Chapter 22
Carly couldn’t remember being so miserable. Both Mom and Jill were at Carly’s place by the time she pulled into the driveway. Bless Jill for circling the wagons. Since then, the two had poured on the love, assuring Carly that she was not alone and that they’d do anything they could to support her.
While having her small family there kept her from returning to an empty home, Carly couldn’t help but picture the magnifying glass from her dream hovered over her chest, carving a hole into the center of her heart with slow-burning precision.
Jill, bless her, had offered to curl into bed with Carly while Mom took the spare bed.
She’d taken her up on it too, and reminded herself all night long that at least Gage Craven had fallen in love with her.
She truly believed that he had, but that he’d simply been denying it to appease his father.
But then again, how much could he really love her if he was okay with keeping her a secret?
She couldn’t help but think Gage had never really sent that message to his dad after all.
Maybe he’d somehow set up that whole thing just to…
to make her think that he wasn’t like Jimmy.
Incapable of taking things to the next level.
“So you going to be ready to go back to Myrtle Beach on Saturday?” Jill asked as she joined Carly on the back patio. She offered a mug of coffee to her, taking a seat once Carly took hold of it.
“Thanks.” She wrapped her fingers around the hot mug and sighed. Could she really go back to The Royal Palm? “I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I’m pretty sure that everywhere I look will make me think of him now.”
Jill nodded. “Mom’s baking banana bread in there.”
Carly shot her a look. “Our mom is?”
A small giggle sounded in Jill’s throat. “I know. I think she’s finally becoming a normal mom. Why couldn’t she have taken up baking while we were kids? Save us from all the packaged cakes and goodies we were always scarfing down?”
“No kidding.” If nothing else, Jill had distracted Carly right out of her musings. She never thought she’d see the day her mom baked banana bread. “I’d like to go to Ava’s grave today.” She glanced over at her sister, squinting against the morning sun. “Will you come with?”
“Of course.”
Carly figured her older sister had a whole lot to say about Gage. What she couldn’t understand is why she wasn’t saying it. Didn’t she want to tell Carly that she was making a giant mistake?
She took a sip of her coffee, knowing, before even tasting it, that Jill had made it just right. Not only did the creamy appearance of the brew confirm it, the pair had known one another’s preference for years.
An image of Gage floated to mind. “Gage drinks his coffee black,” she said. “With sugar, but no cream.”
Jill nodded, making a small sound of acknowledgement.
Carly sighed, recalling a little tidbit she and Jill discovered last night—where the tabloids had most likely scored the picture.
It was Tonya McGraw, Jimmy’s mother, who’d posted the image from the hospital on social media, linking Carly’s name in the process.
It had been harmless enough, just a post announcing the birth and death of her only grandchild at the time.
“You know,” Carly said, “it’s crazy how people twist things around to fit their own agenda, not even bothering to seek the truth.
If those guys would have simply stated the real cause of Ava’s death, I wouldn’t have been so upset.
I mean, I wouldn’t have wanted them to post a picture at all—especially since I’m only one of three people in that photo—but at least they could have spread the word about her condition.
Maybe encouraged people to look into ways they could help comfort those who suffer the loss of an infant. ”
“You’re right,” Jill said. “Getting the truth out there could have at least accomplished something positive.”
“I really thought…” Carly died off there, not wanting to offer the words in her head aloud. It was too painful. Already the chest pain was back with a vengeance. Still, her mind finished out what she couldn’t say. I really thought we could get married one day. Have a family.
“I know it was only a month,” Carly said. “But we had so much time together. Quality time. Getting to know you time. You would love him too. He’s so funny. And you know what he’d do?”
Jill glanced over. “What?”
Carly’s heart turned into a pool of warmth, the memory almost dousing the sting.
“Out of nowhere, he’d look at me and tell me I was beautiful.
We’d play this game to like, discover everything there was to know about each other.
He was spoiled rotten as a kid. Had a house with basketball court, a mini theater with the reclining chairs and all, and um…
” she paused to give into a laugh. “He was terrified of puppets as a child.”
A smile spread across her sister’s face. “It sounds like you guys have something special.”
Carly considered that as she took another sip of coffee. Birds chirped as they dashed from one tree to another. They darted to the neighbor’s rosebush next, each feathered friend brown against the blue sky.
“Do you think you’re making a mistake? By shutting your phone off so he can’t even call?”
There it was. The question she’d been waiting for Jill to ask.
“It’s possible,” Carly said. “But he’s going to Maui for a month.
And not just on vacation. He’ll be starring in some blockbuster, and every woman out there will be chasing after him.
What makes me think I could keep his attention with all of that going on? ”
“That’s a valid concern,” Jill said. “But you’ll never know if it would have worked if you push him away now. Without even giving him a chance to explain things.”
Carly bit at her lip, trying to come up with something to say and failing.
“Will you please just consider one thing for me? I’ll…do my best to leave you alone after,” Jill promised.
“What is it?”
Her sister set the mug down and turned in the chair to face her. Great. This was serious. “You said what you wanted to say to Gage in a text, right?”
Carly gave her a solid nod. “Right.”
“And then you shut your phone off and refused to let him respond.”
