Chapter 10
IF DENIAL WAS A SPORT, I’D HAVE A GOLD MEDAL
IZZY
I look down at my phone and can’t stop the smile that spreads across my face.
It’s a text from Caleb—an X-rated text. It’s a picture of his dick—his very thick and huge dick.
I’ve gotten a few unsolicited ones online, but this is the first time a man has ever sent me one directly on my phone.
I could lie to myself and say I don’t like it, but the truth is, I want him so much that the picture actually makes me ache.
I’m not sure what that says about me, but I figure it’s not good.
Underneath the picture, he had typed a small message.
Candy-boy: Don’t forget things appear smaller on camera.
He’s such an idiot.
God, each day that passes, I like him more and more.
I’m being so stupid. I know it, but I can’t seem to stop.
I’ve been having fucking phone sex with him every night.
He’s supposed to be coming in tomorrow, and just the thought of it right now is actually making me wet.
I text him back really quick, biting my lip while wishing I could see his face.
Me: Real men disappoint women in person, not from a picture.
I stare at my phone and do my best to keep from laughing when I see those three little dots bubbling.
Candy-boy: I just wanted U 2 see I was thinking long and hard about U
Me: U can show me later in person.
Candy-boy: Can’t wait. Call soon.
I set my phone down and just stare at it. I think it’s time to admit that I’m in real trouble here.
“Earth to Izzy.”
I look over at Gabby and sigh. “Sorry, I got lost in my own thoughts.” I’m visiting Gabby at her and King’s new house.
It’s the first time I’ve been here, and Gabby and I are having a good time.
I can’t get over how happy she is. I saw it when she got married, but now?
She’s at another level. What would it be like to be that much in love and completely secure in it?
“They must have been good thoughts,” she said quietly, aiming a knowing smile my way.
“Don’t give me that look, Gabz.”
“God, that nickname. You’re the only one who has ever used it, and I swear you only do it because I hate it.”
“That’s cause you’re smart,” I giggle. She flips me off. “I’m really glad you’re back, you know.”
“I am too. I’ve missed home.”
“I wasn’t just talking about being back in Corbin. You’re you again—the you that you were before you got all …”
“Twisted up?” she laughs—although it’s not a joyful sound. It’s more self-deprecating.
“Stop, Gabby. You might have gotten lost, but I just meant that you weren’t you. You are now. God, that sounds lame even to my own damn ears.”
Now it’s her turn to giggle. “It’s okay. I am under no illusions about the utter bitch that I used to be.”
“Dom was an asshole. You always deserved better, Gabz.”
“No. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Dom had issues back then, but I had stuff inside of me that somehow got all twisted up. The more I tried to be who I thought I was supposed to be, the more desperate I became. I was a monster.”
“Gabby …”
“It’s okay, Izzy. The thing is, if I had it to do over, I know I’d walk away from Dom the minute he refused to claim me publicly.
I would have never involved Thomas or anyone else in my twisted need to be loved.
I can’t even tell you what made me so desperate for it.
What I will say is that what King and I found together is beyond anything I ever imagined possible.
I love that man with every fiber of my being.
He healed every broken piece inside me. King says I did the same thing for him, but I have no idea how that’s possible.
My man worked miracles in me, and he makes me feel safe.
I never thought I’d ever feel that way—especially after my rape.
Yet, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will always be safe with King.
He would burn the world down for me and Etta. I don’t doubt him at all.”
“I’m so happy for you, Gabz,” I tell her honestly, my heart painfully squeezing when she mentions being raped.
“I am too, but enough about me. I want to know what man has you looking like you just won the lottery and are walking on clouds?” Gabbie asks.
I frown at her. “Who said it was a man?”
“That glow in your eyes. Now spill, woman.”
“Fine. I’ve been talking to a member of the Kings of Anarchy,” I confess, grudgingly.
“Grifter? But I thought he had an old lady? We even heard she was pregnant.”
“Not Grifter. Caleb comes here with him, though.”
“Candyman?” she asks, her eyes wide as saucers.
“You don’t have to look and sound that shocked, Gabz.”
“I’m sorry, Izzy. It’s just … well … he’s …”
“A man whore?” I laugh, but it’s not humorous at all.
“King said the girls flock to him, and they call him Candyman because he has a particular hunger for blowjobs. Heck, Pez told me he heard the man refer to his dick as a candy cane that the girls love to lick.”
I laugh out loud, lowering my head down to the table and slightly bang my head against the wooden top repeatedly. “God,” I groan.
“Izzy?” Gabby prompts.
I keep my chin against my hand that is flat on the table but force myself to stop banging my head and look at Gabby. “He’s a dumbass,” I confess, because what else could I say?
