35. Maricela
“Surrender, you fucking whore,” Franco bites me hard, the pain much worse than any my father caused or anyone else. Killian, save me. I need you to save me. “Open your legs, bitch. Stop fighting.” I refuse to obey, knowing I’ve lost a game I’ve never played before.
Franco is stronger than me, and all I can think to do is lay here and hold my legs up to my stomach in a fetal position.
“Ki—”
“Foolish whore. My son won’t save you. He’s probably already dead, too. Now move your fucking hands.”
I hear as well as feel the moment he breaks my hand. Blood begins to spill from me. So much blood, and I know, I just know these are my final moments.
“Maricela.” A gentle female voice has me jumping out of my seat. I can’t look at the newcomer, knowing I’ll have to explain my condition. “Maricela, are you okay?” The woman says more after that, but I refuse to look at her, refuse to hear. I just sit on the not-so-comfortable chair in the kitchen, inhaling the scent of coffee.
“Maricela!” Lila shouts, and I’m thrown back to college again. “Sorry.” Since when does Lila ask me for forgiveness of all people?
A cup of coffee appears on the table in front of me, and I look up at her face instead of at the hole I cut into her skirt.
She knows. She knows. She knows.
“He was the one who abused you? It was Franco, wasn’t it?” The number of times I’ve heard his name this day alone makes the cinnamon roll I ate this morning come back up my throat. “You don’t have to say anything. I’m a woman.” That’s debatable.
She takes the chair next to me, the same type of chair I’m sitting in, which no one sits on due to their discomfort, and nudges the steamy cup at me. “Why don’t you tell Killian?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” If I stood in court right now, under oath, I would be sentenced to death on the spot. My hands are shaking, my knee is bouncing, and I lick my lips, trying to bring back the moisture that left me the second the wolf monster appeared in the office.
“You don’t have to hide it from me,” she goes on. I won’t tell Killian anything. It’s not my place.”
I raise an eyebrow at this beautiful woman in front of me. The one who has done nothing but bully me from the moment we met.
I’m beautiful as well. I know that. I’ve always known that, and so does she. But where all of my features are exotic and wild, as Killian puts it, Lila looks like a Barbie doll. Maddox doesn’t call her that only because she really is a sight to behold.
I lift the coffee mug to my lips and inhale.
“I didn’t poison it,” she remarks as I take a sip. It’s nothing to brag about, but it’s a solid cup of coffee.
“Why?” I ask. “You could tell Killian everything. It would destroy me once and for all, and you could have him.”
Lila’s laughter reminds me of church bells on a Sunday morning. I’ve never heard her sound like that. Her laughter is even more beautiful than she is. “Nothing will destroy you in Killian’s eyes. You’re everything to him. I’ve known that for years, even when he was your so-called bully, he loved you to the point of self-destruction. He survived that whole time you were gone only by refusing to stop looking for you.”
She takes a sip of her coffee and scrunches her nose at it before speaking again, her gaze never leaving me.
“That man is yours. He used me while you were gone, but not like that. We’ve never fucked. Never. Even before you,” she tries to reassure me, but I don’t respond.
I just lower my head and stare into my cup. “He came to my hotel room once,” she goes on. “He ordered me to moan as loud as I could, and when the charade was complete and he was about to leave, I asked him why he didn’t just go and fuck some whore on the street. You know what he said? He looked at me with a rage and despair I’d never seen in his eyes before or since and told me, ‘I’ve touched heaven, and I’m not going down to hell in this lifetime.’ Then he left. Killian Fierro loves you, Maricela. You could kill his firstborn, and he would forgive you.”
I flinch. “Why are you telling me all this? You’ll lose your inheritance.”
She shrugs. “Maybe I deserve it. I hurt you. Maybe that’s what I thought he wanted at the beginning, but all the physical stuff? That was my doing. You’ve always gone easy on me.” She points to the hole in her skirt and grins.
“Bitch, what are you doing here?” Raven shouts, bursting into the kitchen. “Why won’t you leave my friend alone?” Killian must have called her. He probably thinks I won’t want to talk to him after his refusal to touch me. He isn’t wrong.
