Chapter 3 Jakari #2
A few hours later, I heard my brother pull up, and I had to convince myself to stay levelheaded. After what he’d done, I knew it would be hard.
“So, you need me again already? I thought I was dead to you?” Jashawn said as he came into my home.
“I ain’t say you was dead, but nigga, this is to save your ass!
We need to get our story straight about Diamond.
Detectives came to the hospital asking questions.
I made up some shit, but we need to find her car.
I told them I went to get JJ from her, but when I got there, she was shot and had been robbed,” I said, telling my brother the full lie I had told.
“That shit was smooth. You were quick on your feet with that one. As for the car situation, if she was with that nigga Black, he must have her car or did something with it. We need to get at that nigga and get the car or find out where it is before the pigs do,” Jashawn advised.
“I don’t think you should be getting at Black about anything.
Just make sure if the detectives hit you up, you tell them you were riding with me to pick up JJ, and that’s how we found Diamond.
You rushed us to the hospital, then you went home.
I will put one of our men on the Black situation, so we can get Diamond's car,” I told my brother.
Just as I finished running everything down to him, there was a knock on my door.
Jashawn asked if I was expecting anyone while he gripped the gun on his waist. I told him that I wasn’t expecting company and put up one finger, signaling him to chill for a second.
As I looked through the peephole, I noticed that it was the detectives from last night.
I hadn’t given them my address or any personal information, so now I was pissed off.
I mouthed to my brother, letting him know it was the detectives.
He covered his gun back up with his shirt and stood in front of the sofa with his arms crossed.
I threw the front door open with a scowl on my face to let them know they were not welcome.
“Mr. Jones, may we come in? It’s very important!” Myers stated.
“Not as important as me knowing how in the fuck y’all know where I live and why you would pop up unannounced to my crib,” I barked.
“It’s about Diamond. We got your information from the family. May we come in?” Lee asked.
I allowed them to come inside, introduced them to Jashawn, then offered them a seat. JJ was in his room playing, so I closed his room door before taking a seat across from the detectives and beside my brother. I was nervous as hell—sweat beads were forming on my forehead.
“What’s up? Is everything okay with Diamond?” I nervously asked.
“We’re sorry to inform you, but Diamond passed away a little over an hour ago.
We’re ruling it as a homicide based on the information you’ve given us.
We will also have an autopsy done and follow up with any leads and possible witnesses, including your brother here.
I know that now is not a good time, but the sooner we gather all the facts, the better.
We need to get the person responsible for doing this to your son’s mom, Jakari.
We are very sorry for your loss,” Detective Lee said.
“No, no, no, this can’t be right. She’s dead? Nah, you have to have it wrong, man. I have a baby who needs his momma. She can’t be dead,” I said in disbelief.
I sat frozen in my seat as tears fell from my eyes.
My brother grabbed me into a hug as he patted my back in an attempt to comfort me.
I shook him off me because he was responsible for this shit.
What the fuck was I gonna do now? I never wanted my son to lose his mother; I just wanted her to get her act together.
I felt like I was in a bad ass dream, and I couldn’t wake up.
I used my shirt to wipe my face, but that didn’t stop the tears from falling.
Diamond had been a constant in my life, and now I didn’t know what I would do without her.
She was a crazy ass bitch but a good ass mother.
My son didn’t deserve to lose his momma; he was just a baby.
I was just lost and at a loss for words.
Yes, I hated her ass at times. But, I never wanted shit to end like this.
“I’m sorry to have to break this news to you guys.
If you know anything that may help, or if you think of anything you forgot to tell us, please give us a call.
Jashawn, here is my card. Call me or come to the station to give your statement at your earliest convenience,” Myers said as he gave my brother a card.
Both detectives gave me a pat on the back before letting themselves out.
I went into the bathroom and threw water on my face, but that didn’t stop me from having a breakdown.
I slid down my bathroom wall as I let out a scream that even I didn’t recognize.
The tugging in my chest was so intense that it felt like a heart attack.
This shit was all my fault, and I just wanted to lay down and die myself.
“Nigga, you better get your shit together! If I go down for this shit, so will you. JJ will be a fuckin’ orphan, and I know you don’t want that.
This shit is all part of the game that you want to play!
Sometimes innocent people get hurt, but that just comes with this shit!
You can’t be no bitch now, boy. Get yo’ shit together,” Jashawn said as he stood in the doorway of my bathroom.
“You killed my baby momma, and now you standing in my house, giving me commands. You can’t be serious.
It’s like you don’t understand that because of you, Diamond is gone forever!
You left my son out here without his momma, and you standing there telling me how to feel!
” I yelled as I stood and faced my brother.
“Nigga, you came begging me for help! I had washed my hands of that street shit! You needed me, and as your big brother, I showed up for you. This shit with Diamond was an accident that I can’t take back, my nigga.
We gotta focus on moving forward and how to get this shit off our hands.
I need you to have a clear head because if you put my freedom on the line, I don’t care who pussy you came from.
I will murk yo’ ass without hesitation,” Jashawn spoke through clenched teeth.
“Get out of my house, bro. It’s nothing left to be said. You know what it is with me, and you gotta know that this shit will be dealt with accordingly,” I threatened.