“Why do I get the feeling that the fact he’s an idiot isn’t going to stop you from going there?”
“Because it’s not. He’s promised that for however long we do our thing, there will be no other women.”
“First question. What is your thing?” Gabby asks.
I sigh. “I’m not sure what we are to be honest, Gabz.
It’s not long term. I have a life in Lexington and my residency will be killer.
I don’t have time for a relationship anyway—but especially one with a guy in Tennessee who is used to women falling at his feet and worshipping him daily.
Still, there’s an attraction there. So, I’ve kind of termed it friends with benefits. ”
“Why do I feel like you’re playing with fire here, Izzy?”
“Because I am? I think, though, at least in this case, it might be worth the burn.”
“As long as you don’t let your heart get involved,” Gabby adds, and I find myself nodding.
“Yeah, as long as I don’t do something as stupid as that.”
“Where’s my woman?” King booms from the other room.
“In here, honey,” Gabby calls just as King walks into the room, holding a car seat by the handle, where little Etta is snuggled and sleeping soundly.
“Hey, Izzy,” he says, never taking his eyes off Gabby.
“Hey, King.”
He walks over and kisses Gabby in a way that even makes my toes curl just from watching. “Missed you, Sunshine.”
“Missed you, too. Were Mom and Dad alright?”
“Oh yeah, they loved their day with Etta.”
“That’s good. I thought they might. Our daughter loves attention.”
“That’s because she’s a princess and deserves everyone’s attention,” he purrs, bending down to place a gentle kiss against his daughter’s forehead. “How are you doing? he asks, looking over at me briefly.
“Hey, King. Is BB with you?”
“Nah, he had to take Beau to the doctor today. They get to hear the baby’s heartbeat.”
“Crap. I forgot about that.”
“Hearing a child’s heartbeat is special, Izzy,” King instructs me, frowning. I know it’s because I look upset. He probably thinks I’m upset about the baby—although I have no idea why. Gabby will have to teach him not to jump to conclusions.
“King, stop! Izzy is looking forward to being an aunt.”
I laugh. Yep. Gabby will teach him. “I’m only upset because I made plans with a guy and I forgot Mom wants a family dinner tonight.”
“Oh yikes. Is that why my mom called me?” Gabby asks me.
“I have no idea, but—”
“It was. She told me while I was visiting there with Etta. She’s making her hamburger casserole.”
“Shit,” Gabby and I both say together. Then we look at one another and start laughing our asses off.
“Do you think we can get BB and Carlos to help us get rid of it?”
“With your dad’s help, maybe,” I giggle.
“Are you bringing Caleb?” she asks.
“Gabby!” I squeak, making her cackle. “Oh, come on. You know me. I’m going to give you hell every chance I get. It’s your penance for not coming and seeing me sooner.”
I sigh. “I’m sorry, Gabby. I got so caught up in my finals that I just didn’t make the time. That sounds so horrible. I’ve been a shit friend.”
“You were there at Diego’s funeral. You never turned your back on me, even if I deserved it—”
“Gabz, stop.”
“You also tried to tell me to get my head out of my ass. I wish I had listened, although maybe if I had, I wouldn’t have met King, and I wouldn’t change that for anything.”
“We would have met, Sunshine. No fucking way what we have is by chance. We were made for one another. We would have found each other. We’ll always find one another in this world and the next.”
To look at King, you wouldn’t think he could ever be a romantic.
You wouldn’t even think he could be sweet, but my breath stalls in my chest. I swear, to see the look of pure love on his face, to watch the way his hand slides against Gabby’s cheek, and to feel the absolute love between them, is breathtaking.
I thought my parents had the ultimate love, but this might be the next level.
This is love. Love that has been fought for and endured darkness.
It’s beautiful. My heart hurts a little.
I always figured I’d settle for a comfortable love.
I’m just not the type of girl to inspire a man to move mountains for her.
Still, when you see this kind of connection right in front of you …
it’s just beautiful. There are no other words to explain it.
I know I’m never going to come close to experiencing that kind of love in real life.
Honestly, that’s probably why I’m going into this arrangement with Caleb.
Being with him is the first time I find myself looking forward to every second I’m around him.
I spend a little more time with Gabby, King, and little Etta. I’m feeling like a third wheel though. So, I say my goodbyes with a promise to Gabby that I’ll stay in touch more. I need to call Caleb and let him know about dinner tonight and that I’ll be late.
I hope he doesn’t just cancel meeting up with one another tonight. I really need time with him. I know whatever we share will be for a very limited time. I want to make the most of every minute I get with him. If I can store up enough memories, I’ll live on them.
It’s really the only choice I have because there’s no way I can claim him …
No matter how much I wish I could.