7. Bless
CHAPTER 7
BLESS
" S o, like I was saying," Monique said, rolling her chair over to my desk as she ended her call. "You and Raja were looking real cozy on that video.”
Monique and I were sitting beside one another in our cubicles. The quiet conversations of my other co-workers played as a background to the one that me and my work best friend were having between phone calls from clients filing insurance claims. We were both Claims Representatives at Allstate, handling everything from minor fender-benders to major accidents.
While in a relationship with Legacy, I had been a stay-at-home mom, as I focused on my education. I had managed to get a bachelor’s degree while juggling the kids and the remnants of Legacy’s addiction. I had plans to get a master’s too, but once I broke up with Legacy, I had to get a job and focus on taking care of the kids. Although he eventually started his business and was able to provide lucratively for me and the kids again, I continued to work because I never wanted to be in the position of having to rebuild again because I didn’t have a man’s assistance.
“I still cannot believe that we ended up in that promo video,” I groaned.
When I broke up with Legacy, I deleted all of my social media accounts. I needed a clean break from him, which meant not seeing him on social media. The peace I’d gained being without social media had kept me off of the apps since. So, I’d had no idea about the promo video until Monique showed it to me when I got to work. My heart sank. I’d had to take a break and nearly had a panic attack in the bathroom. All I could think of was Legacy seeing it. Although we hadn’t been close to intimate in years, and I was sure he had slept with other women since we’d broken up, I felt like I had been disloyal to him and the proof was all over the internet.
“Believe it,” Monique pressed with a teasing grin. “And y’all are such a cute couple.”
“We are not together,” I reminded her.
Monique sucked her teeth. “And why aren’t you two together? Don't you miss having a man?"
I sighed, leaning back in my chair. "Right now, I'm just focusing on me.”
“You’ve been focusing on yourself for years,” Monique murmured.
Monique and I had been working together for four years. We had first become close while we were new hires during the pandemic. We got to know each other through our work chats while working from home. Then we finally met in the office when the pandemic was over. So, we spent a lot of time venting to one another about past relationships and lack of a current one.
“And I’m okay with that,” I retorted. “I’m okay with being by myself. I’m learning who I am.”
Her brow rose cynically. “You didn’t know who you were before?”
“I only knew who I was with Legacy. I needed to take this time to learn who Bless is without him.”
Monique shook her head, making her long braids sway with each motion. "I can't relate. I’ve been single for so long that I’m sick of myself. I just want to find the right guy, get married, and have kids. But it seems like every guy I meet is either not interested in anything serious or just straight-up wrong for me."
I bit back what I truly wanted to say. Monique came off as thirsty to me. All she talked about was men, the lack of one in her life, and trying to get one so that she could settle down. She was so desperate for a relationship that she often made very na?ve choices when it came to men. She had even slept with her cousin’s boyfriend because he had been able to convince her that he was actually in love with her and was only with her cousin because of their kids. Of course, he never left her cousin, and it caused a lot of drama in her family.
"Maybe you need to take a step back and just enjoy being single for a bit too,” I suggested. “It's not the worst thing in the world."
She laughed, but it sounded a bit hollow. "Easy for you to say. You've experienced love and you have kids. I feel like my biological clock is ticking louder every day."
"What happened to the guy you met a few weeks ago when you went out? You said you liked him."
She smiled from ear to ear. It was that blushing, girlish grin that women got when they’d finally met a man they really liked. “Rajon? I actually like him. And he is showing me that he likes me. We spend a lot of time getting to know one another. He’s actually almost too good to be true.”
I sarcastically chuckled, thinking of Raja.
“I like him a lot, almost too much. And the dick is phenomenal.” Her eyes rolled dramatically for effect. “I keep telling myself to slow down. I don’t want to get my hopes up.”
“Right. Don’t rush into anything just because you feel like you’re running out of time. You don’t want to rush into something that’s hard to get out of.” My heart ached as I thought of the emotional turmoil I had been drowning in since leaving Legacy.