“Relax, Little Bird. I didn’t do anything to her,” Lila begins, only to pause and add, “this time. I didn’t do anything to her this time.”
“He was here?” Raven looks confused.
“Franco Fierro,” Lila says, speaking his name for me. “He looked completely crazy.”
“You!” Raven points at Lila, not letting her leave when she stands.
Lila holds her hands up as if in surrender. “I’m not going to say a thing. It’s Maricela’s call.” Lila takes another step away, glancing back at me with kindness in her eyes.
“You can change your skirt. I have clothes in the office.” We both know why I have extra clothes here, but since Killian won’t touch me anymore, she can use what she needs.
Lila shrugs. “I think I’ll stay like this for a while. I deserve it.”
Raven’s gaze moves from Lila’s retreating back to me.
“What’s she talking about? And what was Franco doing here? Killian knows? He called me and said you were shaking and didn’t want to talk to him.”
Liar, he didn’t even try to talk to me. He’s scared. Afraid of the truth.
“He didn’t try to talk to me. Rav, we hardly talk at all now. He hasn’t touched me since... For a month now, we sleep in the same bed, but he refuses to touch me.”
“Asshole. Knowing him, he blames himself. You two need to talk.”
“If he blames himself now, the whole truth will destroy him. He’ll never look at me the same again. I’m dirty. Damaged.” Raven takes the cup of coffee from my hands and looks me in the eyes. What does she see there, I wonder? What kind of woman stares back at her?
“Stop it. I won’t let you talk about yourself like that. You’re not to blame for what happened to you. Do you understand me? I won’t let you blame yourself. I’ve read a lot about your situation, especially because you refuse to talk to someone professional. You’re experiencing something called victim blaming. You blame yourself. In some sick way, you think it happened because of you. But it’s not your fault. The rape is not your fault. Do you understand me?”
I don’t say anything. I can’t.
“You must tell him everything. Drop the world from under his feet. He needs it. You both need it. That’s the only way you can start to heal these wounds. They’re his wounds, too. Killian needs to heal as much as you do.”
“I murdered...” I whisper, afraid he’ll appear out of nowhere.
“You didn’t kill anyone. You were in a challenging situation, and you hurt yourself because you were lost. Devastated beyond rational thought. You didn’t kill anyone,” she repeats, almost shouting the words.
“When was the last time you cried?” Lila asks, appearing out of nowhere. She probably returned because she heard it all.
“She doesn’t cry,” Raven answers. “She refuses to.”
“That’s not true. Killian made me cry.” They both stare at me with a murderous expression.
It doesn’t matter how much women hate each other and for what reason. We’ll always attack the opposite sex for harming one of ours.
“I didn’t mean it that way. He got me to cry over Serena’s murder,” I confess.
“Was it good? And I don’t mean the sex,” Raven clarifies, scrunching her nose.
Lila waits for my answer as well. The two women in front of me seem more interested in my state of mind than I am. I expect that from Raven but not Lila.
Lila must see something on my face because she says, “I think we’ve already established that I’m not the monster I’ve portrayed and that I’m ready to pay for my actions.”
Raven doesn’t say anything. She’s more forgiving than I am. That’s a virtue I’ll never possess. I can’t afford to forgive, although I ignored Serena’s deception.
“I don’t know how I felt, okay? I forgave Serena long before. She had every right to hate me, so I can’t blame her for not confronting her father-in-law.”
“Your sister knew?” both women ask at the same time.
“Serena didn’t love me. She never did. All those years, she faked it. Or that’s what she told me the last time I saw her. Now that I think about it, and after everything that’s happened since, maybe she said those things because she was afraid of her father-in-law, or maybe because she was afraid of Santino.”
But I remember her tone and the look in her eyes that day. I know she told me the truth about her feelings. My sister never loved me. She needed me, yes. But love? No.
“That bitch,” Raven says with a sneer, and Lila nods.
“Even my brothers wouldn’t do such a thing,” Lila adds, then appears to think about it for a moment. She then shrugs as if it’s a possibility they would do something like that to her.
