Bless
BLESS
As I cooked dinner the next evening, the sounds of Legacy helping Riley with her homework drifted from the dining room.
"Okay, baby, let's add three and two. What's the answer?" Legacy's voice carried warmth and patience as he guided Riley through her kindergarten homework.
Guilt made my stomach churn. I winced, gripping the stove.
His velvety voice used to soothe my soul, but now it only saddened me and made me feel like complete shit. Ever since I’d walked away from Legacy, there had been an invisible barrier between us that I had built with my own hands. However, this weekend, it felt like he had solidified that wall, distancing himself even further from me. His silence spoke volumes and his avoidance cut deeper than any words could.
In the living room, Zara and Eden were engrossed in a TV show, oblivious to the tension between me and Legacy. Meanwhile, I couldn't shake the sadness of our disconnected state. The difference between the loving family unit we’d once been made the back flips in my stomach accelerate.
As I stirred the pot of spaghetti sauce on the stove, my cell phone rang. The vibration rattled the countertop. I glanced at the screen and saw Raja’s name. My heart didn’t flutter at all. It merely skipped a beat out of obligation. I quickly wiped my hands on a towel, picked up the phone, and hurried into my bedroom. I avoided eye contact with Legacy as I breezed past the dining room table. Yet, I wondered if his eyes ever drifted towards me as I scurried down the hall.
Once inside my room, I closed the door.
“Hey, Raja,” I answered, trying to infuse some warmth into my voice.
“Hey, you. How’s your day going?” His voice was deeply smooth, as always, laced with genuine sweetness.
“It’s been busy, you know. Just cooking dinner right now.”
“I can’t wait to taste your cooking one day,” he said, chuckling softly. “I just wanted to confirm our plans for Friday. We’re still on for that party with JayShawn and Sky, right?”
“Hopefully. I plan on asking Legacy tonight about switching.”
“If we go, what time are we meeting?”
“Around seven. Is that good for you?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.”
Suddenly, Legacy and Riley erupted in giggles, causing me to squeeze my eyes closed with regret. Carrying the secret of her unconfirmed paternity had been so much easier when I would only see him once a month. When he would just pick them up and leave and I didn’t have to watch his interactions with Riley.
“I should get back to cooking now. I don’t want the sauce to burn.”
“Of course. I’ll let you go. Call me later when you get the kids down.”
“I will,” I said quickly and hung up, leaning against the door with a sigh.
I felt a pang of guilt. Raja was such a nice guy, always so sweet and considerate. I should’ve been more interested, more engaged. But I just couldn’t muster the enthusiasm. Every time he spoke, every time he made an effort, I felt a barrier inside of me, an invisible wall I couldn’t break through.
“Why can’t you just give him a chance?” I muttered to myself, shaking my head. “He deserves more than this.”
But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t force myself to feel something that just wasn’t there. The shadow of my past with Legacy loomed too dominantly, casting a long, unshakeable shadow over my present. Raja was wonderful, but my heart just wasn’t in it, and I didn’t know how to change that.
As I left my room, I could hear Legacy's sweet laughter echoing down the hall. It was a sound I hadn't heard fill my home in a long time. For a moment, I closed my eyes and enjoyed it. But as I entered the dining room, his laughter stopped abruptly, and he avoided making eye contact with me.
"Was that your boo?"
I inhaled sharply, the tone of his words causing my stomach to flip.
"What boo?" I replied, trying to sound nonchalant.
"Your boo from the video. I saw it.” A teasing smile played on his lips, though his focus was on Riley’s homework. "I saw you hugged up with your man. You don't have to hide him from me."
Embarrassment consumed me, and I struggled to find my voice. "He's not my man and if he was, it’s not your business," I mumbled as I quickly shuffled into the kitchen. I turned my attention back to the pot on the stove, stirring it absently.
I heard Legacy’s chair scrape against the floor and I could feel his presence drawing near. His shadow loomed over me, making it hard to breathe. Suddenly, he was right behind me, his nearness overwhelming.
"You'll always be my business, ," he said, his voice low and intense.
The air between us exploded with unspoken tension. I could feel the heat radiating from his body, making my skin tingle. My heart raced, and I struggled to keep my composure, focusing on the rhythmic motion of stirring the sauce.
"Legacy," I started, but the words caught in my throat. I wanted to explain. For some reason, I wanted him to know that Raja and I weren’t what we appeared to be on the video, but I also didn’t want him to have any idea that I had spent the last five years so consumed by him that I hadn’t been able to move on.
“Yeah?” Now, suddenly, his eyes were fixated on me as if they were daring me to be brave enough to speak my truth.
“N-nothing,” I stammered.
Legacy stood there for a moment, our eyes locked in a breathtaking gaze that held me captive. The world around us faded, and all I could feel was the intensity of his stare, the unspoken words hanging heavily in the air.
