20. Bless
CHAPTER 20
BLESS
“ S o, does this mean that he still wants you guys to get back together?” The hope in Sky’s voice peaked through my car’s speakers as I headed to work.
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “It didn’t sound like it. He said that he wants us to talk everything out in therapy so that we can work on healing our relationship, whether it is platonic or otherwise.”
“Oh…” She sounded as sad about it as I felt. “How do you feel about that?”
“I’ve been dreaming of us getting back together for years. But I can’t lie. The thought of it does scare the shit out of me. So, I guess, I don’t really know.”
“Well, at least he doesn’t hate you and he forgives you. That’s huge. That means he really does love you.”
“Yeah. I just hope I didn’t taint that love with my truth.”
“Girl, when a man loves you the way that Legacy does, it’s hard to taint.”
I sighed, hoping she was right.
“When is this session with Iyanla Vanzant?”
She managed to make me giggle. “Today after work.”
“Damn, so soon?”
“Yes, he texted me before I called, saying she could get us in then.” Sighing, deeply, I changed the subject. “Anyway, how have you been?”
Sky blew a heavy, annoyed breath. “I don’t know, girl. Some days, I’m strong and know that I deserve better. The next, I’m in shambles and missing my man. I’m taking it one day at a time.”
“Is JayShawn still calling?”
Groaning, she told me, “All day, every day… But he can kiss my ass. I can’t believe he played in my face like that.”
“I can’t either.”
“Does it seem like he’s still talking to Monique?”
“She said that she hasn’t been speaking to him, though he is still calling her too.”
“Motherfucker,” she gritted. “Narcissist piece of shit!”
“Exactly,” I agreed, as I pulled into the parking lot of my office.
“You made it to work yet?”
“Literally just pulled into the lot.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Wait. What are we doing for your birthday tomorrow?”
She sucked her teeth, groaning sadly. “Honestly, I’m not in the mood to do much. We can just sit with NaNa and have some drinks.”
“You sure that’s all you want to do?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“Okay. I’ll talk to you later then.”
"All right, Sis. Bye.” Her voice trailed off as I ended the call.
As I grabbed my purse and keys and got out of my car, I spotted Monique already walking towards the entrance.
"Monique!" I called out, trying to catch up with her.
Her footsteps halted. Then she looked back. But she snarled at me. I gasped as she rolled her eyes and whipped her head forward. Then she quickened her pace towards the building.
“The fuck?” I mumbled. "Monique!" I called again, jogging to catch up with her. I finally reached her just outside the entrance. "What’s wrong with you?"
Monique stopped abruptly and turned to face me, her eyes blazing with anger. "You ran your fucking mouth to your sister about me, telling her my personal business and then she went and pillow-talked with JayShawn."
I blinked, taken aback. "Wait. What? What the hell are you talking about?"
"I’m talking about JayShawn throwing in my face the fact that I slept with my cousin’s boyfriend."
My heart sank. I had told Sky some things, not to gossip, but to share with my sister about my workday with a person I assumed she would never even meet. "Monique, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for any of that to get out. I wasn’t trying to gossip, I promise. She’s my sister, and I was just sharing with her things that had happened during my day."
“And conversations that we’d had!” Monique snapped. “JayShawn put two and two together when he realized that the ‘desperate work bestie that Sky’s sister has’ was me !”
I cringed inwardly, feeling guilty. “I would have never guessed that it would get back to you or anybody you knew,” I tried to assure her. “But why are you even talking to JayShawn again? He’s just trying to come between us."
Monique’s face twisted with hurt and anger. "Because that’s my man. He wants to make things work."
“You can’t be serious!” I chortled.
“I’m very fucking serious! He doesn’t want your sister. So, tell her to stop stalking him.”
My mouth fell open animatedly. “Stalking him?!” Before I knew it, I cracked the hell up.
She glared at me. "Kiss my ass, Bless. I don’t have shit else to say to you." With that, she stormed into the building, leaving me standing there stunned and laughing.
