Property of Abyss (Kings of Anarchy MC: West Texas #3)

Prologue

Shelly (approximately six years ago)

“I’m pregnant,” I whispered, looking at the two blue lines on the test I just took. Of course, it was the fourth test I’d taken over the past two days, but each one was the same… positive.

“We’re going to have a baby?” James asked, standing next to me in the bathroom.

I turned wide eyes to him with a trembling smile and nodded. “You’re going to be a daddy, James,” I murmured.

“I know you’re scared because we’re so young, but we’re gonna be fine,” he replied, pulling me into his arms as he hugged me. “We might have put the horse before the cart, but it’s going to be just fine, ShellBell, I promise.”

And it was—until it wasn’t.

“I’m excited for today,” I told him as we drove to the local park for the co-ed baby shower that one of our friends was putting on.

Rubbing my burgeoning stomach, I felt the kicks that our daughter, Amberlea, was giving me during her daily gymnastics routine. With little room to move around, her undulations were obvious to me, as well as James, who chuckled as he rubbed Little Miss through the maxi dress I was wearing.

“She must be too, huh?” he teased, glancing over at me.

“She’s running out of room,” I huffed out when either a foot or an arm nailed me in the kidney. “She’s going to cause me to have a wardrobe malfunction if she keeps it up.”

“Won’t be the first time,” he replied, teasing me.

What he said was true because I’d lost count of the times when I wasn’t able to waddle fast enough to the nearest bathroom.

Suffice it to say, I’d taken to wearing what I called ‘pee pants’ so that I wasn’t constantly washing clothes.

The joys of pregnancy, I guess. Still, the inconvenience of constantly having my body betray me in such an embarrassing way made me carry extra clothes every time I left the house.

At least my clients understood when I had to bolt to the bathroom during one of their tattoo sessions. Uncle Mack would just laugh when he saw me run-walking to the employee bathroom and he’d usually call out something obnoxious as well.

Shaking my head, I did what I could to soothe my girl, talking quietly to her while James drove. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn’t realize he had parked our car, gotten out, and was at my door to help me down.

“Okay, ShellBell, let’s go see what goodies our girl got so we know what we have left to get,” he said as he locked our vehicle then took my hand in his.

Looking up at him, my heart fluttered; he was so good to me and was genuinely what many of my friends called a ‘green flag guy’ because he never got flustered, he never acted like my cravings were annoying, and he had gone out of his way to make sure that whatever I needed, I got.

“Let’s go, Big Daddy,” I teased, giggling when he shuddered.

“Please no,” he replied, “call me anything but that, baby.”

“Where are we going to put everything?” I questioned, looking over my shoulder at all the boxes and bags we’d received. “I think we’re set for clothes for the first year, at least.”

Several of my friends, who were already moms, had made sure that people bought clothes to fit now, and also later. We had diapers in so many varying sizes, I wasn’t sure we’d use them all before our daughter graduated to the next stage, but that was a problem for future Shelly.

Because today’s Shelly was full of yummy food and cake, and her feet hurt since they had swollen into cankles due to me sitting stagnant for so long while opening gifts.

“The spare room, I guess,” James mused, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “I’ll get it all organized by sizes so we can just swap things out as we need them.”

“You’re too good to me, to us,” I replied, reaching over to capture his right hand and clasp it in mine. “I love you, James, so damn much,” I told him as tears sprang to my eyes. Damn hormones had me crying at the drop of a hat.

“You two are my whole world,” he stated as he shrugged. “What the hell is this guy doing?” he muttered as I heard a vehicle revving somewhere close by. “Oh, shit. Hold on, ShellBell and know that I love you and Amberlea.”

“I love you too,” I replied, my head on a swivel as I could now hear a revving engine. “Oh, my God, he’s going to hit us!”

That was the last thing I remembered.

“Miss Adcock, can you hear me?” a female voice asked. “You’re in the hospital.”

I could hear her voice but wasn’t able to open my eyes.

“I can’t see!” I exclaimed, fear causing my heart to race.

I could hear alarms beeping as my anxiety amped up, but waking up in so much pain had me confused as to where I was at and what had happened to me.

“Where’s James?” I asked. I felt something cool go into the IV I could feel in my arm and panic set in.

“No, I’m pregnant, please, don’t hurt my baby!

” Instead of hearing a response, I felt the abyss swallow me once again as whatever was put in my IV took me away.

No more pain, no more thoughts.

“Shelly? It’s Uncle Mack. Wake up, sweetie, please.”

Hearing my normally gruff uncle sounding as though he was crying had me prying my gritty eyes open. “Uncle Mack? What happened?” I asked, my voice hoarse sounding and scratchy.

