Chapter Forty Two
If I believed in fate or destiny, I would say the universe was against me. I was walking down one path, but the universe was shoving me down another.
I'd finally tamed my pride for the time being and went to attempt to apologize to Kendall. Except, someone thought it would be hilarious to suffocate me before I even made it halfway. I did what I thought was the right thing only for the universe to send someone to take me out.
Waking up was more confusing than anything. My head was pounding, and my surroundings didn't look even vaguely familiar. I thought it was because I was disoriented, so I sat up and allowed my eyes and mind to adjust.
After a minute or so, things began to reluctantly add up. The room still smelled of the sweet flowers that were standing proudly in vases, and I knew without looking that the dark oak nightstand beside the bed would hold a small, unique statue of a bronze woman.
It was the reason I hadn't been able to put up a good fight. He was stronger than I would ever be, as much as I hated to admit it, and that was without trying.
I glanced at the door, grateful for my small advantage. I knew who I was facing, but not why. I felt more curious than fearful at this point, which might not have been the best approach.
I went to the door, deciding it was worth a try instead of sitting and waiting. I found myself staring blankly at the door as the doorknob kept turning and it opened. No way in hell was it going to be this easy.
I paused, listening for any noise. It was dangerously quiet, but I knew he had to be around somewhere, listening just as well. But I didn't exactly know where he was, which was just another disadvantage.
It was funny how much this house used to mean to me.
The first time he'd introduced me to his "vacation" home, I instantly fell in love with it.
It was spacious with a modern look, but comfortable for a house placed in the woods.
The lack of dust particles and covers over the furniture told me it was more than a vacation home, but I never questioned it.
He seldom brought me to this house, even on those special occasions. I used to plead and beg him, but he would only laugh and tell me no, that there was a reason we didn't go to it daily. Once he said it was "much too dangerous," but when I pressed, he changed the subject with ease.
When we did come here though, it was blissful. There was no television, phone, or any technological distractions. Sometimes, we would even take the light bulbs out of their sockets and inhale the enticing smell of scented candles and watch the crackling fireplace lick at the wood.
Maybe he brought me here for reminiscent purposes because that was what was happening. I was having trouble paying attention to my surroundings because I could still faintly smell candles, see them flickering from side to side, and taste his lips on mine.
By the time I recovered, I was in the living room, which was lit dimly by a lone lamp. He was there too, on a black leather couch that suited him well. In a similarly colored collared shirt, he looked both comfortable and lethal.
There was a crystal wine glass placed deliberately in his hand, a small portion of red liquid still in the glass. His legs were propped on the table, the bottle of wine sitting right next to his feet.
"I once believed a wolf's loyalty was what defined us; I thought the superior trait made us invisible. But it was a mere weakness," he said, laughing humorlessly without looking back.
I walked over, sitting on the couch that faced him, meeting his amber eyes. They had always looked so ancient, so wise to me, just like the beautiful eyes of a natural wolf. They were always so easy to be mesmerized by, so I supposed they were what helped him slip in the deepest lies.
"Nolan, why are we here?" I asked, not bothering to play his game. But it didn't affect him in the slightest way.
"So I decided to try a different tactic, one the whole werewolf community will soon try. Would you like to know what it is, darling?" Nolan asked, finally talking directly to me and not himself.
"Why are we-" I tried again, yet he still didn't answer my question.
"I went with deception. You see, flower," he began, placing the wine glass down as he stood up. "I came to this realization as the war ended. The beloved Gordons, they were praised by their kind for their efforts. The disgusting part was when our kind thanked them for their kindness."
I didn't think I'd ever seen Nolan so angry about something. I knew the turnout of the war had bothered him, but not by how much. It'd bothered every sane werewolf, and any who "thanked" humans were glad that they still had their loved ones by their side.
"Were you not glad that we at least lived?" I asked, trying to understand what was happening.
"Of course, I was. But we didn't need the human's pity, for them to treat us as if we should be grateful for the creation of Protectors!" He spat, glancing at me with his last word, a twisted smile forming.
"is it not ironic that a Protector, the thing I tried preventing without the use of deception, is what the woman I love becomes? I never thought that it would come to mock me, to make me hate the Gordon family further," he said softly, still not truly talking to me.
"Not only that, but she's infatuated by a Gordon boy of all people. The world couldn't further disgrace me if it tried."
I could feel a chill run through me at his words. It scared me slightly, this Nolan. How was I supposed to react when Nolan was exposing me to a side of him I'd only ever caught a glimpse of?
"Nolan, this is-" I started, but Nolan stood up and cut me off.
"Once I heard about your capture by my reliable sources, I realized my more passive actions weren't succeeding in any way.
I decided that it was a sign that I needed to take matters into my hands by more aggressive means, since my talking and persuading had gotten nowhere," he murmured, still not making much sense to me.
"Nolan, there was nothing you could do. It wasn't your fault," I said, finding it best to try and coax him out of this.
"No, then whose was it? Who would you place the blame on?
Certainly, the Gordons who didn't work with us during the meetings.
They only wanted to ensure the survival of the humans, nothing more," he paused, looking out the window as he said, "Or how about Talon, our representative, who didn't stop them? "
I only stared, unsure of how to answer. Nolan's anger was personal, very personal, and I wasn't sure why.
"This doesn't make sense, Nolan. There was nothing you could do. You were what, a small kid then? At the most, you could've protested!" I said, standing now as if it would further my point.