“Do what you must, but you heard what the fuck I said. I’ll forget that we’re blood. Please don’t take it there. You know what I’m capable of!” Jashawn barked.
No more words were spoken. Jashawn knew to leave my house at that moment.
I was done with that nigga. Jashawn apologized, but I knew my brother, and I knew that he wasn’t at all remorseful.
He was right about taking losses being part of the game, but I no longer wanted to play this game, and I was about to be out.
I looked at myself in the mirror before pouring more water on my face. I was in complete shock.
“Fuckkkkkk!” I screamed.
“Dadddyyy! You okay?” my baby boy asked as he ran down the hall and into my bathroom.
I tried to gather myself before he made it into the bathroom, but I was too late.
He ran in with his brows raised at the sight of me.
As soon as I looked into his little face, I broke down again.
I grabbed him into a big hug as I lifted him off the ground.
Hugging him tightly, I just prayed that I would be strong enough to get us through all of this.
It was a messed up feeling to know you needed help but not have anyone to call.
I wanted Harmoni to come to my rescue so badly, but I knew that would never happen.
As messed up as it was, I really wanted to cry on Harmoni’s shoulder and for her to help me through all of this.
In my mind, I wanted her to help me raise my son and to just be my backbone again.
I spent the day ignoring calls and soaking in my depression.
I tried to act normal around my son, but for the most part, I was going through it bad.
He constantly asked for his mom, and I didn’t know what to tell him.
Their bond was so strong that my heart ached to think of him losing her.
I meal prepped our food for the next few days while I still had the strength to do so, then I cleaned my house from top to bottom in an attempt to stay busy and keep my mind off reality.
Before I knew it, two days had passed, and we hadn’t left the house at all.
I felt like an awful father. I always made sure JJ had a great time with me, but I wasn’t in the right headspace.
My phone had been dead for days, and I didn’t care to charge it.
There was nobody I needed to talk to. My brother was responsible for this shit, and any other family I had left was written off long ago.
It was now a little after 3:00pm, and there was someone knocking at my door.
As I slid out of bed, I looked around at the mess I had allowed my son to make, and I just shook my head.
I stepped over his toys and went to answer the door.
When I looked through my peephole, I noticed that it was my old friend Wesley and his Auntie Eva, which was Diamond’s mom.
“Hey, y’all. Excuse the mess. What’s up, Wesley?” I said as I let them inside and hugged my boy.
“You not looking too good, my boy. I’m sorry this shit happened,” Wesley said as he took a seat.
Eva walked through my house like she paid bills, not even having the decency to speak.
She yelled JJ’s name until he came running out of my bedroom and jumped into her arms. She then went into his bedroom and started rummaging through drawers.
I could tell she was packing his bag, and I couldn’t argue with her.
I needed a break. I was in no condition to look after him right now; I barely wanted to wash my own ass.
The guilt of the entire situation was killing me.
“I’m not doing good at all, bro. This shit is so unreal. I need to get myself together before the funeral. I got to.”
“Nobody told you? She didn’t have insurance, so we’re gonna just have a memorial service for her and get her cremated,” Wesley stated.
“Man, hell nah! I got the bread! I’m not about to let my baby momma go out like that. How much is it? I can pay for a proper burial,” I insisted as I stood from my seat.
“Listen, man, ain’t nobody finna take your money. To be honest, the family is looking at you sideways right now. They say your story not adding up and that she had been in a lot of shit behind you lately. You know I stay out that shit, but I don’t even think you welcome at the memorial.”
“That’s dumb as hell! I don’t give a fuck what the family thinks. I was the only person looking out for Diamond and making sure she was straight!” I barked.
“Jakari, I’m taking JJ with me until everything is over.
I’m going to let the detectives do their job, but I want you to know that I don’t trust or believe shit you say.
My baby trusted you, but you didn’t protect her.
We don’t want a fucking dime of your drug money!
If Diamond was really robbed, she was only targeted because of you!
They must have thought she had some of that drug money when in actuality, you were only giving her crumbs.
Her arrangements are already in place. The truth will come to light, and in the meantime, I’m gonna have my grandson,” Eva spoke.
“Ms. Eva, please get the fuck out of my house. Legally, you have no rights to my son, but being that you are suffering a great loss, I will allow you to spend time with him. I will tell you when he comes home and not the other way around. This is now his home. I’ve broken my back for this leaching ass family!
What happened was very unfortunate, and I’m very hurt and fucked up behind it, but you are not about to play with me, especially about my son! ”
I politely checked Diamond’s mom and dared my childhood best friend to intervene.
I was in no mood for disrespect. Now, it was time for them to get the fuck on.
If I wasn’t welcome at the memorial, cool.
I didn’t want to be anywhere I wasn’t wanted.
I just would have rather her go out in style, but I wouldn’t beg these muthafukas to take my money. Fuck ’em.
I hugged and kissed my son before watching him leave to go with his people.
I wanted to be there to hold his hand through this storm, but I could only hope his grandma did her job to protect and comfort him.
It’s crazy how all of a sudden, my drug money wasn’t shit, but Eva always had her hand out, begging for it any other time.