“Hang on, let me tell the nurse you’re awake,” he muttered as he left my room.

Looking around, I saw the monitors next to me, as well as the IV in my arm. But it was the small incubator looking thing that caught my attention. “Amberlea?” I cried out. “James? Where are you? Why is our daughter by herself?”

I was trying to get out of bed when my uncle and a nurse came rushing in. “Shh, Shelly, it’s gonna be okay,” Uncle Mack stated as he reached my side while the nurse started checking my vitals.

“Where’s James?” I asked. “Why isn’t he here?”

“What do you remember?” he asked instead of answering my questions.

My memory stuttered and stopped. “The last thing I remember is saying that a truck was about to hit us,” I slowly replied. “Then there are flashes of things, but I don’t know, Uncle Mack!”

Uncle Mack was my mother’s brother and when she died, I went to live with him and his girlfriend, Marcella.

They raised me until I was eighteen, then I went to college for a fine arts degree where I met James.

It was probably cliche, but it was love at first sight for both of us, and soon, we were living together while I went to school and worked at Uncle Mack’s tattoo shop, Mack’s Designs, as a tattoo artist. The fact that he was here and James wasn’t scared me, plus seeing my daughter in an incubator had fear coursing through me.

He sat next to me in a chair he had pulled close and took my hands in his.

Looking at me, I could see the tears slowly coursing down his face and realized that whatever had happened had shaken him to his very core.

He was a former Marine whose experiences during his deployment had hardened him, and he rarely showed the softer side of his emotions.

“The other vehicle did hit y’all,” he replied, “and it caused your car to flip multiple times. Thankfully, several people stopped to offer their assistance, and they were able to get you out of the car after cutting your seatbelt. I’m sorry, Shelly, but James didn’t make it.”

A deep, unrelenting sorrow has me hysterically sobbing while he squeezes my hands. “What about the baby? Why is Amberlea over there?” I wasn’t due for another six weeks so that meant she was early, right? “Why isn’t she in the NICU since she was early?” I asked.

“She’s in a Cuddle Cot,” he replied. At my questioning look, his tears flowed harder. “Shelly, she didn’t survive.”

A memory surfaces and I cry out. “I dreamt I heard someone saying, ‘There’s no heartbeat’, Uncle Mack. But it wasn’t a dream, was it?”

“No, sweet girl, it wasn’t. She’s on a Cuddle Cot so that you can spend some time with her before… before… she has to be buried.”

Devastated, I looked at the nurse and asked, “Can… can I hold her?”

The nurse nodded and, in a few minutes, I was cradling my perfect girl. Ten fingers, ten toes, dark hair, Cupid bow lips. She was absolutely beautiful.

“Dammit, Shelly, this is not happening,” Uncle Mack shouted. I tried to open my eyes, but I was just so sleepy, it was next to impossible. “Marcella! Start the car, we’ve gotta go.”

I could hear Marcella from far away, like she was in a tunnel when she asked, “Shouldn’t we call 911?”

“We’ll get there faster. Shelly, what did you take?” Uncle Mack asked as he gently picked me up, cradled me in his arms, and ran through the house.

“Mgovble,” I mumbled. My thoughts were in disarray, and I didn’t really understand what he was asking me. All I took was some Benadryl so I could fall asleep.

“It’s not your time, ShellBell.” James’ voice whispered in my head. “I’ve got our girl, baby, it’s time for you to spread your wings and fly. More happiness awaits, I promise.”

After spending three months as a patient at the local psychiatric hospital, I finally had my head on straight again.

Apparently, in addition to grieving the loss of my sweet girl, I was also experiencing severe post-partum depression, and the combination led me to take far more of the antihistamine than was recommended.

I thanked God daily for Uncle Mack; he saved me once again, and now, I’m on anti-depressants and going to grief therapy.

I still missed Amberlea and James with every breath I took, but whether or not what James said was just a product of my imagination, I did have a lot to live for.

“You’re sure about this?” Uncle Mack asked as he finished placing the drawing I’d created onto a stencil.

“Yes,” I stated. “That emblem has become a talking point for others, and it lets them know that regardless of how deep and hard things were, there will always be hope.”

It was a simple butterfly, using Amberlea’s fingerprints as the wings and the semi-colon as the body.

Her name was underneath; she was my reason to keep going even though there were still dark clouds that hovered over me from time to time.

I knew from my therapy that there would be specific anniversaries that would be more difficult than others—the accident date, her actual due date, the date of the funeral—but I would take each one as it came and perform a random act of kindness for someone else in her memory.