Chapter 12
“Iwrote you a poem.”
Carly squinted against the sun to better see Gage. He was floating on a giant cloud, which was a good indication she was dreaming. She went with it anyway, wanting to hear just what kind of poem Gage might write her.
“Let’s hear it.” Carly lay back on her surfboard. She figured it was floating on the water until she realized that she, too, was up in the clouds.
Gage cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. “Don’t make fun of it, okay?”
. “Never.” She shook her head, heart breaking the tiniest bit; she loved this vulnerable side of him
The sun grazed his gorgeous face, accenting his strong, chiseled jaw. “Okay, here it goes. It’s called Wishes, by Gage the surf-boy poet.”
Carly tried to ignore how close to Jimmy the cowboy poet that sounded and simply focus on the poem. Each word became bubble letters in the sky as he spoke them.
“My mind is ever filled with wishes of loving. Loving her.
I love her, but I can’t have her.
I can’t have her because I’ll be gone.
I’ll become a Hollywood star and leave her pining after me, the way Jimmy did.
Maybe. Maybe just one day I’ll come back for her.
Maybe that day will never come.”
The puffy, cloud-like letters hung in the sky, white against the blue, as a cannon-sized hole formed in Carly’s heart.
“How do you like my poem?” Gage’s brown eyes, so innocent and kind, stared at her expectantly. “Do you like it?”
Suddenly, Carly noticed a giant magnifying glass centered right over her heart. The sun’s bright beam shone hard on the beveled glass. Carly straightened and looked down at the smoldering black hole in her chest.
Another look at the magnifying glass said that Jimmy held it, a clown-sized frown on his face as he burned the hole deep and wide.
“Stop it, Jimmy,” she cried. “I’m done with you.”
Gage came up behind, tapped Jimmy on the shoulder and snatched the magnifying glass from him. “You heard her,” he snapped. “She’s done with you.”
With that, Gage glanced up at the sun, held out the magnifier, and hovered it over Carly’s heart once more.
A deep gasp tore from Carly’s throat as she shot up in bed. Her hands went straight to her chest, patting at the area to ensure she was whole, that it had just been a terrible dream.
“Thank heavens,” she muttered, and flopped back onto the bed. A quick glance at the nightstand said it was just past two in the morning. The sight grounded her back in reality once more; she was at home, in bed, not up in the clouds of that horrific nightmare.
Heart pounding, face sweating, Carly shifted onto her side and stared into the darkness. The horrible poem played out in her mind once more, all to the heart-breaking sight of Gage’s wickedly handsome face.
She curled into a ball and willed herself to forget it. Forget the nightmare, forget the poem, and forget the deep sense of foreboding that left her entire core aching even still.
A new image shot to her mind then: Gage standing before her, hands clasping hers, admitting that he was falling in love with her.
A fresh ache ripped through her. She regretted not returning the sentiment, especially since she was falling in love with him in return.
But saying it aloud? The idea had nearly paralyzed her.
It was like taking every one of her precious hopes and sinking them into one basket. And as attractive as that basket might seem, Carly wasn’t sure she could trust it with hopes so fragile and new.
She snatched her phone off the side table, anxious to see if Gage had texted her after she’d gone to bed. He hadn’t, but someone else had. Jimmy. Her stomach clenched as she tapped on the screen to read it.
Can’t stop thinking of you. I know I let you down by not coming out, but I wrote something new for you.
Carly couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She slid her thumb along the screen, skimming right past the poem without reading it. She had enough going on in her life; there was no need to get sucked into Jimmy and his drama now or ever again.
With that determination urging her on, Carly began tapping out her reply. She was moving on with her life, and Jimmy—whether he’d follow suit or not—needed to know that she was saying goodbye for good.
Jimmy, you’ve taught me a lot over the years. I hope I’ve done the same for you. But it’s time…
Her fingers froze in place as a deep sadness crept down her body. In flooded the images of Ava cradled in her arms, Jimmy right by her side. Had she forgotten how difficult this was? How impossible it had been to put the final nail in their relationship coffin?
The thought provoked images of a different coffin.
