10. Bless
CHAPTER 10
BLESS
I inhaled sharply, watching Legacy intimately embrace the blonde with skin just like mine. “They’re together,” I mumbled as I zeroed in on his arms around her waist as his large hands cupped an ass so big that it was hard to tell if it were real or had been manufactured in the Dominican.
“It’s okay,” Sky said, standing beside me. “You’re on a date too.”
“But he looks like he really likes her.” My eyes stung and my gaze morphed into devastation as I stared down at the stage.
“Keep it together,” Sky softly encouraged me.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of Legacy and what looked to be his date. “That must be why he’s been so distant.”
“You cannot cry,” Sky chastised me. She must have seen the tears pooling in my eyes. “Not in front of Raja. It took you fifteen minutes to fix your face the first time.”
“Oh my God,” my voice cracked.
“ Shiiit ,” Sky hissed in frustration as I began to break down. She scampered away from me, but she was near enough for me to hear her as she frantically spoke to JayShawn. “I’m ready to go, babe,” she told him.
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“I’m too drunk. I think I’m going to be sick,” she lied.
“It’s cool. The party is ‘bout over anyway. Let’s ride.”
“Thank you.” She looked back at me with bucked eyes, signaling for me to follow suit.
But my mind was in shambles. I couldn’t think well enough to form words. I could only cling on to the little strength I had to keep my tears from falling.
Luckily, Raja asked, “You ready to roll too?” As he waited for me to respond, he eyed my weariness curiously.
I nodded slowly. The devastation had me feeling lethargic. “Yeah.”
In an attempt to hide my jumbled emotions from Raja, I led him, Sky, and JayShawn down the stairs and out of the club. The pulsing music faded, but the chaos in my mind intensified. Outside, I hoped the fresh air would give me space to breathe, but it felt like I was suffocating. Images of Legacy with his date kept replaying in my mind, gnawing at my heart.
Sky gave me a concerned look, but I brushed it off with a quick nod.
We stood on the curb, waiting for the valet to bring the cars around. I stole glances at Raja to ensure that he wasn’t watching me failing to cling to sanity. The night air was supposed to be refreshing, but it felt heavy like it was pressing down on my chest. Luckily, he was standing in front of the valet cart talking to JayShawn.
Legacy's image was all I could see. His confident stance, his effortless charm, and that woman by his side haunted me. It twisted my insides, making it hard to keep my composure.
I wasn't ready to see Legacy move on with another woman. The mere thought of it made my heart twist painfully in my chest. I didn't want to be just a memory to him, a chapter he'd closed and moved past. I couldn’t fathom the idea of him being free, living his life without me in it.
Every moment with him was still fresh in my mind, and the thought of those moments becoming nothing more than distant memories was terrifying. I wanted to be more than a memory to him. I couldn’t stomach being someone he once loved and then left behind. The idea of him being happy without me felt like a betrayal. I wasn’t ready for us to let go. And I wasn’t ready to face a future wherein I was nothing more than a part of his past.
The valet finally pulled up with JayShawn's car. We all exchanged a few words before saying our goodbyes.
"See you, Bless," JayShawn said, pulling me into a quick hug.
"See you, brother." My voice sounded distant even to my own ears.
Raja's car arrived as he said goodbye to Sky and JayShawn.
“Call me when you get home, Bless,” Sky said as JayShawn led her to his car by the hand.
Our eyes met, and she gave me a knowing look that was full of encouragement and sympathy.
“I will,” I promised as Raja led me to the passenger’s side of his Defender.
Once he guided me inside and closed the door, I forced myself to get it together. But I couldn't before Raja climbed into the driver’s seat. The only relief that I could bare to feel was from the cool air flowing from the vents that dried the pools of sweat on my skin.
I forced a more relaxed expression and leaned into him as he pulled off.
He looked at me quickly, giving me a concerned expression. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied, forcing another smile. "Just tired."
“Umph,” he grunted, keeping his focus on the road. “That was your kids’ father, right?”
I blinked owlishly. “Huh?”
Raja chuckled mockingly. “Vibe’s bodyguard. Jayshawn pointed him out when you and Sky were in the bathroom. He was surprised to see him on the stage.”
I shifted uncomfortably against the leather seats. “Oh. Yeah, that was him.”
“Do you still have feelings for him?”
My neck craned so that I could look directly at him. “Huh? Why are you asking me that?”
Raja kept his eyes on the road. “Your whole mood changed the moment you saw him. I mean you have yet to let your guard down around me, but you completely tensed up when he got there. Is he why I can’t get anywhere with you? Is he why you won’t have sex with me?”
“Excuse me?” I quipped so loud that Raja looked at me for a second before returning his attention to the road. “I’m not obligated to fuck you–"
“Chill. I didn’t say—”
“I barely know you! And if that’s what you’re waiting on, you can move around! There is nothing that you can do to make me fuck you. That’s a decision that I will make on my own terms when I feel like it! If you can’t deal with that then let me the fuck out!”
Watching the concern and hurt in Raja’s eyes as he stared at me at a red light humbled me. The truck was quiet as the light changed and he pulled off. I began to wallow in guilt. That anger had not been meant for him. He had just unfortunately borne the brunt of it.
Raja took a long, deep breath that demanded my attention. He kept a stern gaze on the road as he whipped through the city. "I'm ready to truly be with you, Bless." His deep rumble was soft yet sincere as it pierced the uncomfortable silence. "I've done everything I'm supposed to as a man. I've been respectful, courted you, and wined and dined you. But it's been two months, and I've never even seen your place. You won't step foot in mine. It's obvious you have a guard up, and I understand you have kids that are a big responsibility and keep you busy, but their father is here now to help. If you know you'll never let your guard down, at least respect me enough to say so."
As Raja's words flowed, I noticed the unnerving calm in his demeanor. His composure, a blend of confidence and frustration, sent shivering fear down my spine. The way he remained so collected made my heart race with regret. I realized then that I was on the verge of losing him.
I swallowed hard, forcing down the guilt. Shame forced my body to relax and settle into the seat. All of my sass and bite were gone. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. You’re right. You’ve been nothing but respectful and patient with me. I truly appreciate that and I’m sorry that I don’t show that appreciation more.”
Raja was silent for a second. I held my breath, looking at him with apprehension. Finally, he released a slow breath. He then reached for my hand and held it tenderly. He brought it to his full lips, kissing the back of it slowly. I let out a relieved breath, leaning into him. All I wanted was to escape these feelings, to lose myself in him and forget about Legacy. But as I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself, the ache in my chest remained.