“So, Serena saw you being raped, and that’s why you didn’t react to her death when you came back? Weren’t you in shock?”
“I was shocked, yes. I never hated Serena. She was my sister, and I loved her. I sacrificed a lot for her. I owed it to her.” I try to remember a specific moment when she did something for me but can’t. Anyway, getting mad at her won’t do me any good. She’s not here.
“None of that matters now,” I continue, moving the conversation back to what does. “Killian doesn’t touch me. He doesn’t want to be with me now. Not anymore.” I sigh and slump back in my seat.
“Lila, maybe you’ll get him after all. And maybe this mess will save you.” My laughter sounds ugly even to me. I don’t know how long I can go on like this, but I’m on the verge of hysteria, and I know it.
She scoffs. “Not going to happen. He loves you. He looks like a puppy following his owner everywhere she goes when it comes to you. Anyone can see that.”
“That puppy doesn’t fuck me.” I cringe at the comparison, and the two women next to me laugh.
“Well, maybe he needs retraining,” Raven states, but the humor disappears from her face in a second, and I know what she’s going to say. I also know she’s right. I can’t pull this off much longer.
The wolf monster almost told the truth today. He hinted at it, and if Killian had listened to what he was saying, he would have seen it. “You need to tell him the truth.”
“I cut the child that could have been his out of my fucking body, probably destroying the opportunity to ever have kids.”
“You have two children,” she insists.
“It’s not the same. They’re not his heirs, and that’s important to him.”
“Who said? Who said Amado is not the ultimate heir of the mafia? Killian is already acting like their father. You saw how he was at Connie’s birthday party.”
Lila nods. “Franco has to pay for what he did to you. Death from disease is too easy,” she adds, and I remember that she is also part of the brutal world we live in. She was born into it, just like Raven.
“Let’s get out of here,” Raven decides and tugs me up from my chair and toward the door. She stops for a moment, and I nod.
“Are you coming, Lila? We need to plan things.” Lila looks down at her skirt, and we burst out laughing. I don’t know if Killian will approve of my attitude change toward Lila, but then I remember that’s not who I am. I can’t do to her all the things that were done to me just because that’s expected.
“I’ll get you a pair of pants to wear, but they won’t be high-end.” She shrugs and follows us.
We arrive at Ronen’s restaurant a short time later, where he prepares sausage and mashed potatoes. “It seems simple.” Lila looks at the plate, takes a bite, and groans with pleasure. We all chuckle.
“Well, this is not something I thought I’d ever see,” Ronen says as he takes a seat next to us and lets his new waitress, Sevata, take care of the customers.
“She’s not as much of a bitch as we thought,” Raven explains simply.
“I am a bitch, though. Or I was,” Lila corrects her.
“So, you don’t hate my girl anymore?”
Lila appears to give her answer some thought, and after a few less polite bites of the sausage.
“I don’t think I ever had a chance against her, and I knew that. I can see when a man’s in love, and I saw it long before they saw it themselves. It’s wild how much they love each other. Killian would trample the universe for her. I’ll just have to get used to poverty. At least the food is delicious,” she says and takes another bite. I don’t tell her that Ronen’s restaurant is not for poor people.
Raven says, “I don’t think Killian will leave you on the streets. You might not be able to afford expensive clothes, but you can live decently, even without all the luxuries you’re used to.” Lila listens and smiles, a genuine smile that’s almost as beautiful as her laugh.
“You could model with a look like yours,” I say, voicing my thoughts aloud. “If I were ever to photograph again, you would be one of the first models I would choose.”
Lila laughs. “My father would have a heart attack the second I stood in front of a camera that way. It would be bad for his business.”
“The father who wants to leave you with nothing because you don’t want to marry someone you never loved?”
“Maricela, most of us aren’t as lucky as you. And yes, despite everything you’ve been through, I consider you lucky. Not many ever find a man who loves them the way Killian loves you. In our world, power is a bigger notion than love. We can’t afford it. We’re just tools. Men and women alike.”
“Then change it,” I argue, glancing from Raven to Lila. “You have the option to change it.”
“We can’t,” Raven explains.
