Chapter 32
Nate
My balls will be aching later, but if this is the man Tristan told me about, we cannot let the guards just drive him away.
I tuck my hard cock in and pull at Tristan. “You need to tell them,” I say breathlessly.
“Fuck,” he groans, getting up, then gives my lips a lick. “Let’s go.”
He rearranges his clothes as I frantically tie up my pants.
That’s the one problem with fantasy clothes—most of them are not easy to take off or put back on.
Fortunately, the astronomer is not one for giving up, and the guard is entertaining the argument instead of poking the elf with his sword, so we have enough time to get ourselves in order.
For a second I panic that we won’t make it through the maze on time, but then Tristan picks me up without even asking and we’re up. Two surprised gasps tell me that we’ve been spotted, and moments later, we land next to the two elves.
The guard stalls, only to salute. “Ser Tristan. My apologies for the noise, but this man demands entry despite not having a valid invitation.”
The astronomer scoffs.
Whenever I imagine alchemists, astronomers, or other figures associated with science in fantastical worlds, I expect them to have long, silvery beards and fingers like the branches of an old tree in winter, but Merethis Nightscribe is clearly in his prime.
His skin has a warm, deep brown tone that seems to hold the glow of the lantern hung above the gate, and his eyes are a navy blue around the reflection of the moon that appears to have replaced his pupils.
His long nails shine like starlight when he combs them through the thick hair falling onto his shoulders. When he finally looks up, his gaze is intent as it focuses on Tristan.
“My prince. It is you I seek,” he says with a gentle bow.
He wears layered robes in shades of indigo, with stars of different shapes and sizes stamped over the fabric in an irregular pattern, and while he appears young, I’ve been in this realm long enough to know that lack of wrinkles means nothing.
“It’s good luck that we’ve overheard you then.
He will come with us,” Tristan says to the guard, who gives the astronomer the stink eye even as he lets him through.
“You said the matter was urgent? How so? My sister told me we needed to see you within three weeks? We were already planning our journey. This is Nate, my promised.”
The path leading along the maze and back to the ball is peaceful.
I can only hope Nightscribe didn’t come to tell us the unicorn is lost, or killed, or gone for some other reason.
I hate the needy part of me that feels a tingle of relief at the idea of never parting from Tristan, as if deep down I’m hoping to have the choice taken from me.
But the astronomer crosses his arms on his chest, flashing a collection of rings, some of which appear to be portable versions of astronomical tools.
One is even a miniature astrolabe. “I’ve been researching the issue we wrote about extensively,” he says when we finally stop close to a heater filled with glowing coals.
“But just this morning I discovered a fault in my previous calculations, due to the presence of a star that’s never been observed before. ”
My temples pulse as I squeeze Tristan’s fingers, because so much depends on what this man tells us.
There is just one thing in the universe capable of freeing me from the shadow bond and therefore allowing us to continue our relationship without the burden it represents, but there’s an element of dread to what’s to come too, and I choose not to focus on it.
“What does that mean?” I urge him. “Where is the unicorn?”
Nightscribe smirks, lifting his chin high.
“Well, that is why I have come with such haste. I know exactly where the beast will be tomorrow. During the full moon.” He continues on to mention some location called Melancholy Peak, to which Tristan nods, then asks a few follow-up questions, but I’m stuck in my own head as it pulses with painful heat.
Tomorrow.
The prospect of finding a unicorn is no longer a distant concept.
We have an extremely specific location to be at tomorrow.
The creature might of course fail to be there, or not grant my wish, or be unable to, but we are now so close I can taste success at the tip of my tongue.
So why is the flavor of this victory bitter?
I’m too shellshocked to join the brief chat Tristan has with the astronomer before telling him to enjoy tonight’s party. I only snap out of it once Nightscribe walks off, leaving us alone on the alley between the maze and the constellation of tents.
