15. Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Fifteen
“Can you follow my finger?” Elsie Jo checks me out in my brother’s office. “You’ve got one hell of a goose egg. I still think you should go get checked out.”
“I’m fine. It just hurts. I’ve taken worse tumbles off the porch when I drink wine with my grandma,” I joke, but no one is laughing.
I don’t know where Gray went.
All I know is that Dirty was ready to go back to prison when Foolish told him what happened. Woods is trying to calm him down. My brothers may be assholes, but they are protective of me.
The Gray I was with yesterday and the Gray who broke my heart today aren’t the same man. I don’t know what happened between this morning and tonight. I don’t think I care to. Maybe he was right. Maybe he is crazy, like Bill.
The whole Kaylene being here and saying she’s having his baby takes the fucking cake.
Was he still fucking her this whole time?
I think I’m in shock. How can he tell me he won’t fuck me until he’s worthy of me, then do it and the next fucking day treat me like dirt and tell me he’s having a baby with someone else?
I really need someone to explain it to me. My brain can’t seem to wrap around it.
“I’m going to get some more ice. Keep an eye on her.” Elsie Jo leaves me with Madz. I know she thinks it’s weird I am kind of friends with her, but we’ve bonded in a strange way.
“What the hell happened?”
“I don’t know. I thought…” I glance around to see who is around, but we’re alone.
My brother wanted to get Jessika for me, but I thought seeing me and the fight might be triggering for her.
It’s best to leave her out of it and not even tell her.
She’s got enough going on. “We had sex last night and then today Kaylene says she’s with him and pregnant. ”
“Was last night the first time?”
I nod.
“That snake. If your brothers don’t kill him, I might do the job for them.”
“Don’t make me laugh. It hurts.”
“But why did he beat up Foolish?”
“Because I kissed him in front of him.”
“That might not have been the smartest, but still he had no right going after him.”
“Exactly. How is he going to embarrass me like that and pretend we haven’t been seeing each other, then go batshit the second I’m with someone else?”
“Men and their pride.”
“Screw men. They all suck. Too bad I don’t swing both ways or I could just date you.”
“How hard did he elbow you?” She smiles. “But girl, same. I’d take you over Gray any day.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Elsie Jo returns with Foolish. “This guy demanded to check on you.”
I take one look at him and feel guilty immediately. He’s got a black eye, a busted nose, and a split lip. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not.” He winces.
I take the ice pack Elsie Jo gave me and press it to his lip. The girls give us a minute to talk.
“I’d hate me if I were you. You were trying to be sweet to me, and I go and get your ass kicked.”
“I think you got the worst of it. How are you feeling?”
“Like a fool.”
“Hey now, that’s my name,” he chuckles.
“Have my brothers finished sharpening their knives?”
“I talked them down. Told them it was an accident. I didn’t know you guys had been seeing each other, or I wouldn’t have made a move on you.”
“He’s got no claim on me. Kaylene is his woman.” I roll my eyes, and it hurts.
“Doesn’t make it hurt any less.”
“Stop being so nice to me.”
“I’m a nice guy.”
“I know you are. I’m sorry I dragged you into the middle of my mess.”
“I came along willingly. And I know now isn’t the right time and that you probably aren’t ready, but when you are, gorgeous.” He pushes my hair behind my ear. “I hope you’ll let me take you out sometime.”
He’s right about that. I may swear off men the rest of my life after the number Braxton Gray has done on me. “I may not be ready to date, but I could use a friend.”
“I’m cool with that.”
“Good.” I lean forward and kiss the good side of his mouth. “Thank you for being you.”
“Anytime, Low.”
“I’ll make you some soup tomorrow. You’ll want something easy to eat.”
“My jaw isn’t made of glass. I’ll be all right. How about we get a pizza or something instead?”
“I’d like that.”
Foolish leaves when my brother returns.
Woods appears a lot calmer than he was. “I’m going to drive you home. Grannie Mags is going to tear me a new asshole when she sees you.”
“I’ll tell her I fell or something.”
“We all know you can’t lie for shit.”
“So I’ll tell her it was an accident. That’s the truth. It’s my fault for trying to stop him instead of getting you.”
“What was all that about?”
“Can we talk about it later?”
“No. I want the truth. You can tell me on the way home.”
Shit. “Didn’t you talk to Gray?”
“No. He took off.”
“Where’s Kaylene?”
“How long?”
“How long what?”
“Was you and Gray sneaking around?”
“We weren’t.”
“Don’t lie for him.”
“Whatever did or didn’t happen is between Gray and me.”
“Is that what you want?”
“Can we just forget tonight happened and move on? He’s your best friend and I’m your sister. You love us both. So leave this one alone. We both made mistakes. We’re both at fault. There’s no winner here. Only losers.”
“I guess I had to let you grow up sometime, huh?” he pulls me in for a hug. “I don’t say it often, but I love you, little sis.”
“I love you, too.”
“Enough sappy shit. Yeah? And no more bikers.” He grins.
“I don’t make any promises.”
He shakes his head but doesn’t press it any further.
When he drops me off at home, I tell him not to expect me to work for the next few days.
“Aren’t you forgetting to give me something?”
“What?”
“My credit card.”
“Oh, that. I forgot I had it.”
“I bet you did.”
“Hey, I didn’t spend anything I wasn’t owed.”
“Mhhmm.”
“Consider it my bonus for all the extra hours I put in covering Faye’s shifts.”
“Right,” he mutters.
“Where is Faye?”
