Chapter 24
Tristan
When I grab his arm, it’s like being struck by lightning. I’ve missed him so much, and he looks so well from up close. The medics have done wonders. But now that I’ve been discovered… I may be in a position much worse than when he simply didn’t want to see me.
“I can explain,” I add as his breathing eases despite his black eyes staring at me as if I’m a leviathan about to swallow him whole.
He stumbles back, black curls falling in his face as he pants, tracing the damaged wall with his gaze. “What the… you’re in my wall! You’ve been… spying on me?”
I clear my throat, but I won’t be talking through a hole, and I’m not wasting another second.
So I slam my shoulder into the weakened wood and break through into his living room while Lady’s barking rings in my ears.
I only then realize I’m wearing the precious hoodie purchased in Nate’s home town, the one with the crab, but it’s too late to worry about stains or tears.
Nate steps back so fast he almost falls over when his calves meet the dog’s flank. Is he… afraid of me?
“No! I mean, yes. And I’m sorry. But it’s all for honest reasons, I swear!” I say and drop to my knees to seem smaller, less intimidating.
His lips tremble, and he grabs a large blanket, which I picked for him because its color palette matches the reds of my family crest. I love seeing him wrapped in it.
It feels like confirmation that we do belong together.
Right now, it’s another layer protecting his recovering body, and he steps behind the desk, watching me with wariness.
“What good reasons could there be for invading my privacy like this? You watched me undress, and… in vulnerable moments I didn’t want anyone to witness! ”
My shoulders sag and I don’t move any closer. Lady must be sensing my feelings, because she whines and licks my hand. “It’s not about that. I’m not a creep!”
Maybe it’s the blue light, but Nate’s eyes appear to sink deeper in shadow as he shakes his head, clutching at the front of his chest. “What you did is the definition of being a creep! I told you to stay away, and you lied!”
I spread my arms in frustration, because how am I supposed to explain the depth of my worries?
“I’m sorry, I just… I tried to stay away, but the last time I left you on your own, such terrible things happened, Nate.
I can’t stand the thought of someone hurting you again.
How am I supposed to sleep in my own bed, endless corridors away, not knowing what is happening with you? ”
I expect him to scream something back, but he stays quiet, lips partially open as he squeezes one of Lady’s slouching ears. “R-really?”
As if there could be any other reason for a man in love to break an oath to his promised!
“Well… yes. I’m sorry I made you think you had rats. I needed to be sure you’re safe.” I’m so deflated I want to lean back against the wall, but by the time I remember there is no wall, it’s too late, and I fall right back into that prison of my own making.
“Are you… okay?” Nate asks as I scratch my cheek on one of the broken planks before I slowly rise to my feet. This time, he doesn’t seem to recoil, which is a sign of progress, I suppose.
“Sure, yes!” I crawl right back out again. “I’m embarrassed you found this mess. Or that I had you worried. You… mean a lot to me, Nate, and if this is what it took to watch over you, I decided to just do it. I just wish I could have comforted you when you needed it.”
He swallows, and I long to hold him when a shadow passes over his features. I don’t know if Nate is the most handsome human in existence, but I could watch him all day every day and never get bored of it.
“How long… has this been going on?” he asks, and I itch to lie, but I can’t. Not about this, not to his face.
“From the start.”
He exhales, pushing his fingers into his hair as he stares at his own feet. “Were you even really walking Lady?”
“Yes! Every day. How could I miss out on my time with her? Though now I feel that might have been reckless. If there was an assassin after you, they’d have waited for me to leave.
” I scoot down to Lady and tug on the two tusks growing out of her lower jaw.
She yelps and pulls back, play-wrestling me like we so often do.
She’s so sweet I can now barely see her resemblance to a wolf.
Nate licks his lips, watching us as he drifts to the other side of the desk, then toward the seating area where he often reads. “Do you… would you like a drink?”
Now he’s got all my attention and I get up in an instant.
“So you’re not kicking me out?” I can’t hold back the hope in my voice.
Why would I? I don’t care to be coy about it.
I want him to know how much he means to me, how much I want to stay and be there for him when he cries out at night.
It was torture to listen to his sobs yet remain hidden.
But now I’m here, and he’s offering me a drink!
