Chapter 39
Chapter thirty-nine
Amy
Ten of us sit around the staff room table pretending to listen while Trey explains the training courses taking place on Monday and Tuesday. The man could make fireworks sound in a staff meeting. It’s so out of character.
Everyone has zoned out as he drones on and on about health and safety requirements and a customer awareness course we’re all being subjected to. Sitting here, I remember why I preferred my own little gym.
It might have been small, but it was mine. I miss my regulars who stayed for Pilates then went out for cake. Before, every week was filled with hilarious stories. Here, it’s a revolving door of strangers. Even after six months, I still struggle to remember everyone’s names.
“Amy,” he snaps, breaking my chain of thought. “Are you coming to the Halloween party on Saturday?”
“Sure, are we all dressing up?” My work colleagues nod like dogs, a ripple of excitement sending sparks into the dull day. “Where is it again?”
“Fuck’s sake, you’d think your ears were full of wax.” Trey glowers, which only makes me giggle. He’s become my anchor again, stepping up as soon as the man I should’ve relied on let me down. “Caesar’s Palace. Wear what you want. All employees and members are invited.”
“Yes, sir.” I salute him dramatically.
He rolls his eyes, then returns to the agenda. We endure the miserable silence for another ten minutes before our release.
Trey, placing his hand on my arm, stops me from leaving. “Have you thought about what I said?”
I shake my head. “Trey…”
“Please come back to the circuit. There’s a competition in two weeks at one of the smaller centers. Get back on stage.”
“I don’t know. It feels as though that time in my life is over.”
“Why? Because you broke up with your boyfriend?” He arches a brow. “He hardly ever goes to events anyway. I’ll manhandle him if he comes near.”
“No, of course not,” I argue, but we both know I’m lying. He speaks to Ivan; I know he does. They’re friends of a sort. “I’m just not sure bodybuilding is for me anymore.”
“Well, I’ve entered you in the veteran women’s bikini contest,” he announces, smug. “So, you better find your mojo before then.”
“Trey, you shouldn’t have…”
He leans in toward me, his nose almost touching mine. “Because listen to me, Amy Corrigan, I am not letting you give up your passion for any man. Especially for fucking Ivan Harley. If I have to drag you there and wrestle that G-string onto you… I will.”
I gape. The edges of his mouth curl upward. “You know I would.”
***
The PVC black jumpsuit clings to me like a second skin. My body has softened slightly over the past few months. I’m not as lean as I was, but part of me prefers it. I feel more…womanly. No longer a concoction of strict diets and press-ups.
I zip up the thigh-high red boots and pop the devil horns on my head. With a spin in the mirror, I check out my rear view just as my phone pings with a message.
Send me a picture, hot stuff. Have fun tonight. I need to know all about it so I can live vicariously through my single friend.
Katie is such a goof. It’s such a relief to see her more like her old self. I snap a quick mirror pic and send it to her. Her fire emoji hits my screen instantly.
I sip the glass of wine I poured to steady my nerves. My first real night out in months. Since I told Ivan to leave.
We haven’t spoken. Not once. There has been no phone calls or text messages―he literally walked away and ghosted me.
That’s what you told him to do, and you haven’t contacted him. It just goes to show, you can’t rely on anyone.
He’d had his assistant drop off my things at my door and collect his stuff from my place. And that was that. It was over. Whatever it was.
I’m cramming my makeup, perfume, hairbrush, and condoms―you never know, best to be prepared―into my minuscule bag when a knock rattles my door.
I pull it open to find Terry standing on the other side.
His focus flicks from my face to the packet of condoms in my hand. I flush so hard I could light up a corridor.
“Hi,” I stammer. “What are you doing here?”
We haven’t spoken in almost a year, not since he told me about his son.
“I want to talk to you, but I see you have plans.” His eyes dance as they take in my outfit.
“It’s my staff Halloween party.”
“Well, I didn’t expect you to be going out dressed like that for kicks.”
My heart hammers against my ribs. I drop my gaze to the floor. The pack of condoms are burning my palm, I try to magic them away behind my thigh.
He looks the same, as if he walked out on me yesterday. Time hasn’t changed him physically at all. But seeing him doesn’t spark anything in me except relief.
There’s no longing. No hurt. No sadness about losing what we had. The anger is gone too. He’s still the man who left me. A man I loved once. And that’s okay because I don’t need him or want him. I’m at peace with that.
He turns to go. “I’ll come back another day.”
“No, no. Come in.” I widen the door. “Say whatever it is you want to say.”
He wanders into the living room, scanning my personal belongings. There’s nothing of him here. I packed every memory away with the house move, and they’re stuffed in the attic. If a stranger came in, they’d never guess Terry Trodden ever existed in my life.
“Drink?”
He shakes his head. “Let me speak, Amz,” he says, quietly. “Then I’ll go and you can think about it all.”
“Okay.”
“Abigail and I have separated.”
I blink, not knowing what to say. The casualness drops from his shoulders, replaced with tension.
“She met someone else.” Stunned, I wander over to the sofa and sit down. “I can’t live without love, Amz. I thought I could but…”
My head snaps up. Venom poisoning the numbness. “Why are you here, Terry?”
“I want you back.” He looks wounded. Pathetic. “I made a mistake. I want you to give me another chance. You and I both know we’re meant to be together. I’ve never stopped loving you. Leaving was something I had to do.”
“Was divorcing me and knocking another woman up also a requirement?” My voice turns lethal. He flinches. “Terry, you left me because I couldn’t give you a child. I wasn’t useful in your ideal life plan.”
I stalk over to him, rising onto my tiptoes, getting in his face.
“And now, you expect me to take you back when you click your fingers. I don’t fucking think so.” My finger prods at his chest, and he steps back. “A lot has changed since I sat in our bedroom and sobbed my heart out, begging you to stay. I moved on. I suggest you do too.”
“But Amz…”
“Don’t fucking but Amz me,” I explode. “Who the hell do you think you are? Walking in here and asking me to take you back. Hell will freeze over before I ever let you near me again.”
He grabs for my hands; I yank them away.
“Did you really think I’ve been sitting here waiting for you?”
“No, but Ben said you and that prick, Ivan, had broken up.”
“Oh, and were you going to swoop in to save the day?” I snarl. “And he’s not a prick. He treated me beautifully. Things just didn’t work out.”
I pause, surprised at myself for defending him. The truth tastes bittersweet. But it’s the truth. I overreacted, and he hid something he shouldn’t have. Neither of us meant to hurt the other, but we did.
I harden my voice. “Fuck off and don’t come back. Even if you were the last man on earth, I’d never give you another chance. You broke me. Smashed my heart to pieces when I trusted you most.”
His face collapses. He nods, one jerky, defeated movement, and without a word, turns and leaves my flat forever. The door clicks closed, I know I’ll never see him again.
I exhale, hard and fast. Every muscle unclenching.
Finally, I’ve drawn a line under our marriage and all the devastation he caused me.
It’s over. Really over.
I finish packing my tiny handbag and grab my keys. For the first time in a long time, I feel like a woman who knows herself. With a slow, satisfied smile, I stride out into the night, ready to enjoy all that Halloween has to offer.