Chapter 12 #3
Gage grinned, then came in for a very alluring kiss that would not be found on such a playground. “Yes,” he mumbled against her lips. “What do you say?”
A swell of mixed emotions rose from someplace deep inside. Gage really was interested in only her. The security of that fact was a draw all its own. A foreign one. It triggered an even deeper sense of love and connection to this man who was quickly becoming an important part of her life.
“Yes,” she managed. “I’m not interested in dating anyone else, Gage.”
A triumphant grin pulled at his lips, revealing a grin so swoon-worthy she nearly lost her breath.
You, Carly. He only wants you.
As if to confirm that thought, Gage cradled the back of her neck, his hand all warmth and strength, and came in for another kiss. This time his lips were stronger, more certain, as he lured her into a deeper exchange.
Carly welcomed it, allowed the euphoria to rise with every tender touch and taste. When Gage released a soft groan from low in his throat, Carly echoed the sentiment with a sigh of her own.
Moments ticked by as she made up for all the wasted years she’d spent alone, enjoying his masterful lips that were soft and strong all at once.
When the thought came that she would never get enough of him, she wrapped her arms around his solid form, pulled back from the kiss, and buried her face in the nook between his shoulders and neck.
Her breath came out jagged and hitched. She was far too caught up in the passion of it all, and she didn’t want to end up in the same boat she’d found herself in at seventeen years old. Which reminded her…it was time. Time to let him know about that side of her.
She pulled back to search his face for a beat, then dared herself to speak up. “I’ve been wanting to tell you about my past.”
Gage snatched a blanket off the couch, leaned onto a nearby floor pillow, and patted the spot beside him. “Alright,” he said. “I’m listening.”
She lay down on her side next to him and scooted an inch or two to snuggle her back against his chest, expecting her heart to start racing in the moment of anticipation.
But having Gage so close with his arm encircling her body…
the combination put her at ease. Carly remembered spooning with her mom when she was little.
This was, of course, very different. But the feeling of comfort was the same.
She felt safe with Gage, and she liked that.
Liked being attached to someone so stable compared to the cowboy poet.
“So, I fell in love with Jimmy when we were in high school. We were young, had a lot of alone time on our hands, I guess you could say, and I ended up getting into trouble. I mean, I became pregnant. As a teenager.”
Seconds ago, Carly had been glad she wasn’t face-to-face with Gage, but in the pause following that bomb, she wished she could take in his expression.
“I was only seventeen, but Jimmy was set to graduate at the end of the school year and he already had a full time job.” She wasn’t sure when she’d grabbed hold of the pendant, but already Carly was rubbing her thumb over the surface.
“I wanted to find a nice couple and give her up for adoption, but Jimmy—he was adamant. He wanted to be her dad. I don’t know how he did it, but somewhere along the way, he made me want to be her mom too. ”
“We made the decision to keep her before they detected any problems, but then in one of the ultrasounds they saw it—a condition called anencephaly. It was bad. Bad enough that doctors suggested I go into early delivery before she stood a chance to live outside the womb, insisting that she wouldn’t survive anyway. ”
Tears filled her eyes and flowed onto her cheeks.
Her lip trembled. “I, um, neither of us could do that. So we waited until I was thirty-six weeks. It was the day after my eighteenth birthday. I hoped that at least, maybe that way, we’d get to have her with us a little longer.
” Carly let the images flood in for a second: Ava’s tiny fist curling around her finger; the unexplainable connection Carly felt when she cradled her tiny form in her arms and looked into her deep blue eyes.
“She was so…alive, but only for a while. Two hours, twenty-three minutes, and a few seconds. And then she slipped away from us.”
Gage tightened his grip around her as she gave into a silent sob. He planted a kiss to her temple. “I’m so sorry, Carly.” He sniffed and pressed a kiss to her head. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“Her name’s Ava. And I think about her every single day.”
“I bet she was beautiful like her mommy,” he mumbled against her hair.
More sobs rocked her body at the sound of his words. At the kindness of his response. With his arms still wrapped securely around her, his heavenly spicy scent filling each breath, Carly took hold of Gage’s hand and lifted it to her lips. She pressed a kiss to the center of his palm. “Thanks.”
“Is there any way people can avoid it, or is it just random?”
Carly had asked the same thing upon learning of the condition. “It’s what’s considered a neural tube defect. Some studies show that the addition of folic acid can reduce the risk of those defects—like, taken even before the mother gets pregnant—but of course we weren’t planning on having a baby…”
“Yeah, that makes sense,” Gage said softly.
“Around the second week in January, the National Birth Defect Prevention Network has something called Folic Acid Awareness Week. They encourage women between the ages of 15 and 45 to get plenty of folic acid to prevent defects like spina bifida and anencephaly. Since it happens at such an early stage in the pregnancy, it’s best for women to take it at least a month before getting pregnant. ”
“That’s good that they’re raising more awareness about it,” Gage said.
“Yeah,” she agreed. “I donate to that cause now. And to this other one that helps with the expenses attached to infant loss, since that’s really difficult to deal with when you’re like, grieving and everything.”
“I can imagine,” Gage said.
He held her as the minutes ticked by, and Carly bathed in the great sense of peace, connection, and healing.
Is this what love felt like? It was the closest thing to mature, romantic love she had known.
In that moment, she wasn’t worried about Gage leaving her.
About some inability to fully love her. He’d silenced those concerns, allowing a deep sense of hope to take root.
“We’ve got a little less than two weeks here,” Gage said under his breath. “Then I’ll be off to shoot the film next, but it shouldn’t take more than a month.”
Carly stared across the room, eyes landing on a sliver of sun across the way. Had the storm ended so quickly?
“When I get back,” he continued, “I’d like to get an apartment somewhere between your place and the university.”
The roots of hope grew deeper. He was talking about a future together. About getting an apartment with her in mind. Carly grinned. “That would be perfect.” She ran the tips of her fingers down Gage’s arm, tracing the muscle leading from his elbow to his wrist.
“I meant to tell you,” Gage said under his breath.
“I got a call from my Dad yesterday. He said there was a lot of buzz surrounding my babe of an instructor.” He gave her an extra squeeze.
“I didn’t ask how he’d heard it—obviously he has his ways—but I wanted to let you know in case the tabloids pick it up. Will that put your job in jeopardy?”
Carly tried to imagine what it would feel like to wind up on a tabloid with Gage Craven.
So long as it tied her to him, made it clear that the two were together, it didn’t sound so bad.
But as for her job? “I don’t think so. I mean, the resort does have a strict privacy policy since we have so many high profile patrons.
” She pictured the mansions at the far end of the beach, considered some of the famous guests who’d stayed in them.
“Everyone on staff has to sign contracts about not revealing names or confirming details. So if something was leaked, it’d most likely be by a guest.” She shrugged onto her back, repositioning herself until she faced him. “But you know what?”
Gage held her gaze, that gorgeous lift of his dark brow a question all its own. “What?”
“There’s no one here to see us right now,” she said.
There went that grin of his. “Good point.” He ran a hand over the curve of her shoulder. Along the side of her neck. More chills rippled over her skin. Gage lowered his head then, and came in for a long, lingering kiss that had her melting all over again.
Carly knew they should get back on the beach; the clouds had obviously made way for the sun once more. But first, she’d enjoy kissing the man who—despite the fact he’d be stepping onto a Hollywood set soon— made Carly feel like she was his whole world.