Monique sighed, picking at a loose thread on her shirt. "I know, I know. It’s just hard. I feel like I’m always the bridesmaid and never the bride. Everyone around me is settling down, and here I am striking out again and again."
"Maybe you should try focusing on things that make you happy outside of relationships while taking your time with Rajon,” I suggested.
“You’re right. That’s why I started taking solo weekend trips. It's been fun. But it would be even nicer to share those experiences with someone."
I nodded, fully understanding her longing. "I get that. But you have to be happy with yourself first before you can be happy with someone else."
Monique opened her mouth to reply, but her phone rang, cutting her off. She gave me a look that said our conversation wasn’t over and then answered the call with her professional voice.
I turned back to my own work, baffled at how Monique was desperately yearning for something that I now feared to my bones.
I sighed as my desk phone rang, slipping back into my role. "Allstate Claims, this is Bless. How can I help you today?"
When the clock hit five, I was quickly on my way out of the door.
“I’m thinking of taking a weekend trip to Houston for Memorial Day. You should think about coming with me.” As I parted my lips to reply, Monique quickly interjected. “And don’t give me any excuse about having to find a babysitter. Legacy is back in town. Ask him to watch the kids,” she quipped as we walked through the parking lot.
“But I am sure he will have a lot of events lined up because of the holiday.”
Monique sucked her teeth. “You always make excuses about hanging with me.”
“It’s not my fault that I have kids to take care of.”
“Actually, it is . It’s the fault of you and that coochie.”
I giggled, playfully swatting her arm. “Whatever.”
Monique pouted as she approached her Hyundai. I gave her a sympathetic expression. Though we were work besties, we had hardly hung out outside of the job. I had only managed to get drinks with her a few times over the years, limiting us to work friends. Monique lived a fast, single, kid-free life, when it was hard for me to find a sitter since my grandmother was aging and my sister spent her free time with her fiancé.
“I’ll ask him,” I told her.
Cheesing, she popped the locks on her car. “Cool!”
“See you tomorrow.”
“See you,” I said as I continued the trek to my ride.
It was a beautiful Monday afternoon. It was the kind of day that felt like summertime Chi was already in full swing. After I got into my car and rolled the windows down, the warm air kissed my face, bringing with it a flood of memories of past days spent with Legacy at South Shore Beach. We used to spend hours there, laughing, talking, and sneakily fucking in public once the sun went down. Those were some of the best days of my life.
Legacy was always a constant presence in the background of my thoughts. But ever since I saw Enigma's promo video, he had been at the forefront. The video made me and Raja look like a picture-perfect couple. It gave the facade that we were official, and just the thought of it, though I knew it wasn’t true, made my chest tighten with anxiety.
As I rode through the city towards my grandmother's house to pick up the kids, my mind locked on Legacy. I realized I hadn’t heard from him since he’d dropped the kids off at school that morning. I wondered how his weekend had been with them, especially Eden. I found it odd that he hadn’t called me to talk about it.
I reached for my phone and dialed his number.
Ringing filled the car.
“Yeah.” The shortness of his tone when he answered made my brows curl.
"Hey, Legacy," I said, trying to keep my tone light. "How was your weekend with the kids?"
"It was cool," he returned curtly.
I frowned, sensing something was off. "How did Eden behave?"
"He was cool," he said with a flat and uninterested tone.
His short responses made me feel uneasy. It was like he was a different person all of a sudden, someone distant and closed off.
"Okay, well... I just wanted to check in," I said awkwardly. "I'll talk to you later."
"Yeah, later," he said, and then the line went dead.
I sighed, placing the phone back on the passenger’s seat. As I neared my grandmother’s house, I wondered what could have happened over the weekend to make him so cold and distant. Familiar panic made my stomach do summersaults. This was the same bipolar mood swing that I had experienced time after time when he was using. My heart beat wildly against my chest, wondering if his return to Chicago had sent him ten steps back.
I never thought I’d look forward to a hectic night with my kids, but as I entered my grandmother’s house, I was desperate for their constant bickering and begging to keep my mind off of Legacy and Raja. As I stepped inside, the familiar scent of my grandmother’s home greeted me.
