Chapter 8
EIGHT
KYRA
If I had a drink, I’d choke on it. Instead, saliva lodges in my airway, making me hack for my next breath. Jinx raises an eyebrow and reaches over to set his massive hand on my shoulder.
“You okay?”
I wave him off. “Fine. Sorry.”
“What the hell about what I said made you do that?”
If only he knew… “I can’t do my work here either. But it was a great suggestion. Thank you.”
“You know,” he starts, leaning back to hook his thumbs in his pockets. “I’m not exactly stupid, but I can be a little slow. And this whole riddle around what you do for a living has got me beat. What the hell do you do that you can’t do at your parents’ house, or here? Does it make too much noise?”
I choke back a second coughing fit. Bless him. He’s not going to let this go. But it feels a little uneasy to be pressed about it when we’ve barely reconnected, and I wonder if I could trust him. “As I said, it’s complicated.”
“Can’t be.” His gaze narrows, tone hardening.
I get a glimpse of the headstrong biker he is. The shadow of his father’s legacy.
“It is.” I steal a small appreciative look at his broad shoulders and then drop my focus to the mutilated menu card.
“I’ve only ever told a handful of people, and only one of them didn’t judge me for it—at first. Maybe I’m too sensitive, but it’s easier to keep it to myself than feel that sting of rejection these days. ”
His lips thin. The asshole suppresses a smile.
“What?” I fold my arms, immediately dropping them to my side when his gaze shifts to the damn cartoon bear again. “I get vulnerable with you, and you laugh at me. What the hell?”
Yes, I caught his sneaky ogle earlier when he asked about my clothes.
No, I didn’t mind.
“You’re telling me I’d be too judgmental to tell?” Jinx grins.
I rake my gaze down his fit—over his loose T-shirt and worn leather vest emblazoned with all manner of badges that proudly proclaim his disdain for the world. Yeah. He may be a rule-breaker, but in my experience, they can also be the most rigid in their views.
“I think you’d have a pretty narrow viewpoint of what it is, yeah.” Inflexible. Male.
He sighs, gaze shifting to Theresa as she enters the conservatory with our drinks.
She sets them on the table without a word, but her covert glances at me as she moves speak loudly of her curiosity. She also won’t let up—I’d place money on it. Fuck small towns.
Seems my father’s silence about me over the years has only deepened the mystery and piqued everyone’s interest.
“Thanks.” Jinx reaches for the sugar pot and throws a generous heap into his dark drink.
Theresa quirks an eyebrow. “No change for food?”
“Not for me.” His stirrer clinks against the ceramic cup. “How about you, darlin’?”
I lean back a little and cant my head. “Pardon?”
“What?” He looks to Theresa for help.
She draws a deep breath through her nose before plastering the most fucking condescending smile I’ve seen since Councillor Phelps helped me when I jammed paper in the printer on my first day at the council offices.
“Don’t you go all woke and take offense to what is generally a sign of respect,” she admonishes.
“His calling you darlin’ is nothing other than the man showing he appreciates your company. ”
I feel like I’m back in school, being told off for speaking too loudly. Having my own opinion.
“There’s no offense intended.” Theresa sets a hand to her hip, all indications being that she waits for me to goddamn apologize or some shit.
Well, ain’t she about to be surprised.
“Darling is a term of endearment for someone you’re intimately familiar with,” I counter.
“It’s also used to degrade a woman to a position of being subservient and meek—eye candy if you will.
I’m neither intimately familiar nor Jinx’s eye candy.
So,” I say, directing my focus toward him.
“As much as I appreciate it’s natural for you to say it, I’d rather you didn’t, as it makes me uncomfortable. ”
Two sets of wide eyes meet mine. The pair of them gawp at me as though I’ve grown a second head.
The air in the room thickens. A sweat forms behind my knees.
And then Jinx fucking laughs. A loud, booming chuckle that pulls Theresa’s thin lips into an amused smile.
“Oh, baby-girl,” he sighs before throwing his palms up. “Oh, shit. Nope. Sorry, probably can’t call you that either.” His laugh dies down to an amused grin. “It’s fine, Kyra. Whatever you like.”
My name on his lips sends an indecent thrill through to my core. Perhaps I should have just run with darling?
“I’m not here to make you feel uncomfortable,” he explains, much to Theresa’s disdain as she leaves the room with a huff. “I apologize.”
“No need. I just wanted to make it clear between us.” My hand trembles as I reach for my coffee, yet thankfully, he doesn’t appear to notice. “I’ve had some… incidents in the past with people thinking they were too familiar with me, and I guess I have hard boundaries now.”
“Yeah?” His face morphs into a concerned frown.
“Not like that.” But almost. I stow away how Jinx in protector mode makes me feel for later dissection and take a sip of the fucking nuclear brew. “Holy shit.” I set the mug down and lick my lips before running my scorched tongue across my teeth. “That’s damn hot.”
“It’s how she makes it.” He leans forward and takes a whiff of the steam that rises off his. “Gives you time to get hungry before you fill up on coffee so that you’re more likely to order food as well.”
“Crafty.” She’s notoriously hard-edged—Theresa—and was intimidating as all hell back in the day when she hung around his club, but I have to respect the woman for such strategy.
“So,” Jinx says. “There wasn’t anyone significant left behind when you came back home?”
The all-out balls of the man to cut straight to the chase are damn well impressive. “What about you?” I flip the question back at him. “Anyone significant keeping you here?”
He gives a slow smirk, gaze lazy. “Nobody for me. Now you answer.”
“Never had anyone that worked out. No.” I hold his gaze as I lift the coffee for a more modest sip.
“Shame.” He makes no bones about checking me out again, gaze dragging over me with feline arrogance. “Podcast,” he announces.
“Pardon?”
“The online thing you do. What’s the subject? Sexual diseases? What makes it too embarrassing to do here?”
“You really aren’t going to let this go, are you?”
He shakes his head. Just once. But enough to make his tousled hair tickle his sharp jawline.
“Nope. I asked you here to get to know you as you are now, Kyra, and that’s a pretty big part of it.
You know what I do. It’s written all over me.
I want to know why it is you’re so ashamed of your chosen path. ”
“I’m not ashamed…” I let the sentence hang, unsure how to finish it. Because I am, aren’t I? Scared of judgment, with strong emotional wounds around others’ perception of my choices—I’m ashamed.
Damn.
“Fine.” If not here and now, then when? When will I ever be completely comfortable in my own skin?
I swore when I left that I’d find who I was and honor that, leaving the scared, shy girl behind in the halls of Fox River High.
And yet, here I am. Back in town and hiding in the shadows again lest my scandal makes other people feel uncomfortable.
“I’ll tell you, but if you so much as change the way you look at me, or use it against me, I will not hesitate to use my last name as a weapon against you. ”
Jinx smiles, setting his elbows on the table to lean in. “As fun as that sounds, I promise you’ll get no judgment here.”
His light brown gaze promises warmth and honesty. Yet I’m no fool. I know who he is, what he does, and what that stands for. Deception is all part of how they survive.
But if I can’t tell him what I do—someone who doesn’t give two toots about the legalities—then who can I confide in? Why should I hide? Just because a select portion of society feels it’s immoral enough to create laws against, doesn’t mean I’m a sinner to everyone.
“I run an account through a subscription service. Pay for perks kind of deal.”
He rolls his lips together and draws a measured breath. “A subscription service.”
“Yeah.”
“What kind of perks?”
Fuck’s sake. I still fight the truth. “Ones that aren’t safe for work.”
His pupils dilate, and he leans back, slow and measured, settling his elbows on the arms of the chair.
The temperature in the room soars.
“Can I see it?”