“Home?” I utter, pointing to the tower where our rooms are located. I’m too flustered to return to the party and act as if nothing happened, because I don’t even know where Melancholy Peak is, so there’s much we need to plan.
Tristan smirks and gives my ass a pat. “Yes. I can think of better places than a cold maze for what I want to do with you.”
Once more, he picks me up with ease, and I can’t help but be amazed by his strength every time. We have much more to deal with than sex, but I’d be lying to myself if I claimed that won’t happen as well. As we soar into the sky, I hold on to him tightly even though I know he’d never let me go.
We land on the mausoleum’s balcony, far away from the crowds below, and my heart races. I give him another kiss, but then we’re inside, and I slide out of his arms, grinning.
“How far is that place? When do we have to venture out?” I ask, squeezing his hands.
Tristan cocks his head, and my heart skips a beat, because with the moon so bright behind him, his outfit so elegant, he truly is my fairytale prince.
“Why? There’s no need to anymore. Unless you’re that eager to see a unicorn, then I am your humble servant, and I will make it happen.
” He laughs and makes a deep bow in front of me.
My chest compresses so rapidly it almost feels as if someone’s squeezing my heart. “What do you mean? I told you what I need. I’ve always been telling you…”
The smile drains from Tristan’s face as he straightens up, staring at me. “I… I’m not sure I understand. After today… I thought… Will you not be my Dark Companion?”
There’s a void under me, and I’m about to be sucked in, so I take a step back as nausea clutches at my throat. “No.”
Tristan is a tall, broad-shouldered man, but he somehow seems even bigger now, more like a threat than a swoony elf prince for me to cuddle with.
My mind spirals as I brace myself for the impact of a punch.
He’s been nothing but chivalrous toward me but my muscle memory knows how arguing with Gloombane went.
“But… are we not back together? Did you not kiss me as if breath itself didn’t matter?”
“We are,” I choke out, trying to breathe so I can think clearly. “I adore you, but I don’t want the shadow bond. It feels… wrong after everything that happened,” I say, gesturing to the floor, where our shadows pool together.
A sharp sensation passes through my body, violent like that time when I accidentally touched a wire surrounding a cattle pen.
Did Tristan do that to me through our bond?
I shudder, panic rising in my throat at the things he could do to me now that we’re alone.
The Lord has condemned what was done to me, but what if he’d choose to protect his cousin?
“Nate I… I love you. Destiny has brought us together. What are you not sure of? Have I not proven my devotion?” Tristan spreads his arms, and I can’t ignore the hurt in his eyes.
“Did you just… do this to me?” I whisper, not daring to move. The declaration of love should set my heart alight, but right now it just feels like emotional blackmail.
“Do what?”
“This pain. This stab that I felt all over,” I say, retreating as shadows dance in the corners. Does this place have a dungeon too? Is it as horrific as Gloombane’s?
At least instead of following me, Tristan backs off. “No, I… It wasn’t on purpose. I will try to control myself better. I would never hurt you, Nate. You know that, right?”
I hit one of the wooden columns and move to stand behind it as my heartrate spikes. “So you did do it!”
“Nate. You know we’re meant to be. Why fight it?” He takes a deep breath and runs his fingers through his silky hair. Is he trying to seduce me now?
“What was it?” I demand, louder than I expected to, and the room around us reacts with a dull silence.
He won’t look into my eyes when he speaks. “It was my pain. It happened so fast I didn’t control it. I apologize,” he says quietly, taking another step back.
“So what, unless you control it, it just ends up being reflected at me?”
“Well… yes! We share a bond. I recognized your affection for me in every heartbeat when we made love earlier. Is it so disagreeable to you? What we have?”
We do? He can sense my emotions too? Nobody explained this to me at all. But that doesn’t cancel out the way I’m feeling, which at this moment is… I don’t even know what.
“Because I do have affection for you,” I choke out, hugging the column and tracing the old wood with my fingertips. “But I don’t want this. I want to be free. My own man.”
