Forty
FORTY
CHAOS
“Is she happy to see you or angry?” Highway murmurs, leaning in from my left. “I can’t tell.”
Neither can I.
“Why are you here?”
“Totally angry,” he whispers as Vanessa approaches.
“You know these people?” her aunt asks.
“Sort of.” She brushes off the woman’s comment, stepping closer to where I lean against the tail of my bike, arms folded.
“Can we talk?” I roll my lips while I wait for her answer, well aware that the whole fucking group has eyes on us.
She draws a deep breath and turns to take in the men standing to my left and right. Circus and Crow caught up to us late last night, giggling like school girls and fucking high on the rush of racing one another down to Kansas, where I’d stopped in to collect two of the brothers from the Fallen Aces’ newest chapter.
I’m sleep-deprived, sore, and probably need another shower, but relieved.
Feeling as though I’m home just seeing her face.
“I guess.” She frowns, clutching her elbow as she turns to her aunt. “I’ll catch up with you soon.”
“Are you sure?” Evelyn frowns, her gaze darting between her niece and my entourage.
“Where were you off to?”
Ness snaps her head at my question as though caught off guard by my voice. Not that I’m sure why. We’ve talked. She’s heard me talk in public. Maybe because it’s the first time we’ve spoken in front of other people.
At least, people other than fucking Theresa.
“Evelyn and I were heading to grab lunch.”
“I can send someone to bring you something back.” I snap my fingers at the Kings. “Who’s hungry?”
“Ready for a fuckin’ sleep more like,” Crow mutters.
“Pussy,” Highway bitches.
Circus raises an eyebrow at our tail gunner, and I sigh. Fucking children.
“I’ll go.” The vice president of the Fallen Aces Kansas chapter steps forward. Tap, his name is. Tall and tanned, he used to be the president of their California base. “Happy to escort the lovely lady.”
Evelyn draws a sharp breath as he approaches, yet I’m sure it’s from something other than fear.
“What would you like, Vanessa?” Tap waits patiently for her answer, holding his hand at her aunt’s lower back.
Interestingly, Evelyn doesn’t move away.
“Um, I don’t know. Some nigiri would be good, I guess.”
I push off the bike and close the space between us. She looks so isolated, standing there by herself with the weight of six men watching her. I block her from view from most of them, hand trembling as I set it against her waist. When the fuck did I become such a pussy? It’s hers. It’s always been and only been Vanessa who has the power to do this to me.
I’m that fuckin’ scared of screwing it up again. Of doing something wrong and creating an irredeemable issue.
Her small hand covers mine as she says goodbye to her aunt, her thumb moving the tiniest fraction to stroke the side of my palm. Can she feel me shake? Feel the absolute terror she induces.
The unquantifiable desire?
Is this what true obsession feels like? People use the term loosely these days, applying it to anything they find cute or interesting. Oh, what a cute tumbler. I’m so obsessed. What a sick paint job on that bike. Obsessed.
Obsessed.
Obsessed.
Obsessed .
It feels like dying. Over and over, every second, anxious to get to the next so that I don’t miss a damn thing.
It’s the worst kind of FOMO. The fear that if I fuck around, I lose valuable time with the person I love. Time I can never recover.
Shit—I grieve the time I lost before we met.
This woman standing in front of me lived fucking mere miles from us, and I had no idea.
The rage that induces.
“Chaos?”
Fuck. When did she turn around? How long have I been just standing here, staring down at her?
“Are you okay?” She frowns, a cute little wrinkle between her eyebrows as she studies my face. Obsessed.
“You think we could head up to your room?”
Her eyebrows shoot up, a breath huffing from her lips. “Presumptuous.”
I smirk. “Need a shower, babe.”
Lips parted, her gaze falls to my chest, then my mouth, before returning to my eyes. “Sure. Follow me.”
She barely gets two steps away before I snag her hand. Vanessa glances down at the connection and then up at me, an absolute vulnerability in her gaze that I’m sure is echoed in mine.
The wait for the elevator is torture. Everything around us feels as though it happens in slow motion. I scowl at some corporate fucker who casually waits to the side when the doors slide open, ensuring we’re alone in the car as the mirrored doors slip closed again.