Eden and Zara were working on their homework at the dining room table.
"Hey, Ma!" Zara exclaimed. She abandoned her homework and ran towards me. She encased her arms around me, smiling.
“You act like you missed me,” I said as I bent down and kissed the top of her head. I appreciated that she had, by the looks of it, obeyed me and worn her headscarf all weekend, keeping her hair style intact.
“I did,” she smiled, looking up at me.
“Hi, Eden,” I spoke as I watched him pack up his bag.
“Hey, Ma.”
"Where's NaNa?" I asked them.
Eden replied, "NaNa's in the bathroom with Pam."
Curiosity piqued, I headed towards the short flight of stairs leading to the bathroom. “You guys hurry and pack up,” I told the kids over my shoulder. “We have to get to daycare to get Riley.”
Climbing the stairs, I longed for the day that Riley was in first grade so that she could take the bus to NaNa’s house after school along with her sister and brother, giving me one less stop to make after work.
As I approached the bathroom, I could hear NaNa fussing. My brow furrowed as I listened to her voice mixed with the sounds of gagging from the other side of the slightly ajar door. Peeking inside, I saw NaNa sitting on the edge of the tub, laughing so hard she was holding her sides while Pam knelt in front of the toilet, retching into the porcelain bowl.
I smirked. “I told you not to let her in the house when she’s like this while the kids are here.”
“She’s not drunk,” NaNa replied, snickering uncontrollably with tears of laughter in her eyes. "That herbal cleanse bullshit has been doing her in all weekend."
Pam, between gags, managed to shoot NaNa a glare. "It’s not funny, Mama," she croaked. "This shit is killing me."
NaNa continued, not even bothering to hide her amusement. "She’s been hallucinating! Said she saw Michael Jackson in the kitchen last night and then she tried to make him a sandwich. And now, she can't stay out of the bathroom. It's coming out of both ends!"
I started cracking up, grateful for something to make me smile as I leaned against the doorway.
Pam groaned, leaning back on her heels. "Gawd damn, I’m dying."
“But your ass ain’t drinking,” NaNa snorted, making me double over with cackles. NaNa slapped her knee, still laughing. "It’s certainly cleaned you out, didn’t it?"
Pam rolled her eyes and then lurched forward, retching again.
As NaNa and I fell into another fit of laughter, I somehow managed to say, “I have to go get Riley before the daycare closes. Can you handle her?”
NaNa waved me off, still giggling. "Go on, Bless. I got it. I don’t think she has anything left in her anyway.” Then she fell into uncontrollable giggles, bending over as she held on to the tub for support.
As I left the doorway, I couldn’t stop giggling with sounds of Pam gagging and discomfort playing in the background.
As I descended the stairs, I was grateful to see Zara and Eden packed up and ready to go, their bookbags already slung over their shoulders. Just as we were about to leave, the front door swung open, and Sky walked in with JayShawn following her closely.
"Hey, bro," I greeted JayShawn with a warm smile.
"What's up, sis?" he replied, ruffling Eden's hair before playfully putting him in a headlock. Eden giggled, trying to wriggle free.
Sky beamed, looking pleased to see me. "I was just about to call you, Bless. JayShawn got tickets to a party on Friday. It’s supposed to be lit! You gotta come."
I hesitated. "I don't know."
JayShawn released Eden, who ran over to hug his auntie. "Come on, Bless. You deserve a night out."
“It's my weekend with the kids. But I'll ask Legacy if he can switch weekends with me.”
Sky nodded. "Just let me know. It's going to be so much fun."
"Will do," I promised, opening the door for the kids. "All right, it’s time to head out. Say goodbye to Auntie Sky and Uncle JayShawn."
"Bye, Auntie Sky! Bye, Uncle JayShawn!" Zara and Eden said in unison, waving as they walked out the door.
"See you guys later," I said, giving Sky a quick hug before following the kids to the car.
While heading out, I could still hear Pam now dry heaving in the bathroom. I laughed, shaking my head. Life was chaotic as hell, but Pam made sure that it was at least never boring.