After what felt like an eternity, he finally stepped back. "I gotta head to work," he announced, breaking the spell.
As he walked away, I closed my eyes, trying to steady myself, but his presence was intoxicating. The line between past and present blurred, and for a moment, it felt like nothing had changed. But deep down inside, I knew that everything had.
He turned to Riley, who sighed in disappointment. My heart sank along with hers as I listened to Legacy say goodbye to her.
Because the space was open-concept, I could discreetly watch Legacy move into the living room. He bent down and kissed Zara on the cheek, saying, "Bye, baby girl."
"Bye, Daddy," she replied with a small smile, her eyes lighting up.
Eden, however, didn't take his eyes off the television. "Later, Dad," he muttered with his tone flat.
Legacy, unfazed, stood directly in Eden's view, blocking the screen. "You know the drill, son."
Eden sighed dramatically but finally tore his defiant gaze from the TV to look at Legacy. With reluctance, he stuck his hand out and they shook up.
As I watched, I felt an overwhelming yearning for Legacy. Not only was I still attracted to him, but I also loved seeing him in our home, being the man of the house—a presence I deeply missed.
Legacy turned to me, his eyes seeking mine. I quickly looked away, trying to appear nonchalant.
“I’ll see you.”
“See you.” All of a sudden I remembered. “Oh wait.” I looked up, regretting having to focus on his beauty, “Can we switch Friday? Sky and JayShawn want me to go to this big event with them.”
"I got hired for a party. My client wants me personally.” His eyes lingered on me as if searching for a reaction. "I can send Joy over."
I nodded, trying to maintain my composure. I forced a casual tone, “Okay, thanks.” My heart raced, betraying the calm facade I was trying to project.
Legacy held my gaze for a moment longer. We stood there stuck in air that was thick with unspoken words. "No problem," he finally said.
Our eyes remained locked, and for a brief second, it felt like time stood still. The weight of our shared history and suppressed feelings hung heavy in the space between us. I could see the conflict in his eyes, mirroring my own.
I turned my attention back to the stove. The heat from the simmering spaghetti was nothing compared to the warmth flooding my cheeks. "I’ll see you later," I mumbled, trying to break the spell.
"Yeah, later…”
As he walked away, I felt an almost magnetic pull towards him. My longing for him intensified with every step he took. He paused at the doorway, looking back at me one last time. Our eyes met again, and in that fleeting moment, it was as if our souls were trying to reach out to each other despite the barriers we had built.
I swallowed hard, avoiding his powerful, hypnotizing gaze. "You can let yourself out and lock the bottom lock.”
He lingered for a moment as if waiting for something more, but when I didn't offer it, he made his way to the door.
"Bye, Daddy," Zara called out cheerfully.
"See y’all later.” His voice was warm towards the kids as he glanced one last time in my direction before stepping out.
The door clicked shut behind him, and I was left with longing and regret. The room felt so much emptier without him, and the tension lingered, leaving me breathless and yearning for what could never be.
Feeling the overwhelming tug of longing, I hurriedly lowered the fire under the spaghetti to the lowest setting. "Riley, did you put your homework back in your bookbag?"
"Yes, Mama.”
"Good girl. Go watch TV with your sister and brother,” I told her as I cleaned my hands at the sink. I then turned to Zara and Eden. "I'll be right back, okay?"
Without waiting for a response, I hurried down the hall to my room. The door shut behind me, and I quickly locked it. I rushed over to my nightstand and tore open my panty drawer, frantically searching through it until I found my Rose.
Climbing into bed, I buried myself under the covers, clutching the Rose tightly. I closed my eyes, trying to drown out the noise of the world and the ache in my heart. Instead, I focused on the ache in my clit. I allowed the delicious vision of Legacy to take over as I turned on the Rose to my favorite setting. With my other hand, I parted my folds, peeling them back to allow my clit to meet the Rose’s vibration.
I muffled my whimpers and moans as visions of Legacy and me making love played like a porn in my mind. I could see it so vividly, his piece of art driving deep into my needy center as he rode me without mercy. I bit my lip, eyes closed tightly, watching my imaginary erotica as the Rose worked my clit with perfection. It sucked me, causing my center to leak onto my sheets.
“Mommy?!”
My eyes sprang open as I glared at my bedroom door. My neck strained to lift my heavy head as I watched the doorknob turn due to Riley’s unsuccessful efforts.
“What, Riley?!”
“Zara won’t let me watch Goo Goo Girlz!” she whined.
I groaned. “They were watching TV first.”
“But Mommyyyy—”
“Get away from my door, Riley! I’ll be out in a minute!”
She whined louder, but her protest soon faded down the hall. My head fell back as I brought the Rose back to my now pulsating, hard clit. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to temporarily get lost in the happy place that I feared.