Fucking hell. I’m rendered speechless by what I see.
Eyes wide, Vanessa stands before me, her dark head barely reaching my jaw in the reflection. I tower behind her, broad enough that my arms are visible behind her shoulders.
She wets her lips.
I curl my arm around her and slide my palm across her chest, nestling my hand at the base of her throat.
Her eyes close, thick lashes resting atop her cheekbones.
With a jerk of my elbow, I tug her backward so that she crashes against me, her supple curves hitting the hard planes of my body. It’s enough to get me hard, my dick growing at the contrast of her against me.
“I missed you.” Her hair smells divine, tickling my lips as I talk.
She draws a shaky breath. “We need to talk first, Chaos.”
“I am.” Lips against her ear, I curl over her to kiss her neck. “With my body.”
“Words,” she rasps as the elevator dings, announcing our arrival.
Fucking timing.
My enigma bolts from my embrace, darting into the hallway and veering left before I get a second to step out. She sets a quick pace, peeking over her shoulder as my footfalls approach.
Her hand trembles, missing the lock with the first swipe of her keycard, unlocking it on the second.
“Babe.” I reach over her shoulder and wrap a hand around the edge of the door after she nudges it open, stopping her from moving forward. “Do I scare you?” Why does she shake? Is she nervous or terrified?
“No.” Her swallow is loud in the quiet corridor. “Can we just…?” She pushes at the door.
I relent, letting her walk in first.
She’s been here less than an hour, and yet, her fucking smell hits me the second I walk inside. The soft scent does nothing to dampen my dick’s mood, making me take a duck step to rearrange my jeans.
“I’ve been thinking,” Vanessa starts, hands waving beside her shoulders. It’s cute. “About everything. All we’ve done so far. How it came about,” she stresses. “And the differences between you and me.” She looks up from her tight pacing and gasps, unaware I’d moved closer.
“And what did you conclude from all this thinking?” I reach out and run her long, black hair through my palm, fisting it tight before the ends slip away and winding it around my hand.
Her breaths come short and fast—lips parted as she stares into my eyes.
Fucking devours my soul.
“That most of the reason why it doesn’t work is because of me.”
“Not entirely accurate.” I pull her closer. “It’s because of your fear .” Her hips touch mine, and I wrap my free hand around her ass to hold her in place. “I’m sorry, Vanessa.” She stays quiet as I search her gaze, a little confused. “I didn’t take that into account when I went after that asshole at the clinic. I didn’t put myself in your shoes and ask how you’d feel about my actions.”
She swallows, and I track the movement with a hooded gaze.
If she can’t feel my dick pressing against her by now, there’s something seriously wrong.
“I’m sorry, too.”
“What the fuck for?” Her nostrils flare when I massage the soft swell of her ass, attention slipping to my mouth. Obsessed.
“For placing my anxieties on you.” She moves closer. By fuck all, but enough that her breath gusts my chin, head tilted back to see me. “You wanted to help, and all I did was yell at you.”
“You had a genuine reason to,” I murmur, angling my head to kiss her cheek. “I beat the fucker pretty good.”
“Yeah, well…” She exhales when my lips brush her jaw. “I’m not saying I condoned that.”
“Just…?” I prompt.
“That I understand why you did it.”
I slide the hand from her hair to the back of her neck, cradling her head as I bend her backward. “Why did I do it, Vanessa?”
“To protect me,” she whispers.
“And why do I want to protect you?” I kiss her throat and taste the heat of her flesh.
“Because you care about me.”
“Wrong.” Fingers tight in her hair, I jerk her head back to force her to look at me. “Because I love you.”
Panic flares in her eyes before dulling to desire, her pupils dilating.
“Does that scare you when I say that?” I tilt my head, eyes critical as I study her response.
She smirks. “Does it scare you if I say no?”
My cock twitches, abs tight. This woman. “Maybe.”
“Why, Chaos?” Her breathy words are barely a whisper.
“Because Vanessa.” I kiss the underside of her jaw. “My love for you is the kind that destroys lives.”