“There are too many things we depend on. You didn’t grow up in this world. It’s been groomed into us from birth. We must marry who we’re told and do what we’re told. Miraculously, I can manage my business as I want, at least for now. But most women in this world are like Lila. They have no power because their families don’t give them that power. I get what power I have because my father is probably the sanest mafia man out there,” she adds, lowering her voice to a whisper as she confesses her father’s role.
“Rav, talk to your dad,” I try.
“Mari, you’re my friend, and I see things. I know you know things about me, things that Killian told you. My father wants me to marry Liam as well.”
No one should be as kind as Raven. “I can tell you what I know.”
“No. You can’t because you’re not going to go behind Killian’s back. I won’t let you.” The implication that Killian would have to punish me is clear.
Ronen chuckles. “You’re too good for this world, Sunny and Red.”
Lila laughs. She doesn’t understand how he included her in this equation, but I’m starting to see the complete picture regarding what’s happening around her.
“What about Maddox?”
This was probably the right question because Lila’s pale skin becomes almost as red as her hair.
“He’s a Fierro. And you need to marry one, right?” Lila nods. “He’s attractive, with his ragged looks and sick humor. You could marry him.”
She doesn’t react, but I don’t need her to. I grin and sit back in my chair. “You know, I hold your fate with the punishment I’m supposed to give you.”
“Where are you going with this?”
“I think I’ll ask Killian to marry you off to Madd. It will give him the power he wants over your family, and you’ll be his wife.”
She shakes her head. “It won’t work. Maddox will never be mine. I don’t have the right organs.”
Ronen erupts with laughter, and Lila looks baffled.
“He’s bisexual, baby. He’ll fuck your form as soon as you open your legs.”
“He hates me.”
“Yeah, maybe, but only because you were a thorn in his brother’s side. Killian means a lot to him.” With those words, Ronen leaves us and disappears into the kitchen.
Lila frowns. “I don’t know if that’s the best plan. Maybe I should pay for what I did to you,” Lila insists.
“Paying for your actions can take a long time,” Raven says, not unkindly.
“At least Liam has the hots for you.” Lila sounds dreamy, having seen what we all do.
Raven gapes at her. “What are you talking about? Liam hates me, too.”
Lila lifts a perfect eyebrow. “Are you serious? I have heard him on the phone more than once. ‘Check if Raven has eaten something other than chocolate and send this devil of a cat the food he needs. He needs strength to plot my demise.’” Lila tries to mimic Liam’s accent, and I lose it. I can’t stop myself. After all, I confronted Liam about Raven myself. His hatred may be more complex than Ronen says, but he isn’t wrong either.
“It’s not like that.” Rav plays with her fork, not looking at us.
“Does he or does he not send you food every day?” Raven wants to say something, but Lila doesn’t let her. “Didn’t he let you keep your gallery thing? I wish someone would hate me like Liam hates you.”
“How did this become about me? We were talking about Lila and Madd.”
Lila appears to give it some thought. “So, what do you want me to do, punish Maddox by forcing him to marry me? He doesn’t want to get married. And as Ronen said, he’s bisexual. He fucks everything that moves. I want loyalty.”
Raven scoffs. “You haven’t been loyal to Killian. Even when Maricela was gone, with no indication of ever returning. You’ve been screwing Ben all this time.”
“Who’s Ben?” I ask.
“My bodyguard, I”m not even sure what his real name is,” Lila replies, with a scrunched face.
“He’s not a very good fuck. And I didn’t cheat on Killian. He’s barely kissed me more than a few times, and even that was only because the press wanted to take our picture. All these years, he hasn’t touched me. So, I don’t see my actions as betrayal. And besides, it doesn’t matter now.”
Something’s happened to her. I can see it. Lila’s life was not as simple as I thought. Not everyone born with a golden spoon in their mouth is born happy. It’s something I’ve learned in recent years alongside Killian and Raven. Money does not equal happiness. Not in the least.
Five tall blond men block us on our way to Raven’s car, and I know it’s bad before Raven calls out the name of one of the men. She pulls a small gun out of her bag, but the second she aims it, they spray us with something, and my world becomes black.