On second thought, maybe my enthusiasm was premature, because he stalls, eyes like the midnight sky focusing on me as if he’s been caught with his hand on a bottle of cherin, but whatever happens in his head next doesn’t make him change his mind and send me away.
“I— I suppose your intentions were noble, so… did your sister know?”
“No, she would have dissuaded me. She’s the reasonable one.
And yes, I’d like a drink.” My heart beats faster, and I brush dust off my shoulders and hair to look more presentable as I approach.
I’ve been longing for him for so long I almost have stage fright.
Almost. Because I won’t be missing the opportunity to woo him again.
“Sit here,” he tells me, tapping a large blood red-upholstered chair separated from his usual seat on the sofa with the coffee table. I’m about to reach him when he walks off toward the little cupboard with snacks. “Any preference? I assume you know what I have here.”
I don’t want to sit. I want to be where he is and smell him from up close, and while he now uses our soaps, the scent I fell in love with is still there.
“How about I make it?” I ask, following him. I’m good at mixing alcohols, so it could give me an opportunity to impress him. “You look good. Your hair’s grown back so fast.”
He pulls on one of the strands, blushing. “Well… it’s… a tonic the maid gave me. Blessgreen tea, please,” he instructs me before retreating to the sofa. He sits in the very corner, facing me, and covers his feet with another blanket.
I wish I could be the one keeping him warm.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t like some fern wine with the tea?
” It feels so good to talk to him. My heart is soaring in excitement like a star rising into the sky.
“I’m also glad to know you have a healthy appetite.
But you’ve not ventured out much. Or at all, really.
You know you’re allowed to, right? You could wear a hat or just comb your hair over the ears and keep a low profile. ”
He shakes his head, dismissing the wine, then lowers his eyes and tightens the blanket-cloak around his body. “Oh I… I’m not sure. It’s all so unfamiliar.”
“It doesn’t have to be. I’d be happy to escort you. We can avoid the busy places, and you could see some new animals. We can take Lady with us.” I might be talking a bit too fast. I’m just so elated to be allowed next to him.
I swear, if this kettle takes any longer to boil, I will lose my mind. I make my own drink in the meanwhile. It’s a mix of fern wine and cherin, with two bullarites added in for that pleasant fizz. I hope Nate gives it a taste.
“I’ll think about it,” he says, buried so deep in the cloak his breath is stirring the fibers. “But… Sabine told me—” He rolls his eyes. “You know what she told me.”
Once I have his tea in the prettiest cup, I grab my own glass and head for the sofa to sit next to him. “I’m sorry I was holding back. It’s been only a few days, I swear. I wanted to tell you in person.”
He pulls his feet back, inhaling as his finger rises, indicating the armchair. As I stall, passing him the cup, Lady helps me out and jumps into the armchair, looking pleased with herself.
“Oh no. It’s occupied…” I try, watching Nate frown.
“Just… keep to that side then,” he says after throwing a sharp glance at Lady. She knows what’s best for all of us. Good girl.
“Would you like to try my favorite drink first?” I offer him the glass.
Nate huffs, cocking his head. “No. I want you to tell me the news you’re been apparently keeping from me for the past few days.”
I might be keen on seducing him, but I know when I pushed too far, so I obediently sit back on the other side of the sofa. It won’t stop me from giving him the most longing-filled glances. For weeks, I’ve been living in his walls, and feeling like a madman, so I hope my exhilaration can be excused.
“Sabine and I have been corresponding with an astronomer who lives a few days away from the castle, and he thinks he’s established a way to locate the unicorn by looking at the star arrangements. But he won’t see you without me, as he’s a bit of a snob and will only speak to a royal.”
Nate’s shoulders drop, but as my heart falls, his mouth spreads into a smile. “That’s… incredible news. I was worried that…” Is he about to cry? His voice is starting to sound so tight… “That it’s impossible.”
It hurts that he’s so happy about news that can help him part from me. I have to take a big gulp of my drink to ease the bitterness in my throat. “It’s nothing certain, and only the first step, but this astronomer, Merethis Nightscribe, is no fraud, so we might really be onto something.”
His smile falters. “But I’ll have to… leave this place. For days.”