After work, I nervously walked into Legacy's condo. As he let me in, I tried to read his expression. But his gaze was empty. His masculine scent hit me instantly, making my heart race. His dark skin, shiny beard, and those large arms that held me with such love were all there, so familiar yet so distant.
"Hey," he said softly, guiding me over to the couch where he had the laptop already set up on the coffee table. The tension between us was suffocating as I settled onto the couch. He sat down next to me, leaving just enough space to feel the distance yet close enough to feel his presence.
"Do you need anything? Water, juice?" he asked, his voice gentle but strained.
"No, I’m good.”
Since I had arrived right on time for the session, he started tapping on the keyboard. I quietly sighed, trying to settle my nerves. I had already had such an awkward day at work. Monique had gone as far as relocating her desk across the room from mine. Her na?veté was shocking, but at the same time, it wasn’t surprising. Now, I had to endure what was sure to be a tense therapy session, reopening old wounds that hadn’t even healed yet. I had never been to therapy before, so I didn't know what to expect. My palms were sweaty, and my heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest.
Soon, a brown-skinned woman appeared on the screen with a friendly smile. "Hi, Bless. Hi, Legacy,” the therapist said warmly.
"Hi," I managed to say, feeling a bit more at ease with her kind demeanor.
"Hi, Ebony," Legacy responded.
"I know this is a new experience for both of you," Ebony began. "Legacy, you’ve been in therapy for quite some time, but you’ve never had a joint session. Bless, because this is a brand-new experience for you, I want you to know this is a safe space. We’re here to start the healing process for your relationship as co-parents and to address any issues with hope to begin the healing process from past traumas, involving you and Legacy."
I nodded, feeling a lump form in my throat.
At first, the session felt light, almost too easy. She wanted to know what I hoped to gain from these sessions with Legacy. The three of us then talked about communication strategies, conflict resolution, and ways to support each other as co-parents. She provided tools and techniques to help us manage any lingering feelings and past traumas.
Then, shit got real.
"Bless, you recently revealed to Legacy that he might not be Riley's biological father. Legacy, how did that make you feel?"
He didn’t hesitate. "Hurt. Betrayed. I don’t understand how she lied to me for five years?"
I cringed, feeling the punch to the gut. "I understand you're hurt. But I didn’t cheat on you willingly. I felt forced into it because of your addiction. You were emotionally and physically absent. I was desperate and scared."
Legacy’s eyes flashed with anger. "So, you’re blaming me?”
I took a deep breath, trying to keep my composure. "I'm not blaming you for the act itself. I'm blaming the addiction that consumed you, that took you away from us. I felt alone. You weren’t you anymore. I felt abandoned."
Ebony interjected with a soothing tone. "Legacy, Bless is expressing her feelings of abandonment and fear. Addiction can have a devastating impact on relationships. Can you see her perspective?"
He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. "I get that I wasn't there. I know I messed up, but lying to me for five years? How could you keep that from me?"
Tears welled up in my eyes. "I was scared, Legacy! I was scared of what the truth would do to you. I didn't want to push you further into your addiction. I thought I was protecting you."
"But you didn’t protect me. You only prolonged the hurt," he snapped.
Ebony chimed in again. "Let’s take a step back. This is a lot to unpack. Bless, can you explain what you mean by feeling forced into that situation?"
I nodded, wiping my tears. "You were my world, Legacy. When you fell into addiction, it felt like my world was crumbling. I needed support, love, stability. That day with Mazi, I was weak and vulnerable. He took advantage of that. I’m not using that as an excuse, but it’s the truth."
Legacy’s jaw tightened. “You should’ve told me the truth."
I shook my head, frustration bubbling over. "And risk losing you completely? Watching you spiral even more? I couldn’t do that."
Ebony raised her hand gently. "Let's take a breath, both of you. This is a lot of pain and anger. But remember, you're here to heal . Legacy, can you understand why Bless felt she had no other option?"
He looked down, his anger slowly giving way to a deeper sadness. "I guess. I just… I wish she had trusted me enough to tell me at some point. I get that she feared that I would relapse, but it’s been five years."
"Bless, can you see why Legacy feels betrayed?"
I nodded, tears streaming down my face. "Yes. I can see that."