Tristan huffs and raises his hands. “You are extremely confusing to me! Do you want to be with me, or do you wish to be ‘free’?”
Anger. It rises deep inside me and buzzes as if my blood’s about to boil when I drop to one knee and pat the floor in a vain attempt to grab the thread connecting us.
It doesn’t work. I have no power here, not even to show him what bothers me.
“I don’t want this. I told you. I told you after you bound us without asking! ”
“And what do you want from me? What did you think would happen when you kissed me?” There’s a dark undertone to his voice, but I don’t know what it means.
At least it no longer resonates pain through our bond.
I don’t know if it’s because it’s no longer there, or because he’s able to keep it to himself.
“I want Tristan the man, not Tristan the… shadow mage,” I say softly, fighting the tightness in my throat, because the space around us appears to shrink, with air becoming ever denser. “I want what we started before the bond. I want to break this thread and then see how things go.”
“‘See how things go’.” He huffs and starts pacing the room as he clenches then unclenches his hands.
His fists are bigger than Gloombane’s. I loved kissing his large palms, but now they seem terrifying.
It’s like I’m once more being thrust into that tower, where I lost myself completely.
“No. You don’t trust me. I can’t accept such scraps when my heart beats for you only!
I’d lay my life down for you, vow to be yours forever, to cherish and protect you, yet for you it’s just a game to pass the time until you are rid of me! ”
“You demand trust after you left me with him?” I hiss, stepping from behind the column, my body driven by anger I wish to scratch out.
I can’t think. Everything is such a blur.
“You promised! You promised to set me free, but apparently you were just biding your time to make me change my mind!” In a blur of helpless fury and resentment I push his chest, again and again.
I half-expect him to push back, then throw me from the balcony for good measure, but he just raises his arms higher, stepping back until he reaches the table.
“I did promise. I… I’m sorry I misread what happened. You are right. I don’t deserve your trust, but I will honor the promise I made.”
I want to cry.
Nothing about this feels right, but neither does leaving things as they are. I feel as if every step ahead will lead along a path made of sharp blades.
“I’m sorry,” I whimper, because the stinging pain inside me might be my own emotion as well as his.
Tristan gently grabs my hands where they laid on his chest and steps away from between me and the table. Toward the balcony door. “No need to be. I will… I will go make preparations for our trip.”
I’m simply doing what’s best for me. So why do I feel like the worst person who ever existed?
I love Tristan so much. Can he not see that this is the only way for us to have a clean start?
I don’t want to cry, but tears still flow, and I keep my head low, hoping he won’t see it. Instead of leaving swiftly, he just stands there, until he clears his throat and comes closer again. I’m such a darn mess.
“Can I help in any way?” he whispers. “Are you worried about staying alone here? You are safe, I assure you.”
“No… I just—” I know there are words inside me that would communicate the depths of my feelings and the confusion over having to hurt him like this, but they’re not coming. “I care for you so much, Tristan…”
“I understand. I’m sorry I can’t meet you halfway. It would not be fair to your heart or mine. So I… must go,” he says quickly and turns to the balcony as my whole chest seems to collapse on itself.
I want to stop him. I want to grab at his arm, ask for forgiveness he can’t possibly give me yet, I want him to stay so I can convince myself I haven’t just ruined the best relationship I’ve ever had.
But he spreads his wings and flies out as I collapse, hiding my face in my hands while I struggle for breath.
I did the right thing. I shouldn’t let him entrap me, no matter how noble his intentions might be.
But why does it have to hurt so, so darn much?
The whimpers and scratching on the bedroom door pull me out of my stupor, but I don’t have the strength to get up, so I go there on all fours and let Lady out. She crashes into me, licking my face like mad, and while it’s hardly helpful, I do end up hugging her tightly.
Despite how she’s been hurt by humans, she’s so happy to see me, so eager to be around me. She trusts me.
So why am I so broken?