6. Legacy
CHAPTER 6
LEGACY
" H ey, baby, I got you something.” I walked into the bedroom carrying a pizza. It was Bless’ favorite, stuffed pizza from Giordano’s with sausage, pepperoni, and ham.
Bless was hunched over her books, deep into her psychology studies. She hadn't moved from that spot all day, and I hadn't seen her eat. She looked up with a small smile playing on her lips. Then her eyes grew big when she recognized the pizza box in my hand.
I placed it in front of her. Then I leaned in, kissing her lips. She tried to make it a quick peck, but I took over, slipping my tongue into her mouth and grabbing a handful of her ass.
She giggled and playfully pushed me away. “No, baby,” she purred. “Don’t start. I need to study.”
"Come on,” I groaned, feeling my dick growing inside my Nike shorts. “You need a break."
"Legacy, I really need to get this done," she insisted softly. “I need to study while the kids are in daycare.”
I sighed, giving up for now. "All right, but you better eat some of that pizza."
"I will," she promised with her eyes right back on her books.
I was proud of my baby. She had finally started college. She was currently paying for it with financial aid. But since I was hustling, I didn’t want her to owe a dime to Sallie Mae. So, I had been hustling harder to pay for the portion of her tuition that the free money didn’t cover. Watching her balance her roles of a dedicated mom and student was such a turn-on. But it also put me in a somber place because her dedication to her education made me think of Ri.
"I gotta go help Pops clean the gutters anyway," I said, grabbing my keys from the dresser.
She looked up with concern flickering in her eyes. "You're going to your parents' house? What about your mom?"
I shrugged, saying, "I can't let her stop me from going over there to spend time with my dad."
She pouted. "But you're having a good day. Don't let her ruin it.”
I smiled, appreciating her concern. I softly pinched her cheek. “I won’t, baby. I promise.”
She nodded, but I could still see the worry in her eyes. "Just... don't let her get to you, okay?"
"I won't," I promised before I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I'll be back soon."
As I pulled into my parents' driveway on that scorching June day, the dread was almost unbearable. The anniversary of my sister's death was a few days away. My mother’s wrath had been relentless since Ri’s murder. But I had been taking the abuse because on one hand, I did truly feel responsible. But on the other, I wanted to be patient with my mother, hoping she would eventually begin to love me again. I missed my sister. Grieving her was unbearable, but having to grieve the emotional loss of my mother as well was ruining me. Slowly, I was becoming a shell of myself. Yet, my mother’s anger and blame were becoming exceptionally intolerable now that the anniversary of Ri’s death was nearing.
Reluctantly, I stepped out of my car and made my way to the backyard where my father was already perched on a ladder with a bucket of tools beside him. Sweat glistened on his brow as he waved me over.
"Hey, son," he greeted me with a weary smile due to the excess heat. "Thanks for coming over to help out."
I nodded, forcing a smile of my own. "No problem."
I grabbed the other ladder that was leaning against the house and climbed it.
As we worked side by side, clearing leaves and debris from the gutters, the tension between us was heavy with unspoken grief. I knew my father shared my pain, but like me, he preferred to bury it beneath the load of chores and responsibilities. Yet, with the anniversary of doomsday approaching, no one could ignore the sorrow surrounding Ri’s untimely demise.
"You holding up okay?" he asked with a voice filled with concern.
I shrugged, trying to mask the turmoil churning inside me. "As good as can be expected, I guess."
As we worked on the gutters, the sun beat down mercilessly, intensifying the stifling heat of the summer day. Sweat trickled down my forehead, stinging my eyes as I struggled to maintain my balance on the ladder. My father's voice drifted over to me, coaching me through the proper technique of gutter cleaning, but it sounded distant, muffled by the haze that clouded my mind.
"Legacy, you're not looking too steady up there," my father's worried tone cut through the fog, pulling me back to the present.
