful you stayed out of this.” Nico's brown eyes searched me in confusion.
“You know I would never say this to you if I didn't mean it. You know that, Nico. I would never, ever, in a million years try to hold you and Zina back from doing the best you possibly can for your current and future family. So, you've just gotta believe me when I say: you’re better off staying out of this.”
I turned my attention to Robert. “And I say the same to you. You know me, Robbie. You know I would never give you anything except the truth, even if you hate it.”
I then faced Jessie, realizing this was for her, too. “And you, Jessie,” I said. The conversation I had just had with Hayden reverberated in my mind. “There’s no justification for putting yourself through this. You need to back out now while you can.”
Jessie's eyes widened as she stared at me. “Are you kidding? And leave you doing this alone?”
I wanted to grab her shoulders and shake her.
“This isn't about being alone! This is about as many of us as possible being safe!
You don't need to do this, Jessie. Yes, your family’s got a ton of kids to pull together, but at least right now, you don't have an absolute emergency. None of your family is seriously ill. You could withdraw tomorrow and still go on.”
Her expression softened and she paused, biting her lower lip. “I-I know Tani,” she said after a beat. “But I just can't. I can't leave you doing this alone, not after today. Not after what we—” Her voice cracked.
The two men had grown more serious as they’d watched us.
I hoped Jessie’s and my exchange would help to impress upon them the gravity of the situation.
Although it hadn't been expressly explained to them that the reason I had no choice but to do this was because Anna had paid for my parents to stay in a clean hospital, they probably had enough to go on to paint a basic picture.
I looked at all three of my friends pleadingly. “I just want you to be safe.”
“But it sounds like you're not safe somehow, Tani,” Nico said, his voice laced with concern.
“I agree with Jessie,” Robert said. “You're fighting a losing battle if you think you can persuade us to let you do… whatever it is you're doing… all alone. If anything, you've given us more of a reason to join you.”
I cursed under my breath. What could I say to dissuade them? I had pulled out my trump cards.
“But guys,” I protested.
“Don't but guys us,” Robert said, standing up.
He took my elbows gently and led me to sit on the sofa.
“You look exhausted, by the way. Eat this snack.” He reached into his backpack and pulled out what looked like some sort of flat cake, wrapped in a transparent package.
“Mom made it. You can take the baker out of the kitchen but can't take the kitchen out of the baker, or whatever that saying is.”
I tried to smile, but it must have come out as a grimace.
My stomach twisted into painful knots. Hayden had just offered to lay down his life savings for the sake of getting me out of this situation, and now two more of my friends wanted to jump right into it?
I would have laughed were the situation not so dire.
“But I don't think it would even work,” I said, desperately trying to change tact. “You need to be selected for this. You can't barge your way in. You might even get into trouble if you tried.”
“We wouldn't barge our way in,” Nico said, frowning. “We’d wait with you until one of those reps comes back to see you, and we’ll tell them the truth. Say we overheard a conversation and wondered if we could get in on this opportunity.”
“Yeah, neither you nor Jessie need to do anything. Just let us hang around,” Robert chimed in.
I looked at Jessie questioningly. “Did Gerard say he’s coming back to collect you tomorrow?” I asked.
She gave a pained nod.
That was weird, because Anna said I needed to make my own way up there. Maybe that had been because she was in a bad mood with me. Whatever the reason, I pushed that thought aside for now.
“And you think you're just going to go up to him and speak to him, say you want in on whatever we're doing?” I said.
“Yep.” Robert nodded firmly.
“What if you got us into trouble?” Jessie said. “Gerard might think that we told you.”
“Unlikely,” Nico replied. “He noticed us on his way out, and he looked a little sheepish, so he probably already suspected that we overheard since you weren’t whispering.”
“Yeah,” Robert confirmed. “He gave us a look as he walked away.”
I clenched my fist around the cake and tried to take a bite, but I might as well have eaten wood. I couldn't enjoy it in the slightest. I set it down on a plate and drank some water with unsteady hands.
“Even if you ask, there's no guarantee you'll be accepted,” I said, and the thought gave me a small burst of relief. After all, it looked like all the menteeship positions had already been taken, assuming those thirteen groups were the only ones participating in the current Course.
So perhaps, even if they asked, they would be turned away. Robert was not the most athletic, although as I looked at him I realized he’d lost a significant amount of weight and was probably fitter than when we arrived, from all the manual labor. Nico was definitely physically fit.
I wanted to scream at them everything that Hayden had said to me.
But I realized now it would only have the opposite effect.
The more dangerous they thought this path was, the more protective of me they’d become.
Tears welled in my eyes and my throat choked up.
This was what it meant to have people who fiercely loved you.
I couldn’t forget that I still had that.
Although, I feared it would be both a blessing and a curse.