This nod was a bit hesitant, but Carly managed it all the same.
“I want you to just consider…” Jill let the word resonate before repeating it.
“Consider that you might be the reason this is coming to an end. It’s possible that Gage isn’t anything like Jimmy, but your fear of that could make it look that way.
Why else wouldn’t you give him a chance to talk things out, unless you were afraid? ”
Irritation became a brew of its own in her gut, the steam of it causing Carly to shoot to her feet and huff out a breath. “Afraid of what?”
Jill shrugged. “That’s what you have to ask yourself. What comes next if everything goes perfect, Carly?”
What was she talking about? “I have no idea.”
Jill challenged her with a lifted brow. “Really? None? Let me give you a clue. You might have heard this sung a few times by the kids in your class. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes…”
Baby in the baby carriage. There was the chest pain again. Carly scowled at Jill. “I can’t believe you’re even suggesting that.”
Jill stood up and leveled a look at her. “What am I suggesting?”
“I don’t even know,” Carly snapped.
“I think you do.”
Fear—the cruel emotion—circled her like a swarm of hornets, stingers sharp and ready.
“I think you might be afraid of getting anything you want because you’re worried it’ll get taken away.”
Hearing the words aloud caused an eruption within her, as if Hawaii’s famous volcano had taken up residence in her chest.
“I’m…” She shook her head, unable to speak so much as another word, and bolted toward the patio door.
“You didn’t even let him explain, Carly,” Jill said.
Carly paused before pulling the door open. The glass surface reflected Jill, the yard, the birds, and the abandon coffee mugs too. She left it all behind and rushed inside.
“Hi, sweetheart,” Mom came from the kitchen.
Carly was not ready to invite another world of drama into the moment. She needed an escape. “Hi, Mom. It smells good.” She moved quickly toward the front room, snatched her keys off the piano, and tugged open the front door. “Be right back. We’re…out of milk,” she hollered over her shoulder.
In moments flat Carly was in her car and heading down Lilac Lane.
“What a jerk,” she mumbled while gripping the wheel.
“How dare Jill even…” She let her mumblings die off, but the rant carried on in her head.
Easy for her to point fingers. Jill had a healthy baby back at home and a loving husband too.
She had no idea what it was like for Carly.
It seemed though, that her tears were all cried out.
Bigger than the pain pulsing through her was the dilemma nagging at her brain.
As if she were solving a puzzle of sorts.
But to what—life happiness? She pictured standing on the set of a TV game show, lights blaring, buzzer at the ready, and an obnoxiously handsome host with a sparkly grin.
“Get this one right, Carly, and you’ll get that happily ever after you’ve always wanted.
Make the wrong choice, and misery will be yours until the day you die. ”
But what choice was right? What, was she just supposed to call Gage and tell him she was sorry for overhearing a conversation he hadn’t intended her to hear?
Say that it was okay if he wanted to tell his father and the media and all the soon-to-come raging female fans that he’d forgotten all about that blonde who taught him how to surf?
Carly had played that sit-in-waiting role for far too long.
Exactly nine miles into her musings, the mortuary came into view. Rolling green hills dotted by gray headstones marked each grave. She pulled up to the curb, shut off the engine, and rolled down the window to let the fresh air in.
You didn’t even let him explain, Carly.
It occurred to her, as she made her way to Ava’s grave, that her musings only validated what Jill had said. She was afraid. Maybe she wasn’t scared enough to outright sabotage a perfectly good relationship with Gage, but perhaps she was just scared enough to not make an effort to fix things.
She let that idea simmer as she picked the overgrown grass around Ava’s tombstone.
“What do you think, kiddo?” she mumbled, freeing a handful of broken grass blades from her fist. “Is your aunt Jill right?” She swept a palm over the corners and edges, then traced over the large letters of her headstone one at a time—Ava.
It occurred to Carly, as she pictured Gage’s handsome grin, that she was equally afraid of losing him. She had been since the beginning.
Sure, she’d blamed it on different things.
Worries that he was just like Jimmy. Worries that Gage would want to remain a Hollywood bachelor forever.
But he’d never done anything to validate those concerns, until the elevator.
So why was she so averse to hearing him out?
It was almost as if she worried that he’d have a perfectly good explanation for himself, and she’d be stuck in that vulnerable spot once more, worrying that he might still leave her one way or another.
She could love the kids in her classroom easily enough. When new students came into her class each year, Carly knew that—at the end of the year—they would move on. The knowledge took the sting out of the goodbye, but it also allowed her to love each one without reservation or fear.
But having some sort of forever mentality with anyone outside of her family was just too risky.
And so it had come back on her, hadn’t it? Jill was right.
Still, at the very idea of calling Gage, desperation sparked in her chest anew.
It was all the confirmation she needed. Somewhere, hidden in parts Carly hadn’t even known were there, she’d let fear take the lead in her decision to come home, and to shut off her phone too.
It was probably the very reason she’d allowed Jimmy to string her along all this time.
It was old pain. Familiar pain. Easy-to-handle pain. To the point it was comfortable.
Now she was vulnerable all over again, and she had a choice to make. Give herself and Gage a shot at that happily ever after, or go back to the familiar life of living alone.