Nolan blinked, coming out of his daze to stare at me before saying, "Darling, I haven't been completely honest with you. I kept my . . . past from you to keep you out of danger."
"I don't care about that. What I want to know-" I started, getting impatient.
"I played an active part in the war," he interrupted, halting my words and confusing me.
I wanted to tell him that was impossible, that kids couldn't get anywhere near the war. But every time I tried to force the words out, I seemed to forget how to say them.
Nolan walked closer but paused when I started taking steps back. I could see his disappointment, but that was the least of my concerns. I wasn't sure if I trusted Nolan right now.
"When we met, I didn't lie. I said I was older, but not by how much. I didn't see how it would ever matter," he tried but did nothing to lessen the gap that was forming between us.
"How old were you during the war?" I asked, my voice flat and uncaring.
"I haven't bothered with age in a long time, flow-"
"Don't you dare," I spat, not wanting to hear any terms of endearment from him.
His eyes flickered, and then he said, "I was old enough to participate in the war."
I'd be lying if I said his words didn't hurt at all. Here was someone I prided myself on knowing, someone I would've given everything to at one time, and I didn't even know his damn age.
"And what role did you play?" I asked, the tension hissing and whispering, satisfied by the one question.
"You have to under-"
"What. Role."
"Understand that I tried, Amaryllis; I truly did. I would give up anything to change the event that occurred," he pleaded but sighed when he realized I wasn't going to listen. So he gave me a straight answer, without warning.
"I represented our kind during the war."
It was surprising how fast your perspective of people could change. One second, you loved them; you'd come up with the most transparent excuse to be in their arms, to hear their voice. You would do anything to know you're what makes them wake up every day.
But then, in less than a second, it all shattered as it hit the harsh edge of reality.
The impact changed your mental image of that one person, and maybe even their physical image in your eyes.
Their hair no longer shined, and suddenly, you couldn't stand that one thing you used to love.
You suddenly didn't remember why you ever loved them, and the thought of them touching you was disgusting.
Right then, my perspective of Nolan was completely altered.
My lack of response seemed to give Nolan a reason to explain himself. "I know there's a million questions running through your mind, and my next words won't mean a thing to you.
But my feelings for you were true, and not once did I lie about them. I love you, and nothing will ever change that. When we parted ways, I regretted it instantly, but I let you go on your own way in hopes you'd walk back to me.
When I heard you'd been captured, my years of careful planning went out of the window. I was willing to risk everything, to let the Gordons go on as they pleased, if I could find you and keep you safe.
But when I saw how close you were to the Gordon boy, I realized it wouldn't be that easy. I couldn't just let you stay with him, someone who thinks our kind should be in cages and on leashes."
"You were right. They don't mean a damn thing to me," I replied, truth ringing in my words.
I could see he was hurt by my words, but he did well to hide it. He seemed to have mastered deception better than I thought. "Is Nolan even your name?"
"It was close to my original name but not enough as to cause suspicion," he explained, his expression dead.
"And what about the wolf and the bomb?" I whispered, not even able to look him in the eyes.
His jaw clenched, his hands flexing as he said, "You were never meant to get hurt in either event, darling. I was told he would be alone during both, that you would be training. I punished both men for their actions."
I laughed humorlessly. Him "punishing both men" was supposed to be a source of comfort, but I still couldn't look at Nolan the same.
"You nearly killed me, Talon. How do you expect me to forgive you?" I asked rhetorically, but he supplied an answer.
"I don't expect you to anytime soon. I want you to know I'm sorry, and I would take it back if I could, know that. I'll accept that for now as there are bigger things to worry about."
Every part of me, every strand of hair, every atom, started to hate Nolan. A blind rage was storming inside of me, and it was because of this lying, manipulative bastard.
"You deserve to die for what you've done. I won't ever forgive you. Not in any damn lifetime you can conjure up," I spat, venom bubbling inside my words.
"I'm sorry to hear that, but I won't be the one lying lifeless tomorrow night at my own ball," he replied with ease, and I could feel the air rushing out of me.
He was going after Kendall, but he wasn't going near him without a fight. "You're so pathetic you have to kill humans to satisfy you," I said with a laugh at the end, slowly making my way towards him.
Nolan's eyes flared, but I wasn't finished. "What makes you think he'll actually die this time? You certainly weren't capable before that," I said, and he responded with a slow, sick smirk.
"Why, I'm going to kill the boy himself, maybe even his parents as a bonus.
Why do you think I brought you here? It's the perfect place to keep you safe while everything goes down.
I've also found that guns are more likely to hit their targets," he mused, and I stiffened as he pulled a sleek, black gun from a holster.
He opened his mouth again, but I didn't want to hear anything else from him. Nolan was set on his own path and didn't look like he was going to divert from it soon.
I flew at him unexpectedly, having the pleasure of watching his eyes widen before we both went airborne and crashed on the floor, the gun flying out of his hand.
I shifted, my wolf over Nolan, but it was a huge mistake.
Because as I went for Nolan's throat, my legs gave out and I collapsed.
I tried getting up, tried attacking him, but my legs gave out once again and I found myself lying on the floor.
Nolan knelt beside me, his amber eyes staring into mine as he dangled an empty syringe in front of me. "I had a feeling I might need this with you," he said before sighing and standing up.
He grabbed the gun and placed it back in the holster. "I'll see you later, darling. Just know by the time you wake, the world will have shifted back into the hands of our kind."
I could only watch as he walked away, closing the door behind him right before my vision disappeared just like he did.