Legacy
LEGACY
"I know I love Bless," I told Ebony. "When she told me about that night, the first thing I wondered was if the guy had raped her. I believe she was drunk. I remember the day we argued and then she disappeared. We argued a lot around that time, but this time, she was gone for hours. I remember worrying that she would never come back, that I had finally fucked up for good. Then she came home drunk as hell. If she cheated that particular day, the guy had definitely taken advantage of her. She wasn't in her right mind.”
“ But ?” Ebony pressed, reading my expression.
“But she hid it from me for five years, and that's what hurts."
After Bless finally revealed to me the truth, I knew I couldn't react until I talked to my therapist. So, last night, I sent Ebony a text message, asking for an emergency meeting that morning and she’d readily obliged. I planned to attend an NA meeting next. I knew I needed all the support I could get to keep me from crumbling.
I had tossed and turned all night, barely getting an hour of sleep. Visions of Bless giving another man what was mine sickened me, filling me with bitterness that I feared. The thought of Riley possibly not being my blood made my heart cry out, and a deep, incurable pain had settled in my chest since the moment Bless had said the words.
I was actually appreciative of Bless’ revelation, though. I was so focused on her lies that I couldn’t harp on the guilt that usually consumed me on the anniversary of Ri’s death.
"You're dealing with a lot of conflicting emotions right now. It's understandable to feel hurt and betrayed, but you must also recognize the state Bless was in and the love she had for you."
"I get why she hid it.” My voice cracked from exhaustion, but more so, heartbreak. "I remember the state of mind I was in, my depression, what I had put her through. I remember begging her to keep the baby, and I know that Bless loved me so much that she would have done anything to help me stay clean, including having the baby. At that time, I already felt like so much had been taken from me. And she knew how, no matter how far I was in addiction and my depression, I loved my kids. Had Bless aborted Riley, I would have taken that as yet another loss. I wasn’t strong enough in my sobriety to deal with that. I just can’t believe she hid it from me. She should have told me. She had so much time."
"It's okay to feel hurt and betrayed,” Ebony advised gently. “But also try to understand her perspective. She was in a vulnerable state and she made a decision based on her love for you and her desire to help you. However, hiding it for so long has obviously caused deep hurt. Have you thought about how you want to address this with her?"
The feeling of helplessness was so strong that I could barely shrug my shoulders. "I don't know," I admitted, rubbing my temples. "I feel… torn. Part of me wants to forgive Bless because I honestly understand, but another part of me is stuck on the fact that she hid it from me."
"Forgiveness is a process, not an event," Ebony said. "It's okay to take your time. Focus on open communication with Bless. Let her know how you feel, but also listen to her side of the story, which it seems like you’re starting to already. Both of you have been through a lot, and it’s crucial to support each other through this."
I nodded. "You're right. I need to talk to her, really talk. And I need to make sure I'm taking care of myself too so I don't fall back into old habits."
"Exactly," Ebony affirmed. "Lean on your support system, attend your meetings, and—”
Just then, my phone buzzed. When I saw my father's name on the screen, I told Ebony, “I’m sorry. This is my father. He just got out of the hospital, so I need to answer this in case he needs something,”
“Sure. Go ahead.”
I muted my video and then answered his call. "Hey, Dad, what's up?"
", you need to come to my house right away.”
The urgency in my dad’s voice caused me to sit straight up. "Is everything okay?"
Hearing sirens and lots of chatter in the background, I started to panic.
"I'm okay, but you need to get here right now .”