Pale pink and newborn small, a wreath of white roses resting on top.
Jimmy hadn’t left Carly’s side that day.
Of course he hadn’t; not one memory from that time was her own.
Every detail she’d encountered with her baby girl was intertwined with the one person who knew the depths of her grief.
Like an inseparable trio: Ava, and the young foolish parents whose lives were taken by the crashing storms of love and loss like they’d never known.
But that was just it though, wasn’t it? The trio had been so deeply rooted in her mind, Carly couldn’t separate Ava from Jimmy.
At once she sat up and stared into the dark room, realization hitting her like a truck.
“That’s why…” she declared, She wasn’t attached to Jimmy; she was attached to Ava. To the precious memory of her baby. Why hadn’t she realized that before?
She just needed to mentally separate the two.
She could do that. She could.
Carly shut her eyes, gripped the pendant at her neck, and focused. I’m not giving you up, Ava. You’re my baby girl forever. But I’ve got to move on now, the way I’d want you to.
She allowed herself to imagine it. The photo Mom had taken of the three of them in the hospital.
In her mind, Carly split the image down the center.
Only she didn’t have to choose which one kept Ava.
They both would. In Jimmy’s picture, he’d be cradling her alone.
In Carly’s, she’d be doing the same. And maybe one day someone would join her.
A man ready for what life might bring. She pictured Gage filling that spot and grinned.
Gage. She sighed. He was incredible. Just the night before, he’d placed the most gentle kisses over her cheeks. He’d caressed her face so tenderly. The affection he’d shown her was unlike anything Carly had ever known.
She shifted her mind back to the task at hand, feeling ready to do what had to be done. Her reservations put to rest, Carly took hold of her phone once more. She started where she’d left off and took it from there.
But it’s time we release each other once and for all.
I hope you’ll do what it takes to move on.
That’s what I intend to do.
May God guide your path.
She did hope God would guide Jimmy’s path. In fact, Carly took a moment to lift that very prayer for him. She rested the phone back on the nightstand, pulled her knees to her chest, and sat in the silent darkness with her new reality.
Gage is actually falling in love with you, Carly.
A rush of excitement pooled in, but Carly was quick to counter it.
Sure, Gage was interested in getting closer to Carly for now, but that didn’t mean he wanted a future with her.
Couples had casual relationships all the time.
What if all he wanted was to cozy up to a warm body while he was here, keep himself from getting lonely?
He’d picked the wrong girl for that.
Carly sensed his intentions were better than that, but intentions aside, Gage was about to step into the life of a Hollywood star.
That made him a wildcard, and the last thing she wanted to do was dive into a relationship with yet another man who wouldn’t commit.
She’d lingered in the stagnant waiting game with Jimmy for far too long.
Could she really trust that a relationship with Gage Craven would be any different?
The dream didn’t go away as easily as Carly would have liked. Meeting Gage on the beach for his lesson only brought the nightmare to life. She couldn’t help but picture him drifting off his board and into the sky and reciting that horrible poem about how he would soon leave her.
Sure, she’d effectively closed one door, she had, but what if this other door wasn’t much better?
Tiny grains of sand sifted through her fingers as she watched Gage from the shoreline.
He was doing exactly what she’d taught, diligently stroking to keep up with the oncoming wave.
Carly remembered the excitement of catching the next thrill.
Not wanting even one chance to come and go without at least trying to ride the wave.
What if she fit into that type of category where Gage was concerned?
Was she simply Gage’s idea of a good time?
She seems to be into me, may as well have a little fun while I’m here.
But Carly wasn’t there to be some guy’s latest conquest. She was—as they say—older and wiser and ready for a man to give his life to her, like Shawn had with her sister Jill.
Gage came back into focus as he popped up on both feet.
He caught the wave, all right. Perfectly.
He was getting good. He’d been exceptionally focused on boarding today, no doubt trying to avoid the massive elephant on the beach—the fact that Carly hadn’t returned his sentiments last night.
She only hoped they’d have a chance to talk things out today after the lesson.
Part of her feared Gage would take off once their time was through, saying he’d signed up for a tee-time on the resort’s famous golf course.