Bless
BLESS
As I danced with Raja at Enigma, swaying my ass against his pelvis to the beat of smooth R&B, I felt like I didn't belong there. I couldn’t shake the feeling that had come over me the moment I saw Legacy earlier that afternoon. My discomfort had grown during our date until I couldn't ignore it any longer.
I looked over my shoulder, regretting that I saw Raja’s beautiful face instead of Legacy’s stunning one. “My feet hurt. I need to sit down,” I told him, using the excuse to bring the dance to an abrupt halt.
The day before, I had declined Raja's invitation because I was caught up in my feelings about Legacy's return. But being alone in the house had only made things worse. The walls closed in around me until I felt suffocated by my own thoughts and needs. So, this morning, I had decided to meet Raja at a popular Sunday Funday, R&B sing-along day party in the South Loop.
After gently grabbing my elbow, Raja led me to our section where we took a seat on the plush sofa. But as I sat there, surrounded by music and people joyfully eating and drinking, I couldn't shake the guilt that had assaulted me when I saw the hurt in Legacy’s eyes earlier that day. It had cut me to the core, and I felt like I was cheating on him just by being here with Raja. Despite my best efforts to move on, to let go of the past and embrace the present, I couldn't escape the guilt that gnawed at me.
As I sat lost in my thoughts, the familiar strains of "My Boo" by Alicia Keys and Usher began to fill the room. I was drawn out of my thoughts as Raja sneakily glanced at me before standing up.
My curiosity piqued as I watched him wave down the MC who was carrying around the microphone for those who wanted to sing along to the song. A slight blush of curiosity and embarrassment crept onto my cheeks as Raja took the offered mic. The blush deepened as he began to sing along with Usher's lyrics just as the first verse began. I was astonished by how well he could sing. His voice effortlessly filled the room with warmth, richness, and beauty.
Despite the turmoil of emotions swirling inside me, I forced myself to be swept away by him, the magic of Raja's voice, and the moment. I allowed my grin to explode as he took my hand and stood me up.
As Raja's crooning continued to fill the room with its captivating tone, I was amazed by the caliber of man I had been keeping at a distance. Women around him were impressed, swooning at his sexiness and charm.
As Alicia Keys' verse began, Raja surprised me by handing me the mic. I squealed in embarrassment, protesting, " Noooo !”
I couldn’t hold a note, so I definitely had no business holding a mic. But he smiled and encouraged me, "Come on, baby."
The other women surrounding us joined in, urging me to sing along.
“Girl, you betta sang!”
“Sing for that fine-ass man, girl!”
Reluctantly, I took the mic. As I began to sing awfully off-key, Raja took my hand. He pulled me in front of him and wrapped his arms around my waist. His chin nestled on my shoulder as he pressed a tender kiss to my neck, sending shivers down my spine as I continued to stumble through the verse.
The coos and cheers from the crowd around us faded into the background as I melted into Raja's embrace. I made a conscious effort to push aside thoughts of Legacy and live in the moment. With a smile on my face, I sang along to the song, allowing myself to be swept away by the music and Raja's touch.
His kisses on my neck sent sparks of electricity through me. I leaned into him, swaying to the rhythm of the song. He leaned over my shoulder to sing Usher's parts. I felt unity I hadn't experienced in years as we sang into the mic together.
As the song came to an end, the MC took the mic from me. Raja turned me around, and before I could protest, his lips met mine in a soft, lingering kiss.
At first, I hesitated, thoughts of Legacy clouding my mind and making me reluctant to fully relish in the moment. But as Raja deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding gently into my mouth, I forced myself to let go of my reservations and simply enjoy the sensation.
But, though our lips moved together in perfect sync, the kiss wasn’t perfect, because he wasn’t Legacy.