I shook my head, trying to clear away the haze that enveloped me. "I'm cool, Dad," I replied. "Just a little tired from last night, that's all."
My words were a fake, weak attempt to deflect my father's scrutiny. The truth was, the Percocet caplets I had taken earlier that day were starting to take their toll, dulling my senses and leaving me feeling disoriented and unsteady. That was why that day’s dread was only almost unbearable. I was so high that the grief wasn’t completely drowning me.
This month wasn’t only the anniversary of Ri’s death, but also the anniversary of the death of my strength. I had become weak, a slave to the way painkillers numbed my emotional suffering and the physical agony that I felt in my heart every day.
The first time I took that Percocet the day of Ri’s funeral, it was like a wave of warmth washed over me, soothing every ache and worry in my body. As the high hit me, I felt myself slipping into a state of blissful oblivion where time stood still and nothing else mattered. The pain that had been gnawing at me for so long was suddenly replaced by a sense of euphoria. As the high wore off, I was left with a deep and insatiable craving that could only be satisfied by another pill.
Now, I was taking at least three a day.
My father's expression grew more troubled as his eyes scanned me intently. "Are you sure you're okay, son?"
I nodded, trying to force a reassuring smile. "Yeah. Just need to get some sleep tonight.”
My father chuckled. “Those babies keeping y’all busy?”
Even in my state of delusion, I managed to genuinely smile, thinking of Zara and Eden. “Yeah, having two toddlers ain’t no joke…” My voice trailed off as the familiar sound of my mother's car engine slowly grew louder behind us. Fear and reluctance covered me. I could feel my father's sympathetic gaze on me, but I refused to meet it. Instead, I focused on the gutters.
“Unt uh! Not today! I don’t want to see his face today!”
As my mother's voice pierced the air with its sharp edge of anger, my resolve scattered. I glanced towards her, watching as she marched towards us with fury etched into every line of her face. The same tears were in her eyes that had settled there randomly since Ri’s death. They had been in her eyes every day as the anniversary of Ri’s death neared.
"Get out of here, Legacy!" Her words cut through me, each syllable dripping with venomous disdain.
My eyes bulged as she grabbed the ladder, shaking it violently. I instinctively gripped the gutters for support. My heart pounded in my chest as I struggled to maintain my balance. "Ma!" I exclaimed, trying to steady myself against the force of her anger. But deep down, I knew that her resentment outweighed any physical strength.
“Charon, stop it!” My father flew down his ladder as fast as his aged legs could take him.
“You make me sick!” The venom in my mother’s eyes was unbelievable. I cringed, fighting to hold on to the gutters in my hazy state. “I hate you,” she growled.
“No, you don’t, Mama.” It pained me to hear the hurt causing my voice to crack. I had never been the weak nigga that I had turned into since Ri’s passing.
“Get a hold of yourself, Charon!” my father fussed through gritted teeth. Finally on the ground, he raced towards her, taking her into his grasp by the shoulders and slightly shaking her.
She immediately began to sob, resting her head on his shoulder. “She shouldn’t have been there that day. She should be here! I should not be planning a balloon release for my daughter!”
“But she had a choice,” my father reminder her. “She was a grown woman. She knew the life that Legacy lived. We all did. And she went anyway. It was her choice, Charon.”
My mother’s head shot up, rage filled her eyes as they locked on my father. “So, you’re blaming her ?!”
“No!”
My parents arguing faded in the distance as I allowed myself to get lost in the haze of euphoria. I climbed down off of the ladder slowly and carefully. My parents bickering stabbed through the cloud of peace in my mind as I walked towards them.
“I love you, Ma,” I mumbled as I continued past them, down the driveway, towards my ride at the curb. I zoned out purposely so that I couldn’t hear the hateful words that she spit in response.
I jumped in the car and hurriedly started the engine. But before pulling off, I reached into the cup holder for the sandwich bag of pills I had just copped. I took one out and then another one.
I wasn’t numb enough.