“You didn’t hear?”
“No. What?”
“Caught her in bed with Dirty.”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Watch your mouth.”
“Oh, come on. That’s so fucked up.”
“You don’t have to tell me.”
“What did you do? Is she alive?”
“What do you take me for? I don’t go around killing everyone.”
No, but he has killed before. I keep that thought to myself. “I know that, but that’s your wife and your brother.”
“Like I need a reminder. Part of my deal with Big Daddy was Faye marrying in, so I told her when we get divorced she can marry Dirty.”
“That’s an interesting punishment.”
“They deserve each other.”
“I mean, I guess she has a type.”
That earns me a laugh.
“Take care of that noggin.”
“You take good care of Jessika. I like her.”
“Me too.”
I snort. “I’d hope so, all the trouble you’re going through to keep her safe.”
“You’re really okay with Gray and this Kaylene shit?”
“I kind of have to be, don’t I?”
“You don’t have to hide shit from me just because I’m your big brother and a hardass.”
“It is what it is.”
“I know you love him.”
“And he loves Kaylene.”
“No, he doesn’t. I know love when I see it, Low.
That ain’t it. He’s doing what he thinks he has to for the club and his kid.
Gray may not be ready to admit it or face it, but he loves you.
I see the way you are together. I tried to have it with Faye, but we were never going to be happy.
Gray won’t ever be happy with Kaylene because she’s not you.
You don’t fly off the handle like that for someone you don’t love. ”
I nod, but it doesn’t matter. “Yeah, but he’s still with her, and I have to let him go. He’s made his choice.”
“Yeah,” he sighs. “You need me. You call me. I don’t care the day or hour.”
“I know.” I exit his truck and he pulls out. I sit on the porch a while, just staring at the moon, wondering if Gray is happy now and if I ever will be.
I thought I was.
I thought he was my happy.
My forever.
I hope we get more than one soulmate because he was mine.
“I seriously don’t know how you eat that.” I scrunch up my nose as Foolish sprinkles Parmesan cheese over his Hawaiian pizza. “That’s literally the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen.”
“Don’t knock it until you try it.”
“No, thank you. I’ll stick to my good old normal pepperoni.”
“That’s boring.” He takes a big pineapple-filled bite, and I mock-gag.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to leave the house with a big knot on my head, but my bangs cover it fairly easy. Grannie Mags was in bed when I got in, and she didn’t even notice it today when I saw her.
Elsie Jo was supposed to meet us, but she got called in for an extra shift.
I thought about inviting Madz, but I could use a break from the club.
Foolish’s company excluded. I hope we don’t see Kayleen or Gray, but it’s a small town.
It will happen eventually, and I can’t avoid the clubhouse forever.
There’s also work. He was always popping into the office for something. Maybe he will send someone else like Cash or Shaggy in his place from now on.
I’m not prepared to see him. Everything is too fresh. Too raw. It almost seems like a fever dream that didn’t even really happen to me. I’ve spent most of my life dreaming of him. Chasing him. Wanting him. That I never even gave much thought into wanting anything else.
Maybe it’s time I start.
“Come on. Take one bite.” Foolish holds up a slice in my face.
“Only if you want me to throw up.”
“Fine.”
“I honestly couldn’t eat another bite if I tried.”
“That’s too bad. I was going to ask if you wanted to get ice cream after this.”
“I mean, I might have room for a scoop or two.”
The next few months pass quickly.
I’ve not had any run-ins with Gray or Kaylene.
Jessika says he never brings her by the clubhouse, and my brother doesn’t mention either of them when we speak. Not that I’ve asked him. I don’t even see Gray when I take dinners to Bill.
I don’t ask him either.
He doesn’t offer.
I leave the food on the porch swing, mostly. It hurts to be there without Gray.
I’ve been spending a lot of time with Foolish.
We go out to eat. He takes me out on his bike. We’ve gone swimming at the lake a few times with Elsie Jo and Swift. Madz has gone shopping with Jessika and me a few times. She never mentions Gray either. It’s almost like he’s a ghost or never existed.
I’d like to say it’s gotten easier, but deep down I miss him.
I wish I could say I hate him, but I don’t. Not even a little bit.
I’m still hurt and angry.
I’m sad.
I don’t understand any of it, and maybe I never will.
I just wish there was something that could make me forget him. Forget how he made me feel.
Sometimes I think maybe it was all in my head and I made it up. Like a limerence. But he’s real and what we had was real. I felt it. I know he did, too. Even Woods, who was completely against us ever dating, saw it.
My cell buzzes with a text from Foolish asking if we’re still on for the movies tonight.
He’s such a good friend to me. I know he hopes for more, but I don’t have romantic feelings for him. It’s selfish of me to keep seeing him knowing he wants to date me when we will never be anything more than friends.
I fire back a text telling him I’ll meet him there.
I finish getting ready and notice my bra seems tight, and so do my jeans. Have I gained weight? Maybe all the eating out with Foolish has packed some pounds on me. I turn sideways in the mirror, noticing a curve to my belly that I didn’t have before.
Maybe I’m bloated? I look at the calendar, trying to remember when I’m supposed to get my period. I’ve always had a month here and there where I don’t have one. Usually, when I’m stressed out. It makes sense that I can’t remember my last one.
I think I had one after the fight with Gray and Foolish.
I look under my bathroom sink for a tampon to stick in my purse in case I start while I’m out.
Hmm. Doesn’t look like I have any.
I guess I can stop by the drugstore on my way to Fayetteville.